Comic Book Romance

by Charles Payseur

  “Great,” Maxim mumbled to himself. “A small army of mutant vampires.” They were the grunts of the vampire lords, which made them Lexi’s henchmen of choice. Inconspicuous and undetectable until they transformed into blood-starved, superstrong killing-machines. But they weren’t anything Maxim hadn’t faced a hundred times—

  Wait, had she said both?

  Maxim’s eyes went wide as he turned back to see Liang standing there, looking equally shocked.

  “Fuck,” Maxim whispered, though he admitted it was incredibly unheroic.

  EVERYTHING HAPPENED very fast. Which was really saying something, when you could move faster than a bullet train. First, the mutant vampires leaped forward, fangs and claws outstretched at both Maxim and Liang. Second, Luzo made for the elevator doors, and a figure who hadn’t transformed, most likely the Vin she had mentioned before, followed her. If Maxim ran all out, he could probably stop them before they did… whatever it was they were doing. But it would mean leaving Liang to the mutant vampires. So instead, thirdly, Maxim turned and fled, grabbing Liang and running as fast as was safe while carrying a passenger.

  Which, it turned out, was only a tiny bit faster than a mutant vampire. He ran, knowing with each step that he could go faster but that it would endanger Liang, knowing also that he had already done that by running back into the prison. If only he had let Luzo go, had just ignored it, then Liang would have had no reason to be trapped in this mess.

  “So…. Maxim?” Liang said, pressed against Maxim’s chest. “You mind telling me what just happened?”

  “I was hoping I’d learn that from Luzo directly, preferably after putting her behind bars, but that’s something that will have to wait.”

  “No offense, Max, but it looked to me like being behind bars was exactly what she had in mind.”

  Maxim grimaced. “The name,” he said, stopping abruptly at a new maintenance closet and shoving Liang inside, “is Maxim. I hate ‘Max.’”

  And with that he crushed the handle, effectively locking Liang inside. He felt like a jerk, locking Liang up, but it was definitely going to be safer than trying to survive a prison full of supervillains who might not be as imprisoned as they had been a few minutes ago. With the power down….

  That thought was cut off as one of the mutant vampires rounded the corner and charged him. Without Liang to worry about, though, the battle just got a lot less fair. He smiled.

  When the dust settled, he was very glad his suit was stain resistant. The mutant vampires littered the hallway in various states of not-getting-up, and Maxim took a minute to stretch. Not that he really needed to, but because he knew that whatever happened next was bound to be much more difficult. First, though, he walked back to the closet door.

  “You just sit tight in there, okay?” Maxim asked. He couldn’t hear much from the other side of the door—the prison did have impressive sound-proofing, it seemed. When there was no response, he tried louder. “I’ll be sure to come and let you out when this is all over, okay? I think it’s probably safest if you just stay there for now.”

  He waited. No response. He knocked. No response.

  “Fuck,” he said, and used his strength to break the lock and open the door. To the empty maintenance closet. Somewhere in the prison, Lexi Luzo was busy following through on whatever evil plot had brought her to the Citiplex. Maxim should have been there, stopping her. And yet here he was, standing in an empty closet, wondering how his luck could get any worse. Maybe Liang was cursed. Or had superpowers of his own, because escaping a locked room without them would be—

  There was a sound, and Maxim turned to the corner of the closet where, half-obscured by a hanging mop, he saw a loose ventilation duct. Leaning down, he listened at it, and, sure enough, he could hear the sounds coming from deep within of someone crawling along. Liang certainly wasted no time, it seemed. He must have been in and scuttling away just about as soon as he’d been locked in the room. Which left Maxim two options: chase after him or leave him to his fate and go confront Luzo. And as much as his head told him that he needed to stop Luzo immediately, there was a part of him that just couldn’t leave Liang in danger.

  Getting into the duct was a bit of a challenge, seeing as how Cal was a bit bigger than Liang, but at least he didn’t have to worry about crawling. Once in position, he merely flew forward. It was a tight fit, and he had to move slow so as not to bust through the thin metal of the vent. He wondered if that was how the stealthy heroes felt when they were infiltrating a facility. Most of the time, after all, Maxim just walked into a situation through the front door. Sneaking wasn’t exactly his specialty, not with nearly impervious skin, enhanced strength, speed, and flying. But he pushed forward anyway, gliding through a vent, chasing after a man.

  An infuriating, endearing man who apparently had zero common sense when it came to staying out of dangerous situations. And who was an expert vent climber.

  The vent he was in emptied out into a shaft that shot straight down, and Maxim followed the sound of someone moving, which had to be Liang. They had to be within the prison itself, too, judging by how far down they had gone. Maxim rounded a corner and finally caught sight of Liang, who had stopped. Maxim sighed, and at the noise, Liang’s head whipped about. Seeing Maxim floating there, he rolled his eyes, then held a finger to his lips.

  Maxim was tempted to use some of his Maxim-um breath to teach him a lesson in manners when Liang motioned him forward and, carefully, made a bit of space next to him in the vent. Maxim wanted to refuse, but then he heard voices coming from beyond. Familiar voices. The vent here was bigger than when he had first entered, but it was barely big enough for the two of them to fit. They pressed together, and Maxim couldn’t quite shake the memory from before, of Liang undressing. He imagined the body that was pressed against him, separated only by a few layers of clothes—and quickly forced himself back to the present. If he didn’t distract himself soon, it would be quite obvious what he was thinking about, what with his scandalously tight suit.

  Luckily he caught sight of what Liang was pointing him toward. They were situated now with their heads almost directly over a circular grate. Below, in what looked to be a large room, there was a crowd gathered. Maxim’s eyes bulged as he took in the scene.

  There were twenty people, all told, thirteen of whom were on the floor of what looked to be a cafeteria, bound and wearing guard uniforms. The others….

  “Listen up,” Lexi Luzo barked. Behind her, Vin hunched and rubbed his hands menacingly. Definitely a new henchperson. Arrayed haphazardly about the room opposite them were five people Maxim knew quite well.

  “I hear you, Luzo, but comprehension is slow to come,” Ragna said, her voice like an avalanche.

  “Yes, tell us why you have freed us,” Rok said, echoing his sister’s sentiments. The two appeared to be dressed in shining armor, but Maxim knew it was really their skin. They were Norse, magical, and loved nothing more than to fight.

  “For business, of course,” Luzo said, grinning broadly. “I have a proposition for you. I’m prepared to give you your freedom and a hefty payday, and all you have to do is rid me of one pesky individual.”

  Maxim’s breath caught. Suddenly her reason for being at the prison made a lot of sense. After all, who had just moved to Capital City? Who had made her life a certain kind of hell by publishing her secrets? Who would no one really be surprised to learn was killed in a horrific supervillain prison break?

  “And who issss it you want ussss to kill?” H.I.S.S. asked, robotic reptilian body swaying slightly as it spoke.

  Maxim winced and looked up in time to see the confused expression on Laing’s face that morphed into shocked realization when Luzo said, “I want you to kill Calvin Kant.”

  WELL, WHAT really had Cal expected? That Luzo would just let him walk away from what he did to her? That she would be too busy trying to salvage what she could of her criminal empire to bother with hopping a private jet from wherever she was hiding to Capital City? M
axim barely bit back another swear.

  Meanwhile, Liang’s eyes were wide as he looked down at the gathered supervillains, who seemed unimpressed by the announcement.

  “The reporter?” the Helmet asked, his enormous floating head tilting as if in confusion.

  “What do you have against Calvin Kant?” Gorillord asked, finally speaking.

  Luzo threw up her hands. “What, have you all been living under a rock?”

  “No one lives under me,” Rok said, stomping a foot for emphasis. “I would crush them.”

  Luzo stared at him a moment. “I mean, don’t you watch the news?”

  “You think they give us television in here?” Gorillord asked.

  “I wisssh,” H.I.S.S. said. “I never got to ssssee the ssseason finale of All My Werewolvessss.”

  The conversation quickly sidetracked, and Maxim took the opportunity to grab Liang and fly away. It didn’t take too long to find a grate leading to an empty room, and Maxim knocked it down and lowered them both to the floor.

  “Oh shit, this is all my fault,” Liang said as soon as Maxim let go. He started pacing, one hand on his head and one slashing the air in front of him for emphasis. “I mean, I know Peri says I’m cursed, but I really thought that this time nothing could go wrong because, like, this is the Citiplex. The fucking Citiplex. Nothing’s supposed to go wrong here, except here we are, and shit, Cal’s still up on the first level or something, and you have to find him. You have to find him and protect him because he wouldn’t even be here if not for me and—”

  “Hey,” Maxim said, stepping forward and putting his hands on Liang’s shoulders. Their eyes locked, and he tried not to flinch at his fear that Liang might recognize him, might realize who he was, and then it would all be over. “Cal’s safe. I left him in a maintenance closet on the first level. You know, like the one you were supposed to stay in?”

  Either the reassurance that Cal was safe or the memory of already having defied a superhero seemed to calm Liang down, because he brushed aside Maxim’s hands and gave a small huff.

  “What? I’m a reporter. You really can’t expect me to just sit on my hands while one of the biggest stories of the decade happens. Not when I can have the exclusive. I mean, it’s not like there’s any other reporters in here. Except for Cal. But I’m sure he’ll be a good boy and stay in the closet. He’s cute, don’t get me wrong, but he does seem like a bit of a Boy Scout.”

  Maxim raised his eyebrows. “Oh? And you’re such the expert?”

  Liang shrugged. “Really, I just met him. But I’m a pretty good judge of character.”

  “Well, I’ve known Cal for a while now, and I can tell you that he’s definitely not a Boy Scout. Also, you think he’s cute?” The possibility made Maxim’s heart beat a bit faster.

  Liang crossed his arms over his chest. “What are you, some kind of weird ex or something?”

  “No,” Maxim said, perhaps a bit too quickly. “Just… a friend. One who knows that Cal’s not always what he seems.”

  “So he’s a liar?”

  Maxim pinched the bridge of his nose. “No. Just that…. You know what, forget that I said anything. There’s a supervillain plot afoot, and I need to do something about it.”

  “I think you mean, we need to do something about it,” Liang said.

  Maxim cringed. “No, I need to do something about it, and you need to listen to reason for once and stay out of trouble. You might not be cursed, but you definitely seem to aim directly for trouble instead of knowing when to run away.”

  “Right, because you always run from trouble, right?” Liang asked.

  “I have superpowers,” Maxim said. “You think you’d last ten seconds going up against RagnaRok, H.I.S.S., or the Helmet?”

  “I can’t just stand by and do nothing,” Liang said, and some of his playfulness faded, replaced by something else, something bordering on desperation. “Please. I promise I won’t get in the way, but I can’t just stay put. Whatever this is about, I have made Luzo’s job about a billion times easier by talking Cal into coming here. The least I can do is help diffuse this.”

  Maxim ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Liang’s eyes twinkled with emotion, and Cal knew—he knew—it was a bad idea, but there was a part of him that understood. That drive to do the right thing, to run into trouble while others run away, that’s what drew him to being a superhero. Well, that and the whole being part alien thing, but that wasn’t really the point. The point was that a hero was someone who stands up when they could just as easily stay down.

  “Fine,” he said. Liang looked about ready to do a little victory dance, so he quickly added, “But. You will do exactly what I say, when I say. And if that includes running away or getting to safety, then that’s what you do. I admit, having an extra pair of hands and eyes will probably help, but this isn’t an assignment. It isn’t a story. This is a real situation where you can really get hurt. Understood?”

  “You know, you’re kind of cute too?” Liang said, and Maxim flushed a deep crimson.

  This was going to work out just great.

  THERE WASN’T exactly a plan. Maxim and Liang were two people in a prison full of supervillains, five of whom had just been set free so they could assassinate Calvin Kant. Oh, and there didn’t seem to be any way in or out, thanks to the giant magic warding stone Luzo had tripped when she began her attack. The situation was not ideal.

  Obviously Luzo had to have an escape planned; otherwise, all of this was useless. So all they really needed to do was find out how she was getting out and then stop her and wait for the prison to initiate whatever protocol they had for when shit like this happened. At least, Maxim hoped the prison had some plan, aside from leaving all the guards and inmates stranded for the rest of time.

  “So why do you think Luzo went to all the trouble of breaking into a prison just to free only five inmates and ask them to kill Cal?” Liang asked as they moved down a hallway in the direction they hoped the little meeting was still going on.

  “You mean, if she has the resources to affect an incredibly difficult prison break, why doesn’t she just kill him herself?” Maxim asked, trying to be quiet. The last thing they needed was to be overheard, but he also knew that telling Liang to stop talking might just make him more fidgety and maybe more prone to doing something foolish.

  “Something like that,” Liang said.

  It was a fair point. Luzo didn’t know Calvin Kant had superpowers. So why go to such extreme lengths to have him killed?

  “You do cover supervillains for a living, right?” Maxim asked. “What’s the point of doing something simple? Or efficient? Why blow your nose when you could build a machine to blow your nose? When you could subjugate an entire reality of sentient teddy bears to construct a machine that will not only blow your nose, but make it so that all your snot gets instantly transported into the faces of your enemies weeks before it’s even produced by utilizing time-bending technology and the latest in tissue quantum physics?”

  “Yeah,” Liang said, then made a little O with his mouth. “I see your point.”

  Maxim couldn’t help but chuckle. Despite the dire situation—being trapped and learning that his alter ego had just been marked for death—Maxim was actually enjoying himself. Liang was so much different than anyone he had known in Metro City. Alive and fearless even in the face of the most convoluted of supervillain plots. And, more than that, he didn’t treat Maxim like, well, a superhero. Or at least like his being a superhero was of no more importance than Liang being a reporter. Like he looked at Maxim, with his weird backstory and sometimes-embarrassing history, and just saw… a person.

  “I can’t believe that I’ve been sidled with such a buffoon such as yourself,” the Helmet’s voice boomed from farther up the hallway and around a corner.

  Maxim grabbed Liang and pulled him into an alcove. Once again their bodies pressed against each other, and once again, when Maxim should have been paying attention for danger, he found himself d
istracted by the warmth of Liang’s body, the way that he seemed to squirm just so—

  “Ha, shows what you know” came Rok’s reply. “I am not even part baboon. The other one, perhaps, but not me.”

  “I said buffoon, you ignoramus,” the Helmet snapped. “And in any event, Gorillord is a gorilla, not a baboon. And at least he knows how to have a conversation. Why they decided to shackle me with your presence is beyond me.”

  “Because Luzo said she saw Maxim here and knew that Helmet-Head would be stomped flat without Rok to protect him.”

  Trust supervillains to pick any opportunity to bicker. It was so commonplace, it was almost comforting, which was perhaps why Maxim didn’t notice Liang slip into the middle of the hallway until his voice splintered the moment.

  “Hey, jerks,” Liang called, and Maxim looked down at the empty space where Liang should have been. “We’re over here.”

  Maxim managed to reach Liang just as Rok and the Helmet rounded the corner, and in that moment of shock, he wasn’t ready for the psi-blast that shot from the middle of the Helmet’s forehead and enveloped him in a paralyzing cocoon of mental energy.

  “I got him,” the Helmet said, sounding about as surprised as Maxim felt. “Quickly, imbecile, collect the other one.”

  Rok smiled and balled his hands into fists.

  “Liang, run,” Maxim said, struggling against the cage that the Helmet had caught him in, but no matter his strength, as long as the Helmet’s concentration held, he couldn’t break free.

  But Liang held his ground, even as Rok approached, cracking his knuckles.

  “Don’t recognize you,” Rok said. “What your powers?”

  “I don’t have any,” Liang said.

  Maxim wanted to cover his eyes, but he couldn’t move. Great. Just as he was starting to like a guy, it turned out he was a suicidal fool. It figured.