Sinners & Saints (Sinners & Saints #1)

by Ballinger, Chelsea

  We break into laughter. Never has laughing been so tremendous.

  PATRICK

  I wake up in the middle of the night to find my fiancé sitting on the edge of our bed in the dark. The only light shining on her was the light from outside with rain and thunder.

  “Scarlett?” I sit up in the bed and crawl to the edge for her. I wipe the wet plastered hair from her face and my heart stops. Her face is pale and the dried up tears aren’t the worse of her. She seems completely drained. I don’t even think I’ve ever seen her cry before. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

  She slowly faces me and I think I’m staring at a complete stranger. Someone so fragile, not Scarlett.

  “Why do you love me?” She barely whispers the question.

  “What?”

  “Why do you love me?” She’s shaking.

  “Scarlett,” I wrap my arms around her. “I just do. No one can ever truly explain why they love someone because the list can go on endlessly.” I rub the back of her head as she wraps her arms around my waist. “You know when I knew I was in love with you?”

  She shakes her head. “It was the moment when I knew you were unlike anyone I had ever met. It was the first moment I met you. It was fate when I met you at that bar. You looked so beautiful and when I approached you that smile completely threw me off my game,” I chuckle. “But I still got you. I love that you’re real. You’re real about how you used to be and how you are now. You told me about the hurt you have endured and the fact that you can overcome from that amazes me. You and I are meant to be. I know this with everything I have.” I grab her chin, turning her head towards me. “I love you because you’re you. That’s it.”

  Tears fall and before I can ask her why she’s acting this way, she pulls me in for a kiss. Her tongue enters into my mouth and she straddles my lap. She pulls down the sleeves of her dress never breaking from the kiss. I cover her breasts with kisses while she moans my name.

  I love her.

  SCARLETT

  I first saw Patrick in a picture. The picture was in the former Vice President of the United States’ home. I was there for a luncheon with his wife. I was told that Patrick Townsend was a true catch. A real Prince Charming. He had this smile that was so genuine that it completely left me bewildered. Through sources, I found out his schedule. Where he worked out. Where he had lunch with his mother. Where he lived and where he went for drinks after work. I knew everything about him. I always knew I would marry a kind man. I didn’t want a leech. I wanted to marry a kind and genuine man who could easily be tamed, manipulated, and who would wholeheartedly love me. It was not fate that led me to that bar—it was only a mission. A mission to get what I wanted. I have a problem. I know this. But the thing people will never understand… the thing my future husband, who is making sweet and passionate love to me right now as I think of how my former lover has betrayed me, will never know...

  Well, I just don’t care.

  27

  JULIET

  No one can ever explain what it’s like to wake up in the arms of someone you love. Well, unless they experience it themselves. I don’t mean the feeling you get when you wake up from a nap on your father’s lap or when your mum rubs your back before and after you sleep. It’s a feeling of contentment. You know that everything is going to be okay. That’s how I feel waking up in Hugo’s arms. My head on his chest, his arm tight around my waist and the other laying across the blanket. My thigh is draped over his leg and we are naked still. A chill brushes through us, but it doesn’t bother me. It is the summer and his body was warm enough for me to sleep like a baby. I lift my head up to see him still asleep. He looks adorable when he sleeps, so innocent almost like the little boy he once was.

  “Stop staring at me,” his lips move.

  My lip quirks to the side. “How long have you been awake?”

  “An hour.”

  I snicker. “An hour? Why didn’t you wake me up?”

  “I was doing the same creepy shit you’re doing now, which only makes my newfound feebleness more evident.” I roll my eyes and he slowly opens his, his lips curling up. “But after last night I think I could get used to being a pussy.”

  I crawl up to him until my entire body covers his. My hair falling around his face as I stare into his eyes. “We are going to have to work on your afterglow approaches.”

  “Ugh… you used afterglow as a term,” he winces.

  “So what?”

  “So, remember… we are taking baby steps here. Don’t expect me to go full circle here.”

  “You are so dramatic.” I sit up and stretch, pulling my arm over my head. I look around the boathouse, as I remember my first thought about it from last night.

  “How do you have a boathouse, but no boats?” I curiously ask.

  “Most people buy things for show.”

  “Shame, I used to love going sailing with my dad on our island.”

  He sits up and smirks. “Your family has an island?”

  “Yes, in the Mediterranean.”

  “That island that Ms. Eleanor took us to two summers ago was your island?”

  “”Yeah… actually my Nan was supposed to bring me there to meet you, but that’s when she passed.”

  He smiles to himself, scratching his head.

  “What?”

  “To think you and I would have met sooner.”

  “Yeah,” I smile. “But the time is right now… it was supposed to happen like this… you and me.”

  He pulls my hair back, staring at me nervously. “What do you want you and I to be, Juliet?”

  I bite my lip, nervous and give a fainted laugh. “I’m always good at telling you the truth, yet I’m scared to say that I want what every girl wants. I want the exclusive. I want us to be you and me. It doesn’t have to be a label, just you and me.”

  “Then you and me it is. Only you and me. You belong to me and I belong to you… only you.”

  “Your lovers won’t like that,” I grin mischievously.

  He shrugs. “They’ll be alright. Either find someone new or have an epiphany on their lives, either way they are better off. Congratulations, Juliet, you saved them from the devil.”

  “Yes, by giving him my heart and soul…” I jokingly become frightened. “Oh my God… I’m doomed.”

  He chuckles and licks his bottom lip. “Maybe you are. You never know.”

  “True… but so far the impossible has happened and I’m usually right… the devil does have a heart.”

  He leans in, kissing my lips and I welcome him.

  “We should get back. They might be looking for us,” I speak against his lips, but I can’t stop kissing him or reaching between his legs. Neither can he stop grabbing my breasts.

  “You’re right,” he whispers and moans as I begin to stroke.

  “Someone might come in…” My mind drifts off as my body begins to warm up.

  “You’re absolutely right, but you forget… The devil doesn’t care.”

  I smile and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me down into oblivion with him, an oblivion that will probably last for another glorious hour.

  SCARLETT

  I was never a good one to let things go. I hold grudges. That’s never a great trait to have, but I see myself as a person who could easily get away with it. I always plan ahead of time. That is why I am the best at what I do. I plan for the worst. It takes patience and heart. Maybe it even takes insanity because I will be the first to admit… I think I’m crazy… but that’s what I love most about myself. I find it unique to embrace the horrid thing about oneself.

  It’s as if it is destined for me to continue with my plan because as I look outside my window, my blood boils as I see Hugo and Juliet, holding hands, smiling and giggling, still in the same clothes as last night. That usual afterglow that masks lovers is on them, a feeling that never really resonates with me. I never feel that. So I think Hugo shouldn’t either.

  MARGARET

  “We need to stop thi
s.” I always tell her that and still it never changes.

  “You’re right,” she says putting on her robe and staring at me. There is something different about this statement. “We need to end this. Now.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “What’s going on is…” She looks away and tears start to form. All I want is to reach for her, hold her, but I could never do that. My father’s disappointment and anger at me always pops in my head. “I was on the phone with my mom a couple of days ago and for the first time she actually showed interest in my life. Like genuine interest and the only thing I could tell her… was that I was in love with a girl.”

  My heart stops and I want to faint. I never knew she loved me. I never knew. I thought it was worse being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back, but no. This is the worse. This is the death of me.

  “She was ecstatic for me. It felt good telling her that. My parents aren’t bad; they just are so invested in their own lives. They didn’t let a kid slow them down, which is why I’ve always been afraid to let myself attach to anyone really on a level of complete intimacy. Last night, Hugo did something. Hugo Mandrake, of all people… because he is in love with a girl. A girl that actually isn’t afraid to fight for him. Jacobs, I would love nothing more but to continue fighting and making love to you, but I actually want more. I want us to be able to go back to Sarah Lawrence with our hands held high together, laughing, smiling, not scared of what people think. The time is now for that. The world has changed and you like to add that more people will look down at you, but really it’s only about your father. I get it. You love the asshole. I just wished you loved me more and maybe you do.”

  Of course I do. Jordana is arrogant, rude, and overly opinionative, but those are the things that make her perfect. I tell her things that I could never tell anyone. She has my worst fears and my high hopes in her memory. I love her more than myself… that’s the problem.

  “It’s not easy being attracted to the same sex as you. Never is. Never will be,” she continues. “But it feels great when you finally just become free of it all. When you finally just choose to do what is best for you. I’m not ending this because I’m angry. I’m doing this because I love you and… it sucks. It sucks being in love with you because to the outside world… you’re not you. It’s not fair to either one of us to keep this charade going.”

  She grabs her stuff and starts to head into the bathroom. She stops and turns around. “I want you to choose me. It would be splendid if for the first time in my life someone chose me over their career or their fear. It would be great.” She forced a smile at me, pleading with her green almond-shaped eyes that I dreamt about every night since we were sixteen and had our first class together. It was Biology and she wasn’t the first girl I had ever lingered at for too long, but she was the first one to notice and when she did, she smiled at me and from that moment on she became the thing I fear the most and the thing I want the most and now here is my chance to have it… but unfortunately my father has shaped me into the form of a coward.

  “Goodbye Jordana,” I say quietly and hurry out the room.

  28

  HUGO

  We carry the last of our luggage to the cars. I hurry back upstairs to my room. I take notice of Jordana’s mood. Probably trouble in paradise with Margaret.

  “Hey Jordana, can I borrow your Gemini bracelet?” Poppy asks her once we get outside. Jordana looks at Poppy’s wrist and glares. “Why bother asking? You already have it on.”

  “I just wanted to see what it looked like. Why do they call it a Gemini bracelet anyway?”

  “For Christ sakes, Poppy!” We all pause and Juliet and I eye each other in confusion. “Must I always help your pubescent and hollow mind? Fuck! You can be so stupid!”

  Jordana hurries back in and Juliet rubs Poppy’s shoulder. “Hey, Hugo, why don’t you take Poppy back with you and Cody and Jordana and I will ride back in the limo with the bags?”

  I give her a look. My newfound way does not want me to be apart from Juliet. She moves closely as Poppy masks a happy smile over her hurt feelings. “Maybe you could talk to Poppy?”

  “Are you serious? Me? I wanted us to ride back together… alone.”

  She moans out a laugh and presses her hands against my chest. “That sounds very wonderful, but…” I sigh. “When a girl’s in need, you have to intervene. Girls got to stick together.”

  “I’m not a girl.”

  “But you know them so well, don’t you?” She winks at me then quickly kisses me on the cheek. She hurries back in before I protest and I shake my head.

  “Come on, Poppy,” I say to her and she follows, but there is no way that I am going to become Poppy’s therapist.

  JULIET

  I find Jordana roughly stuffing the rest of her stuff in her duffel bag.

  “What did Saint Laurent ever do to you?”

  She faces me and forces a smile. “I don’t have time for this shit, Juliet.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No.” I sit on her bed and watch as she zips it up and throws it on the floor. She runs her fingers through her hair. “Not everyone can take chances like you, Juliet.”

  “You know… just because I have learned to easily take chances does not make me invincible. Last night… Hugo and I did something… magical. It’s just sex to most, but when it’s with someone you care for… it’s always more and the more you dive deep into someone you care for, the more scared you get and the more risk you are in of getting hurt. I could be doomed… I could be not.”

  “Well I took a chance and it was the wrong one.”

  “Taking a chance with love is never a wrong one. It’s sometimes the right type of gamble. Either way you learn from it.”

  Jordana starts to choke up and tears fall. “I don’t do this. I don’t cry.” She sits on the bed next to me and sinks her head into her hands. I wrap my arm around her and bring her head to my shoulder.

  “Those who don’t cry are those who will eventually.”

  CHAD

  I like to see women cry. I like to see them cry and beg. I’m a fucked up person.

  “Chad!” Scarlett has a key to my apartment. She just strolls in whenever she wants to. I must admit I like that. I love and hate her. She is my thorn that I love to press my thumb on every time no matter how much I bleed. She knows all my dark secrets. She knows everyone’s. None of us know hers really. Well, sweet Gabriel did… and he’s dead.

  “What do you want?” I ask her still staring at the television. She doesn’t answer. I look up and see her staring at the wall. She looks pissed, but in a calm way. Pissed and calm is the one thing you do not want to see Scarlett as. “Yo Scarlett.” I snap my fingers.

  “Do you know what animal I have always been fond of, Chad?”

  “Let me guess… a female dog.”

  She laughs a little and looks at me. “A black heron.”

  “I have no idea what that is.”

  “Of course you don’t. It’s rarely spoken of. It’s an African water bird. It has this way of catching its prey. It’s called canopy feeding. You see they have the ability to bring night during the day. They hunch over and form wings into a form of an umbrella, you can call it. It blocks out the sunlight and allows them to seek out their prey. The fish are given a somewhat false sense of security and comfort. They think it’s probably night or they have discovered an area of shade where they can hide from those nasty black herons. Fish just come into their view and when they think it’s safe they are stabbed by the beak of the black heron.”

  “Brutal.”

  “Yes,” she slowly smiles. “Brutal it is. I love it when there is a false sense of hope, where they think it’s going to be alright and then in an instant that hope is taken away.”

  “This must have something to do with Hugo and that Rebecca girl.”

  “Yes, it does.”

  “I was hoping she wasn’t a waste.”

  “No, she wasn�
�t. Hugo is… happy. I intend to destroy that.”

  “Scarlett, did your psychiatrist ever diagnose you?”

  “It was a mixture of the usual. Narcissistic personality disorder. Borderline sociopath. He wrote it off as anxiety after our little rendezvous… and the pictures of the young girls in his desk drawer,” she smirks.

  “God, you are insanely a goddess.”

  “And I intend to keep it that way. So are you with me? Or do I have to pay a visit to the police department, telling them you were actually the one that raped poor Rebecca?”

  “I could easily say that you were in charge, you bitch.”

  “Yes, you could. God forbid they believe me, a poor little rich girl, over a drug addict,” she says, dryly. “Either way, Chad… you go down. Your life becomes worse than it is now. Your father will only spit on you and say that he was right the whole time. He was right that you were shit. But if you help me… I’ll get you help. I’ll have Patrick even get you a job. I’ll make sure that you get clean and inherit the fortune that is yours.”

  I shrug, “Okay. What do you need me to do?”

  She smiles broadly. “Did you know I still had a key to Ms. Eleanor’s place?”

  HUGO

  When Poppy and I get back she runs straight to her room. I know Poppy is going to probably snort her pain away but a voice in my head tells me to stop her. It is Juliet’s. I walk into Poppy’s pink room and head for the bathroom. She is cutting up the white powder with her gold card. Poetic.

  “Poppy,” I say and she looks up at me from the floor, tears streaming down her face. “What are you doing?”

  “I just want to be happy.” She speaks in her childish tone and it is genuine. Most people think Poppy’s childlike mind is all an act. “It will all be okay once I just relax a little.”

  I walk over and grab her hand that holds the rolled up paper. I remove it from her delicate fingers and place it on top of the mirror with the coke and the gold card. I sit down next to her leaning against the tub. “I know everyone thinks I’m dumb… I guess am, but… I hurt too. I hurt all the time actually. I sometimes wish I was ugly because my mom would like me more if I was. She might even would love me.”