I Found You

by Erica Marselas

  He’s only wearing a pair of gray sweatpants, the five-o’clock shadow he usually has is now heavy and in desperate need of a shave, and his blond, wavy hair falls over his closed eyes. He hasn’t noticed me as he finishes playing, and sets his guitar down behind him on the bed.

  “What song were you playing?” His head snaps to mine. He rises from the bed and walks over to me, but stops feet away. The heavy bags under his eyes match mine, and I resist the urge to jump into his arms, to tell him it’ll be okay.

  His glazed over blue irises stare at me, as if he’s waiting for me to disappear.

  “I thought I told you to get some rest.” I tilt my head and look at him, giving him a small smile.

  “I tried. I—” he trails off. “You’re here.”

  I giggle softly, “That, I am.”

  “I’m so sorry, baby,” he blurts out and inches closer to me.

  “I know.” I sigh. “I would have talked to you sooner, but you hurt me. The way you looked at me alone, was enough to slice me open. The words were just the final cut. It kills me you think I would— especially after knowing the information came from my mother.”

  He bows his head. “It wasn’t until I started saying them out loud that I was hearing how it all sounded. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but those papers…” he trails off.

  “They were realistic, but you knew they wanted us apart. They haven’t stopped once since we said ‘I do’ and I can’t help but wonder what you will think if some tabloid makes up some crazy story about me. Will you believe them, too, before me?”

  He shakes his head back and forth, his tired body caves, sitting heavily on the bed. “No. I won’t. I promise. I swear.” He looks up me, his eyes swimming with the tears he’s holding back, begging for me to believe him. “I’m so sorry. I don’t think I should get your forgiveness, but I love you, and I will do anything to make it up to you.”

  He looks like such a lost boy right now. I sit down next to him, wrap my arm around his back, and lay my head on his shoulder.

  “The words in that file taunted me. I went back and forth between not wanting to believe, to the word abortion screaming in my ear,” he whispers, and his body shakes under my arm. “Everything fit together, down to the dates. I think your confusion about what I was saying threw me too. I’m sorry. I should’ve stopped before I went after you.” He pauses, trying to steady his breathing. “Though, I think I figured out why I wanted a baby so bad. One of the Roadies, Big Frank.”

  I giggle. Leave it to me to giggle and find a joke in a serious ass moment. But it eases the tension in the room.

  Maybe that’s why we don’t fight much? Always cracking jokes. “Big Frank? Like a hot dog?”

  Cooper looks at me, with a small smile, shaking his head. “This is why I love you. Your ability to find the humor at the worst time,” he mumbles, “and no. He’s fifty-something, and not very big. You’ll see when you meet him.”

  “Sorry, continue.”

  “Anyways, he could tell something was wrong and I was tired of venting to Brody. I told him what happened and how I acted about wanting kids. He said he got it. He explained his wife had two miscarriages and all he wanted more afterward was a child. Like her, it was all he thought about. He wanted to fill the void. Wanting to have a child consumed my every thought. I wanted to have what we were missing.” His face drops in his hands and groans, “I thought I was fine. I thought you were fine. But now I know we never had that chance to heal. I should have seen something wasn’t right with how you were acting.” He turns his head in his hands and looks at me. “I’m sorry.”

  “I know.” My hands move into his hair, playing with the waves at the back of his head. “We held a lot in, so maybe our mothers did us a favor.”

  His head lifts up and eyes widen horrified. “Vi…” I press my fingers to his chapped lips, hushing him.

  “They made us see what we've been hiding. It was due to explode. I mean maybe not that way, but it had to happen. I should’ve told you about how I was feeling about getting pregnant again, but I didn’t know how. My fear always overpowered my rational thinking. Also, maybe I was hoping to have more time to wrap my mind around it before you asked. I’m sorry too, for not being more open to you about my feelings. But all we can do is move on. We still have things to talk about but for now, I think we both need to get some sleep.”

  “Are you staying?”

  “Yes,” I smile and touch his stubbly face. “I didn’t come all the way to sleep in the lobby.”

  “Julie and Alexa are here. I’m sure you could…”

  “Will you stop? We’re trying to make up, and I’m too tired to think about anything else right now.”

  “Sorry. Sleep sounds good, actually. I think I can do it if your here.” Before I can blink he’s wrapped his arms around my body and buries his head in the crook of my neck. I hear him inhale deeply with his nose pressed against my skin. “I love you…”

  “I love you too. There was never any question there. Now sleep. When we wake we can talk some more.”

  Cooper manages to untangle himself from my body and pulls back the covers. I lose my jeans, leaving me in an oversized t-shirt. His eyes roam up and down my body before I slip under the covers.

  Even though I’m still be peeved at him, I can’t help the way he ignites my skin with just a simple look.

  Not yet.

  Cooper pulls me into his arms, my back pressed against his stomach.

  “I’m so glad you're here. I’m going to make it up to you…” he murmurs softly, his voice laced with sleep. “I promise.”

  My eyes flutter open, and I’m met with Cooper's blues staring down at me. I had turned around in my sleep and I’m now nuzzled into his chest.

  “Please tell me you slept.” I yawn, stretching out my legs.

  “We slept about six hours. It’s almost two.”

  “Good.” I plant a kiss on his chest, my lips tingling at the taste of his skin. “We both needed it.”

  “I’m so glad you are here,” he tells me. “I had to pinch myself to make sure you were real. I should’ve never believed my mom. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking at the time...” I place my finger on his lips to hush him.

  “I know you're sorry. Listen, let’s just put this to the side for now. I don’t want to be upset or mad about this anymore. I really want to move on, and I know you regret what you said right away. Plus, if I see one more picture of you being pouty and depressed, well…” I wave my hand in the air. “I love you. That’s all that matters. And Brody might have also told me if we didn’t kiss and make up by tonight, he was going to kick both of our asses.” I giggle, and for the first time in weeks, I do feel it’s going to be okay. Being in his arms is where I belong, and this fight isn’t a deal breaker, so why keep picking at it.

  “God, I love you…” He slides his hand through my hair, gazing at me with so much admiration and love. Seeing the way he looks at me, I can feel my heart begin to stitch back together.

  “Can I kiss you?” he whispers, his lips inches away from mine.

  “Please…” I beg, desperate for his touch again.

  Cooper rolls on top of me and his lips press against mine. His tongue dances with mine. The tension I felt in his body when I woke up, lightens. There’s this familiar ease now circling around us, like we always used to have, and the hurt begins to melt away.

  My sewn heart beats rapidly, as we connect again.

  Has it really been five days since I kissed this man?

  We are so lost in each other, I have no idea how much time has passed when my phone starts ringing.

  “Ignore it,” Cooper whispers against my lips, his hand gripping my ass tightly so I can’t move.

  “I can’t. We probably need to get going.” He groans and releases me. “Didn’t I say no more pouting?” I push my finger to his lips, and he grins, pressing a kiss to my fingers.

  I roll away to grab my phone off the nightstand. Brody’s nam
e appears across the screen as expected.

  “Hey.”

  “Have you kids made up yet?” Brody voice booms over the phone.

  “Yes, sir,” I answer.

  “Oh,” he seems surprised, “so I probably interrupted something.”

  “Sorta, but you're fine.”

  “Sorta? If you haven’t naked wrestled yet, then you haven’t really made up… call me when you’re done with that.” He laughs. “Five minutes should be enough, right?”

  “Shut up, Brody!” Cooper yells, causing his brother to laugh louder.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to overestimate. Four then?”

  “Did you need something?” I ask, giggling, hopping out of the bed so Coop can’t take my phone and yell at his brother.

  “Yes, for you to tell the ugly fucker to get ready and come down for stage rehearsal. You know, sound check and all that jazz. And also, come ready to work, I’m cracking the whip on ya now.”

  “We’ll be down shortly.” I hang up before we end up bantering for hours.

  Once I'm out of the shower, feeling clean and rejuvenated, I go to get dressed, while Cooper finishes up.

  Digging through my bag for some jeans and a comfortable shirt, I find the Louboutins shoebox Evelyn gave me. Placing it on the bed, I pick up one of the envelopes, tempted to open it.

  “What you got there?” Cooper startles me, the white envelope falling from my hands, landing perfectly at his feet.

  He bends down to pick it up, his tousled hair still wet from his shower and only a white towel wrapped around his waist. He flips the envelope around and looks at me curiously. “Fan mail?”

  I shake my head. “No. Your mom gave them to me. They’re from me. The ones you never got.”

  “Your letters?” he whispers in surprise. He stares back at the letter, I can tell he wants to open it, but I also note his hesitation. “You're telling me she kept them?”

  I nod. “You don’t have to read them,”

  “Oh, I’m reading them…” He cuts me off and sits on the bed. He fingers through the almost fifty letters lined up in the fancy shoebox. “She had these all these fucking years and didn’t give them to me,” he says bitterly.

  I sit down next to him and kiss his bare shoulder. “She explained it to me. I kind of got it. She thought I moved on because you and my mom said so. She thought I was leading you on, but maybe with her keeping these, she didn’t truly believe it?” I shrug. “I don’t know. All that matters is she gave them to me to give to you to read.”

  “I should’ve read them fucking years ago. She had no fucking right.” He places the letter I dropped back in the box and leans down to kiss me gently. “I don’t know if I can forgive her,” he mumbles. “I kept wanting to believe things would be better. I let myself be blind to her interfering.” He pauses and stares into my eyes pointedly. “I wish you told me. The dress, the wine…I know why you didn’t. You said why many times you didn’t want to come between us, but you need to tell me this shit next time, Vi.”

  “I will. I promise. But also, the thing is I know you love your mother. Despite all the things she has done to you. I was the same with my mom. She’d had already done so much to me before she even broke us up, but I kept hoping we could repair our relationship. I didn’t want you to lose her because I don’t know any child who wants to lose their mother.”

  “Yeah, but when you found out the truth you cut her out. Like I should’ve.” He closes his eyes, pained.

  “Coop, what she did was wrong. Really wrong, and I’m not sure if I want to forgive her either, but…” I run my hands down my face, not sure what I’m going for. “I think if my mother put in as much effort as Evelyn seems to be, maybe one day I could let her back in. But you don’t have to do it now. I didn’t show you these for that reason. These are yours and maybe if you read, you’ll see how much I always loved you.”

  “Too bad your mother didn’t keep the ones I sent you. I sent you a couple, including some original lyrics to ‘My Everything’. They could be worth a fortune you know, instead they’re probably ash in a fireplace somewhere.”

  “Probably, but it is what it is. Now let’s finish getting ready or we’ll never hear the end of it from your brother.”

  The concert is going smoothly and though I’m exhausted, I’m invigorated by my first night of actual work. Nothing compares to actually being in the middle of it all and working with all the roadies and stagehands. I’ve also been dealing with more of the financial part of it, which I enjoy because I like working with numbers.

  The crowd is going insane as Cooper finishes “15 Hours” and starts to introduce the band. He’s been smiling and jumping around the stage, back to being ‘The Cooper Reid.’ He’s shaven the heavy scruff and with the sleep he got the dark circles are gone.

  “Thank fuckin’ god,” Brody says next to me. “I really was about to kick his ass. Not that I blame you for being mad. But thank the lord. You guys okay now?” He stops and looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “I mean you really are okay now, right?”

  “I think so. We got some things to work out, but it’s not the end of the world.”

  “Heard my mom came to talk to you too. You never told me how it went. She’s still alive so I assume…?”

  “Yeah. It might be a long while before I can forgive her; it’s going to be one step at a time.” I shake my head.

  “Well, I know she’s finally seeing the light.”

  “I just wish I could say the same thing about my mother. Although, I don’t think I’m even going to try.”

  “Maybe one day, many moons from now…” His hand waves around dramatically.

  Yeah, I won’t be alive for all those moons.

  “Where’s Alexa and Julie?” I ask, changing the subject.

  I haven’t even seen my best friends yet. Between dealing with Cooper, and trying to help get the show ready after being a slacker, I’ve yet to say hi.

  “Oh, Alexa went to go grab me a couple of tacos. I’m starving ‘cuz I forgot to eat. You might not have been doing the naked tango for hours, but I sure was.” He nudges me, clicking his tongue.

  “The Naked Tango?”

  That’s a new one from him.

  “Horizontal Hustle? Although, sometimes we were vertical.”

  “Alright, enough out of you. That’s my best friend you’re talking about. But it doesn’t explain where Julie is.”

  “Oh, she ran into someone she knew and I got them in the front row. She said she’ll meet up here later.”

  An hour later we are finally getting to the last song of the night. Big Frank, who really is only 5’7” and a rail with some arms, approaches me. I met him only hours ago and he’s the nicest guy. He’d given me a hug and told me it would be alright.

  “You’re needed on stage…” he says, pointing to the stage.

  “What are you talking about?” I’m confused as hell. Cooper is in the middle of his last song of the set.

  “Coop just told me to bring you on stage for the last song.” He nudges me to the stage.

  “This is the last song…”

  I look around for Brody and he’s nowhere in sight.

  “Bonus number. Now go…” He grabs my shoulders and pushes me past the large black curtains. The bright lights are instantly blinding and the crowd is deafening as he finishes the last chords of “Runaway”, his latest song.

  Cooper catches me as I slowly walk to the middle of stage and smiles. The bass player, Van, whispers for me to wait a second, putting his arm around me to stop me.

  Or maybe keeps me from falling because I’m a shaky, nervous mess. I’ve never liked being in front of crowds.

  “What’s going on?” I whisper-yell to Van.

  “You’ll see.” He winks.

  “I have one more for you all tonight. This song has never been heard before because I was saving it for someone special. So, you guys are the first.” The crowd roars as Cooper moves to sit at the piano.

  Our eyes
meet and he waves me over. Van has to shove me to go. Under the heavy lights, I walk towards him, and he pats the seat next to him. I sit down beside him and he kisses my cheek.

  “As a lot of you know, I married this beautiful woman about three months ago. I have something I want to tell her, so bear with me while I do that, because she’s the reason behind this song,” he tells the crowd, and they cheer wildly.

  I’m blushing so hard my face feels as if it’s on fire. I just want the stage to swallow me up.

  What is he doing?

  “Baby, you are my life. I look back and I don’t know where I would be without you. Every moment with you has been special. I know the last week has been hard, and we had some people in our lives who wanted to keep us apart. I hate to admit that it could’ve almost happened, but please know I will never let anyone try to come between us again. My life begins and ends with you. I spent four years without you, and that was four years too long. You’re everything to me.” He gives me his winning smile before turning to the crowd and if I could see, I would think the swooning girls are melting. “I’ve been working on this new song for a while and you all will be the first to hear it. It’s called ‘I Found You’.”

  He covers his mic, leaning in to whisper in my ear. “This is for you…even though you're the one who truly found me again, the meaning is all the same…I love you.” He kisses me gently on the lips, and then moves his hands to start playing the black and ivory keys on the piano. His sexy voice fills my ears as he starts singing the lyrics…

  “You went away

  I was lost

  Lost without you

  Our parents thought we were wrong

  Never happy with our young love

  Thought our love wasn’t strong enough to survive.

  They ripped us apart

  When you went away