“Katie?”
“What?” Katie opened her eyes wider.
“I need to know where you’re going and with who.”
Katie rolled her eyes. “Not that’s it’s any of your business, but I have a date.”
“It is my business. And before you go out on a date I need to meet the boy.”
“How do you know it’s not a girl? Maybe I’m gay.”
Lina raised her eyebrows. “What time should I expect him or her?”
“At eight. Please don’t embarrass me.”
“I wasn’t planning to.” Lina began to leave but paused at the door. “They are welcome to join us for dinner. It’ll be ready in a few minutes, but I can hold it half an hour.”
“No.” Katie spun around. “Do you know how weird that would be?”
“No. I don’t think it would be weird at all. They do eat, right?”
“He’s not eating with us, and don’t ask him any questions. Don’t talk to him at all.”
“I’m going to ask him questions. I’m not letting you leave this house with a stranger.”
“He isn’t a stranger to me,” Katie fumed. “You’re as annoying as Dad. Why are you trying to act like him?”
“I’m acting like a parent,” Lina said, realizing as she said the words that, like with the dog issue, she had let Phil voice the unpopular decisions.
When he showed up in jeans, black biker boots, a tight black T-shirt and tattoos covering the visible skin of one of his arms, Lina’s first impression, or second, if the day in the pool counted, was that Matt was bad news. But with Nick’s words ringing in her ears, she ignored her apprehension and approached him while he was bent on one knee greeting Knight just inside the foyer.
“He likes you,” Katie said.
“I love dogs.” Matt came to his feet, continuing to scratch Knight’s head as his gaze shifted to Lina.
As soon as she met his soulful eyes, her reservations dissolved. His eyes were the same eyes that reflected back at her in the mirror when she was his age. The eyes Shiloh still wore. He had lived through trauma, and his vulnerability pulled at her heart.
“I’m Lina Hunter.”
“Matt.” The steadiness of his gaze as he returned her handshake surprised her. There was a strength there she hadn’t recognized at first. He seemed older than eighteen.
“Are you hungry, Matt? Logan is still eating. There’s plenty.”
“Mom!” Katie frowned at her.
Matt shifted his attention to Katie. “You don’t want me to eat?”
Katie’s voice gentled. “Are you hungry?”
“I could eat.”
“Okay.” Katie took his hand and led him to the kitchen.
Two things became apparent over the next fifteen minutes. Matt had been hungry—he ate two helpings of chicken parmesan—and he adored Katie. His entire demeanor softened whenever he interacted with her. For her part, Katie seemed equally infatuated, moving her chair directly beside his, their thighs pressing against each other as they talked softly while he ate.
He wasn’t unfriendly, talking to Logan occasionally and thanking Lina more than once for feeding him, but it was clear his focus was on Katie, and as soon as he finished eating, the two were standing.
“I don’t know what your plans are, but you’re welcome to hang out here,” Lina said. “You can order a movie. We won’t bother you.”
Matt looked down at Katie. “Up to you.”
It was after 1:00 a.m. when Lina followed Knight into her bedroom. She’d spent most of the evening in the family room with Logan, watching a movie and feeling riddled with guilt over her kiss with Nick, while Katie and Matt watched the television in the upstairs rec room. She’d checked on them twice, once when she delivered a bowl of popcorn and a second time when she pretended to be concerned about where Knight ran off to. On the second occasion, it was obvious from Katie’s swollen lips and Matt’s deep breathing that she had interrupted a make-out session, but to her great relief they were both fully clothed.
Lina rolled over in her bed, burying her face in her pillow. She’d dreamt she was having sex with Phil, and it felt so real her body was still in a heightened state of arousal. It was the first sexual dream she could recall having, and she’d had it the night after kissing Nick for the first time. It had to mean something. She closed her eyes and attempted to go back to sleep but couldn’t stop fantasizing about Phil, so she reached for her cell phone and pulled up the images from Kim. As anticipated, her desire for him was extinguished but not her confusion, and it was almost light out before she fell back to sleep.
A low whine and a cold nose ensured that Lina no longer stayed in bed past 9:00 a.m. “Okay, Knight, okay.”
She was in the front yard, bundled in one of the few sweatshirts Phil left behind, tossing Knight a ball, when Phil arrived. Anxiety filled her chest at the memory of her kiss with Nick. “What are you doing here? It’s barely nine.”
“I’m picking them up for church. They didn’t tell you?”
“No.” She reached out to take the ball from Knight’s mouth, but he trotted over to Phil, pushing the ball against his thigh.
To Knight’s obvious delight, Phil threw the ball three times farther than Lina could, and Knight charged after it. “You’re welcome to join us,” he said.
“No.”
“Why haven’t you looked at me since I arrived? What are you feeling so guilty about?” Phil asked.
“Nothing.” She began to perspire despite the chill in the air.
“Dad?” They turned to the door at the sound of Katie’s voice. “Can I just go to a later service? I—”
“No.”
“Why—”
“Don’t argue with me,” Phil said. “Get your brother and let’s go.” As soon as the door was closed, his attention returned to Lina. “I’ll have the separation agreement drawn up this week. Try to refrain from seeing him until it’s signed.”
“I’m not.”
“Don’t bother lying to me. The truth is all over your face.”
40
Lina set a manila folder on the table at the café where she was meeting Adele for lunch and sat down, her mind still reeling from her meeting with the divorce attorney. “A glass of Chardonnay,” she said as soon as a waitress appeared.
“I’ll have the same,” Adele said as she rushed up and pulled out a chair. “Well?” She looked expectantly at Lina. “What did she say?”
“She said in her twenty-five years of experience as a divorce attorney she’d never seen a more generous offer, and he either loves me beyond reason or he’s crazy. But regardless of why, that I should sign it immediately before he changes his mind.”
“Good,” Adele said, nodding. “I’m glad he did what was right.”
“He’s going to continue to pay the mortgage and take care of the maintenance on the house until Logan graduates from college, and then we’ll sell it or I can buy him out. He’s also giving me half of all our other assets, paying all school tuition, plus child support and alimony, until Logan graduates from college. She said if I wasn’t extravagant and hired the right financial planner, I wouldn’t require much additional income and could retire by sixty.”
“Wow.” Adele sat back in her chair. “I suppose I should stop calling him a bastard, but he’s giving you nothing more than what you deserve. He doesn’t want the kids to have to move, and that’s what would happen if he insisted on splitting the house now.”
“True. Thank you,” she said to the waitress before bringing her wine glass to her lips. “I’m literally shaking.”
“I can see that. Why?”
“I just—going to a lawyer and talking about severing all ties to Phil. It’s something I never considered.” She took another swallow of wine. “A year ago I wouldn’t have believed it possible.”
“Oh my God,” Adele said. “You’re a mess.”
“Just a little. He’s barely acknowledged me since he accused me of dating Nick, so I was ex
pecting him to not—I don’t know—not to be so generous. And that part’s a relief, but at the same time I’m sad. He was more than my husband. He was my friend, and that’s gone. I’ve lost my best friend.”
“You have me.”
“Thank God for that. I couldn’t survive without you.”
“And Phil will come back around. Once you’re divorced and you’ve moved on with your lives, he’ll become civil again.”
“It’s insane. He got another woman pregnant, and he’s upset with me for having a friendship with a man.”
“Friendship?” Adele paused with her wine glass at her lips. “Are you in the habit of tongue kissing all your friends?”
“Is that necessary?”
“Don’t bullshit me. He’s more than a friend.”
“I don’t know what he is. I haven’t even seen him since the day on the boat, and ever since that day I’ve been dreaming about Phil.”
“Sex dreams?”
“It’s like Phil is haunting me. Why am I dreaming of him? Why can’t it be Nick?”
“Maybe because you’ve never had sex with Nick.”
“I’ve never had Phil catch me after falling off the top of a mountain either, but I dreamt that too. And then we had sex on a snow drift. I woke up and my room was freezing because I had left the window open.”
“This is one for Mom. I have no clue what that means.”
With the separation agreement signed, Lina met Nick at a small French bistro in Baltimore. “This is nice.” She looked around the restaurant in an attempt to calm her nerves. “Do you—”
“Lina.” His hand covered hers. “What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “I just…” She paused and took a deep breath. “I feel guilty for, you know, last time.”
“Nothing happened.”
“That’s not how it feels to me.” She took another sip of her water. “God, I must come across as so unsophisticated.”
“No, but maybe loyal to a fault.”
“I know it doesn’t make sense, but it doesn’t change the reality of how I feel. I may as well have had sex with you for all the guilt I’m feeling.”
“May as well,” he agreed, but when she met his eyes she could tell he was teasing her. “It was too soon. I know better, but my impulse controls seem to disappear when I’m around you. I’m no better than an adolescent boy.” He ran his thumb over the back of her hand. “Forgive me.”
“It’s not like it’s just you. I wanted it as much as you did.”
“I very much doubt that,” he said, treating her to a full, heart-melting smile.
The arrival of the waiter saved her from responding, and she relaxed back into her seat as she listened to him discuss wine choices. “When will the guilt go away?” she asked as soon as the waiter left with his order. “I even feel guilty for being attracted to you.”
“It’s been less than a month. It will take some time before you’re ready, and until then, we’ll be friends—just like I originally said. No pressure—just friends.”
41
Thanksgiving was one of Lina’s favorite holidays, but as the day approached, the separation from Phil served to temper her normal enthusiasm. It was Phil’s family traditions that made the day special. They would start the day with a touch football game at Jeanie and Mike’s, followed by a recorded viewing of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, which would inevitably prompt groans of protest from the males in attendance who, nonetheless, sat down for the supposed torture year after year. Next they would watch football and snack on light appetizers before partaking in a traditional Thanksgiving feast that gave way to watching more football and finally, after the sun went down, a competitive family-against-family game of charades.
Although it broke her heart, Lina made the kids go to her in-laws’ without her, politely declining invitations from both Jeanie and her mother-in-law, feeling her attendance would make the day awkward for everyone else. She’d planned to spend the day with Alice and her sisters, which is what she told Logan when he was worried she’d be alone. But when the day arrived she couldn’t bring herself to do anything, afraid spending the day away from her children would be hard enough without adding a dose of Julian and Shiloh to the mix. So she feigned a headache, which actually materialized midafternoon, effectively alleviating any guilt, and spent the day in bed cuddling with Knight, watching football and feeling sorry for herself. As the game came to an end, she realized how much she associated watching football with Phil and how much she missed it.
A late-day shower did little to alleviate the sadness that had been consuming her all day, so after slipping into her most comfortable sweats, she poured herself a large glass of wine and curled up in the corner of the couch, hoping she could find something on the television to snap her out of her melancholy.
As she reached for the television remote, her eyes focused on a framed photograph of Phil and the kids taken at least ten years prior. Phil was sitting in the grass, laughing while a four- or five-year-old Logan clung to his neck, and Megan and Katie stood behind them, throwing leaves in the air. It had been taken the day before Thanksgiving. Lina remembered seeing them through the kitchen window as she stirred the filling for a pumpkin pie and grabbing the camera so she could catch the moment. It occurred to her then why people became depressed around the holidays—it was the memories of better times.
The chime from her cell phone pulled her from her reverie, and an instant later she was reading a text from Phil. Happy Thanksgiving. And then, before she had a chance to respond, Katie and Logan are on their way home. Megan wants to spend the night with me. Is that okay?
Happy Thanksgiving. Of course. She’d barely seen Megan since she arrived the afternoon before, but Lina wasn’t going to force her to come home. Lina’s eyes drifted back to the photo of Phil and the kids. Her throat constricted, and she hesitated with her fingers over her phone, considering for a moment pulling up the photo of him and Kim, but she couldn’t bring herself to, not on Thanksgiving.
Watching Christmas Vacation on Thanksgiving night was a relatively new tradition, but one Logan started, so as soon as he and Katie arrived, laden with leftovers from their feast, he demanded they watch it together.
“I can’t,” Katie said. “Matt is coming over.”
“Right now?” Lina looked at the clock. “It’s almost nine.”
“I haven’t seen him in three days, and he hasn’t had a real Thanksgiving meal because his grandma had to work.” Katie began opening the packages of leftovers.
“He can watch it with us,” Logan insisted before heading into the family room.
Matt arrived and, despite Katie’s protests, agreed to watch the movie with Logan and Lina. “I want to be part of one of your traditions,” Matt told Katie before following Lina into the family room with a plate overflowing with food.
“It’s not even a real tradition,” Katie grumbled, dropping down beside him on an oversized chair. “He started it like two years ago.”
“All traditions have to have a beginning,” Logan said. “One day the two of you will be telling your children that Uncle Logan started this one.”
“Shut up.” Katie tossed a pillow at him. “I would never torture my kids with this movie.”
“You mean our kids,” Matt said before shoveling a forkful of stuffing into his mouth.
Lina settled back on the couch beside Logan, considerably happier than an hour prior, but her gaze continued to return to the picture, and a mild undercurrent of sadness remained in her chest.
The sound of a leaf blower greeted Lina the following morning, and when she looked out her bedroom window she saw Phil in jeans, a sweatshirt and a dark beanie, blowing leaves into a pile in the front yard.
“Coffee or water?” she asked half an hour later after joining him outside.
“What?” He turned off the leaf blower.
“Coffee or water?” Lina held up an insulated coffee cup in one hand and glass of water
in the other.
“Thank you.” He took the water first and finished it in several long swallows, and then he was handing her back the glass and taking the coffee.
“When did the cast come off?”
“Wednesday. I’ll take my car back today.”
His face looked different, and she realized he had shaved his beard. “Are you sure it’s okay for you to be doing this? Maybe you should be resting it.”
“It’s fine. When you go back inside, would you wake up Logan for me and tell him to come out and help?”
“Have you eaten? I could—”
“I’ve eaten,” he interrupted. “Just tell Logan.”
“How was yesterday?” Lina asked when he began to turn away.
“Fine.”
“Fine? Really?” His coolness annoyed her.
“What do you want me to say?” Phil asked.
“The truth.”
“Why? Is that going to change anything? I think you know exactly how yesterday was, and I’m sure Christmas is going to be worse. Megan’s already talking about spending Christmas Eve with me and letting Logan and Katie stay with you. I don’t want them separated.”
“I’m surprised she hasn’t asked to move in with you completely.”
“She has.”
“Wow.” She dropped her eyes. “That didn’t take long.” His words stung.
“Their lives are in an uproar too.”
“I know.”
“I’m going to get back to work.”
“If you’re open to it, maybe we should consider a combined Christmas just for this year. You don’t have to answer now, but think about it.” She hadn’t planned to say the words, but as she did, she knew it was what she wanted. Thanksgiving had been too hard.
“Stop right there,” Lina called out the following afternoon as she descended the stairs and saw Matt stepping into the foyer with dirty boots. “Go back outside and come in through the basement.”
“I’m coming from work,” he said, looking down at his shoes.
A White Picket Fence Page 25
