Wanted

by Jason Halstead

  “It’d be a better world if nobody needed that kinda sense,” he admitted in a rare moment.

  “Yeah, maybe,” she agreed. A moment later she added, “I’m glad I don’t live in that world though.”

  Carl looked at her, eyebrows scrunched as he tried to figure her out. “Go get some rest, I’ll take watch,” she said.

  He nodded and turned back to the others. Checking on Dustin and Jessie, he noted how Jessie was shivering and panting in her sleep. She was moaning a little too. With a sigh of disbelief, he stripped off his jacket and settled in behind her, spooning himself to her body. She was already curled up into a ball so it was easy for him to maximize contact with her body. He laid the jacket over them and felt her relax slightly as he placed his arms around her protectively.

  Sleep took a while and seemed to have only just reached him when Tanya and Dustin were waking up Jessie. Sluggishly she came to her feet, wincing as she did so. She tried to leave the jacket with Carl, but he pushed it to her and settled into the crushed grass bedding to find another couple of hours of uncomfortable sleep. He was awoken again by Jessie. She was crouching next to him and gently touching his shoulder.

  Carl was awake instantly, reaching over to grab his rifle. He looked around but then saw Jessie put her finger to her lips and beckon for him to follow her. Warily, he climbed to his feet and followed her as she moved over to a small stand of some evergreens.

  “Carl… I wanted a chance to talk to you alone,” Jessie said softly to him. She wore his jacket still but it did little to cover her long legs that stuck out from beneath it.

  Carl relaxed a little, realizing there was no trouble. At least no external trouble. He looked to the east and saw a faint pinkness to indicate dawn would be approaching soon. He nodded to her, letting her go on.

  “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry,” she said, looking down and around and everywhere but at him. “Sorry for what a stupid bitch I’ve been.”

  “You telling me this because you’re afraid I’ll dump you the first chance I get?” He asked her.

  She looked up at him, surprised and hurt. “No!” she said, then hung her head again in shame. “I mean I’m not… but I guess I do deserve that.”

  “How long it take you to get back on the shit?” Carl asked her. His tone was hard and merciless, but soft enough to keep from carrying beyond the trees.

  “It’s not like that Carl!” she said, looking up at him with tears running down her cheeks now. “I swear! I didn’t want to touch it, I didn’t. Eddie… he slapped me and punched me and kicked me. He tried to sweet talk me and when that didn’t work he threatened me. I took it all, I let him hurt me – it was nothing new to me, I been beat and raped and hurt before. I could take it – I can take it.”

  Jessie fell silent for a moment and shuddered. Fresh tears fell and she tried to sniff them back. Finally she turned away from Carl and let his coat fall from her shoulders. “It doesn’t matter, does it?” she asked him. “Nothing I say or do, it’s never going to be good enough for you, is it?”

  Carl stood there expressionless and motionless while her shoulders shook. Finally he bent down and picked up his coat, but aside from standing back up, he made no move. “Where does Jizzy end and Jessie begin?” he asked her in his gruff voice.

  “What?” she asked, turning around to face him. “You think I’m acting? What have I done to make you hate me so much?”

  “Got nothing to do with hate, darling,” he said. “It’s about trust.”

  “Trust? It’s about trust?” she asked him. “I’ve been trying to get you to trust me since day one! You saved my ass and I wanted to pay you back. I wanted to show you how much I appreciated it, how much I felt I could trust you. I wanted you to know you could maybe put a little trust in me too.”

  Carl shook his head. “Uh-uh, you wanted me to owe you. You wanted something safe until something better came along.”

  She stared up at him, eyes wide and wet. Finally she bowed her head and nodded. “You’re right… I did. But I never once wanted to hurt you. I just wanted…”

  Carl stared at her as she trailed off, looking for words. “You don’t get it, do you?”

  “What?” she asked, confused. “What don’t I get?”

  “What you’re after – you don’t even know what you really want.”

  “Of course I do,” she snapped. “I want to… I want…”

  “Jessie, shut up,” he told her calmly. “Stop trying so hard to figure it out, maybe it’s obvious. You pull your weight you can come with us until you decide you got something better to do.”

  He turned to go and left her standing there, cold and confused behind him. “Carl… you know why I started snorting and smoking and drinking again? Eddie told me if I didn’t do it, he’d make Dustin.”

  Carl stopped for a moment, then glanced back over his shoulder to say, “Stick around long enough you might just earn your reward.”

  “You stupid bastard,” she swore at him, rushing at him and hitting him in the back with her fist. Carl spun around and grabbed her, holding her still while she struggled. “I don’t want any fucking reward! Don’t you get it? If I wanted one I’d have turned Darrin over to that Garza asshole!”

  Carl held her tight until she stopped squirming and swearing at him, then, when he felt it was safe he let her go and asked, “Who’s Darrin?”

  What color the exercise had brought to her cheeks drained out immediately. She looked away and shook her head quickly. “Nobody… I… I misspoke. I meant Dusty.”

  “Darrin was her brother.”

  They bother turned to see Dustin step out from behind a tree where he had been eavesdropping. Tanya was there as well, moving behind him to show she heard as well. “He died when he was a little kid,” he added. “She asked me to pretend to be him so we could hide who I really was.”

  Jessie stared at him, shocked and hurt by the look on her face. “That true?” Carl asked, looking at her.

  She nodded and closed her eyes, unable to speak past the lump in her throat.

  “How’d he die?” Carl wondered aloud.

  “He drowned,” Dusty said after a long moment stretched by in which Jessie still could not speak.

  Carl grunted and nodded. “We’re all up, let’s get going and see if we can find something to eat,” he said, deciding enough small talk had passed. They needed focus and direction and they would not find it on the side of a hill.

  Jessie nodded and stormed past Carl, one hand at her temple. “If I ever touch any drugs or booze again, somebody shoot me,” she muttered to herself.

  “Okay,” Carl called after her without a second thought. She ignored him and made her way back to their camp, looking to help clean up and get on their way again.

  Dusty returned to the camp as well, glancing briefly at Carl but saying nothing. Tanya walked up to him and rested her hand on his forearm briefly. “Anybody ever give you a second chance?” she asked before offering him a smile and moving on herself.

  Carl watched them go, pondering the encounter for a long moment. Finally he looked upwards and shook his head slowly, then followed after them. “Here,” he said to Jessie, tossing his jacket to her and surprising her. “Much as we might like staring at your tits and ass, you stick out wearing that bikini.”

  “I don’t want your help,” she spat at him, getting ready to toss the jacket back at him.

  “Fine, then you go naked. That sparkly red shit can be seen from a mile away.”

  She hesitated even as he arm was cocked back to throw. She glared at him then finally relented and relaxed. She slipped the jacket back on to cover the bikini and was immediately glad for the warmth and cover from the elements.

  “Alright, let’s get going,” he said, starting out and setting a pace just as brutal as the one from the night before. Furious and strangely silent, Jessie followed. Tanya and Dustin trailed after as well, both uncertain of what was going to happen.

  * * * *

  Ano
ther ten hours of traversing brutal terrain saw them to I-40. They had been catching glimpses of it for the last couple of hours from high points in their travels, but Carl quickly led them down into gullies and ravines to avoid the possibility of being spotted. Jessie bore up well, considering her shoes were useless for the type of rocks and loose shale they walked on, but seldom did she do more than grunt or hiss when her footing slipped or her ankle twisted.

  Now a final stretch of broken ground lay between them and the road, a stretch that Carl had no intention of crossing. He glanced at the sky then looked to the others. They looked to be exhausted and in agony, especially Jessie. She was sweating profusely and from the glazed look of her eyes, might not have been entirely conscious.

  “We can take cover for the night back a bit. I saw a good camp site,” he offered them, which drew some sighs of relief, “or we can push along I-40 for a while.”

  “Why not on I-40?” Dustin asked.

  “Too much visibility,” Tanya guessed, which drew a surprised look and a nod from Carl.

  “You really think they’re looking for us all the way up here?” Dustin asked, incredulous. “We must have walked forty miles by now!”

  Carl looked at him and shook his head, “Maybe 20. Slow going in the foothills here, especially since none of you are equipped for it.”

  “That was slow?” Dusty asked again, even more stunned. “We busted out asses up there!”

  “Dusty, watch your mouth,” Tanya snapped at him.

  Her brother turned to stare at her, a look of outrage and shock on his face. He tried to snap back at her but he was so stunned that she could be worried about something as stupid as his language at a time like that left him speechless.

  Carl stared at the highway then at the rough ground they had covered to the south. Finally he grunted, having reached a decision. “Ain’t who’s after us that bugs me,” he said. “We’ll camp tonight and rest up, some things I got to show you anyhow. Tomorrow we make for Laughlin, maybe catch a ride south.”

  Dustin and Jessie both started asking questions. Jessie smiled stupidly, then closed her eyes and clenched her jaw in discomfort. A moment later she was doubled over and fighting to hang her head over a rock in case she suffered more than just dry heaves.

  Tremors subsiding, Jessie raised her head slowly. Between gasps for breath she muttered, “I picked a hell of a time to quit drinking.”

  In spite of himself, Carl smirked, but then quickly turned away to survey the landscape before anyone noticed. “Tanya, with me, let’s see if we can find something to shoot.”

  Tanya jumped, startled by the sudden command. Dusty looked at her, his eyes narrowed with hurt and suspicion. She climbed stiffly to her feet. To Jessie and Dusty Carl said, “Head back the way we come. At the bottom of the last ravine we crossed through head deeper into it, towards the east. There’s a group of boulders we can set up camp in. One’s tipped over. Dig out a bowl and see if you can gather some kindling.”

  With everyone busy, Carl headed off, cutting to the west up and over the lip of the ridge they had been crouched behind. Tanya followed him after he got a few steps ahead, glancing back only once to offer a smile to her brother. Dusty, for his part, only nodded.

  Carl moved quickly, with only Tanya to guide, and in minutes both of them were breathing heavily from the rugged terrain. He paused on a small bluff, staring around at the valley below them as well as a gentle slope off to the right that was no doubt filled with terrain that made it anything but gentle.

  “How’s the leg?” Tanya asked him between breaths while she, too, surveyed the wilderness.

  “Which one?” he asked.

  “The snake bite… wait, which one? Why?”

  He shrugged. “Fine. Had to dig some shrapnel out of the other one after Edland. Nothing deep though. Don’t worry. No sign of infection either.”

  He glanced at her and saw her shaking her head as she peered off into the distance. She pointed a minute later. “What’s that?”

  “Mule deer,” Carl said, catching sight of it quickly. He waited and soon they saw three others as well. “Go ahead, aim for the small one.”

  “The small one?” She asked, confused.

  “Easier to carry. This is one meal, maybe two, we’re after. Ain’t stocking up for the winter.”

  “Oh, good point,” she said, then dropped down to lie on the rocky ground. She shifted to find a good position, then locked the legs of the bipod on the rifle before sighting in the deer. “Range?”

  Carl squinted, taking a moment to judge the distance. “About 400 yards, maybe a little shy. Got a headwind too, not strong, but enough. Coming slightly left to right.”

  He heard her take a deep breath and let it go. He watched her, not the deer, for a moment and admired how perfectly still she was. “Take it when you’re ready,” he told her softly.

  “You sure you don’t want to do this, you’re a better shot,” she offered, hiding the excitement in her voice.

  “Gun’s sighted in for you now,” he pointed out, reminding her of the dozens of rounds she had fired the day before they rescued Dustin and Jessie.

  Tanya did not nod, just took another breath. Her finger caressed the trigger lightly, feeling how touchy it was and knowing it was only a hair of pressure she needed to give it to make it explode. Carl looked back to the deer again, sizing them up and assuming she would take the one furthest from them. It looked the smallest. No sooner had he made the guess then he heard and felt the rifle crack next to him. He watched the deer, unblinking, as the unseen bullet spiraled through the air at supersonic velocity.

  The deer spasmed, its front legs coming off the ground in a surprised leap even as its hind legs collapsed beneath it. The other deer exploded into action, spooked by the behavior of the dropped deer as well as the sound of the rifle that was reaching them at the same time.

  “Good shot,” Carl observed. “Spined it, won’t run far.”

  “Less than 400 yards,” Tanya said, her voice a little subdued. “I hit it high.”

  Carl shrugged, it would be dead by the time they got to it, that’s all that mattered to him.

  “That was hard,” she admitted, climbing to her feet and following him as he picked his way down to the valley in front of them.

  “Huh?” Carl asked, a little confused. It seemed a pretty straight forward and clean shot to him. Lots of scrub and trees, but the deer were picking through a clearing without any real cover.

  “Shooting it… killing it, I mean,” she said.

  Carl glanced at her, surprised.

  “It’s just an animal, it never did anything wrong. It never hurt anyone and never stole from anyone,” she explained, seeing his look. “Those guys back in Edland? They weren’t animals, they were assholes. I didn’t feel anything for killing them, I’m sure somebody would thank me for doing it. But that deer…”

  Carl nodded. “I understand,” he told her, finding himself impressed by the young woman. “Most of us deserve it, at some time or another. Humans or animals though, it’s a matter of survival.”

  She laughed sharply. “Survival? That deer wasn’t threatening us.”

  “No, but we need food. You shooting it’s no different than a pack of coyotes running it to the ground.”

  “Oh,” Tanya said thoughtfully. She lapsed into silence as they walked, giving Carl a chance to think about the girl and wonder just what it was she was getting herself into.

  “You know, she’s really trying to get better,” he heard her say as they walked up on the clearing with the deer in it. It was laying there, dead. Blood had turned the ground dark beneath. “You should cut her a little slack.”

  “Aw Christ,” he muttered. “Can’t I have half an hour of peace without that girl ruining my day?”

  He spun around when he heard Tanya laugh behind him. His squinted glare made her laugh again, then she shook her head and said, “So that’s your problem with her… you like her!”

  Wide eyed in sho
ck, Carl quickly recovered to glare at her. “Like her? Like her to leave or maybe fall off a cliff, sure.”

  Tanya just shook her head and smiled, a knowing look in her eye. Carl wanted to wipe the grin off her face with his boot. How could he possibly like Jessie? She was a nightmare! An addict and a whore, she’d spit in his face with every chance he’d given her. So what if she was the best looking thing he’d seen since…well, probably ever. Simple fact was that she was distracting and a nuisance, and that was a kind description for her.

  “You keep that up and I’ll be sending you with her,” he growled, then dropped down next to the deer and took out his knife.

  Tanya stayed silent while he gutted the deer. He cut out the back straps and the heart, then cut a few more pieces of meat from it when he considered how many people he had to feed. Finished, he tried to scrape the blood from his arms on some wadded up grasses. He gathered up several more long grasses and used those to wrap the meat in, then started back without a word to Tanya. He saw her eyes twinkling with amusement as she passed but he chose to not rise to the bait.

  Chapter 15

  “What do we do with it?” Dustin asked her, staring at the still body of the snake that Jessie had just clubbed with the butt of her rifle.

  “It’s dead,” she said, prodding it with the barrel just to be safe. “Leave it, I guess. If they don’t come back with anything maybe Carl knows how to cook it.”

  Dusty glanced off to the west. They had heard the shot a few minutes ago. They assumed it had been Carl and Tanya, but beyond that they knew nothing. “Sure, why not. He knows everything else, doesn’t he?”

  Jessie rubbed her head and sighed. The worst of the tremors had passed but her throat ached for want of something to drink and her chest burned from all the labored breathing she had been doing. In spite of that, the dull headaches that occasionally rose to a piercing shriek in her temples were the worst of it.

  “Cut him some slack, Dusty, he just-“

  “He just wants you gone!” Dusty snapped. “I don’t get it! You covered for me and Tanya both. You’ve been there for us more than he has. Why’s he got to have this attitude about always knowing what’s best. Shit, it’s like… like living with my dad or something.”