Lily’s War

by June Francis

  ‘It’s all right, girl! They’re still there,’ said a gruff voice.

  She looked round at an elderly, grey-haired gentleman leaning on a stick. A flush darkened her cheeks but she smiled. ‘How did you know I was checking?’

  ‘Because us Liverpudlians think the same. While they fly high, there’ll always be life in the city.’

  She nodded. ‘I think you’re right. It would have been a morale crusher if Hitler had knocked them off their perch.’

  The old man chuckled deep in his throat. ‘But we saw those black eagles of his off. They won’t return now.’

  Lily murmured that she was sure he was right and said tarrah before catching the tram home.

  She had barely got through the kitchen door when May started up, a book slipping from her knee, and said in a voice that quivered, ‘You’ve had a visitor.’

  Lily stilled as their gazes caught. ‘Was it Rob?’

  May’s expression was stormy and she did not ask how Lily knew. ‘I wouldn’t let him in the house! I told him he was a slimy toad trying to ruin your and Matt’s marriage!’

  ‘I bet he didn’t like that.’

  Her sister’s eyes glinted. ‘You can say that again.’ She got to her feet, folding her arms across her chest. ‘Then he had the cheek to say he was surprised to hear me speak like that! That he’d always thought I liked him. I told him we all make mistakes and to get lost.’ Her eyes gazed unfocused across the room.

  ‘Did you tell him that Matt wasn’t here and about the baby?’ Lily had to ask the question three times before May’s gaze switched to her face.

  ‘What?’

  Lily repeated the question.

  ‘I told him Matt had probably joined the Australian Army as a chaplain but we didn’t know where he was because it was all hush-hush. I doubt we’ll see Rob here again.’

  Lily was not so sure but she kept her thoughts to herself and asked if Paul had been any trouble. May shook her head and asked whether she’d had a good time. Lily sat opposite her and began to tell her all about her outing.

  ‘It’s done you good,’ said May warmly. ‘I’m glad I thought of getting in touch with our Dais. But fancy you thinking Rob was there. He’s not exactly a tea dance man, would you say?’

  ‘Men can be full of surprises,’ said Lily drily, getting to her feet as she suddenly heard the lowing of a cow. ‘Did you do the second milking, by the way?’

  May put a hand to her mouth, seized an apron and fled down the yard. Lily checked Paul was all right, rid herself of her fine feathers, and followed her sister.

  Several weeks later Lily received a flimsy blue envelope. She squinted at the postmark but could not make it out. Her hands shook as she carefully opened it, not wanting to accidentally rip the paper. Relief flooded her as she caught sight of the words ‘God bless you, Matt’. Then her heart sank as she took in the lack of that word ‘love’. She flattened the single page out on the table, looked for a date but there was none – was that for security reasons also? She began to read.

  Dear Lily,

  I don’t know what to say. Your letter was so brief. I suppose I shouldn’t complain but I feel like a man starved. I couldn’t think what to write that first time beyond that single word SORRY. My feelings were all mixed up and I didn’t know what to say. I still had a lot of anger in me during the weeks after I left you. I kept wishing I’d strangled Rob Fraser instead of throwing him out of the house. So much for turning the other cheek and forgiving your brother seventy times seven. Primitive man still lives!

  As you can guess I have had time to think out here. Where’s here? If I told you the censors would cut it out, so suffice to say I’ve been here before and you worried in case I was gobbled up. My being here makes me believe that maybe those years we spent apart were for a purpose after all. I love you. Never forget that.

  God bless you,

  Matt

  She reread the words greedily, realising he must have only received her first letter because there was no mention of Paul. The words of love reassured her. There was the chance of a fresh start, of their being happy again if he returned safe from the war. If, if! Where was Matt’s war being fought? Her eyes scanned the words: ‘I’ve been here before and you worried in case I was gobbled up.’

  ‘New Guinea!’ she said aloud, and that gut-gripping fear which she had experienced during the blitz seized hold of her and she could not think straight for a moment. Then from the recesses of her mind she recalled reading in the newspaper of American bombers destroying over a hundred Japanese planes on airfields on the island. At least the Aussies were not alone and Matt knew the terrain.

  She felt more hopeful. The tide of war was turning. Italy had surrendered and had declared war on Germany. Daisy’s airman boyfriend, who had been drafted south, had flown bombing ops over Berlin, and Daisy was convinced the Battle of the Atlantic was being won. Due, she said proudly, to the work of Western Approaches Command in Liverpool and Captain Johnny Walker who operated out of Gladstone Dock, Bootle, with his flotilla of ‘chicks’, as he called the sloops, named after birds, under his command. He was relentless in his search for U-boats, said Daisy. There was also talk of an army gathering for the invasion of Western Europe but most believed that would not happen until spring. The beginning of the end was in sight.

  Lily read Matt’s letter once more and was reminded of Rob’s visit. Why had he come? Couldn’t he let things go? Knowing him as she did, she guessed he would have hated Matt getting the upper hand. Hopefully, though, he would take May’s words to heart and stay out of their lives. Casting him out of her mind, she went in search of pen, ink and paper to write to Matt.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  ‘Lil, are you coming?’ Daisy’s impatient tones echoed upstairs. ‘This son of yours is getting out of hand.’

  ‘Coming!’ she called, taking some money out of the cocoa tin under the bed, some of which she had taken out of Martin’s bank. She thought of Matt now and sent up a prayer, trying not to worry. The Allies might be making big advances out East and in Europe, but she had no idea where Matt was since the declaration that victory was certain in New Guinea. Men could be blown apart or knived up to the last minute in a war or die of tropical diseases far from medical help. She would not be able to relax completely until he came home, but in the meantime she wanted to carry on with her life as peacefully as possible. Daisy had a day off and May had arranged some free time so they could go into town together. The singer Vera Lynn, whose grandmother came from Bootle, was said to be visiting the VI exhibition at T. J. Hughes and they were hoping to catch sight of the ‘Forces’ Sweetheart’.

  She heard the kitchen door open and May speaking, then the sound of Daisy’s sharp tones. She hoped the next few hours were not going to be difficult with the pair of them bickering. Daisy had been moody since her hero Captain Johnny Walker had died in the naval hospital last year from overwork, but she had been far worse since her RAF boyfriend had been shot down over Germany a month ago. For weeks her face had worn a blank expression as if she could not believe what had happened, but that had passed and anger with anything and everybody had followed.

  Lily hurried downstairs to find Paul, who would be two in a month or so, paddling with his hands in the coal dust at the bottom of the scuttle while her sisters sat staring sullenly at each other. She leaned over and grabbed him by the wrists, holding him at a distance. ‘What are the pair of you thinking of, letting him do this? We’ll never get to see Vera Lynn the way things are going!’

  ‘It’s not my fault you weren’t ready.’ Daisy shrugged and fiddled with the strap of her shoulder bag. ‘Anyway, who cares about seeing her?’ She swung her leg back and forth. ‘Her with her songs about love ever after and stupid bluebirds! You don’t get bluebirds over cliffs, only seagulls screeching.’

  ‘Never mind the bluebirds,’ snapped May. ‘Tell our Lily what you’ve just screeched at me!’

  Crimson flooded Daisy’s face. ‘I shouldn’t have told yo
u! But you made me lose my temper going on about Aunt Dora and Dermot living in Ireland like two elderly lovebirds. There’s no happy ever after in this world!’

  ‘What is all this?’ demanded Lily, wondering if it was going to be one of those days. She manoeuvred her son over to the sink, trying to keep his hands from touching her clothes. She stared at Daisy waiting for her to say something, saw her swallow as if it was a struggle to get the words out.

  The shop door bell jangled. ‘Go and see who that is, May,’ said Lily, running water into a bowl and hoisting Paul up to the sink by his hands.

  Daisy said, ‘I’ll go. You tell her, May.’ With a mixture of relief and apprehension on her face, she shot out of the kitchen.

  May closed the door after her and leaned against it. ‘She’s having a baby.’ She barely paused before adding, ‘Doesn’t it seem utterly unfair? There’s Vera desperate to have one and our Daisy frantic because she is.’

  ‘Oh, my God!’ Lily nearly dropped Paul, who was balancing on her raised knee at the sink. ‘What are we going to do? We’ll have to help her!’

  ‘You mean help her get rid of it?’ said May, her forehead creased in thought as she reached for a towel and came over to the sink. ‘Jean McGuire once said you could do something with a knitting needle up—’

  ‘No! I didn’t mean that!’ Lily shuddered at the thought. ‘Besides, she mightn’t want to get rid of it if she loved the bloke. It’s all she’s got to remember him by.’

  ‘She said she didn’t love him – said nobody could replace her Ted.’

  Lily sighed. ‘Isn’t it strange the way people fall in love? Anyway, it’s going to be her decision.’

  May nodded. ‘I told her you’d be OK about it but she was worried sick about telling you.’

  ‘She was? Am I such an ogre?’ Lily screwed up her face in disbelief, then remembered how apprehensive she had been about telling Matt about Rob.

  At that moment the door opened but it was not Daisy who entered. The sisters stared at the man standing there.

  ‘Hello, Lil,’ said Rob. He gave May a brief nod. She flushed.

  As for Lily, she just managed to bite back a ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ because she realised in time just how wretched he looked. ‘What’s happened?’

  ‘One of my brothers has been killed,’ he said forlornly.

  She forced Daisy’s problem to the back of her mind and without thinking switched into role of carer. ‘Oh, I am sorry, Rob. Sit down. I presume it was your youngest brother? The one in the army.’

  He shook his head as he lowered himself into a chair. ‘It was Doug that told me about it. I could understand if it had been him, but it was my eldest brother.’

  ‘What happened?’ said May, moving closer to him.

  Rob blew out a long breath and clasped his hands between his knees. ‘There was a riot in a prisoner-of-war camp outside Cowra in New South Wales. The Japs attacked the guards. Most were killed or captured in the compound but some managed to escape.’ He sighed again. ‘They were eventually hunted down but not before one slit Gordon’s throat.’

  ‘How terrible,’ whispered Lily, feeling a catch at her heart. ‘Your poor mother!’

  Rob nodded. ‘It happened last August but it was played down for fear of reprisals from the Japs on our men in their camps. The family kept it from me and Doug, reckoning we had enough to cope with, but Doug was invalided home after being wounded in the Philippines and thought I should know.’

  ‘I really am sorry.’ Lily’s eyes were sympathetic. ‘I can guess how you feel. Matt and I saw enough of it here on the home front during the blitz. It seemed terribly wrong. Somehow much worse than if it had been on what we think of as a real battlefield.’

  He nodded and cleared his throat. ‘May told me he joined up.’

  ‘Yes. Last heard of in New Guinea,’ she said brightly.

  ‘That’s rough, but at least he’ll know his way about some.’ Rob smiled feebly. ‘I’d have been here straight away if I’d known. Although he warned me away, no messing!’

  ‘He meant it,’ she said quietly. ‘In one of his letters he spoke of strangling you. Why have you come back, Rob? Surely it wasn’t just to tell us about your brother?’

  His sombre eyes met hers. ‘I could say it was because Matt packs quite a punch and I’d like to get my own back, but it wouldn’t be true. I’ve changed. And besides, there’s this bloke here.’ Rob nodded in Paul’s direction. The child was staring at him from wide, heavily fringed blue eyes as he perched on Lily’s knee. ‘I guess it was because I was homesick and your family is the closest to one I’ve got here, despite everything that went wrong between us. Anyway, I needed a bit of feminine company – I don’t mean I wanted a woman,’ he added hastily. ‘I mean …’

  ‘You wanted a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on?’ She smiled, not quite believing him.

  ‘Men don’t cry,’ drawled May, her hand on the back of Rob’s chair. ‘He wants a hug.’

  He glanced over his shoulder at her, his eyes narrowing. ‘I take it you’re not offering after what you said to me last time?’

  ‘You said I was just a kid and didn’t understand.’

  ‘My mistake.’

  Lily stared at them and decided to change the subject. ‘What are you doing now, Rob? I thought you must have moved on with not seeing you.’

  ‘I’ve got a weekend off but I’m with Coastal Command. Our job’s drawing to an end.’ His eyes were still on May. ‘The war should be over soon.’

  Lily stood up, deciding it was time to get going. ‘I hope so. We were going into town. Perhaps you’d like to come with us?’ she said politely.

  He rose to his feet and gave a ghost of a smile. ‘You’re hoping I’ll say no.’

  Lily thought, he still possesses a dangerous charm. ‘You always did think you could read my mind,’ she said lightly.

  He pulled on his cap. ‘I’ll walk with you both to the tram stop.’

  ‘OK.’ She handed Paul over to May and remembered Daisy. ‘I wonder what’s happened to Daisy?’

  ‘You mean the woman who came out of here earlier?’ said Rob. They nodded. ‘She went out.’

  Figures, thought Lily, groaning inwardly. Would she be back soon or what? She’d give her five minutes to return and if she didn’t she’d leave without her. ‘You go ahead,’ she said to May and Rob. ‘I’ll catch you up.’

  They left and Lily stood a moment, her hand on the shop door, trying not to think about what Rob had said about the Japs, and worrying about Daisy. She waited ten minutes but there was no sign of her sister so she followed the other two.

  Lily never did get to see Vera Lynn. Rob pressurised them into having lunch with him at a Kardomah and after saying goodbye to him, they had to rush round the shops to be back in time for milking. May said that she would be going out that evening and did Lily mind? She wondered why she asked but did not think about it overmuch, instead pondering on how far gone Daisy was in her pregnancy and what her plans were. She had an idea what to do with the baby herself but so much depended on the rest of the family.

  Over the next few days Lily stayed close to the dairy, wishing Daisy would call, but there was no sign of her sister so she hoped to see her at the farm, as Vera had asked them all to Sunday lunch.

  ‘I think I’ll give the family a miss,’ said May on the Sunday morning as she smoothed glycerine over her hands. ‘I see them every day and I get tired of that journey. I’ll feed the lodger and take it easy.’

  ‘OK,’ said Lily, her mind on Daisy’s problem.

  When she arrived at the farm there was no sign of her sister.

  ‘Perhaps duty called at the last moment?’ said Ben, smiling as he balanced himself before hoisting a chuckling Paul up on to his shoulders.

  Lily shook her head. ‘I don’t think it’s that. May said she’s scared to face me, the stupid ninny!’

  ‘Why?’ asked Ben as they went inside the house.

  ‘Because she’s h
aving a baby and left our May to tell me!’

  He let out a low whistle. ‘That flying bloke, was it?’

  ‘It seems like it.’ She frowned. ‘I’m just praying she hasn’t done anything stupid. I’ve heard some of these backstreet women are sheer murder! I had thought that maybe if she agrees and you—’ She hesitated and glanced at Ben. It was not so easy speaking her thoughts when it actually came down to it.

  ‘You thought what?’

  She plunged straight in. ‘That she could have the baby and you and Vera could adopt it. You want children and—’

  He shook his head at her, his eyes smiling. ‘Vera’s having a baby. It’s just been confirmed.’

  ‘But I thought …’ Lily put a hand to her mouth and groaned.

  He laughed. ‘I can guess what you thought but it was just a matter of time and things getting working again. Sorry, Lil, you’ll have to let Daisy do her own sorting out. I know it’s difficult for you to get out of the habit of looking after us but we’re all grown up now. She’ll come up with something.’

  She nodded and reaching up, kissed him. ‘Congratulations. Let’s hope more things will go our way now.’

  He agreed and no more was said about Daisy.

  Lily arrived home to discover May was out again. After putting Paul to bed she felt lonely despite the presence of the lodger. She longed for Matt. He was the someone she wanted to talk to most about Daisy and May and life’s problems. He would listen and understand. From his letters he accepted her the way she was, loved her the way she was. You’re a carer, Lily, he had said, and you didn’t stop caring because circumstances changed. She had been jealous of that caring aspect of his nature in the past and of his commitment to God and others, but she accepted it now. It was what made him the man she had fallen in love with. It did not matter that he was not six feet tall, handsome as a Greek god, or physically fit as Tarzan. He was her man. All she needed was for the war to end and for him to come home.

  But the war lingered on, although the news was full of the German retreat across the Rhine and of more American successes against the Japanese.