Lily’s War

by June Francis

  About six in the evening Matt phoned and it seemed to Lily that he did not care if he saw her or not when he said he hoped to get a good night’s sleep for a change because he was not fire-watching that night. She felt undesirable and unwanted.

  Dora, seeing her flushed face, suggested she had a bath and maybe an early night. Not accustomed to being fussed over by her aunt, Lily was touched by her solicitude and did as she suggested. She enjoyed a long soak with the new Woman magazine and was just rubbing her hair dry when she heard the sound of a vehicle drawing up. Her heart quickened its beat. Perhaps Matt had found transport and had come to spend the night with her?

  She donned the satin dressing gown he had given her for Christmas and hurried downstairs. Then she stopped abruptly, her heart bumping heavily. In the hall stood two men in RAF uniform. One was a stranger but the other she knew. He was Rob Fraser.

  Chapter Fourteen

  ‘Lily!’ Rob bounded up the stairs.

  She gazed into his face and thought, he looks just as young as ever and as attractive, whereas the war is ageing Matt and me before our time. ‘Hello, Rob.’ Her voice was quietly controlled. ‘I never thought to see you here.’

  ‘I always hoped I’d see you again,’ he murmured. ‘That’s why I volunteered and came up here.’

  ‘That was a daft thing to do!’ She flushed. ‘It was all a misunderstanding … Matt was in New Guinea. We’re back together and I’m having his baby.’

  He stared at her for what seemed a long time and his eyes were the hard blue of sapphires. ‘Men get killed in wars. Perhaps Matt will?’

  Lily could barely believe he had said such a thing but before she could comment. Vera, who had entered with the two men, called, ‘Do you two know each other?’

  ‘Sure do,’ said Rob, switching on a smile. ‘Small world, isn’t it?’ He clomped downstairs.

  ‘We met briefly when I was in Australia,’ said Lily, as she followed slowly in Rob’s wake. She smiled at the other airman who was dark-haired and sallow-skinned. ‘I presume you’ve come to collect Andy and you’ve got to rush off with him?’

  ‘Not particularly, have we, mate?’ Rob’s eyes flashed a message to the other man. ‘There’s time for a cuppa if you’re offering.’

  ‘I wasn’t,’ said Lily, knowing it would not do to allow Rob into her life again.

  Vera stared at her in surprise. ‘But they’ve come so far, Lil. I thought—’

  She laughed lightly. ‘They haven’t just flown in from Australia! They’ve only come from Speke, over the way.’

  ‘Cruel, Lily, when I’ve got so much to tell you,’ said Rob reprovingly. ‘Abby turned up after you left. You remember her?’

  Her stomach lurched and for a moment she could not speak. Then anger superseded the fear of what he might say and she murmured, ‘Vera, perhaps I’m being a little unkind. Make the men a drink. I’m going to bed.’

  She began to climb the stairs, heard a door open and the murmur of voices before they were shut off and thought, thank God! She jumped when Rob said, ‘I’d still like to get to talk to Matt about other things besides Abby.’

  She stared at him, suddenly convinced there was a hint of a threat in those words. She wished she had told Matt about Rob but it was too late now. She felt the blood drain from her face, and seizing hold of the polished oak knob at the top of the stairs she clung to it and took several deep breaths before turning and staring down at him. ‘You’re determined to cause trouble, aren’t you?’

  ‘Sure am. Told you I wanted to knock his block off.’

  A tight smile pinched her mouth. ‘You’re out of luck! Matt isn’t here. I’ve evacuated from Liverpool because of the bombing and the baby.’

  He frowned. ‘So where is he?’

  ‘I’m not telling you.’

  He shook his head as if in disbelief. ‘Out of harm’s way, I bet. Then I might as well tell you what Abby had to say.’

  ‘No!’ she blurted out. ‘I don’t want to know.’

  His eyes glinted. ‘Coward! You don’t trust him, do you?’

  ‘You’re wrong.’ She closed her eyes briefly. ‘I’m tired. The doctor says I’ve got to rest. Another time, Rob.’

  ‘When?’ Lily shrugged and he added, ‘Next time I have some time off we could meet – go somewhere and talk. This place has a phone, doesn’t it?’

  ‘I don’t consider that a good idea.’

  A laugh burst from him. ‘Definitely not! But you’ll come? We could have fun, baby or not.’

  Lily could not believe he was still interested in her. She thought of Matt, who seemed to have little time for her these days, wrapped up as he was in dealing with other people’s problems. Rob was certainly flattering her and it would be nice to have a bit of masculine attention, so it was almost on the tip of her tongue to say yes. Instead common sense asserted itself and she shook her head and moved as swiftly as she could into the bedroom she shared with May, closing the door firmly behind her.

  As Lily climbed into bed she told herself it was the last she would see of him.

  With a little difficulty she lay on her side, pulling the covers over her head to shut out any noise from below, but sleep evaded her because she could not get Rob out of her mind. Was it true he had really come all this way hoping to see her? Or was it purely chance they had met again? Did she believe in chance? Matt didn’t. If it was not chance what part had Rob to play in their lives? With a sinking heart she thought of her husband and Abby. She did not believe Matt had seduced the girl, so why had she stopped Rob from speaking?

  She turned on her back and stared up at the ceiling with its fancy scroll-like cornices and considered how she should have mentioned Rob and Abby to Matt instead of worrying about it complicating matters between them. What if Rob had not come hoping just to see her but to get revenge on Matt? If he had he had to have a strong reason to do so, and the only reason she could think of was that he had found out something more about his sister and Matt. She felt confused and scared at the thought, but could only hope she was wrong and it was chance that Rob had turned up here so unexpectedly. Even so, in case he tried to get in touch with Matt, she had better tell her husband what part Rob had played in her time in Australia as soon as she could.

  When Lily arrived at the dairy the following day it was to find the lodger in the kitchen, frying sausages. Matt was nowhere to be seen and she was hurt and angry that he was not there to greet her. Why couldn’t he be here when she wanted him?

  ‘Hi, kid!’ The woman’s face was the colour of parchment and her eyes dark-ringed circles. ‘You OK?’

  Lily felt like biting her head off and saying, ‘What the hell are you doing taking over my kitchen?’ but she remembered in time that the woman’s ten-year-old daughter had been killed and her son, who was seriously injured, was in hospital. She felt ashamed of herself. ‘OK, thanks. Are you managing all right, Nora?’

  ‘Fine. I hope yer don’t mind me using yer stove?’ Her tone was anxious. ‘And I did a bit of washing and sold some milk.’

  Lily felt redundant but smiled. ‘You’re welcome.’

  Nora flicked the sausages on to a plate and said awkwardly, ‘Yer man said he’d be in dinner time so I thought I’d cook him something. Always on the go, he is. I don’t know how he keeps up.’

  ‘On a wing and a prayer, I think,’ said Lily drily, putting on the kettle.

  At that moment there was the sound of a door opening and Matt entered. His face was drawn but his eyes lit up as Lily moved towards him. She realised she couldn’t talk now about Abby and Rob. The timing was all wrong. She pushed Matt gently back into the lobby and closed the door. ‘All quiet on the Western Front last night?’

  ‘Yes, thank God! You could have stayed.’

  ‘Perhaps I will tonight.’ She kissed him. ‘You look whacked. I’ve brought one of our May’s home-made loaves for you to sample. With a couple of Nora’s sausages, it’ll put some meat on your ribs.’

  He smiled and hugged her.
‘There’s nothing wrong with me that the sight of you can’t cure.’ His lips touched hers and any misgivings she might have had faded. Why spoil things? No need to mention Abby ever. Rob was just being his normal overriding self and calling her bluff. No man would fancy her in her condition. He was having her on and would probably never get in touch with her again.

  ‘G’day, could you spare a pint of milk for a thirsty Aussie?’

  Lily turned awkwardly, a bucket of bran in her hand, and was immediately angry. Men! They were always where you didn’t want them to be! ‘What are you doing here? I thought I told you—’

  ‘You know why I’m here.’ His voice cut ruthlessly through hers. ‘I want you to listen to me. I don’t want him having it all.’ He took the bucket from her. ‘You shouldn’t be carrying this in your condition.’

  ‘My condition’s got nothing to do with you,’ she retorted, placing her back against the sun-warmed wall of the shippon and hoping Vera would not choose this moment to come out.

  ‘That’s a pity. I think we’d have enjoyed making a baby together.’

  ‘You flatter yourself! Anyway, you shouldn’t be saying such things. Someone might hear you.’ She wished she had stayed in town but there had been a bad raid a couple of nights ago during which Lister Drive power station, up past Donkey’s Hill, had been hit. Matt had insisted on her leaving, just in case.

  He smiled. ‘So what if people hear us and believe there was something between us? It would be true.’

  ‘It would not be true,’ she said wearily, wishing he would go away. ‘You can be a charmer, Rob, but there’s no point in this conversation or my listening to you. I have a life here so please vamoose! Matt’s a good man! You should see the way he helps people.’

  ‘I’ve seen the way he helps people,’ he sneered. ‘Now my sister—’

  ‘No, Rob!’ She covered her ears but he dragged her hands away.

  ‘You’re going to listen to me.’

  At that moment Vera came out of the shippon. ‘Lily, where—’ She paused as she caught sight of them. ‘I didn’t know Rob had come to see you.’

  Her tone sounded suspicious to Lily and she felt sick as she pushed his hands away. ‘I felt faint. You know how it is when you’re having a baby.’

  ‘I wish I did,’ said Vera shyly, her expression changing.

  ‘I’d give anything to be having Ben’s baby. It’s nice to see you again, Rob.’

  He flashed her his most attractive smile. ‘I’ve just dropped in with Andy. He wanted to say thanks again and I was just looking around. We have a place back home, although it’s a bit bigger than this.’

  ‘A bit!’ Lily bit back a sharp laugh. ‘It’s enormous!’

  ‘You’ve seen it?’ asked Vera with obvious interest.

  ‘Yes,’ said Lily shortly, realising she would have to be careful where Vera was concerned. She turned to Rob. ‘If you’ve seen enough, maybe you’d like a cup of tea?’

  ‘Maybe I would.’ He smiled at Vera and saluted, placed the bucket of bran on the ground and taking Lily’s arm led her in the direction of the house. ‘Nice girl.’

  Lily shook off his hand. ‘She’s married to my brother so don’t go turning your eyes in her direction.’

  He stopped and stared at her reproachfully. ‘How could you say such things when I only have eyes for you.’

  She could not prevent a smile. ‘In my condition? Ha!’

  ‘I wish you weren’t in that condition because of him – that’s why I’d do anything to turn you against him.’

  ‘Even to telling fibs, I suppose?’

  He grinned. ‘What d’you think I am? They slept together and that’s the truth, but as soon as Abby discovered he was married she left him. Too ashamed to come home she found work in Broken Hill but eventually she had to come home to have the baby.’

  Shock waves rippled through Lily’s body and she stared at him. She had never thought of a baby. ‘I don’t believe it!’ she cried.

  ‘You don’t want to believe it. You want to go on believing he’s all those things he preaches.’

  ‘Yes,’ she said starkly. ‘And more. He makes me feel on different levels in a way nobody else can. I love him! Can’t you get that into your thick head?’

  There was silence and Rob seemed shocked rigid by her words. Across the garden and a couple of fields away in the fresh spring green of a clump of trees a cuckoo called as if mocking her.

  Rob eased his shoulders. ‘He got her pregnant in a way nobody else could have. Give me your body and I’ll save your soul – that was his promise.’

  The way he said it took Lily’s breath away. ‘You’re a pig,’ she said explosively. ‘He’s not that kind of preacher! I’ll call your bluff, Rob. I’ll tell him what you said. Tonight! This afternoon! No, now!’ She stormed away from him and went in search of William. When she found him she asked if there was any petrol in the Armstrong Siddeley and could she borrow the car?

  He eyed her dubiously. ‘Can you manage it, lass?’

  ‘You mean can I get behind the steering wheel?’ She made her tone light and amused to hide her pain.

  William chuckled, asked no more questions, and Lily drove off without another word to anyone.

  It was as she passed the church that she caught sight of Matt talking to a woman and fury surged through her. It did not matter that the woman was old enough to be his mother. It was enough that she was female and in his company. Matt’s women. The words settled in her mind. Nora. Vera. This one and Mrs Draper. And there were others who all thought he was lovely and kind, a good listener, always there for them. But not for her, she thought. They never seemed to have enough time to talk.

  She drew up alongside the kerb and called him. It was several seconds before he looked up and she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as he excused himself and came over.

  ‘What are you doing with your uncle’s car? Is it an emergency?’ Then in an alarmed voice: ‘You’re not about to have the baby, are you?’

  ‘And if I was, could you spare me the time?’ she demanded.

  His brows drew together. ‘What is this? Are you upset about something?’

  ‘Too damn’ right I am,’ she muttered. ‘Get in the car, Matt. I want to talk to you.’

  His eyes narrowed. ‘I don’t take kindly to my wife swearing or to giving me orders.’

  ‘Please, lord and master,’ she muttered. ‘But now is not the time to tell me that wives should be subject to their husbands! I need to talk to you and I want your full attention with no interruptions.’

  ‘You are in a mood.’ His expression was grim. ‘What’s got into you?’ He climbed into the car and she drove off immediately along Belmont Road, past the Lido picture house. Through the open window came a mouth-watering smell from Barker and Dobson’s sweet factory as they passed the top of Whitefield Road. Everton mints and chocolate dragees, she thought with part of her mind, wishing she had something to bite on. Where do I start asking about Abby? Do I creep up to it or plunge right in?

  ‘What’s on your mind, Lily?’

  She glanced at him. ‘Australia. You stayed on a sheep station near Bourke. There was a girl called Abby.’ She felt rather than saw him tense, heard the hiss of his indrawn breath and felt a chill of fear. Earlier her uppermost feeling had been anger with Rob, then jealousy and hurt when she had caught sight of Matt unexpectedly with the other woman.

  ‘It’s one of those airmen at the farm Ronnie mentioned, isn’t it?’ he said quietly.

  ‘Rob Fraser!’ she spat out his name.

  He surprised her by saying, ‘I quite liked Rob … never satisfied with the answers I gave him. Always had another question to ask. But I never thought he’d turn up here.’ He paused. ‘But of course, he’s not here by chance.’

  ‘I knew you’d say that,’ cried Lily, wishing she had not started this. ‘All part of God’s plan, I suppose?’

  ‘For my punishment.’

  ‘What?’ She had not really expec
ted that. For a moment she took her eyes off the road. He called a warning and she saw the crater just in time and turned the steering wheel frantically. The car swerved, missed the hole and narrowly avoided a cat, which shot through the doorway of a building with shattered windows on the other side of the road. She trod on the brake, the car skidded to a halt and she was flung against the steering wheel and all the breath seemed to be knocked out of her.

  ‘Lily, are you all right?’ Matt’s arm went round her shoulders but she shook it off.

  ‘Go on,’ she gasped in a trembling voice, lifting her head. ‘Why should God punish you?’

  ‘Never mind that now! What about you? You look ashen.’

  ‘Never mind … what I look like!’ She felt as if her whole world was suddenly crumbling and had to force the words out. ‘Why should … God punish you? What have you done?’

  He stared at her, his eyes a cloudy grey. ‘What did Rob say? What’s he accused me of?’

  ‘You ran off with his sister.’ She moistened her lips. ‘Made her pregnant. She left you when you told her you were married.’

  A muscle tightened in his neck. ‘And you believe him?’

  ‘I’m telling you what he said!’ She hammered her fist on the steering wheel. ‘I’d like you to deny it.’ Her voice was strained and she was feeling terribly sick.

  ‘You can’t believe it!’ The skin around his mouth and nose was white and taut. ‘I’ll admit I behaved stupidly. I should have realised what was going on but lots of women and girls come to talk to me, appear fascinated by what I have to say and the life I’ve led. I’ll admit to having been lonely and flattered when she hung on to my every word, but that’s all there was to it!’