Comic Book Romance

by Charles Payseur

  “Then why you not running?” Rok asked.

  “You’re honor bound, right?” Liang asked. “I mean, if I challenge you to something, you have to accept?”

  Rok paused, and Maxim could see he was considering. What was Liang doing? It was true that Rok was bound by his strange oaths and customs, but Maxim really didn’t think that was important at the moment.

  “Yeah, so?” Rok asked.

  Liang nodded. “Then I challenge you….”

  “Okay, but I was gonna squish you anyway, so it not change much.” Rok took another step forward.

  “…to a singing competition,” Liang finished.

  There was silence in the room. Everyone stared.

  “Oh, please no,” the Helmet said, fear in his eyes, at the same time that Rok waved his hands in front of him and said, “No fair. That is not a proper challenge.”

  “I thought the challenge could be anything,” Liang said. “Or are you afraid?”

  “Not afraid,” Rok said, taking another step forward, hallway shaking with the force of it. “Just… you pick a different challenge, maybe? Rok only sings in shower and not while anyone is around. Is… embarrassing.”

  Liang sighed. “Fine. Well, I was pretty good at college volleyball. I’ve got some huge ups. So how about a jumping contest? Whoever jumps the highest wins.”

  Rok rumbled with laughter. “This is more agreeable. Rok accepts.”

  “Okay, me first,” Liang said, and made a show of stretching for a moment before taking two steps and jumping an admittedly impressive distance… for a normal human. “Beat that,” Liang said, grinning.

  Rok laughed again. “I shall. And then I shall beat you. Into a fine powder. With my fist.” Rok rolled his shoulders in an imitation of Liang’s warm-up, then bent at his knees and jumped.

  Crawling around in the vents, it had been difficult to tell just how fortified the Citiplex was. But Maxim was vaguely aware of what must have gone into constructing it. Titanium and concrete and a heavy dose of magic. And Rok was no weakling. He didn’t fly, but Maxim had seen him leap tall buildings before. Obviously Liang had too, because as Rok got ready, he leaped for cover behind Maxim while the Norse engine of destruction jumped with all his strength… directly into the reinforced ceiling. The corridor shook with the force of the impact, and Rok hung in the air as if embedded there for a good three seconds before falling back to the floor, still somehow on his feet.

  Debris and dust coated everything, and Rok’s armor looked severely dented, especially around his head. Still he managed to say, “I… win….”

  “Use your Maxim-um breath,” Liang whispered, and Maxim grinned as he realized that Rok was perfectly lined up. Sucking in as much air as possible, Maxim blew, turning the hallway into a cyclone and lifting Rok from the floor. There was time enough to see the Helmet’s eyes go wide before the armored brute collided with him and both ended up in a heap at the end of the corridor, quite unconscious. The psi-energy containing Maxim promptly winked out.

  “Well, not too shabby, if I do say so myself,” Liang said, walking out from behind him and dusting off his clothes.

  Maxim clenched his fists. “That was the stupidest, most reckless, most idiotic thing that I—” He took Liang’s shoulders in his hands, tempted to shake as hard as he could. Instead, he leaned in and covered Liang’s mouth with his own, quieting himself and any excuse Liang might have been about to make.

  It was a stupid thing to do. A really stupid thing to do. But still Maxim felt the thrill of finally being the one to surprise Liang, to do something unexpected and rash. And, he realized, right. Because the feel of his lips on Liang’s was everything that he wanted it to be, that he needed it to be. Soft and fierce and unafraid. And maybe that’s all he had been running from when he’d broken the story on Luzo. Maybe he’d been running from the fear. Of being found out. Of endangering those he cared about. Maybe what he needed in all of that was the cocky assurance that it would work out regardless, that people could be heroes without a tragic ending.

  He pulled back, breaking the kiss, and Liang made a tiny noise of protest, a sort of groan, and if not for the pressing supervillainous plots probably unfolding at that very moment, Maxim would have leaned back in, maybe let his hands start to wander over Liang’s body, but he stopped himself.

  “I thought you said you would listen to me,” he said. “You know, follow my lead?”

  Liang flashed him a hungry grin. “If you’re leading me to the nearest maintenance closet for more of that, I’m all for it.”

  Maxim could feel his face burn, but he managed to keep his voice level. “I’m not saying don’t have ideas. Just… tell me about them first. Okay?”

  Liang smiled. “I promise.” He held up his hand in a mock Boy Scout salute.

  Somehow it didn’t completely erase Maxim’s doubts. But there was a day to save, so he nodded, and they got moving.

  IT DIDN’T take too long for them to find out where Luzo had gone. With a giant gorilla and a robotic snake guarding an ominous-looking black stone door, it was a safe bet as to who was on the other side. The two villains didn’t seem especially worried, despite the situation, and leaned against the wall talking about… werewolves?

  “I can’t believe you think they’d have Jacob cheat on Asher,” Gorillord said. “I mean, they’ve spent five seasons building that up, and they just got together. Shouldn’t they get to stay happy for at least a season before shit hits the fan?”

  “But it’ssss televissssion,” H.I.S.S. said. “Ssssex ssssellssss.”

  Gorillord shook his head. So did Maxim. Was that really all supervillains had to talk about? He would have figured maybe they’d be practicing monologues or something.

  “Have any brilliant plans I should know about?” he whispered to Liang.

  “Uh… try telling them that they’re both wrong, because it turned out that Asher was really Asher’s evil twin Cullen who was trying to ruin Jacob’s life because Jacob ate his cat?”

  Maxim blinked. “What?”

  “Dammit, spoiler warning before you say that!” Gorillord shouted, and both Maxim and Liang froze. “What, you think you’re the only ones with good hearing? Come on out, nice and slow like.”

  Maxim took a deep breath, readying himself to fight, but Liang put a hand on his arm and shook his head, then led him out into the hall.

  “Took you long enough,” H.I.S.S. said. “We’ve been waiting for agessss. Do you have any idea how boring it is to lissssten to Lexsssi Luzssso go on and on about how much she hatessss thisss Calvin Kant?”

  “Yeah, and she really expects us to just jump at the chance to end right back in here, but a thousand times worse,” Gorillord said. “I’ve learned my lesson from going along with that Clark bastard. Better to fly solo. Plus, Kant did this great piece on a dog fighting ring a while back. Put a stop to some terrible things. He seems like a good guy.”

  “Wait, you mean—” Maxim started, but Liang cut him off.

  “You mean, you’ve had a change of heart and are giving up supervillainy for good?”

  Even Maxim couldn’t help but give him a skeptical stare.

  “See, that’s the thing,” Gorillord said. “You look at me and see a villain. A bad guy. A criminal. Because you fit so nicely into the boxes that society draws around you. But you know where your society wants me? In a zoo. Or in a sweaty jungle somewhere. No thanks. The way I see it, we have the tools to make all the animals on the planet self-determining. Isn’t that a good thing? Shouldn’t we want to know what an ant wants? Or an elephant? Or a chinchilla?”

  “I love them and they love me,” Liang said, puffing out his chest.

  Gorillord shrugged. “Sure. Just be sure to say that we were helpful, okay? I want a commuted sentence. And a television. And the internet. And some fucking company. And if I find out you’ve been mistreating your pets, I will find you and we will have a little… chat.”

  Liang stuck his tongue out, and Maxim stifled a laugh.
Well, it was the least he could do, seeing as how for once the villains weren’t trying to punch him in the face or pump him full of poison.

  “Deal,” Maxim said before Liang could say anything more. “I assume she’s got some sort of plan to escape?”

  “Beats me,” Gorillord said. “She said she needed Ragna for whatever it was and then kicked the rest of us out.”

  “Then it’s probably something to do with the magic,” Liang said. “Ragna’s powers are magic-based, and she’s got way more control over it than her brother, so it makes sense to pick her. The warding stone is very powerful, but if Luzo knows how to set up a magic resonance with Ragna’s aura, it’s possible that she could tear a hole through the barrier and get everyone back to Capital City.”

  Two heads and the cybernetic snake-equivalent of a head all cocked to the side at the same time.

  “And how do you know that?” Maxim asked. It sounded like something Doctor Sorcerer would say.

  Liang shrugged and shot him a grin. “Like you said before, I do cover supervillains for a living. How did you think I knew about Rok being honor bound? Or that H.I.S.S. here is actually from the distant past when hyperevolved dinosaurs kept robotic snakes as servants?”

  “One day I will return and ssssave my people,” H.I.S.S. said, bowing their head. “But firsssst I must erasssse my memory of a few minutessss ago sssso I can forget the sssspoilers. You really think they’ll let ussss have televissssion?”

  “I’ll deliver the latest season myself,” Liang said.

  Gorillord laughed and slapped Maxim on the shoulder. “Don’t lose sight of this one, big guy. He’s a keeper.”

  This time it was Liang who flushed and looked away, and Gorillord threw an arm over H.I.S.S.’s… shoulder-equivalent and they made their way down the hallway, away from the ominous stone door.

  Maxim wanted to make some joke, shrug off the comment. Supervillains, right? Ha-ha. But something about it didn’t feel right. Because the more he thought about it, the more Gorillord was right. Liang had already proven himself time and again. Even before Luzo had shown up, he had proved just how determined he was, just how dedicated he was. Maxim couldn’t disrespect that by treating it like a joke. So he managed what he hoped was an enthusiastic smile instead.

  “Ready to find out what’s behind door number two?”

  And the spark of humor returned to Liang’s eyes, and he nodded. “We have a plan?”

  Maxim considered a moment, then nodded.

  “Stop the supervillains,” he said. “Save the day. Kiss the guy.”

  Liang grinned, then closed the distance between them, snaked his hands around Maxim’s neck, and pulled him down into a kiss. Slower this time. Maxim felt Liang’s tongue seeking entry into his mouth, and he let it, tasted it as it slid along his own. He reached down and, before he lost his nerve entirely, gave Liang’s ass a squeeze. Then he pulled away.

  “I think you’re getting it a bit out of order,” he said.

  Liang stuck his tongue out. “I just figured we could get the kissing out of the way now so that later we could do something a bit more… intensive.”

  Maxim swallowed, then turned to the door. Even more reason not to screw this up.

  WHY WAS it that big fights always took place in completely creepy locations? Old toy warehouses or ancient temples with inhuman statues everywhere, or in this case, an enormous room in a modern state-of-the-art prison that was lined from floor to ceiling with black stone and contained in its center… was that a sacrificial altar?

  “Welcome, hero!” Lexi Luzo shouted from the middle of the room, her voice grating and bordering on manic. “Welcome to… your death!”

  “Why are they always so dramatic?” Liang asked softly from behind him, and Maxim shook his head. Probably she just liked the sound of her own voice.

  “You’re not getting away with this, Luzo. Give up now and no one else needs to get hurt.”

  “Also, your dialogue isn’t much better,” Liang said.

  Maxim rolled his eyes. “Look, it’s the only thing they underst—”

  “Silence!” Luzo shouted. “I’m not interested in preventing people from getting hurt. Quite the opposite. By the time I’m through, I’ll be rid of one pesky reporter and well on my way to erasing the tarnish on my reputation.”

  “And what is with this room?” Liang asked. “Was this always like this? I mean, what exactly did they call this on the blueprints, the sacrifice room?”

  “We’ve already taken care of your other goons, Lexi,” Maxim said. “Are you sure you’ve got enough to take me down?”

  Behind her, at the central altar, Vin stood dwarfed by Ragna. Maxim was slightly surprised Ragna hadn’t charged yet—normally she was not one for soliloquies. What was this room?

  “More than sure,” Luzo said. “At least, after a quick change in plans. Vin, now!”

  Ragna gave a confused look as Vin pulled out a small device and aimed it at her. She managed one step in his direction, fist rising, before a blast of energy shot out and struck her in the chest, knocking her into the altar. She jerked, mouth open in a scream that never came, that seemed trapped just shy of escaping her mouth.

  “You see, the prison designed this room in case any of the supervillains got a bit… out of hand,” Luzo said. “The moment they’re put in contact with it, the altar saps their energy. Their power.” Even as she spoke, Maxim could see something happening to Luzo. She looked… bigger. Muscles began bulging all over her body. “Only, in preparation for coming here, I did a little research, and maybe tortured a few people who designed it. Normally it just disperses the energy safely, but if you prevent it from dispersing, you can redirect it. Into a person, even. And that person would gain their strength and powers.”

  Behind her, Vin was still using the device to keep Ragna in contact with the altar. And behind Maxim, Liang seemed to have finally run out of words. Well, aside from one.

  “Fuck.”

  Maxim had to agree with him.

  Lexi launched herself forward, her body still bulging and growing. Maxim moved forward to intercept her, trying to put some distance between the fight and Liang. The impact of their meeting seemed to push all the air from the room. There was a clap of thunder and the strain of muscles. Maxim found himself face to face with her, his hands on her wrists, her fingers reaching for his face.

  “I don’t need stooges to fight for me,” she snarled. “I just wanted an excuse to get them here. To steal their powers. But it’s my lucky day. Now, instead of having to settle for a string of B-list villains, I’m going to take the strength from the A-list hero. Maxim, Metro City’s defender.”

  His arms felt like they were on fire, but he managed a glance back and saw Liang still standing in the doorway, eyes wide.

  “That your boyfriend?” Luzo asked. “Weird. I always thought you and Calvin Kant were a thing. I was going to enjoy skinning him in front of you. But the best laid plans of mice and supervillains….”

  She twisted and managed to break Maxim’s grip, then grabbed him by the wrists. With a savage turn, she hurled him at the nearest wall. Flipped feet over head, Maxim couldn’t stop himself from crashing hard, pain lancing through his side as he hit. There was a blur of motion out of the corner of his eye, and he flew, still not entirely sure which way was up. A crash from where he had just been warned him just in time to reorient and catch Luzo’s next attack, then throw it aside. This time she crashed into the wall, though she was up a moment later.

  She was strong, he’d give her that. And fast. Maybe stronger and faster than he was, now. But it was new to her, just seconds old, and Maxim had lived with his powers his entire life. Plus he had a few tricks she didn’t.

  She came at him again, body tensing to jump, and he used a gust of his Maxim-um breath to get her off-balanced. She leaped, but her attack went wide. She turned and jumped again, and again he evaded her.

  “Fight me already,” she cried as she landed, jumped, and missed agai
n. “I’ll claw your eyes out.”

  “That’s not exactly an incentive to stop,” he said. But he was just stalling for time. He needed to think. In her current state, it would take an awful lot to knock her out. Likely they could fight until the whole prison was wrecked, but each passing moment gave her more experience and more of a chance of finding a way to twist the battle in her favor. He needed to end this, but ho—

  He prepared for her next attack, but she faked one direction and then rushed the other way, jumped off a wall, and wrapped him in her now-massive arms. Maxim grunted, trying to slip away, but she pulled him to the ground. The pressure from her grasp was overwhelming, crushing. He tensed, tried to break free, but she just kept squeezing.

  “Prepare for Maxim-um pain, hero,” she said, grinning wildly. She squeezed, and squeezed, and the world started to go black around the edges.

  His vision speckled. He couldn’t breathe enough to use his breath, couldn’t see straight enough to rely on his laser vision. This felt like an end. The end, perhaps.

  Then there was a sound that cut through the pain pressing in on him. A rumble. Or maybe… a groan? And then the pain slipped a bit as the force pressing in on him ebbed. He finally took a breath and his vision cleared. He saw the panicked look in Luzo’s eyes as she gazed at her arms, which seemed to be shrinking.

  “What?” she cried. “That’s impossible! Vin, what are you doing?”

  “I’m afraid Vin’s a little hard of hearing at the moment” came a voice that was definitely not Vin’s. Maxim smiled, feeling the strength flowing back into his limbs. He flexed, and Luzo’s grip broke easily. They both looked at the altar, where Vin was no longer standing. Ragna was, though, and, free of whatever Vin had been using on her, she did not look pleased.

  “I am betrayed,” she said, eyes fixed squarely on Lexi Luzo. “I will make you scream through the eons for this, traitor!”

  Lexi ran, wisely. Ragna followed. Maxim couldn’t help but feel that it was fitting.

  “So, like, I just saved the day, right?” Liang asked, stepping over Vin’s unconscious body.