“I don’t.”
“You went to his house. You ran to him—not your mother, not Adele, not Diane, but Katie’s ex-doctor.”
“You took her to our vacation home! You fucked her in my bed! You destroyed this family!” Tears gathered in her eyes. “I’m not going to feel guilty for something innocent.”
“Then don’t. I’m the bastard. I’m the man you wish you’d never met, so why don’t you just stay away from me? The kids will be home in half an hour, and then I’ll be gone, just like you asked. What do you want from me, Lina?”
“I don’t want you to be such an asshole to me,” she said, folding her arms across her chest. “You’re the one who did this to us.”
“You told me you don’t want to be my wife. You don’t get to dictate how this relationship progresses. I’m not going to be your friend. I plan to have as little contact with you as possible. So get the fuck out of here.”
Lina was staring out the kitchen window, wondering if she was in the midst of a nightmare or her husband was really leaving, when Logan and Katie came through the mudroom door.
“What are you doing home?” Logan asked. “I thought you were at the beach.”
“Dad made me spend the night at Aunt Jeanie and Uncle Mike’s like I’m a baby,” Katie complained. “Why can’t I choose where I spend the night?”
“Your mother and I need to talk to the two of you,” Phil interrupted as he came into the room. “Take a seat at the table.”
“What happened to your hand?” Logan asked. He crossed to Phil, his eyes on the brace.
“I broke it.”
“How?” He reached out to touch it.
“Just take a seat, Logan. Katie?” he called to her as she began to leave the room. “Please sit down.”
“Did you fall off your bike?” Logan asked.
“No. Katie?”
She frowned but followed his instructions, taking the chair beside Logan’s. “Did someone die?”
“No.” He pulled out a chair opposite theirs. “Lina?” He indicated with a nod of his head that he wanted her to sit, and then he was lowering himself into the chair beside her, staring down at his hands. “Your mother and I love you both very much,” he finally said, his eyes moving between Logan and Katie. “Nothing will ever change that. It’s important you know that.”
“You’re getting a divorce?” Katie asked.
“No they’re not!” Logan said, the color draining from his face.
“Let me talk,” Phil said. “Last February I began a relationship with a woman I worked with—an inappropriate relationship. I had an affair. It ended in May. It’s the biggest regret of my life, but I can’t undo it. The relationship resulted in a pregnancy.”
“You cheated on Mom?” Logan’s eyes were full of disbelief as he looked at Phil.
“Is she having your baby?” Katie asked.
“What?” Logan’s gaze swung from Katie to his father. “What is she talking about?”
“He just said the relationship resulted in a pregnancy. That means he got her pregnant.”
“I did,” Phil said. “And yes, she’s going to have it. Your mother, understandably, is having a hard time moving past it.”
“How could you do that to her?” Logan cried.
A tear slipped from Lina’s eye when she saw the devastation on Logan’s face. He looked crushed, like he had been told someone died.
“I made a mistake.”
Logan shook his head and began to get up. “I don’t want to hear any more.”
“I’m not done, Logan. I need you to sit,” Phil said, his voice remaining calm. “I know this is hard, but I need to finish.”
Logan dropped back into his chair, his eyes lowered.
“Your mother and I are separating,” he continued. “I’ve already packed, and I’m leaving as soon as we’re done here.”
“Are you getting a divorce?” Katie asked, her expression not giving away her feelings.
“For now it’s a separation, but regardless of what happens between me and your mother, you’re still my children, and you’re still the most important things in the world to me. I’m not divorcing you.”
“Can I go now?” Logan asked.
“Yes,” Phil said, and Logan fled the room.
“Are you going to be like a father to this baby? Is it going to call you Dad?” Katie looked more curious than upset.
“Yes. He’s innocent in all of this.”
“It’s a boy?”
Phil took a deep breath. “He hasn’t been born yet, but yes.”
“You don’t love him anymore?” Katie asked Lina.
“Of course I do,” Lina said. “I’m just having a hard time moving past what he did.”
Katie’s gaze shifted to Phil. “Grandma said men always cheat—that they’re not made for monogamy. I thought she was wrong because of you. I guess she was right.”
“That’s not true,” he said, his voice firm. “We’re not animals. I know plenty of men who have never cheated.”
She shrugged. “Where are you going to live?”
“With Wayne and Diane until I find something more permanent.”
He’d called Wayne and Diane. Their best friends knew. Lina felt a knot forming in her throat. This was real. There was no waking up from it.
“I guess we’re like everyone else,” Katie said before pushing back her chair and leaving the room.
Phil stood and headed towards the mudroom door, and Lina realized he was leaving. “What about Megan?”
He paused but didn’t turn to face her. “I’m driving out there tonight. I’ll make sure she’s okay before leaving her tomorrow.”
“You shouldn’t be going anywhere with your hand like that. You’re supposed to be resting and taking painkillers.”
“I’m not telling her over the phone.”
“I could go,” Lina said, but as the words left her lips she knew it was an empty offer. They both knew Megan would want to hear it from him.
31
The afternoon felt surreal as Lina tried to find normalcy without Phil. She did the things she always did, some gardening and then laundry, but it felt different knowing Phil wouldn’t be coming home. As she folded clothes from the dryer, she paused with a pair of his underwear in her hand and realized that she would never again see him wearing them as he stood in the bathroom brushing his teeth or sat on the edge of the bed setting his alarm. It struck her then that life without Phil couldn’t feel normal because being his wife was her normal.
She was in the basement in the process of cleaning out her second freezer when Alice joined her. “Did Katie call you?” Lina asked.
“She did.” Alice began to take the frozen packages Lina was pulling from the freezer. “How are you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you need a hug?”
“I think so,” she whispered before walking into her mother’s outstretched arms. “I’m lost, Mom. I have no idea who I am separate from him.”
Alice wrapped her in her arms. “That’s because you aren’t supposed to be separate from him.”
“You’re not helping. Can’t you just be my mom and not an astrologer?”
“The two are the same, and I’m trying to save you unnecessary pain. He’s your cosmic soulmate. You can’t escape the laws of the universe. You won’t be able to find happiness without him.”
“Well I can’t find happiness with him either, so I guess I just won’t be happy.” She again began pulling packages from the freezer.
“Is there someone else?”
“What?” Lina spun around. “Of course not! What are you talking about?”
Alice raised her eyebrows. “Adele told me Dr. Drayton has feelings for you, and I’ve looked at your chart. I told you, you need to be on guard.”
“You’re unbelievable, and she’s unbelievable for breaking my confidence!” She began yanking out packages of frozen meat. “He’s the one that cheated. Not—” She stopped midsentence,
her eyes focusing on the frost-covered Bible she’d just pulled from the freezer. “What is this doing here?”
“Why did you put that in the freezer?” Alice asked.
“I didn’t.” Lina removed an envelope from between the pages and, as she unsealed it, remembered Katie borrowing it earlier in the summer. “Oh no,” she said as she watched some hair float to the ground. She unfolded a sheet of paper and saw a triangle enclosing the names “Katie” and “Matt.” An image of the boy with the tattoos flashed through her mind.
“Oh, she must have done a spell,” Alice said as she took the sheet of paper.
“That’s exactly what she did,” Lina said. “And it’s not okay. We don’t allow this type of thing in our house.”
“She’s just having a little fun,” Alice said. “You don’t actually believe in it, do you?”
“Of course not, but Katie probably does. What are you doing?” she asked as Alice bent down.
“I’m picking up the hair, so we don’t ruin her spell.”
“This is crazy. I’m not putting the Bible back in the freezer.”
“Do you really want to be responsible for the spell not working?” Alice asked.
“It’s not going to work,” Lina said.
“Well, then there’s nothing to worry about, is there?” She took the Bible from Lina and put the envelope back in place. “Trust me, Lina, if it doesn’t work out with this boy, you don’t want her to think it’s your fault.”
Adele arrived in the late afternoon. As Katie, who appeared outwardly unfazed by her father’s departure, assisted Alice with dinner preparations, Lina checked on Logan, who hadn’t budged from his gaming console since Phil left. Then she joined her sister for a glass of wine in the family room.
“You need a lawyer,” Adele said.
“He’s been gone less than six hours.”
“The sooner the better. As time goes on he’s going to get less generous. You want to keep this house, don’t you? And first thing Monday, you need to open a bank account in your name and transfer twenty-five thousand into it. That way—”
“I’m not doing anything,” Lina said, her face heating. “He would never hurt me like that.”
“Yeah, and he wouldn’t take his mistress to your home in Steamboat, would he?”
“He took her to Steamboat?” Logan asked.
“Logan,” Lina whispered, looking up at him as he stepped farther into the room.
“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Adele said. “I didn’t know you were standing there.”
“Did he? Take her to Steamboat?”
“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” Lina said.
“I hate him.”
“No, you don’t.” Lina shook her head. “You don’t hate your father.”
“Yeah, I do.” As he stood before her with his chin tilted up and his jaw clenched, she knew her innocent boy was gone.
It wasn’t that Lina was afraid of the dark, but since the horrific night when she was sixteen, she’d never felt as safe when the sun went down. So when she entered her bedroom at a few minutes past 11:30 p.m., she was already mentally prepared for the fear she felt at being alone. What she wasn’t prepared for was the ache in her heart when she looked into Phil’s wardrobe. About a third of his clothes were gone. She leaned in, intending to close the door, but found herself stepping into his closet and wandering around, running her fingers over his suits, her eyes scanning the half-empty shelves. She could still smell him, his scent permeating the air. She lifted one of his sweatshirts and brought it to her face, breathing him in as tears clouded her vision.
She wanted her Phil back. Not the one who’d had an affair, but the one who would never have betrayed her.
She lowered herself onto her bed and cried into his shirt, releasing the tears she’d been holding all day. Thirty minutes passed before the tears abated, but as soon as she entered the bathroom she was once again overcome when she saw his empty side of the sink. It was as if he had never been there. She wanted to call him and tell him to come home, but visions of him and Kim came into her mind. She didn’t feel like she could be with him or without him. Her eyes traveled to the teenage picture of them on her nightstand. She wanted to turn back the clock and bring that boy back.
When the tears finally stopped, she reached for her phone and called his cell. He didn’t answer, but moments later she received a text.
I’m with Megan, it read. I can’t talk.
How is she? she texted back.
Sad.
Could I talk to her? Would you have her call me?
It’s midnight, Lina. We’re in my suite watching a movie and she’s barely awake. I’ll have her call you tomorrow.
Okay. Tell her I love her.
Lina was wondering if it was too late to call Nick when her phone chimed with a text from him. Everything okay?
She called him, gripping the phone as his voice came over the line. “Hard day,” she whispered.
“I know,” he said. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“I wish.” She closed her eyes and tried to picture him. “I hate the night. I usually take something to help me sleep when Phil travels, but I don’t want to have to take them permanently.”
“Taking something temporarily, until you’re feeling a little better, is probably a good idea.”
“Or you could come over. I’d rather have you than a pill.”
He chuckled softly. “I’d love to be your pill, but I think it wouldn’t be the wisest decision with Logan and Katie in the house. I assume they’re with you?”
“Yes. Logan is so angry at Phil. In an instant, he went from my smiling boy to an angry teenager. I don’t know what to do for him.”
“Be there. Encourage him to talk. Communication is critical for him right now. How is Katie?”
“Fine—she took it in stride. I’m not even sure she cares.”
“She cares. Don’t let her fool you.”
“Would you stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep?” She knew she sounded needy, but she couldn’t bear the thought of being alone with her thoughts. “I’m taking one of my pills, so it shouldn’t be too long.”
“I’ll stay on the phone with you as long as you like. And if you have a dream and you need to talk, you can call me. I’ll turn my ringer up and have my phone right next to my bed.”
She felt herself relaxing in response to the timbre of his voice. “What would I do without you?”
“That’s something you don’t have to ponder. I’m here.”
32
Lina awoke with her cell phone pressed into the side of her cheek. As her eyes traveled around her room, she felt a dull ache in her chest and briefly closed her eyes. Phil was gone, and he wasn’t coming back.
The house was quiet when she went downstairs; both Katie and Logan were still asleep. She looked at the clock, debating whether or not to wake them for church. For Logan’s sake, she decided it was a good idea, not wanting to completely turn his life upside down, and an hour and a half later she found herself standing between her children, listening to the priest talk about the importance of forgiveness.
Katie was looking down at her cell phone, and Logan was staring straight ahead at the priest. Without his usual smile, he looked older than fourteen, more like a man than a boy. Lina slipped her arm around his waist and leaned her head against his shoulder in an attempt to assure him everything was going to be okay and was surprised when, instead of pushing her away as she feared, he put his arm around her. As he hugged her to his side she felt choked up for a moment realizing he was trying to comfort her.
Katie read and then reread the text she’d received from Emma. Matt had broken up with his girlfriend. Are you sure? she texted back. I mean how do you know it isn’t just a rumor?
It’s not a rumor. He told me himself.
Katie immediately called Emma. “You saw him? Why didn’t you tell me you were going to see him?”
“I didn’t know. My dad stopped by the l
umberyard on the way home from church, and he was there.”
“And he just told you? What did you say to him first?”
“I don’t know, we were just talking. But he asked about you. I told him about your parents—I hope that’s cool. I mean, it’s kind of a big deal.”
“It’s totally cool.”
“He seemed into you. Like, asking what you’ve been up to and stuff. I gave him your number and told him he should call you. But even if he doesn’t, Ryan’s going to be home for fall break next weekend, and Matt said he’d come by, so you’ll definitely see him.”
Katie spent most of the day writing a research paper, but her phone was never far from her side. When it rang at a few minutes past 7:00 p.m., throwing her stomach into a nervous flutter, she felt a flash of annoyance when she saw “Dad” on the display. She didn’t want to talk to him. He’d been gone all of one day, and it was the second time he’d called.
She begrudgingly answered and, like she’d been the evening before, was asked how she was doing, what she had done that day and what she was currently doing. “I’m working on a paper,” she said, hoping it would get him off the phone.
“Anything interesting?”
“Not unless you’re into eastern civilization in the fifteenth century. I should probably go now. I have other homework too.”
“How’s your brother doing?”
“I don’t know. Fine, I guess. He’s been playing video games for two days straight.” She closed her eyes as soon as the words left her mouth, wishing she could recall them. “I mean, not like all the time, but—”
“Put him on the phone.”
“What?” She didn’t want to give Logan her phone. What if Matt called? “Why don’t you just call his cell phone?”
“Because he’s not answering.”
“I’ll tell him to call you.”
“Put him on the phone, Katie,” he said in what she knew was his serious, don’t-argue-with-me voice.
She stomped out of her room and into the rec room, where Logan was sitting in front of the television wearing headphones, his hands clasping a controller, his body jerking from side to side as he stared intently into the television display. “It’s Dad,” she said, holding out her phone.
A White Picket Fence Page 20
