Honorable Disgrace

by Stephanie N. Pitman

  Electricity zinged through me, desire pooling in my abdomen. Then I threw my arms around him and returned his kiss desperately, leaning into him. He brought his arms around me, crushing me to him.

  I jerked back at a loud rapping on my window, trying to pull out of his arms, but he held me tight. Cory grumbled a curse that mirrored my own thoughts and unrolled the window. “What do you want?”

  James peered in and waggled his eyebrows at us, his fuzzy hair purposefully mussed. “Sorry to interrupt, your, uh, well, this.” He gestured toward me, laughing. Profoundly embarrassed, I flushed crimson. Cory grabbed for him but he jumped backward, laughing. “Hey, I’m just trying to help. Thought you’d like to know school starts soon.”

  James looked pointedly at us, shaking his head with a chuckle. “See ya at school.”

  Cory hollered an insult at his retreating back and James did something with his hand in response as he walked to his car a few spaces over.

  “We ain’t that close of friends,” Cory yelled, but James only waved, a silly grin on his face.

  Cory shook his head. Before he straightened, he pecked my cheek and then shifted the Jeep into gear. Turning out onto the street, he pulled my hand into his lap, taking a left on Spruce Street passing Joane’s Pizza. I recognized a few students’ cars, grabbing a quick slice of pizza for lunch. Brad’s shiny black BMW sat crookedly off to the side, taking up two spaces.

  “So you mentioned yesterday you had a job. Where do you work?”

  I laugh-snorted and clapped my hand to my lips. “Oops, sorry about that. Uh, we just passed it. I have the esteemed privilege of working there.” I pointed. “It’s pretty glamorous.” I flipped my hair and crossed my legs and sat up straight. “And I’ve worked there for a … let’s see, uh, not quite a week. Started Saturday.”

  “Impressive,” Cory teased. “So, how’s it going?”

  “Okay, I guess.” I shrugged, half turning toward him and tucking my left leg up on the seat. “I’ve worked every day but last night because of the match. I work again tonight.”

  Cory gripped the wheel, his knuckles white. “So, you work with Brad then.”

  “You know Brad?”

  “He was a senior the year I made Varsity. Didn’t really care for the guy. Cocky and a bit of a jackass.”

  “You just described most jocks.”

  He cocked his head to the side and poked me in the side. “Really.”

  “Present company excluded.” I laughed and twitched away.

  There was a long pause, then he said, “Thanks for coming with me, Ang.” He rubbed my hand with his thumb where it rested on his leg, and then twined his fingers into mine.

  “Of course.” I squeezed his fingers, the subject change not going unnoticed, but I decided to leave it alone, at least for now. “Thanks for the invite and lunch. It was great.”

  A half-grin lit up his features. “Next time, I’d like to show you what a real date is like.”

  “So, this was a date?” I asked, hoping to sound nonchalant, but my voice came out breathy and eager.

  “Sort of, I guess. So what do you say?” He looked at me expectantly.

  “Say to what? Are you asking me on a date?”

  Now back at the school, he nosed the Jeep into the same parking space he’d vacated earlier. Cory shut the motor off and picked at the steering wheel. “Yeah. How about dinner and a movie?”

  “I’d like that.”

  He turned eagerly toward me, dropping his hand from the steering wheel to rest on our joined hands. “Tomorrow? I have practice ’til three. And then I have a few chores, work on the farm,” he said as though talking to himself. Pausing, he pressed his lips together pensively. “I could pick you up at five?”

  “Five, yeah, I’m done with work at three.”

  A clouded look passed over his face, but then he smiled. “Okay, I’ll pick you up at five.”

  At the continued mention of time, my eyes flicked to the clock on the dash. I seized the door handle. “Oh no, we’d better hurry, the bell’s going to ring.”

  “Hang on!” Holding up his hand, he was out the door before I could protest. I hesitated, my hand on the latch, feeling silly. I was perfectly capable of opening my own door. Tugging on the handle I pushed the door open. Rounding the corner, his smile fell. At his evident disappointment, guilt twisted my gut and I resolved to let him help me in the future. It was kind of endearing anyway.

  I held out my hand to him and let him help me down. His large fingers enclosed mine, warmth spreading up my arm. His smiling blue eyes made my resident butterflies go crazy when he looked down at me, my mouth spreading into an unrestrained grin.

  We walked toward the building and he pulled me tightly against his side. I gripped his arm with my free hand.

  Chapter Nine

  A flick of my thumb sent the quarter-sized pepperoni sailing onto the sauced and cheesed pizza. Artfully, I dispensed the remaining handful of spicy meat spheres onto the pie, tossed a handful of olives and mushrooms over it all, and slid the cast iron pan onto the oven rack. A slow, forward motion propelled the pan into the 700-degree oven.

  Brad told me I wouldn’t be on the line making pizzas on a busy night like this, but Wednesday they’d been overwhelmed by an unexpected rush and I’d had to help. It turned out I was pretty good at it. And fast. Seemed I had a knack for it. So, I was on the line, whipping out pie after pie on a busy Friday night. It felt good to scan the ticket, grab the right size pizza, top it and send it on its way through the oven. It was strangely satisfying work to set myself up against the row of tickets and try fill the orders faster than they came at me.

  The yellow ticket fluttered as I passed it off to the oven station. Brad busily pulled pizzas from the oven, flipped them into waiting boxes, sliced them into eight with four quick efficient strokes of the pizza wheel, and stacked them on the pick-up counter. I watched the muscles in his forearm contract. He caught my stare and winked. Quickly I turned away, twin blossoms of heat flushing my already warm face.

  The next time I took over a ticket, Brad said, “There’s a party tonight after work. You want to go?”

  “A party?” My hand with the ticket hovered just below the slot. I’d been to a few parties, but they’d been tame. No alcohol. Or drugs. Nothing like the ones Lorraine went to. Or the type Brad went to as well, I guess. Hadn’t he said something about being with Lorraine at a party? Plus, did I want to go with Brad? Sure, he was very attractive, but I liked Cory. A lot. And we had a date. I shook my head and smiled to soften my rejection, “No thanks, Brad. That’s not really my thing.”

  “Ah, shot down,” Brad teased, a slight pout on his full lips.

  “Sorry.” I shrugged and hurried back to the relative safety of my station. An hour after the dinner rush was over I slid my time card into the clock and then donned my jacket for the short walk to my sister’s.

  “Sure you won’t reconsider, Angie?” Brad’s deep accented baritone sounded. “It’s set to be a great one.”

  “Nah, I’m pretty tired and I have to come in early tomorrow. Maybe another time.” I waved and fled into the night.

  My jacket did little against the bite of the chill wind, icy tendrils blasting through the thick material as if it were nothing. The sting of it brought tears to my eyes. I pulled my hood up tighter and tucked my chin down. With my parents gone on an overnight stay, and the car with them, they’d decided to have me stay over at Lorraine’s. She only lived a few blocks away, but the blustery night was making the brief walk miserable.

  My stomach knotted as her place came into sight. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Lorraine; it was more since she’d moved out, she had completely changed. We’d been so close once, but I didn’t even know who she was anymore. In the past few months, she’d pierced her tongue, her eyebrow, her nose, and her ears several times over, and who knows what else. But her change in appearance I could handle.

  The drugs, the smoking, the alcohol, the crazy all night parties—tha
t I could not.

  Wasn’t she smarter than that? I know she’d been taught better, we’d been raised by the same people, for goodness sake. I’d almost told them just how crazy Lorraine was just so I wouldn’t have to stay with her and see her doped out of her mind, but it felt wrong to squeal on her.

  It also felt wrong to let her keep ruining her life. I wasn’t sure what to do.

  By the time I reached Lorraine’s, my fingers were popsicles. They screamed as I twisted the doorknob. Warm air met my frigid limbs and I stepped into the small rental house. Smoke billowed densely above her, the ceiling practically hidden from view by the sickly sweet stench of something more than nicotine.

  “It’s about time,” Lorraine complained from the couch.

  “Gag me, Lorraine. You ever thought of opening a window? Or not doing that?” I looked pointedly at her joint. My eyes burned the further I went into her cluttered living room, the acrid smoke making me choke. Crossing to a window, I tugged it open and crouched, sucking in the cool air as I tried to fan some smoke out.

  “Don’t bother, we’re leaving.” Lorraine jumped up, her eyes bloodshot beneath the trio of matching piercings in both brows. Those were new. Oh, why had she marred her good looks? She had been gorgeous. Now each time I saw her, the resemblance to a pincushion was growing.

  “Leaving?” I plopped into an overstuffed armchair that had seen better days and swung my legs over a well-worn arm. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. “Nuh-uh, I just got here. I’m exhausted.”

  My eyes flew open as Lorraine tugged on me, trying to get me to stand. “Come on, it’s going to be fun. You remember Dave? He’s got a killer party going, and we’re missing it,” she whined. She pushed my leg off the chair’s arm, grabbing both of my hands, hauling me to my feet.

  “Ugh, I don’t want to go to a party, Lorraine, especially one you say is going to be ‘awesome.’ And did you forget? I work in the morning. That’s the only reason I’m—” I clamped my lips closed. Her glazed eyes grew wide.

  “You’re here,” she finished for me quietly. “That’s what you were going to say, right? You’re only here because you have to work tomorrow and Mom and Dad won’t be around to get you there.”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “You don’t want to be here with me?”

  “You’re not even going to be here.” I evaded the question and sat back down thinking she’d let me be now, but she tugged on my arm again.

  “Puhleeease, just for a little bit.” She pressed her hands together in front of her and stuck her lip out in a pout.

  Knowing she’d persist until I caved, I sighed, my eyes twitching to the fogged ceiling. “Fine, but I’m leaving early, with or without you. In fact, you better give me the keys. It’s probably better I drive.”

  She started dragging me to the door, but I dug in my heels, twirling her to face me, my hand out. I gave her my I’m-serious-and-I-am-not-leaving-until-you-agree look. “I won’t go unless you agree.”

  “Whatever.” She dug her keys out, a metallic clink sounding as she dropped them in my outstretched hand.

  I followed her to her truck and slid into the driver’s seat. Backing out, I turned toward Dave’s house across town. I’d been there only once before, but I remembered the way. Lorraine and Dave had been dating for about two months—funny, him being a tattoo artist. That was around the time Lorraine started becoming a metal detector’s worst nightmare. Needless to say, my parents were not fans of Dave.

  As I put on the blinker to turn off the main street, Lorraine put her hand out. “Wait, the party’s not at Dave’s. Keep going straight until Crescent View, then make a left.”

  “I thought you said the party was at Dave’s?”

  “Oh, did I?” When she wrinkled her brow, her piercings jutted out at odd angles. “No, it’s at Dave’s brother’s. The cops got called on him the other night, so he’s laying low for a bit.”

  “By throwing another party somewhere else? Did he ever think maybe he should just not throw a party?”

  Lorraine laughed and then said, “Yeah, that’s a good one.”

  “I wasn’t trying to be funny,” I muttered.

  Lorraine guided me to an unfamiliar street. I could feel the music before I actually heard it. It was a dead-end cul-de-sac. Cars lined the circle, some even haphazardly parked on the lawn of a brightly lit house. The door hung open, and I could see bodies thrashing around to the head-banger music. Others sprawled on furniture or leaned against walls.

  “Just park there.” She bounced in her seat and pointed at the driveway. A battered green VW bug parked next to a gleaming black car. I stared at the black car, wondering where I’d seen it before.

  “Are you sure?” Slowing, I hesitated. I’d already scanned the area, and there were no spaces available except for quite a ways up the road.

  “Yeah, that’s just Dave’s bug and his brother’s car. They won’t be leaving anytime soon.”

  “Okay.” I wedged her truck in behind the two dissimilar cars, wondering if they were a representation of their owners.

  Springing from the truck, Lorraine ran around and snatched up my hand. “Hurry, we’re missing everything.”

  “I doubt the party’s going to end in the next minute.” I laughed, shaking my head. “If you were so anxious to get here, why’d you wait for me? I’d have been fine just going to bed.”

  “I wasn’t going to leave you alone. You’re my guest.”

  I laughed. “Ha, hardly. You just wanted to bring me along so you could corrupt me.”

  She gave a maniacal laugh. “So you’ve discovered my evil plot.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously.

  I whacked her arm. “You’re such a dork.”

  Entering the crowded living room, we were largely ignored. Every surface was littered with cups, beer bottles, and other party paraphernalia, a fair amount on the floor.

  Lorraine squealed, “Ooh, there’s Dave.”

  A dark haired guy with long, multicolored spikes of hair disappeared through a door at the back of the room. Still clinging to my arm she steered us toward the distant door, weaving in and out between the partygoers, grabbing a beer offered by some random person and gulping the contents.

  We met Dave in the doorway as he came back out, holding three red Solo cups. His face broke into a grin and he kissed Lorraine deeply, almost spilling the amber fluid. She released my arm and wrapped hers around Dave’s waist. I turned away at the clack of metal on metal, their tongues thrashing together. Ewww, how do they not get stuck?

  Trying not to be sick, I leaned against the wall and surveyed the room while I waited for them to come up for air. A few kids from school, kids I never hung out with, were there. Hard core partiers. Great, Lorraine, where’d you bring me? My fingers closed over the keys in my pocket. I could slip out and, in their current state, no one would notice.

  “Hey, little sis.” Dave thrust a red cup in my face, the pungent aroma of beer wafting up. Gingerly, I took it because it would be easier to find a place to deposit it when he wasn’t looking than to argue with him. He handed one to Lorraine and ruffled my hair like you would a small child. Thanks, Dave. Give me a beer and then treat me like a child. Awesome.

  “Hey, Dave.” I ducked away from his hand, automatically reaching up to fix my mussed hair. “How are you?”

  “Oh, you know.”

  No, not really, but whatever.

  Dave, who was somewhere in his early twenties, was an attractive guy in his own way, if you could get over the piercings and chains dangling from his face, the brightly colored hair and tattoos covering almost every inch of exposed skin including his face. Lorraine had met Dave when she’d gone in for her first piercing and the rest, as Lorraine said, was history.

  “So when are you going to let me do a piercing for you, Angie?”

  “Piercing? Me? Never.” Dave’s question startled me. I amended my abrupt refusal and added, “Um … never … actually thought about it, honestly.” But really, nev
er.

  “I see you with a little jewel stud in your nose, blue, to match your eyes. What do you think Lorraine?” Dave pulled Lorraine over and they both tilted their heads to the side.

  “Oh, for sure, or you could get a hoop in your eyebrow.” I had a feeling she’d agree to just about anything Dave said.

  “Hmmm, I’ll have to think about it.” They both looked at me like I’d grown two heads, but I only shrugged.

  They went into a rant about piercings and how everyone should have at least one. I guess earrings didn’t count unless you had more than one. Fingering my CZ earring, I listened halfheartedly and watched the clock. A crowd of rowdy guys were egging on a powerfully built dark haired guy. He was chugging cup after cup and, by the pile at his feet, he’d been at it for a while. I absently took a sip of the drink in my hand and flinched, the flavor hitting my tongue like a hammer. I spat the tawny solution back into the cup and scraped my tongue across my teeth. Blech!

  I moved away from Lorraine and Dave, who by now had given up on convincing me and had quite a different conversation going with their tongues. Ridding myself of the cup on the first surface I came to, I slumped into an empty chair in a corner.

  “Thought parties weren’t your thing?”

  I looked up from the carpet to meet Brad’s dark brown eyes. The sight of the familiar black car in the drive clicked. “They’re not. Lorraine roped me into it.”

  “Hmmm.” He tipped his head back and took a swig off a green bottle. He rested against the arm of the sofa and regarded me with an unfathomable gaze. How long had he been watching me?

  I blinked and glanced away. I should have known this was the same party he’d been asking me to. The small living room was crowded. Music, heat, laughter, drinking, chatter, smoke, all combined to disrupt the contents of my stomach. I swallowed. “Oh, Dave’s your brother?”

  “Stepbrother.”

  “So this is your place?”

  He nodded.

  With new eyes I took in the soiled carpet and the old paneling. If I’d been asked what I thought Brad’s house would look like, this would not be it.