Sinners & Saints (Sinners & Saints #1)

by Ballinger, Chelsea

  “Put them over there,” my mother orders him, pointing to the steps in the living room. She walks down the steps and places her Birkin bag on the couch. She looks around the room as the bellboy leaves. I come down the steps into the living room, my arms crossed.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to visit my lovely daughter.” She smiles at me; it’s not a nice, genuine smile—it never is. My mother smiles at me like she owns me. Property, she once referred to me as.

  “Let me guess, your new young, hot model boyfriend dumped you.”

  Her smile tightens. “Actually, I dismissed him. I was getting a little bored.”

  “How merciful of you.”

  “So, how is the wedding planning?” she says sitting down on the black leather couch.

  “It’s going fine. I’ve already hired a wedding planner and I’ve already had a designer start the rough sketch for my dress.”

  “Will you be having bridesmaids?”

  “Oh come on, Mother, I’m just like you. I have no friends.” I sit down across from her in the chair. I cross my legs and she eyes me up and down. My mother and I have always been in this unspeakable war with each other ever since I was a child. She has always wanted me to be just like her, but not better and I am.

  “Well, you need to start recruiting. Patrick is a good boy.”

  “I know how good he is. He loves me.”

  “And you’re entirely sure of that?”

  “Yes.” I say without doubt.

  “Good. We don’t want a spectacle. Your wedding will be the wedding of the year. Townsend and Brayson united. I’m already getting calls from acquaintances excited for your nuptials. How is everything with his mother? Jane, is it? I heard she’s a piece of work.”

  “Well, you know mothers, always a problem until they’re dead.” She narrows her eyes at me, smirking.

  “Scarlett, I’m only here for the night. I’m going to Paris for the rest of the summer. So let us make do with the time we have. I want to make sure you have everything set and you’re not being stupid. Patrick Townsend is indeed a catch… you don’t want to marry someone like— ”

  “Like Daddy?” I finish, smirking. It’s like looking in a mirror. We both have blonde hair, grey eyes. Our sinister smiles are even alike. I hate this woman.

  “Yes,” She sneers. “like your father. Your father was very weak.”

  “Weak because he dominated you? Or weak because he didn’t love you enough to stop his wandering eye?”

  “Both,” she says, not caring. “You know I will always tell you the truth.”

  “Of course you do. I never believed in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. You wouldn’t let me.”

  “A child of your demeanor needed to not be fooled by imaginary heroes. That’s what Jesus Christ is for.”

  “Oh, but Jesus did not stop us from attending Sunday Mass.”

  “That was your father. You know this. His obsession with religion came with his guilt of being a nitwit.”

  “I need a drink.”

  “Make me one too. We have some bonding to do.” She sits back. Her idea of bonding is giving me advice on what I’m doing wrong. She’ll probably start with my weight first. “We need to start with your weight, sweetheart. You’re gaining.”

  I’m going to need a few drinks.

  HUGO

  If magic were real, I would be on fire right now. I’m in a church. A holy grail. It has come to this. I could just go to a therapist, but I find it rather exciting to come to a church.

  The sliding screen opens and the face of a man meets me with dark eyes through that screen.

  “Uh, forgive me father. I have sinned?” I ask. “That’s right, right?”

  “Have you’ve been to confession before?”

  “No… well if the question is ‘have you ever been in a confession booth before’, then yes, it was the one time with the girl from my school… but of course you don’t want me to get into detail of that.”

  “If it leads to you confessing all your sins and seeking forgiveness, then it’s okay.”

  “Yeah, well I’ve done a lot of sinning. Lots of it. Loads. Sinning is a very contradicting thing, don’t you think? I mean, take the no lying for example. Children are lied to every day about a fat man in a red suit with presents. Be nice and you get a gift; be naughty and you get coal. Not true. I knew this kid Jason Wong. Horrible little shit. For his birthday he got a pop star and a Lexus. There are nice kids that live in good homes and there are kids that live on streets and get pocket change and scraps from the back alleys of sushi bars. You can’t kill, but sometimes you have to kill to protect yourself. Self-defense. I haven’t killed anyone, by the way… well, not physically. More emotionally and, well, mentally. Due to the evolutionary technology and reality television, the world is just entirely fucked… sorry for the foul language.”

  “It’s alright. Go on my son.”

  “Anyway… back to the sinning...” I pause, rubbing my temples. “See, I get a headache about this now. I could easily go down the line of sins I have committed, but then we would be in here for weeks, but… I want to talk about a girl.”

  “Alright… have you committed sin with the girl?”

  “Well… actually yeah, I have, but not intercourse. Anyway, this girl… she’s… she’s not a perfect person, but…”

  “But what?”

  “Have you ever met someone that made you feel… inferior?”

  “Explain.”

  “Okay… the first part of my life I felt… inferior to my father. I felt useless to my mother. The only true attachment I had was to my brothers. Then my father separated us when my mother killed herself. His words were that I needed to know a life without emotional attachments if I was going to run the company someday. He told me this when I was nine years old. Then I met this other girl after my brother killed himself. She made me feel powerful. Now that I think about it, of course she did. She took my virginity and even though you’re a man of the cloth, I would assume you have experienced the effects of sexual gratification. We are boys, men. Our egos are automatically boosted through being inside a woman… or man. Sex makes us feel powerful. Sex with this girl did that. Then other things. Sin to the extreme, I would like to call it. A sort of freedom from feeling inferior to my father. She made me feel superior, but then…”

  “Then what?”

  “Along the way, I felt too superior. The thing is, Father… when you feel too superior, you feel that superiority to be more false than true. I’ve found that people that feel big about themselves still possess this insecurity and because of that insecurity they feel a need to convince themselves that they are on top. But with me, I am not insecure. I know what I am in my pros and cons. I accept it and because I accept it and own up to my nonsense, I feel superior than most… and this girl. This new girl… she has brought me back down to inferiority. When you’re truthful, you don’t think anyone can outdo you with it… but she does. She is truth and… beauty… inside and out. That is a problem for me, Father.”

  “And why is that a problem?”

  “I’ve never spoke the word love before… until now. I haven’t thought of the word love for a few years now. Since she arrived… not a day goes by that it doesn’t conjure up in my head.”

  “Do you think love has been planted in your heart? Do you love this girl?”

  I don’t answer.

  “Do you love anyone, son? Have you ever loved anyone?”

  I hold my breath. I stare into my hands in my lap. I ball them up in fists as my anxiety rises to the edge. I squeeze my hands as tight as I can, cracking my fingers, burning the skin.

  Then I breathe. I release my hands, opening them, staring at the redness sprawled on them. I clear my throat.

  “What days are you here?”

  “Every day.” I look at the screen. I see him smiling to himself.

  “Okay, well I’ll be back… one day. Aren’t you supposed to give me a task? Penanc
e or something like that? Hail Marys?”

  “Why don’t we save the Hail Mary’s for a later time? I have a feeling that this is just the beginning for you. Until then, may your soul continue to be protected by the Lord and give thanks to him for he is good.”

  “All the time?” I fire back.

  “Yes… all the time. It is people who are not.”

  “Yeah, well God made people.”

  “Yes, he did. He made you. The ones who’ve wronged you. The ones you’ve wronged. And the people who’ve inspired you to come today and confess and seek answers.”

  “You know, for a priest, you’re not as commonplace as I thought you would be.”

  The priest chuckles and I smirk. “Well… God made people who are placed on Earth for shock value too.”

  “Can’t argue with you there. Until next time, Father.”

  JULIET

  “So the doctor said you were okay for release?” I ask my dad.

  “Yes, rabbit, for the millionth time,” my dad laughs, frustrated at my worrying. “Your mother has even the maids following me around. Gregor has to be my lookout for them and your mum now.”

  “I can imagine him now in his military costume from last year’s Halloween and those night vision goggles.”

  He laughs. “You are right about that.” I smile through the phone, sitting on my bed, staring at the space where the broken glass just was. “Rabbit?”

  “Yeah?”

  “What exactly is going on?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Parents have an intuition when their child is in trouble.”

  “I’m not in trouble… well I don’t think I am.”

  “What did you do?”

  “Dad! I have done nothing,” I groan. “It’s a boy, okay? A stupid, stupid boy who makes my insides and heart feel like millions of stupid butterflies fluttering.”

  “You hate butterflies.”

  “I know! My point exactly. Dad, he is not a good guy. You would not approve. He is horrible so forbid me right now. Tell me to never see him again.”

  “Sweetheart, you’re twenty one and you and I both know that the Pope himself couldn’t stop you from doing what you want.”

  “True, only my guilty conscience could.”

  “And I suppose you don’t feel guilty about this boy?”

  “No, I don’t and that’s what’s driving me crazy. I’m scared of him, that’s for sure.”

  “He isn’t violent, is he?”

  “No, Dad, please remember Erickson’s son who tried to man handle me at my coming out party.”

  “How could I forget? Your mother went into depression.”

  “It’s not my fault. My fist just happened to connect with his nose. He shouldn’t have been so fragile.”

  “Yes, the little shit did deserve it, but let me guess, this boy is a bad boy who pretends to be an arsehole.”

  “No… he is an arsehole… but he has this way of being an arsehole who can be nice… in his own way. You get it?”

  “I think I’m coming along.”

  “Remember August, who I introduced you to?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s his twin brother. Hugo. Hugo can say the rudest things and then say kind things. Even through certain rude things, he has good intentions. The way he is with his brother is out of love. He doesn’t want to admit it, but it is. I just like him. I don’t know why anymore; I just do and its getting intense and I’ve never… I’ve never been afraid of getting my heart broken… but now I think I am and that makes me wonder if…”

  I hear my dad sighing. “If your heart is as strong as you think it is.”

  “Yeah… yeah, that’s it. I’m like him in that way. We both were so sure of who we are as people until… until now, at least for me. Ever since Jessie and the incident, I never wanted anyone to make me doubt the person I have become. Especially a man—no offense.”

  “None taken… listen Rabbit… you know your mum and I are complete opposites. When I met her, she was neurotic and uptight and just… not what I wanted originally in a woman. But the thing is, Juliet, when it comes to attraction, lust, and love… all the ideals of a significant other goes out the window and sometimes it takes just one thing for us to care and want that person.”

  “Well, I think I’m still trying to figure it out.”

  “Look, rabbit, if this lad is a little shit too then I do want you to stay away from him, but if not… I want you to try to proceed with caution, at least for my bad, sick, diseased heart.”

  “Oh, so unfair old man. So unfair.” Laughter escapes from the both of us and a bright smile is put on my face. If I was home, I would fall into my dad’s arms, embracing his magical hugs, but then if I was home, I wouldn’t be here.

  22

  HUGO

  “Where have you been?” Jordana asks once I get through the front door.

  “Confession,” I answer.

  “What?”

  “Church.”

  She makes a face. “I thought you were an atheist.”

  “Atheists complain too much. Call me undecided.”

  “Well, have you checked your phone? Scarlett’s been texting and calling you apparently.”

  “I know, I turned my phone off.”

  Her eyes grow wide. “Avoiding the Queen B? That’s big of you.”

  “Yeah, well I still have some shock value left.”

  “Well, we’re having dinner with them tonight, Ms. Eleanor says. Them and Patrick Townsend’s mother and sister.”

  “I’m just overjoyed.” I deadpan.

  I head up the stairs as Juliet is coming down. My heart jumps every time now when we’re near each other. Her expression is soft. Then hard. Then soft again. I think she’s trying to figure out if she’s still mad at me. She hardens up and walks past me without a word. She’s mad at me. Fuck she’s mad. The thought of her being mad at me is driving me insane.

  “I’m sorry.” Did I just say that? I don’t turn around, but I know she stopped walking. “I don’t care when people are angry at me… but I do care when… I care that you’re mad. I don’t want you to be mad so I’m sorry.”

  I start to walk up stairs. “If you’re sorry…” I stop again but still don’t turn around. “If you’re truly sorry, then don’t apologize to me… apologize to your stepmum.”

  What the hell?

  I turn around. “You’re pushing it.”

  “Am I?” She walks back up the steps. “You had to find something about her that you tolerated. Something. I could tell that you felt guilty. I never doubted that, Hugo.”

  “Fine, I’ll text her.”

  “Call her.”

  I pull out my phone and turn it on.

  “You’re gonna call her now?”

  “Yes, if I wait I won’t do it.” I go to her name in my contacts and call her. “She’s not gonna answer.”

  “I know, but this is a start.”

  It rings and rings until finally stopping. “Voicemail.”

  “Leave her a message.”

  “That’s no better than a text.”

  “Yes it is because she can hear how sorry you are.”

  I glare at her as the beep sound comes on. I say nothing and Juliet narrows her eyes at me.

  “Kelly… this is me. I know you hate me and…” I stare into Juliet’s eyes and relax. “And you have every right. You were right… about everything. Everything you said to me and I am an asshole, but to answer your question from that time in the hotel, yes I do. I tell you this because it’s my way of showing how truly sorry I am by giving you the truth I hold on to… I think about my mother every day. When I hurt someone, I think about my mother. I see her face in every person in pain. Again sorry.” I quickly hang up and stuff the phone into my pocket, still staring at Juliet who is now looking at me in that way that makes me feel like I’m worth something. Something good. Something more.

  I don’t want her to respond. It will just make me more confused and jus
t crazy. So I just head up stairs to get ready for dinner.

  JULIET

  I was somewhat proud of Hugo today. He gave in easy and I know he would just claim that it was all for me, but partly he did do it for Kelly. He didn’t force himself entirely because he has feelings for me. If he did he would have stayed longer for me to respond. I called Jaz to talk to him about it, but he was too busy. I can’t text Jess. Rules. And the only time I can is when if yeah. If I actually have sex with Hugo. I wonder about sex with Hugo a lot. I wonder how it would be. Would it be gentle? Would it be rough? Is it strange that it doesn’t matter to me? I just want it to be good. I know it will be good, probably even great. I don’t worry about my performance in bed, but I do worry and it pains me to admit it. I worry that if we do cross over that cautionary line, he will do nothing but compare me to Scarlett and that my touch wont be enough.

  The doorbell rings and the butler answers the door. In walks Scarlett frowning, Patrick smiling, two people who I’m assuming are his mother and sister, and a blonde woman who is an older version of Scarlett. The resemblance is uncanny.

  “Oh, shit,” Jordana whispers.

  “Let me guess, Scarlett’s mum.”

  “Yep, this is the darkness that gave birth to the demon.”

  “Eleanor, lovely to see you again.” Scarlett’s mum has the fakest smile I’ve ever seen in my life.

  “Daphne, lovely to see you as well.” Ms. Eleanor smiles back at her. Ms. Eleanor has on her tie dye pants and a black shirt. Her dozen necklaces draped around her neck and diamond earrings matching the glow in her eyes. Daphne is fierce in red. Her body is tight and she knows it.

  “Ms. Eleanor, this is my mother, Jane Townsend, and my little sister, Rebecca.”

  “Of course, hello Jane.” Ms. Eleanor air kisses Jane whose smile is tight. You can tell she disapproves.

  “Nice to see you again,” Jane says.

  “These are my lovelies, Poppy Montgomery, Jordana Abbott, and Juliet Spears. Cody Nichols, a very sweet boy, won’t be able to join us because he’s on his first date.”