I Found You

by Erica Marselas

  But you remained in my heart.

  Then, like six years ago

  I saw you in the crowd.

  Looking so hot

  Our eyes met and you had to know

  You’d always be mine

  Our story is something divine.

  So with a kiss

  I let you know, you were missed.

  And we finally became one.

  I found you

  Made you my wife

  I found you

  To have, to hold, for the rest of my life.

  Uh-huh,”

  He looks down at me with a wink. I can’t help the giggle that escapes my lips at his perfect Elvis Uh-huh impersonation in the song.

  “We’ll prove to them

  They’ll never win

  You’re mine forever

  Because I found you

  Back then we were up to no good

  Remember when

  We did all we could

  To be together

  No one else wanted us whole

  We stayed out late

  Jumped from planes.

  We got tattoos

  Branding your name on me

  Showing everyone you are mine

  And me as yours.

  Then like a bad dream

  You had to go.

  We stayed in touch

  Dreaming for when we see each other again.

  The darkest day was when

  The letters stopped

  And our parents won

  Breaking us apart

  Breaking us—

  Untillllll

  I found you.

  I found you

  To have to hold, for the rest of my life.

  Uh-huh,

  We’ll keep proving them wrong

  We won’t let them win

  This time we’ll conquer all

  Because our love is all we need

  Love led me back to you.

  I found you

  Made you my wife

  I found you

  To have, to hold, for the rest of my life.

  Uh-huh, your mine forever

  Because I found you.”

  He finishes playing the song and tears pour down my cheeks. Grabbing my face, he kisses me tenderly before helping me stand up. Suddenly there’s a bunch of violets and red roses being thrown up to the stage. Holding my hands over my eyes, I can make out Julie, Alexa, and Brody throwing them. The audience is still cheering at us. I can only picture this will be hitting every media outlet in a few minutes.

  With his arm still wrapped around me, he turns back to the audience. “Good Night, Tucson. Thank you for being a wonderful audience!” he yells and we walk off stage.

  Once away from the deafening noise and the blinding lights, Cooper grabs me and pushes me up against the wall, kissing me frantically, and I return it just as eagerly. His erection is pushing into my stomach and I only hope he isn’t going to take me here.

  Because that really will be front page news.

  In the distance, I hear the shrills of my two best friends, and we break apart. Julie and Alexa come flying into my arms to hug me, pulling me out of Cooper’s hold.

  “No, we weren’t busy or anything…” Cooper laughs, giving me a wink before walking over to Brody, Van, and the other members of the band.

  “I’m guessing it’s all good now,” Alexa asks, and I nod.

  I’d told them what happened a couple of days earlier, and they’d both been shocked by the events. They had given me their ears to bend and I realized how much I’d missed seeing them. I wish I could pack them up so they could come with me. I’m sure Brody would be happy about Alexa hitting the road with him.

  “Yeah, it’s good.”

  Nothing like your man confessing his love, and singing to you on stage in front of a thousand people to help you forgive and maybe forget a little.

  “I guess it would have to be the way you guys were necking a minute ago,” Julie hoots and I shake my head laughing at her comment.

  “Did you really use the word, necking?”

  She scoffs mockingly, and waves her hand, “Yeah, so? Grandma uses it all the time. Chill. I’ll make it cool again.”

  I look over at Cooper and I can tell he’s getting a hard time from the guys. Our eyes meet and he excuses himself to come over to me.

  “Why don’t me and you go somewhere private?”

  I nod, and tell the girls I’ll see them in a little bit. Cooper maneuvers me into the green room off stage and locks the door behind us.

  Instantly I’m being pulled into his arms and his tongue is invading my mouth once again. I moan, clawing at the back of his neck wanting more. His hand cups under my chin, breaking us apart.

  “I love you, baby. We never really finished talking, or really didn’t even start.”

  I’m so tired of talking about the same shit.

  I just want to go back to kissing.

  “Just promise me you will start trusting me, above our mothers, tabloids, and any other assholes who try to get in our way. I’m sure after tonight I’ve made some enemies,” I joke to lighten the mood, thinking about all those poor girls who were swooning in the audience, wishing they were me.

  “I promise baby. I’m so sorry.” He pulls me tighter into his arms. “I have no problem waiting ‘till you're ready to have a baby. I shouldn’t have even said anything. God, what if I didn’t maybe she wouldn’t have done what she did.”

  “Cooper…” I try to stop him.

  “But just the thought of you round with my child does things to me. Then when my mom showed me those papers, I just thought…” He shakes his head so vigorously his face looks like a blur. I jump when his fist connects with the wall with a loud bang. “I’m so stupid. I should've known right away you wouldn’t have done that…” He rambles again, repeating everything he said earlier, giving me a headache.

  “Cooper... Stop.” He’s not listening to me at all as he keeps going. “But I want you to know when you’re ready I want to have a bunch of kids with you, and I promise to take time off from the road. If I must go I’ll figure out an easy way to be together, all of us. And I promise to keep our moms away from our children…I’ve cut my mom out of my life. I just want you…”

  “Cooper… SHUT UP!” I yell. He looks at me finally, confusion marring his handsome face. He steps back slightly.

  “If you’re still mad…” I place my finger on his lips.

  “Coop. Shut the hell up.” I wrap my arm around his neck and kiss him with everything I have, needing to silence his running mouth. When I break away and he gives me a shy smile. “For one, thank you for the song. It was perfect and I loved it. Second, I love you so much, Cooper and this will be okay, I promise. I think we’ve said everything we can about this for now.”

  “I love you too.” He breathes and pulls me onto the couch to sit on his lap. We both talk mindlessly about the past few days and what is going on for tonight, when suddenly his eyes light up, spiking my curiosity.

  “What? I know that look, which tells me you’re up to something.”

  “Nothing bad. I’ve just been thinking about something and I think it’ll help us move on. Do you want to do something a little crazy tonight?”

  “Crazier than when we got married on a whim?”

  “No, it’s not really crazy, more spontaneous really. Something we’ve done in the past and always wanted to do again.”

  “Like what?”

  His thumb runs over my left hip bone where his name lies. “Something we should’ve done years ago.”

  “Tattoos?” Julie squeals behind me, as we enter the tattoo parlor. The sound of buzzing fills the air as a woman with raven hair lays on her stomach to the left of us, getting a tramp stamp etched on her back. “I thought we were getting food?”

  “We are, but after this. There’s something me and Cooper have to do first.” I grin at my husband who has his hand laced with mine.

  Julie and Alexa look at me
confused and I tell them to trust me.

  It’s almost like my wedding night all over again. My two best friends, and my brother in law standing by our sides as Cooper and I make a different kind of lifelong commitment together; all while Collin and Tucker stand back to guard our spontaneous asses.

  There are two artists ready to take us right away. Cooper and I had talked about what we wanted and where we wanted it. Who would have thought, big Frank is also an artist and drew out the design for us.

  I flinch at the buzzing sound of the pen when it starts, remembering the sting from the first time I got a tattoo.

  “I don’t know how you can—ouch.” Julie cringes when the needle hits my skin. “I’m screaming in pain for you.” Julie recoils and she covers her eyes with both hands.

  “You don’t have to watch, Jules. I know you hate needles.”

  “I’m fine,” she gasps out, continuing to cover her eyes.

  “What I want to know is how we never saw his name on your hip. You’re full of secrets, Vi. How long have you had that?”

  “Um, like six years. You did see it once, but you were wasted and wanted to know why I would have a mini Cooper on my hip. Next morning you asked about a car on my hip and I said you were crazy.” I grin and she gives me a snarl in return.

  “You could’ve told me.”

  “Sorry,” I say innocently. “I love ya though, but you know why now.”

  “I know.” She pauses when I hiss through my teeth when the tattoo artist hits my hip bone. “Well, I was thinking of getting one, but seeing that look on your face, I’ve changed my mind.”

  “It’s not that…” I yelp when he hits the bone again, “bad…”

  “Almost done.” The burly tattoo guy laughs at the pain he’s inflicting. I glance over at Cooper who looks relaxed, as if he’s taking a Sunday drive and not having a needle buzzed into his skin.

  An hour later, I watch as he makes the final leaf on the branch and then wipes away the excess ink off my sore irritated skin. Cooper comes and sits next to me, comparing his matching one to mine

  “It's perfect.” I smile down at the black ink tattoos. They’re trees, which look sprouted from our individual names. They have four branches with tiny leaves hanging off them. Written between the first branches it says ‘Our Angel’ with little wings around the word Angel and a halo around the O. The other branches have gaps, which are reserved for who is yet to come. In the stumps it reads, ‘my love for him/her grows and creates.’

  TWELVE

  August 11th, 2003

  Cooper

  I ’ve finished my album, “Blue Skies”, after being signed to Wild Records five months ago. I’ll be going on tour in a couple of weeks to headline for “Jason Torness” a major pop-rock star right now. If this goes well, by next summer I could be headlining my own tour. Today I’m at a photo studio taking promotional pictures. Tomorrow I’m doing full TV and radio tours to promote the album and the first single, “My Everything.”

  The song I wrote for her.

  My mind always wanders to Violet and I can’t help wondering what she’s doing right now. Has she heard the song on the radio? Is she thinking about me? Would she try to come see me on tour? Hell, is she still with that punk who had his hands all over her?

  With a sudden urge to see her face, I pull out my wallet. Stuck between the plastic photo protector, her gorgeous face smiles at me. I miss her all the time. A month ago, I tried calling her and the house number had been changed. I have no idea if she tried calling me since that fateful day I last saw her. I had ended up washing my phone in the washer, forgetting to take it out in my rage.

  Leave it to the phone company to not allow me to have the same number since my dad made me get my own plan.

  I sent her one last letter, with the lyrics to “My Everything” hoping she would respond, and when I got nothing in return, I knew at that moment that I really had to let go.

  But I don’t want to let go.

  I can’t let go. I’ll carry a piece of her wherever I go forever. We share something together only we understand. She’ll be stuck with me forever, no matter how much I want to let her go.

  I only wish she was standing next to me right now.

  “She would be proud of you right now, you know?” Brody tells me, pulling me out of the long dark tunnel of my thoughts.

  “I know…” I shove my wallet back in my pocket, hating that I’ve been caught staring at her, again. I can’t think of her right now. I have to stay focused, because now I have to go look pretty for the camera.

  Twenty minutes later, I'm standing in front of a blue backdrop, my shirt is gone, and I’m only wearing a pair of torn jeans.

  What this has to do with my album beats me.

  The bright lights are blinding, along with each flash the photographer takes as he tells me how to pose; brooding, pouting, smile, and so on.

  “Is that a tattoo?” the photographer yells out to me. He’s pointing to my hip, where Violet’s name proudly rests. Always

  “Yeah?”

  He turns to my PR agent, Louie, and they whisper something I can’t hear. After some back and forth, Louie tells him to keep clicking, before looking at me. “We’ll just have to airbrush it off afterwards…No worries,” he tells me.

  No worries? Who the fuck was worried?

  “Why can’t we keep it?” I yell back. I want Vi to see it, if she sees these, to know I still love her.

  He doesn’t answer me, and it ticks me off. I’m sure it has something to do with my image with my female fans. I decide to just shake it off and pose for the damn camera.

  This will take some getting used to.

  After a million and one pictures, I put my clothes back on, ready to get the fuck out of here.

  “Coop!” Brody comes running over to me excitedly. He stops in front of me with a paper in his hand, waving it around in my face like a flag. “Fuck, guess what?”

  “I don’t know...what?” I’m trying to match whatever this excitement is, but I’m beat and annoyed as fuck.

  “Guess who has the number one single on Billboard?” He hands me the paper which is a fax from the record company. I scan it over and there it is in black and white, my name next to my song, in the number one spot.

  “You’re fucking with me!”

  “Nope. Max just sent this over. He got it early and wanted to tell ya. Congrats man.” He pats my shoulder.

  “Hey, this is much as you, Brody.”

  “Yeah, you owe me that car now.” He punches my shoulder and I shake my head. His birthday is next week and I already ordered it. The cherry red Lamborghini he always wanted.

  My car isn’t even as nice, but I owe my brother almost everything for helping me get here.

  And well…

  Her.

  “Do you think she’s heard it?” The lovesick teenager I am comes spewing out of my mouth.

  Brody narrows his eyes at me. “Are you for real? Unless she’s started listening to heavy metal. She’s heard it. I bet anytime she turns on the damn radio, she’ll fucking hear it. Listen, why don’t you…”

  I hold up my hand to stop him. I know what he’s going to say. “She stopped writing me first. I just want her happy, Brody, and if that’s without me…”

  “She never said those words, her mother did.”

  “I know what I saw. Come on, I have a few things to get ready for the tour and I need your help.” I want to drop the conversation.

  She’ll always be mine, but I did have to set her free. If it’s meant to be, we will find each other again. I know it.

  October 5th, 2006

  Cooper

  T he tour is on break for two days as we travel by bus to New York after finishing a show in Atlanta. I woke up early, not being able to go back to sleep despite the warm body next to me. I’m wired from singing ten straight shows.

  I’m sitting in the front of the bus, reading through the letters Vi wrote me years ago. I can’t believe my mother actually
held onto all of these. I’ve been trying to read a couple a day, but I keep getting distracted. Or maybe it’s because they get more heartbreaking the further I dig into them. Now, as I read the final one I can picture her pain as she wrote it. Each word is like a kick to the gut, and it's hard not to think of all the hurt that could've been avoided.

  Dear Coop,

  I hate that you won’t answer me. Your phone is disconnected and it feels as though you threw me away without warning. Why couldn’t you tell me it’s over between us? Send a freakin’ carrier pigeon for fuck's sake. Just TELL me.

  I mean, didn't your parents ever tell you to use your words?

  You know, for a while I kept thinking something horrible happened to you, then I got real, and knew you were just fine.

  Fine without me right?

  I would call your house, but what's the point? You won’t be there.

  You're a big star now. As much as I’m happy for you, it hurts because now anytime I turn on the radio I hear your voice. It shatters me because I have this lingering ‘what if’ about us.

  I had hoped after everything we've been through you would've dropped me a line telling me your dream came true.

  To be honest, I don't know why I'm bothering writing you again. I stopped months ago when my heart finally ripped its final threads.

  But I find myself not being able to get over you. No matter how many letters go unanswered or phone calls never connect, know I’ll always love you, Cooper. I hope you know it even if you think I did something wrong… or even if you have moved on.

  Maybe I'm hoping this will get tangled in your fan mail and you'll finally give me the answers I need. Tell me it's over so I have a chance to move past you.

  It's bad enough I have your name inked on me so I'll always remember you. Because unlike you, we can't all get rid of it or the memory it holds.

  This will be the last time I’ll sign with the name which used to make me soar and the last time I write you.

  Just know I wish you well. You have earned your success.