“I don’t care where you’re coming from. You’re not going to track dirt through the house.” She took his arm and led him back outside. “Logan, go open the basement door for him.”
“Katie said I could shower here so I don’t have to go all the way home. I have practice tonight.”
“That’s fine. You can use the basement shower. Just go around back and Logan will let you in.” She closed the door and practically ran into Megan.
“Who was that?”
“Matt. He’s coming from work, and he’s covered in sawdust or something.”
“Who’s Matt?” Megan asked.
Lina hesitated. She’d completely forgotten Megan didn’t know about Matt. “Katie’s boyfriend.”
“Katie has a boyfriend? Since when?”
“At least a month ago,” Lina answered. It was odd that someone who had ingrained themselves into her heart and home was yet unknown to her oldest daughter. “He’s downstairs showering. You can meet him when he comes up.”
Megan scrunched up her face. “Why is he showering at our house? Does he live here?”
“No, of course not. He works ten minutes from us, but thirty from his own house, so he’s cleaning up here to save time.”
“Who is he? Does he go to McDonogh?”
“Matt’s here?” Katie asked, joining them.
“Yes, he’s downstairs showering. Katie?” Lina called out when Katie crossed to the door leading to the basement. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“To see him.”
“I just told you that he’s showering. You can wait until he comes up.”
Katie rolled her eyes but dropped her hand from the doorknob. “Oh, brother,” she mumbled.
“How come you didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend?” Megan asked.
“Why would I tell you?” Katie looked at Megan like she had two heads. “We don’t talk.”
Lina threw together a plate of leftovers and had just set it on the kitchen table when Matt, in jeans and a tight black T-shirt, his sleeve tattoo on full display, emerged from the basement. “Here, eat,” she said.
He hesitated. “I don’t think I have time.”
“You’re not leaving without eating,” Lina said. “Sit.”
He gave her one of his smiles, which until recently had been elusive. “If I lose my spot in the band, it’s your fault.”
“From what I hear, you’re way too talented for that.” Lina squeezed his shoulder. “I’ll get you some milk.” Like Logan, he seemed to drink milk by the gallon.
“I thought we had to leave by five,” Katie said as she came into the room.
“You’re going with him?” Lina asked.
“Yes.”
“To Baltimore? Why is this the first I’m hearing about it?”
“I’ll take care of her,” Matt said. “She’ll be with me the whole time. You don’t have to worry.”
As Lina met Matt’s eyes, her apprehension dissolved. “Okay, but no alcohol.”
“He doesn’t drink,” Katie said.
“No drugs. And if for some reason you forget all that—call me and I’ll pick you up, no questions asked.”
“I never drink or do drugs,” Matt said. “You never have to worry about that with me.”
The opening of the mudroom door preceded Logan’s appearance. “I want some,” he said as he focused on the plate in front of Matt.
“We’re having dinner in an hour,” Lina said. “They’re leaving, so I fed him early.”
“I’m starving,” Logan said, continuing to stare at Matt’s plate.
“Don’t even think about it,” Matt said, holding up his fork as if to defend his food.
Lina ran her hand down Logan’s back. “Sit down and I’ll make you a small plate.” Between Logan and Matt, she felt like she was always feeding someone.
Megan came into the room and, after meeting Matt, took Lina’s arm and led her into the dining room. “Is that the guy from the pool?” she whispered.
“Please, just stay out of it.”
42
Is Matt the boy I met at the pool this summer? Lina read the text as the front door closed, signaling Katie and Matt’s departure. “Megan?” She stepped into the family room, where Megan and Logan were watching TV. “You texted your father?”
“He would have wanted to know.”
Lina bit her bottom lip. As much as she wanted to chastise Megan, she knew doing so would risk alienating her completely. “I wish you would have discussed it with me first,” Lina said in the calmest voice she could muster.
“Why? Were you going to tell me not to tell him?”
“No, I—” She looked down as her cell phone began to ring. “Never mind,” she said, turning to leave the room. “Phil—”
“That kid just took a shower in our house?” Phil barked out.
“Calm down,” Lina whispered as she headed upstairs.
“Don’t tell me to calm down! I told you last summer what I thought about him!”
“If you don’t lower your voice, I’m hanging up.”
“You don’t have a right to make unilateral decisions. I’m still her father!”
Lina ended the call, continuing up the stairs and into her bedroom, her heart pounding in her chest. The phone began ringing again. She waited for four rings before she brought it to her ear. “If you yell, I’m hanging up.”
“Lina,” he began, his voice intense but low, “don’t hang up on me.”
“He’s a nice boy.”
“I met him. He’s not a nice boy.” His voice was clipped but controlled.
“He is. I’ve spent hours around him.”
“Hours? You’ve spent hours around him, and I’m just hearing about him today?”
“It’s not my fault she didn’t tell you. How would I know you didn’t know?”
There was a long pause. “Did you think I knew?” he asked, his voice losing its intensity. “Really?”
“No,” she admitted, her voice resigned. “I mean, I didn’t know for sure, but I figured you didn’t know.”
“She’s my daughter too. It should have been you or Katie, not Megan, telling me.”
“You’re right. I should have told you, but I was afraid you would react just the way you’re reacting. You’re condemning him based on the way he looks.”
“Give me a little more credit than that. I had a conversation with him, remember? I want what’s best for her. It’s as simple as that. And he isn’t it.”
“See? You’re not even willing to give him a chance.”
“He’s out of school, Lina. She should be dating boys her own age.”
“There’s just two years between them.”
He didn’t reply for so long she looked at the phone to see if the call had disconnected, but then he was speaking again. “I don’t want to fight with you about this,” he said, and she could hear the fatigue in his voice.
“I don’t want to fight with you, either. I just—I want you to give him a chance. I like him.”
“Fine.”
“Did you just say fine?
“Yes.”
“Mom?” Megan entered her bedroom as she ended the call with Phil. “Can we talk?”
“I’m not going to talk about Katie with—”
“No, about you and Dad,” she said as she came farther into the room.
“Sure.” Lina patted the spot beside her on the mattress.
“Why can’t you forgive him?” Megan asked.
“What? Honey, it’s complicated. Did he say something to you?”
“No,” Megan said. “But I’ve never seen him so sad. I know what he did was really bad, but he loves you so much. I don’t understand why you can’t just forgive him.”
“It’s not that easy,” Lina whispered. “I wish it was.”
“How can you love someone that long and just stop?”
“I haven’t stopped.” Lina looked away from Megan as she fought to keep her emotions in check.
&nb
sp; “If you love him, it’s crazy to stay apart. Think about us, Mom. I don’t want to have to go to two different houses every time I come home for break. It’s not fair. I don’t want to be from a broken family.”
In the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas, Lina’s weekends were normally filled with nonstop shopping and holiday parties, and while the shopping was the same as previous years, with less than a week before Christmas, Lina hadn’t attended a single party. Adele claimed it was because Lina wasn’t comfortable in her new status as a single woman, and that may have been partially true, but it was more that Lina wasn’t in a partying mood. It took enough energy to put on a happy face for her children, and she just wasn’t willing to do it for neighbors and casual friends, so she politely declined invitations from other couples in the neighborhood and passed the invitations from Phil’s colleagues to him.
“What do you mean you’re not coming?” Diane asked when they met at the mall for shopping. “You’re my best friend. You have to come to my Christmas party.”
“I’m not spending the evening with Phil and everyone from the law firm. I’m not up to it,” Lina said. She stopped to look at a black leather jacket.
“Come on. It will be good for you. A couple of glasses of wine and you’ll be fine.”
“No, I really can’t. I’m sorry.”
“I’m really starting to worry about you. You don’t socialize enough.”
“I socialize every day. I’m working, remember?” The truth was between her job, holiday shopping and taking care of the kids, Lina barely had any free time. Even her time with Nick was limited to only a dinner or two a week.
“Who are you shopping for? I can’t imagine Logan wearing that. It looks like a biker’s jacket.”
“I was thinking about Matt.” Lina’s attention returned to the jacket. “I’ve noticed his is looking a little worse for the wear.”
“So they’re still going strong?”
“Oh, yes.” Lina found the right size and lifted the jacket from the rack. “You know what the funny thing is? As a direct result of their relationship, my relationship with Katie is improving. Matt likes coming over to the house, so she spends more time at home. She’s no longer escaping to Emma’s every chance she gets. And she’s starting to talk to me again. She still likes to argue, but I think that’s just her. I told her the other day she should consider being a lawyer.”
“Has Phil met him yet?” Diane asked.
“No, but he’s not going to be put off much longer. I think he’s agreed to wait until after the holidays. I know Katie’s nervous about it, but I think it’s going to be fine.”
“What did you decide about Christmas? Are you splitting the time or—”
“He’s spending it with us,” Lina admitted. “He’s coming Christmas Eve and staying through Christmas Day.”
“Really?” A smile lit up Diane’s features.
“Don’t make a big deal about it.”
“But it is a big deal. He’s spending the night?”
“In the basement. It’s for the kids.”
“I’m sure it is,” Diane said, the smile remaining on her face. “I’ll stop by tomorrow with some mistletoe.”
“Ha. Ha.” Lina handed the jacket and her credit card to the cashier. “It was the only solution that made sense. Megan was insisting on spending Christmas Eve with Phil so he wouldn’t be alone, and Logan was upset with Megan. It was just the best solution.”
43
“Merry Christmas,” Nick said as he slid a gift across the table to Lina. It was three days before Christmas and they’d met in Baltimore for dinner.
“Did you wrap this yourself?” It was obviously a book, perfectly wrapped in holiday paper.
“I did.”
Lina smiled. “I’m impressed. Whenever Phil tries to wrap something it’s uneven and looks...” She trailed off. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“I have something for you too,” she said before handing him the Rumi book she’d bought him. “Hopefully you don’t have it yet.”
“No, I don’t,” he said after unwrapping it, his eyes traveling over the cover. “Thank you.”
She smiled when she peeled back the paper on her own gift to reveal a book of poetry by Walt Whitman. “Thank you. It looks like we’re on the same wavelength.”
“Indeed.”
“Oh, before I forget.” She reached into her bag and pulled out the copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance he’d let her borrow. It was the third book he’d given her in as many weeks. The first she’d studied and somewhat enjoyed. The second was similar to the first, only not as enjoyable because she found herself trying to think of clever things to tell him about it when she finished, which made it feel more like a school assignment. And the third, well, the third was her breaking point.
“I’m impressed,” Nick said, taking the book. “I thought it would take you longer.”
“Don’t be impressed,” Lina said. “I didn’t make it through the second chapter.” And she’d only made it that far because he said it was one of his favorite books and she thought it might get better. “Sorry, it just felt like too much work. I’m starting to think of you as my professor instead of my… my—”
“Friend,” he offered, smiling. “That’s okay. It’s not for everyone.”
“I know you like to talk about philosophy, but I’m really not that much of a reader. I mean, I love poetry and commercial fiction, but I’m not really into the philosophy books.” She wasn’t going to pretend to be an intellectual when she wasn’t. “Sorry.”
“Philosophy isn’t a prerequisite to our friendship,” Nick assured her.
“That’s a relief.”
“I hope everything goes smoothly for you on Christmas,” Nick said after walking her to her car.
“Do you think it’s odd that I’m letting him spend the night?”
“I don’t know.” His hands were pushed deep into the pockets of his coat. “Do you?”
“You sound like a psychiatrist.”
He rocked back on his heels. “Occupational hazard I suppose.”
“It’s a little odd, I think.” She drew in a breath. “Thanksgiving was awful though, and I just—I don’t want to go through that again.”
“I understand.”
Lina met his eyes. “Well, good night I guess.”
“Good night.” He leaned in, kissing her softly on the lips, releasing a flutter of butterflies in her tummy. “Merry Christmas.”
Lina was pulling a baking sheet full of cookies from the oven when Phil stepped out of the mudroom on Christmas Eve. “Smells good,” he said.
“Oh!” She brought her hand up to her chest as she spun around. “You scared me. I didn’t expect you so early.”
“Sorry.” He met her eyes.
“It’s fine.” She turned back to the cookies.
“Logan wanted me to help him put the train together.” He was behind her, one hand pressing into the small of her back as he reached around her with the other for a cookie. A tingling of awareness shot up her spine.
“He’s in the living room. He’s been working on it all day.” She tried to sound casual as she stood with her back to him, her pulse racing.
“It’s harder than it looks.” He bit into the cookie, moaned his approval and then was taking another before leaving the room.
Lina gripped the counter and took a deep breath. Her physical reaction to him shook her. It was the drought of physical contact, she rationalized. As much as her mind knew he had betrayed her and the separation was the right decision, her body clearly operated under a different set of principles.
Despite her shaky start, the day went surprisingly well—almost too well, considering at some points Lina had to remind herself that Phil no longer lived with them. Even Knight behaved like Phil was the rightful alpha of the house, obeying his commands more quickly than he ever responded to Lina or Logan.
After their traditional Christmas Eve dinne
r of tenderloin, mashed potatoes and asparagus, they attended a 10:00 p.m. church service. As Lina sat between Phil and Logan, her hand drifted to Phil’s thigh as it had a hundred other times over the years. It wasn’t until she felt the clenching of his thigh muscle that she realized what she had done, and she snatched her hand back.
“I’m starting a new tradition,” Logan announced as soon as they arrived home. “Every Christmas Eve, we’ll watch Elf!”
“It’s too late, Logan,” Lina said.
“No it’s not. I’ll find the disc,” he said as he jogged towards the family room.
Lina curled her feet up under her as her eyes traveled over the scene in her family room. Katie was stretched out under a blanket on the oversized chair she usually shared with Matt, Megan and Phil sat on the loveseat, and she was beside Logan on the couch. It seemed so normal. This was her family and yet it wasn’t, not anymore. Phil no longer lived with them. She took a sip of wine and brought her attention to the television, pushing away her negative thoughts. She wasn’t going to go down that road tonight, not on Christmas.
“Refill?” Phil asked thirty minutes later, before taking her almost-empty wine glass. When he returned, instead of resuming his place beside Megan, who was now asleep, he crossed to Katie.
“Dad, no!” Katie whined when he began to lower himself down beside her. “There’s no room.”
“Sure there is.”
“You’re so annoying.”
He lifted the blanket and resituated it over them before curving his arm around her shoulders. “When you were little, you told me you’d never leave me.”
“That was before I really knew you.”
He laughed aloud. “It’s Christmas. Be nice to me.”
Lina openly watched them. Katie was leaning into Phil’s side as she once again began watching the movie. They were healed, or well on their way. Six months earlier, Katie would never have stayed in the chair with him, but now she was curled against him.
“I’m not a fan of this movie,” Phil called out to Logan. “We should be watching It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story.”
“Boring,” Katie said. “This is the first tradition of Logan’s I like.”
A White Picket Fence Page 26
