Sinners & Saints (Sinners & Saints #1)

by Ballinger, Chelsea

  “Hell if I know, but it was either him or Tupac and something tells me you know a lot of Tupac too.”

  “Oh definitely, Tupac was a genius. Have you ever read the book about him? It was so good. You think they’ll ever do a film?”

  “Juliet…Shut up,” I say adamantly. “I believe I am owed your submission.”

  I step closer and she steps back. “Hold on, Mr. Grey.”

  “Oh God, please don’t tell me you’re a fan of that atrocity.”

  “Those books are very entertaining. People have their heads so far up their arses they can’t enjoy something fun. No they’re not masterful literature, but who cares? Problem with the world is that we take ourselves too seriously. ”

  “Anyway… Lie down on the floor.”

  She looks around. “This floor?” she points down. “Why not the bed?”

  I shrug. “No special reason. I just want you to lie on the floor.”

  She grinds her teeth frowning. “Remember no sex, not even oral. Don’t even think about it.”

  “You mean no oral for me or no oral for you?”

  She arches her brow, smirking. “Definitely none for you, but feel free to explore.”

  “I plan on it. Now floor.”

  She bites her lip, trying not to smile. She’s trying to hold back her excitement. She does what I say, lying on the floor. She has on a long polka dotted skirt, which works for me. I get on my knees beside her. I lower myself and rest on my arm. Taking my other hand, I trail my fingers across her bottom lip. Then across her jaw line. Then her neck and cleavage. I trail them over her crop top until they get to her bare stomach. She snickers.

  “It tickled,” she says trying to keep a straight face.

  “Close your eyes,” I whisper. Her skirt buttons in the front. I unbutton the top three. Slowly as I slide my fingers down, her breathing increases. I pause just to tease her. She licks her lips, her eyes still closed shut. I run my fingers across her panties. She lets out a light gasp.

  I’m going to gain back the upper hand. Everyone tells me I like her and that I’m acting different. I can’t have that, so why not make her go crazy over me?

  I slip my hand under her panties and begin gently rubbing. “Open your eyes,” I command. She does slowly. I reach farther and her lips part, staring at me. A light gasp exhales out of her mouth. She licks her lips as I sink deep inside her with one finger then after the first moan, two. I watch as her eyes broaden and her mouth is wide. She stares into my eyes with wonder and hunger. Her eyes so blue. She moans louder as I go deeper and begin rubbing her gently with my thumb. She holds tight to my arm, still staring at me, refusing to close her eyes or even look away. I think I made a mistake. I think I made a huge mistake. I keep going and she slides her fingers up and combs through my hair, holding on to the back of my head. She pulls me down, pressing my forehead against hers. My breathing is going rapid. I go faster. This has fucking backfired on me. She’s supposed to go crazy, but I’m the one. I’m the one going crazy watching her. I like to watch her… a lot. My heart feels like it’s going to bust and I can’t breathe. I should stop this, but I don’t want to. I want her to come. I want her to come to a blink of existence. I want to be her oblivion and in return she would be mine and that is the problem. She comes and never once does she look away or even blinks. She digs her fingers into my scalp as she comes hard. Still doesn’t close her eyes as I slowly remove my hand. I don’t look away. I keep looking into her eyes.

  Stop Hugo. Look away.

  I can’t. I press my hand on her cheek as she smiles at me.

  “Was it as good for you as it was for me?” she asks, smirking.

  She has no idea. Then again, maybe she does. I start to frown. I’m angry at her for doing this to me. I’m so infuriated. She stops smiling and her eyes seem apologetic. She knows exactly what she has done. I’m so hard. I’m so pissed. I’m so… I want her so bad. She leans up and presses her lips on mine. I try to pull away, but she pulls me back until I give in. My tongue dives into her mouth and my hand seeps through her shirt, grabbing hold of her breast. I feel her hand rub against my behind. I completely cover her with my body and start to kiss down her neck and the top of her breasts. I hike up her skirt and place my hands on the waist of her underwear.

  “We-we’re not… going… too far?” Her objection comes out like a stammering question.

  “Mhmmm,” I challenge her and taste her neck. She grips the back of my shirt. I grind my hips and never in my life has dry humping ever appealed to me, but shit watching her come almost made me so this shouldn’t be any less pleasing. She gasps and moans. She’s fucking vibrating.

  “Wait, I’m vibrating,” she gasps. “It’s my phone.”

  “Leave it,” I whisper against her lips.

  “No… No, saved by the phone.” She pushes me off of her. I let out a frustrating groan. I don’t do that. I don’t whine. This is so unbecoming of me. She sits up, pulling her cell out of her front pocket of her skirt. That’s stupid that it’s a pocket on a skirt. She looks at me smiling. “You have to earn valuable treasure, Hugo,” she mocks.

  “I’m pretty sure I was close to earning it,” I say back as she answers her phone.

  “Hello.” She pauses for a moment. “What?” I hear a sob. Slowly I sit up. “When?... Mum, when?... Mum, wait?” What’s wrong? Why is she crying? My heart is starting to ache. What is that? I anxiously wait for her to finish the phone call. She finally does.

  “My dad had a heart attack,” she quietly informs me.

  I rub my chest, not feeling right. I stretch my hand to her back, wanting to place it on her, wanting to… comfort her.

  I’m not equipped to comfort people. I’m an asshole, so I do what an asshole does. I stand up and go fetch someone else to comfort Juliet.

  19

  JULIET

  My dad had a heart attack two nights ago and I should be home. I am going home. My mum said to give it until the end of the week to see if there is any change. My dad is a proud man; he does not like people to see him weak. Knowing my mum, she thought of what my dad might say if he let her drag me all the way back to England for that. It may not make sense to most people, but I always want to do what my dad wishes. I swear if he dies I’ll never forgive him.

  I wasn’t surprised how Hugo reacted when I told him the news. He made me come and then he was gone. Typical murderer of heart. My fault though. I lost the game. I still can’t believe I didn’t know fucking Dr. Seuss.

  I enjoyed it though. I enjoyed him watching me and I think he did too and I think that’s what freaked him out the most. But I don’t care to challenge it. My dad is all I can focus on now. I have to pray that he will be alright. If I… I can’t lose my dad. I’ve been staying to myself. Sitting in my room, staring at the wall, calling my mum every five minutes. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. Only talk to myself like I’m doing now in my head. I think about my dad, but then I look for a distraction and think about Hugo, but Hugo hurts too and I’ll be damned if I waste my time thinking about him, hurting over him. All my hurt can only be for the one man in my life who has never let me down.

  SCARLETT

  “Chad has a gift,” I say, smiling at the photos of Hugo and Kelly. “So do you.”

  I realize he isn’t saying anything, let alone staring at the pictures on his lap. He’s just staring off moping.

  “Hey,” I snap my fingers and finally looks at me. “What’s up with you?”

  His brow creases. “Juliet’s dad had a heart attack.”

  “Okay,” I say slowly. “So is that your problem too?”

  He looks at me for the first time like he disapproves of my attitude. What the fuck is this shit?

  I throw the pictures on the table and lock eyes with his.

  “Do you feel bad for her?”

  “We don’t have marauders, Scarlett, but it is okay to have some type of sympathy at least for the sick and dead.”

  “The dead are dead. The sick are sick.
Part of life.”

  “And what will you think when you are sick? When you are dead?”

  “The same thing. I will not fear death because when it comes, it will be when I am old and less useful,” I say with ease.

  “What makes you think you won’t die young?”

  “I believe God prolongs certain deaths. He waits for some of us to feel the guilt. To feel the remorse of our sins. To truly suffer knowing all the damage we have caused. With me, he will be waiting until there is nothing left of me. Even then I doubt it.”

  Hugo stares at me as if he is now realizing who I am.

  “Don’t break my heart Hugo,” I warn him and he becomes confused. “You do by staring at me with shame.”

  He sighs, his eyes becoming apologetic. “It… it is not shame.” He clears his throat. “What’s going on with um… Keegan?”

  I smile victoriously. “His father is giving him some time off. His begging to not go with the NeoLock deal is starting to reunite him with his panic attacks. His wife and children are worried as he talks about the bad things he used to do.”

  “How do you do that? With one reminder of someone’s sin, you… halt the entire universe.”

  “I don’t know. I’m either that powerful or people are that weak.”

  “It’s fear,” he mumbles. “It’s always fear.”

  “Okay, you’re starting to freak me out. Why don’t you go have some fun or something?” I wave my hand.

  “Just send these to Kelly’s father and my father,” he stands up.

  “I thought we were planning on sending it to everyone, including the Times?”

  “No,” his tone is harsh.

  “Well I don’t agree,” I object and my attitude is rising.

  “Scarlett.” He places his hands on both the arm rests of the chair. His eyes lock on mine; his jaw tight and I see something in his eyes. A shift. Emotions… they’re practically begging to pour out. “No one else sees these. Never have I ever disagreed with you. I have always gone your way. Now we go my way. My way is that Harper and My father only see these. That is enough. Now if you decide to go behind my back, I will ruin this deal for you.”

  “This is a turn on…” I admit.

  “Good,” he backs away and leaves.

  My smile goes away. “But a problem,” I say to myself.

  HUGO

  My head doesn’t usually drown itself with confliction. It’s always at ease. So many things. So many people just run through it now. It all leads back to the two women who have made some sort of impact on my life. It used to be just one, but now it’s two. I should have said something to Juliet when she told me her father had a heart attack. Maybe I still should? Oh for fucks sake, stop being a pussy, Hugo. You don’t need to do shit. You don’t want to. Matter of fact, you should text Scarlett right now and tell her to broadcast the photos on every social media and newspaper in New York. I can’t do that to Kelly. Oh my God. What the hell?! Can’t do that to Kelly? Like this is any better, but then if I do too much, Juliet will be disappointed in me.

  No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

  “You need to talk to Juliet.” Jordana and Poppy basically ambush me once I get in the house.

  “What?” I don’t have time for this; my head’s already fucking with me.

  “She could use some distraction and your usual insulting banter should do the trick.”

  I stare at her amused, playing it off well. “Don’t tell me you, of all people, Jordana actually feel for the English Rose.”

  She laughs harshly. “I never pretend to not have a heart, Hugo. Just like you never pretend on how much of a dick you really are. You and I have always had a bond. I call it friendship, you call it toleration, but either way—Juliet, you tolerate her way more than the rest of us. So, do your conscience a favor and talk to the damn girl. Besides, August is sad for her now. He wants to know why she is crying. She’s his friend. She’s my friend.” She rolls her eyes. “Ugh, she’s really my friend. So what? I have feelings. Fucking sue me. But talk to her.”

  “Fucker,” Poppy snidely adds, smiling.

  They both leave out the front door.

  “Everybody’s pretty much pissed at you, huh?” Cody is standing in the hallway.

  “What else is new?”

  I walk past him and he follows. “Well, what’s new is me.”

  “What?”

  “You know when Ms. Eleanor told us the story about her and her long lost love? It inspired me. And she’s right, ya know? As crazy as she is, she is right. Fear is my own enemy. My worst.”

  I stop at the stairs and face him. “So basically you’re admitting you’re a pussy?”

  He opens his mouth then closes it. “Fine, if that’s what it takes for you to help me, then fine.”

  I cross my arms waiting. He rolls his eyes and pouts. “I am a pussy.”

  “Alright, then,” I smirk. “Tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow? Really? Alright I’m ready! Thanks!”

  I don’t know how to approach this in any way other than with liquor. I look for her. She isn’t in her room. Not in the lounge room. Not in the living room, kitchen, any other rooms, until I find her on the balcony on the second floor. I rarely come out here. I stand next to her and look at her side view. She seems in a daze. Sad, of course, numb. I place the glass of Jameson, something I noticed she likes, and slide it on the rail over to her. Her eyes shift down to it. She doesn’t say anything. She just picks up the glass and starts to drink.

  “I never thought it was possible for you to stay this quiet.” I regret it once the words leave my mouth. She doesn’t make a face or anything. Still staring off. I look down to see the streets of 5th Avenue. I get nervous because I hate balconies.

  “I hate balconies.” I say it out loud without thinking again. “I suppose it is clear as to why.” I look at her again then stare across the street to the other building that is grey and made of glass. Through that glass I see my mother’s face.

  “My mother smiled,” I start off and I keep going before I stop myself. “She smiled at me just before she jumped.”

  A shiver runs through my spine as I go back to that day. Her white gown, her jewelry, her smile. I let out a frustrated groan and just continue talking.

  “She always put on a smile for people. She was good at smiles. She was a connoisseur at masking the reality of her situations and her situation was that her whole life she had done what was expected of her. Like most. She went to the school her parents wanted her to, befriended the friends that matched her family’s income, and married the man they picked out for her before she was even old enough to walk. Her whole life was written for her and… it made her sick. One time I asked her if she liked my uh… model airplane I had made. She said that she was sorry because she couldn’t see it. She couldn’t see me. All she could see were blue walls. Why blue, I don’t know, but she saw blue walls closing in on her. She said she could always see them, but they never closed in on her… not until a few months before she killed herself. My mother was the epitome of a beautiful tragedy, from the day she was born to her death. Everything she did was beautiful and graceful. When she fell from the balcony, she flew. She flew away. I think I loathe her not only for what she did but also for leaving me with the same… same fragment of vision. It was always me. Me. I was the designated one. I was meant to be the perfect child. Gabriel wasn’t that great in school. He could get a 2.7 GPA average and that wasn’t enough. Me, school was never hard. I was more disciplined than Gabriel. Before he got here he was a bit of a rebel. Always in trouble at school for misbehaving, but me—I did what I was told. I was a good boy. August was August so my father wanted me to take over his reign one day. I started seeing those blue walls my mother spoke of. They were closing in. She didn’t protect me and my father didn’t nurture me. Reckless people, they were. Reckless we, their children, are. We wreck everything that is beautiful so we can feel beautiful. The children always pay the price for the parents’ sin. Your father d
oesn’t sound like a reckless man. If anything he sounds like a rare… good one. He’ll be okay. If not, I’ll be nice to people for at least two weeks.”

  I hear a slight snicker and sense a smile and I know I’m finished here. I walk away before she can gather the strength to respond.

  JULIET

  I don’t know why earlier Hugo told me about his mum. I really don’t. Change of heart, I want to hope, but I don’t want to get my hopes up, especially not now. It helped. The fact that he trusted me with the truth. It helped he tried. It was his version of being nice to me because he believes the only way to do that is to let me in. I just wish he didn’t do it out of pity.

  My cellphone vibrates just as I’m trying to go to sleep. I quickly grab it, hoping it’s my mum. It is. I hesitate. My heart stops and this phone call will determine if it combusts or not.

  “Hello?” It comes out as a sob.

  “Hello, rabbit.” My whole world comes back in place. Relief and tears explode out of me at the sound of my father’s voice. He sounds ill, but happy.

  “Papa!” Oh, God, I haven’t called him Papa since I was a baby. “Are you okay?”

  “Of course. It was only due to stress, the doctors say. They say I have to eat healthy and possibly take a holiday.”

  “And what did you say to that?”

  “I told them to piss off.” I laugh at his stubbornness. “But I’m sure your mother will make sure I do exactly what they say. I feel her getting a dog collar ready for me.”

  “I can come home,” I quickly say. “I’ll pack a bag and come home right now.”

  “No… Stay there. Don’t worry. I don’t need two women here hovering over me.”

  “You stubborn old fool.”

  “Those who are the most stubborn are the ones that can rise the highest.”

  “Dad, you seriously need to stop making up bullshit wisdom.”

  “So do you.”

  I laugh. “Rabbit sees, rabbit does.”