Sinners & Saints (Sinners & Saints #1)

by Ballinger, Chelsea

  “Poppy… your mother is a washed up gold digger who is unhappy all because her sole purpose in life was to do the impossible. Be young and beautiful forever.”

  She sighs. “I know… but she’s still my mom. No matter what they do, they’re still the people who brought us into this world and it’s just natural for us to love them and want to be loved by them.”

  “Speak for yourself.”

  She giggles. “I may not know a lot of things, Hugo… but sometimes I do know people. At the end of the day, people are people.”

  “Thank you for that riveting revelation.”

  She smiles to herself and lays her head on my shoulder. I almost smile at that.

  “Thank you for saving me again from being a stereotypical rich girl.”

  “I think we have more to do until we save you from that.”

  She laughs and I do too. She rubs my forearm. “I’m so glad you’re not an asshole anymore… well half of one anyway.”

  “Don’t ever repeat this… but me too.”

  “Aw, well isn’t this cozy.” We look up to see Jordana, Cody, and Juliet staring at us smiling.

  “Never thought to see the day,” Cody says. “Hugo, the savior.”

  Poppy and I stand up and Jordana approaches her. “Sorry, I was a bitch.”

  Poppy shrugs. “Bitches be trippin.”

  We all stare at her for a moment before laughing.

  “What goes on in that head of yours?” Jordana asks.

  “Her wisdom,” I say and Poppy smiles at me, proud of her newfound sense of respect, I suppose.

  “So,” Jordana claps her hands. “I decided that we should do something fun today in honor of Poppy. Music Festival today and we should attend.”

  Poppy screams in joy and Cody insists on bringing Anika.

  “No,” I say flatly and shake my head.

  “Why not?” Juliet asks me.

  “I hate festivals. It’s filled with sweaty overcrowded people. It’s fully congested.”

  “You’re going,” Juliet says, crossing her arms.

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Aw, lovers’ quarrel,” Jordana says.

  I flip her off and Juliet grabs my wrist and I follow her to her room.

  She grabs me by my face and kisses me hard. I return and it is as if we have been apart for years. We come up for air and I can’t help but to smile at her.

  “I missed you,” she whispers.

  “I miss you too, which is why we should just stay here while everyone goes to the festival.”

  She tilts her head to the side smiling in thought of the very vulgar things we could be doing. “As rewarding as that would be, I think we should go to the festival.” She wraps her arms around my shoulder. “And then if you pretend very well that you are having a very, very fantastic time… I will reward you for your behavior.”

  “Reward me?” I smile mischievously. “I must say, Ms. Spears, you truly have become a master at persuasion.”

  “Thank you.” I lean in for a kiss, but she presses her fingertips against my lips, stopping me. “You have something you need to do first.”

  I know what she means. I am ready for what she means.

  I enter my brother’s room. He is working on another maze.

  “August.” I snap my fingers to get him out of his daze. He drops the chalk and faces me. “I need to tell you something.”

  He stares down at his feet, scratching the top of his head.

  “I don’t do this. I haven’t said these words to you even when I was nice. I don’t even remember even telling Mom this. I always thought men shouldn’t say it to each other. But things have changed and you were right. Ever since Juliet arrived… I’m changing. I’m happy. And I like it. I can feel it and I want it. I want that feeling. I want,” I close my eyes for a moment, “that love.”

  The term peaked August’s interest. He lifts his head up and stares at me.

  “I love you.” I spit it out. It’s like the gravity that has been holding me since birth is finally releasing me. “You are my brother. My twin. You are a half of me that I have forever been grateful for. In our screwed up family, you are the only one who has ever made sense. It’s always been you and me, August and Hugo, and I love that. I love us. I love you.”

  August begins smiling to himself and laughing. He pushes me and I grab him by his shoulder, pulling him in for a hug.

  “I love you too, Hugo,” he whispers and I clench my jaws to keep myself from crying. My heart is lifted and that black door that has locked me in for so long has finally been open. It reveals everything and in the end it is okay. I would be okay. We would be okay.

  “I love you too, Juliet.” I unlock our hug and see Juliet standing behind us, smiling and wiping her face of tears. “Love you too, August.”

  “August, you should come with us to the music festival.” She walks up to him with her hands behind her back.

  “No,” he shakes his head frantically. “I don’t do well in crowds and sounds. No.”

  “That’s why I brought you these.” She pulls out a pair of giant headphones. “They block out most sound. You will be in your own world… with us.”

  He snickers as she places the headphones on his head, firmly covering up his ears.

  He holds his finger up. “We will see if bad things happen. I’ll panic and it will be all your fault. Not mine.”

  “Okay,” she says laughing and we watch as he leaves out. “Oh God, I hope he doesn’t panic,” she mumbles and I laugh.

  “Good job, Mandrake,” she softly says, but the hope in her eyes tells me that she is waiting for me to confess to her.

  “So,” I step closer. “I guess now would be the right time to let you know that I have never been sure of a lot of things, but when it comes to how I feel about you, I am sure of it to the core of my soul… I love you, Juliet. I am in love with you and I can hardly breathe due to it.”

  “Don’t die on me, now,” she says softly and grins.

  “I won’t.” I press my hand to her cheek.

  “Good. Glad to know the pain of being in love with you is okay.” I lean in but she presses her fingertips to my lips again.

  “What is it now?” I ask.

  “I have a gift for you also.” She pulls out what appears to be my sunglasses. I laugh a little as she opens them up and places them on my face. “You earned them… and now it doesn’t matter what you use to cover it up. I’ve seen your soul.”

  “You are my soul,” I softly say and pull her against me, kissing her soft lips and enjoying my new role as Hugo Mandrake, devoted love of Juliet Spears and whoever the hell else I want to be.

  We arrive to the festival and so far the music is loud and the people are colorful. Meaning high as hell. It is magnetic, I must admit. The freedom of everyone surrounding us illuminates all over the island. Even through my dark shades I can see it. I can see a lot through them now. No longer just darkness in my shades, just beauty within that darkness.

  I stay close to my brother in the back of the crowd of thousands. But he is smiling. He is okay with those giant headphones on his head. Juliet dances with him and I can’t help but smile at it. She’s okay with staying in the back away from the crowds to help him feel comfortable. She’s okay with my, well, everything. Especially the flaws I reconcile to the world. She is becoming everything to me.

  CODY

  “Are you enjoying yourself?!” I yell trying to ask Anika as she screams along with Poppy, holding hands while the music booms through the crowd. Jordana is not screaming like them but for Poppy she is making an effort.

  “What?!” she asks, her eyes squinting up at me.

  “I was just,” I roll my eyes at my failed attempt at conversation. “Nevermind.” I shake my head, rubbing my temples. Why do I do this? Why can’t I just scream with the rest of them and just—I don’t know—roll in the grass. Oh yeah, I’m sort of allergic to it.

  I don’t realize t
hat she slides her hand around my neck pulling my head down close to her. I can feel her lips almost touch my ear and I instantly get hard. Yeah, the struggle is real for me.

  “Thank you for inviting me,” she whispers loud enough for me to only hear amongst the roars and beats. I pull back and watch as she smiles broadly at me. Carpe Diem just flashes in my brain. My grandpa once told me to live by that but my late blooming puberty and my long-term awkward stage halted all the seizing the day moments for me. But now I can do it. I have a fine, sexy, beautiful girl smiling up at me. I should seize this moment. Embrace it. Fuck it.

  I slide my arm around her waist and pull her towards me. Her eyes are shocked but I think turned on by my sudden gestured. I grab hold of her chin and tilt my head down, pressing my lips against hers. The last girl I kissed was my study buddy back at the university. She let me grab her boobs and gave me a hand job. I thought that was the best day of my life, but no. This right here. Kissing Anika. I think this is the best day of my life.

  29

  SCARLETT

  This is nothing.

  “Rebecca.” I go into her room. She isn’t doing so well since that night. Deep down she knows something happened to her and I am here to confirm it. “I need to talk to you.”

  “What is it?” she asks as I sit next to her. “How have you’ve been doing?” I ask her.

  “Not so good. I’ve been having nightmares.”

  I give her my sympathetic look and rub her back. “I found out some stuff about that night.”

  “What?” she asks scared.

  “Hugo has been bragging about that night to a friend of ours, Chad Michelson. At first I didn’t believe him because Chad is a known troubled guy, but then I started to think about this one time when I thought I saw pills in Hugo’s room. I thought they were medication, but they seem like it and you said you only had one drink, right?”

  “Yeah,” she nods. “You think he drugged me?”

  “I don’t know, sweetie. I hope not, but we need to talk to your mom and Patrick.”

  She shakes her head in fear. “No. Scarlett, you promised.”

  “That was before I knew that you were possibly… oh God… raped, Rebecca. We can’t let Hugo get away with this. God knows who else he has done this to. I used to be a person I’m not proud of along with Hugo, but even then he sometimes scared me.” I cup her chin and let the false tears fall from my eyes. “I couldn’t bear the thought of something bad happening to you, Rebecca. We need to go to them and talk about that night.”

  She starts to shake and cry. “I didn’t… I didn’t want to believe it, but I’ve always known. I can’t believe this is happening.” I pull her into me, laying her head on my shoulder, my chin resting on her head.

  “It’s okay,” I smile. “We will get through this together.”

  CODY

  We get back from the festival in the middle of the night. Anika is amazing and I boldly invite her to stay longer and surprisingly she says yes. We all sit around for a while. Each of us excusing ourselves. Hugo and I go into the kitchen to get one last drink.

  “So you’re in love and shit, huh?” I tease him.

  He gives me a blank stare.

  “Fine, don’t spread the newfound love.” I start to head out.

  “You’re a good person, Cody,” he says suddenly. I turn around and shake my head just to make sure I heard him right. “You just don’t have a fucking backbone.”

  “There’s the asshole I know.”

  “You have a really good possibility right now. Just tell your mom the truth. Anika is in the top of her class, studying to be an attorney, and she’s black. Your mom is one of the best neurosurgeons in the world and she’s black. She’ll probably see something in Anika that she saw in herself.”

  “Basically, the fact that Anika is a strong, independent, black, intelligent female could be in my favor?”

  “Yep,”

  “As borderline racist as that is… you’re right.”

  “Also stop overthinking shit. Especially when you get in that room. Don’t overthink it.”

  I appreciate what Hugo says but easier said than done.

  I go into my room and see Anika looking through my artifacts. She looks back at me, smiling. “You’ve been all over.”

  “Yeah,” I stuff my hands in my pockets as she faces me. “I love to travel.”

  “I hope to travel one day. My sister says she’ll take us someday. She travels a lot.”

  “You have a sister?”

  She pauses and gives me a funny look. “Um… yeah. We rarely keep in touch.”

  She seems uncomfortable about it so I move along. “So, do you have a particular place you would like to visit?”

  “No,” she shakes her head staring at—oh God. It’s my Scooby Doo stuffed animal. I love Scooby Doo. She probably thinks I’m a child. “I love Scooby Doo.” She smiles at me and again my nerves are cleared. How does she do that? She makes me nervous and yet not nervous at the same time. Never knew that was possible.

  “So, you can sleep in the bed and I can take the floor or the couch if you’re comfortable.”

  She looks at me, confused.

  “Or,” I nervously laugh. “Or I could just have our driver take you home.”

  She laughs. “Are you serious right now?”

  “Yeah, I should’ve not… I mean, shouldn’t of assumed that you would be spending the night. I’m so sorry.”

  “No, Cody.” She arches her brow. “I am spending the night. I just don’t understand why you would suggest you sleeping… well, not sleeping next to me… in your bed.”

  My mouths drop and I pick it right back up. “Uh-Uh-Uh… well.”

  “Breathe, Cody.”

  “I…” I am such an idiot for this. “Anika, look, my whole life I was known as the dork, the geek and I blame God for it because I think he wanted me to be humble by delaying my hair growth and muscle definition and I am thankful for the person I am, but still I always felt he could have gave me something. Shit, to all my cousins I was known as the awkward black kid. That scars you for life in the African American family, okay? I’m talking too much. I just want… I’ve…” She’s staring at me waiting with her eyes wide and I might as well tell her because I’m sure the stuff I’ve already said has turned her off. “I’ve never had sex before.” I say it slowly and my heart stops in anticipation.

  I wait and I wait and… she laughs—giggles in fact—in this sexy cool way.

  She doesn’t say anything. She just takes off her shirt. No really, she is taking off her shirt. She has a black with pink lace bra on. I drop the bottle of water I have in my hand.

  “Cody,” I think she says my name. “Cody.”

  “Yeah,” I respond quickly, forcing my eyes from her bra to her face.

  “Shut the door.”

  “Yes, mam,” I say and willingly and gleefully shut the door.

  JULIET

  I wait too long for Hugo to come to his room. When he finally does, he is very pleased to find me standing in the middle of his room, naked. “I did promise you a reward,” I tell him.

  “You did.” He smiles and steps closer.

  Suddenly, his smile turns into a slight frown.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, scared I am doing something wrong.

  He licks his lips and sighs. “Sometimes, staring at you hurts.”

  “That’s not really what a girl wants to hear when she’s standing in front of you naked.”

  “Nobody has ever caused my heart to ache in such a wonderful yet painful way… but you do.”

  “Take off your clothes,” I say softly. My heart quickens as he unbuttons his shirt.

  “Everything you do is calm and cool,” I say as he takes off his shorts along with his underwear. I stare him up and down slowly before continuing. “Those were the words that came to mind when I first saw you. Along with beautiful.” I shrug. “Cool, calm, and beautiful. I knew you were amazing before you did. So did Scarlett. That
is what we have in common.” I step closer to him. “But she will never love you like I do. I love everything about you. I can’t wait to experience so many adventures with you. I make your heart ache. You set mine on fire.”

  “What’s the difference?” he asks smirking.

  “Hell if I know.” I gaze down to his lips. “Is it possible to love someone more than any other person on earth who loves someone?”

  “I think you and I are on the path to building up that evidence.”

  He can’t take it much longer and neither can I. Even though in a hurry for him to be inside me, I can’t help but appreciate the longer moment of us just standing there in the middle of his room, naked—not only our bodies, but our souls.

  He lays me down on his bed and makes sure to grab a condom this time. When he rips it open with his teeth, well that is enough to make me come right there. Who does that? Who just rips the condom open with their teeth so coolly like that? Hugo… and the men in films and television. He turns me over on my stomach and hooks his fingers through mine and lays his head on my shoulder. I can feel his breath on my ear and the whispers of my name and all the dirty things he wants to do to me is stimulating. He enters me from behind and slowly he moves inside me. Everything starts slow and it just makes it more intense. He knows what to do. Of course. But it doesn’t matter how he knows; I am just grateful that he does. I love this man and the feeling of him inside me would be forever the best feeling in the world to me. Well, until I suffer a stroke at seventy and need to be in a wheelchair. But maybe if I’m lucky… Hugo would be there, helping me through it. I see a future with Hugo and the way he looks at me, the way he kisses me, the way he pours his heart to me, and the way he makes love to me is the evidence of that possibility because he feels the same. I moan as he pushes deeper and I push back. My eyes widen as I push back harder and he whispers, “Oh God.”