Wanted

by Jason Halstead

  “Your dad always know what’s right?” Jessie asked him.

  Dusty barked out a bitter laugh. “Thinks he does. He doesn’t have a clue. Sure, maybe he knows business and maybe he knows his bio-tech stuff, but he doesn’t know shit about me or Tanya. What’s best for us, I mean. He thinks he’s got that all figured out, never mind what we want.”

  Jessie tried to perk up and listen. He was telling her more than she had known and she wondered if it was serious, or just him blowing off steam. “I don’t know your dad but I’m sure he means well,” she offered consolingly. “Don’t all dads mean well?”

  “Beats me,” he muttered, kicking some stones away from the boulders Carl had directed them to set up a camp in.

  Jessie smiled sadly. Her dad hadn’t been the best man out there, but he treated her all right. Before Darin died, at least. Afterwards, he drank a lot more and didn’t talk to her much. Then she left and never had the chance to hear from him again. “He’s a busy guy, I’m sure he just wants what’s best for you,” she offered.

  “Maybe,” he said, blowing it off. “I’m going to find some wood or something.”

  “Good idea, let me help,” she said, stepping out of the shade of the rocks and looking around. “All I know is that I could really use a bath. I’ve got dirt and sand in places that… well, this bathing suit’s not hiding anything, I’m sure you can imagine.”

  Dustin glanced at her, his eyes taking in her exposed legs below Carl’s jacket. He blushed when he realized she had seen him and looked away. “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Hey, it’s okay,” she told him, trying to cheer him up again. “It’s flattering, really… and I know what goes through the mind of a young man your age.”

  Dusty chuckled a little but did not look back. “Yeah, maybe.”

  “Don’t feel bad, guys think that at all ages,” she told him, catching his eye and winking.

  Dustin couldn’t help but smile back, then he got back to work and picked up some broken saguaro ribs. “I know one guy who doesn’t think that way,” he said.

  Jessie sighed, they were back on Carl, her biggest problem. “He’s a different kind of guy,” she offered, bending over carefully to scrape some of the dried moss and lichen that grew on the sides of the rocks.

  “Why’s he hate you so much?”

  “I don’t know if he hates me, Dusty,” Jessie said, straightening up and paying for the too-quick movement with a nausea inducing throb in her head. When it cleared she opened her eyes and smiled weakly at the concerned look her gave her. “I think Carl’s used to being alone. He’s always in control that way, I guess. With you guys he feels safe, he can order you around to do whatever he needs you to.”

  “So what about you? He hates you because you stood up to him a couple of times? Or because you’re not tripping over yourself to follow him around like my sister.”

  “Whoa there,” Jessie said, holding up a hand filled with lichen. She pushed it into a pocket of the coat before continuing. “Your sister does not have a crush on Carl, trust me!”

  “Sure does act like it,” he grumbled.

  Jessie took a moment to think about what Dustin was saying. She disguised it by taking the moss back to their makeshift camp, then returned to find him assaulting a dead pine tree. “Hey, wait a minute, okay?”

  He stopped, gasping for breath but more angry than ever, and stared at her.

  “Your sister’s an athlete, right? That means she has to be pretty tough on herself. Lots of discipline and control,” she theorized. “Well, she’s had coaches and trainers most of her life too, I bet?”

  Dustin nodded, not seeing where this was going.

  “She’s always had that then, somebody to ride her ass and not cut her any slack,” she said, proud of herself for figuring it out. “Sounds like Carl to me.”

  “You think Carl’s training her? For what – he doesn’t know anything about gymnastics.”

  “No, not that, and maybe not anything,” Jessie explained. “I mean she sees him as filling that role in her life. She’s not into him like that, you know, she’s just looking for something familiar, something to help her deal with everything.”

  Dustin grunted but said nothing else. Jessie smiled; she knew he was going to think about it and maybe cut his sister some slack. Carl too, she figured. That only left her. Dusty already thought the world of her, she knew, she just wished Carl and Tanya did too.

  “I’m sorry,” she said to Dusty a moment later, just as he was looking for a rock to smash into the naked tree limbs to try and break them off. “Sorry about all the stories I made up and sorry I’ve been such a mess.”

  Dusty shrugged, embarrassed to try and talk about it. “We had this talk already,” he mumbled.

  Jessie nodded, smiling a little in spite of a fresh batch of chills that wracked her body. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad.”

  “So stop feeling bad already,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Get over it and start doing whatever it is you should be doing.”

  Jessie stared at him in shock. She knew he was angry at the world right now and too young to really understand what all was going on, but it still stung to be rebuked by a 15 year old. She turned away, surprised at how fragile she felt emotionally and hid the unshed tears that came to her eyes. She looked around and started gathering more material for their campsite, not trusting herself to talk yet and not knowing if she wanted to until he had gotten over his issues.

  Before she could decide whether talking to Dustin again was worth the risk, she saw Carl and Tanya heading back towards them, apparently empty-handed. She smiled to herself, thinking that she and Dustin had provided some food where the mighty hunters had failed. The thought of eating snake was not appealing, but she knew they must all be hungry enough that it wouldn’t matter.

  “Hey, no luck? We heard a shot,” Jessie asked when they had gotten closer.

  “Tanya dropped a mule deer at about 400 yards,” Carl stated, his way of offering her praise. Tanya smiled and blushed a little, but said nothing.

  “So where is it?” Jessie asked, easily hiding her disappointment. After all, venison sounded a lot better than snake!

  “Ain’t carrying a deer carcass that far,” Carl said. He held up the meat, wrapped in grasses. “Loins and the heart, should be enough to get us through and maybe save a little for the morning.”

  “We killed a snake,” Dustin piped up. “It’s up near the boulders. Jessie clubbed it with her rifle.

  “Snake?” Carl asked, eyes narrowing. “What kind?”

  Jessie saw Tanya look at him, a worried expression on her face, and she wondered what that was about. “I’m not sure, it’s black and white and red, bands of alternating colors on it. Four feet long or so.”

  He grunted. “King snake, not poisonous. We’ll eat good tonight.”

  “Why’s it matter if it’s poisonous?” Dustin asked. “The venom’s not in their bodies.”

  “That’s why you guys got captured,” Tanya interjected, knowing that Carl would never explain it. “He was shadowing us and had to go back when he got bit by a rattlesnake.”

  Carl’s lips twitched in a scowl, but he pushed past it quickly. Jessie stared at him and shook her head. “Snake break a fang on you?” She quipped.

  His scowl returned. “Come on,” he said, walking past them towards their campsite. “Let’s cook this up. I’m hungry.”

  Jessie looked at Tanya and saw her smiling a little. She hurried after and Jessie turned to follow. Behind her, Dustin fell in and she heard him muttering, “Bit by a rattlesnake? Out here? Shouldn’t he be dead?”

  Jessie glanced back at him and smiled, “I don’t think anything can kill him, Dusty. Hell’s probably afraid to take him if he did die.”

  Dusty chuckled in appreciation of her opinion, then they found themselves gathered around the small pile of kindling they had acquired. Dustin added what branches he could break off the tree to it and watched carefully while Carl put t
he grasses and lichen in the bottom of the small hollow and then arranged twigs and bark on top of it.

  Jessie kept an eye out, not wanting to crowd the small area between the rocks for fear she would block the light. Instead she watched the landscape around as the hazy sun slipped lower into the evening sky. Behind them she heard Carl working a lighter or something, trying to start a fire.

  “Hey Carl, what’s it like being shot?” she heard Dustin asked a few minutes later.

  “Why, you thinking of trying it out?” he asked. Without looking at him, Jessie thought she could almost hear a little bit of humor in his tone.

  “No!” Dustin replied without hesitation. “I just wondered if you go into shock or something. Eddie did a lot of moaning and whining, but that wasn’t shock, was it?”

  “Eddie barely got hit,” Carl said. “Bullet got him at an angle and glanced off his collar bone. Saved me from getting hit though, since that’s who he was aiming at.”

  “So what’s it like?” Dustin pressed.

  “Couldn’t tell ya,” Carl answered. “Never been hit, not with a bullet anyhow.”

  “You’ve never… but… wow. I mean, that’s good I guess, I just mean…”

  “Real world ain’t like the movies, kid,” Carl said. Jessie flinched when she heard that. It was true. She was living the real world right now and it sucked compared to her life as an actress. Staring at what promised to be a fiery red sunset, she realized that maybe it didn’t suck that much. After all, she didn’t miss her old life as much as she’d thought, even with her blistered feet, swollen ankles, dirt and sand so deep in her hair and skin and… other places.

  “Let that burn a few minutes, then put some of the bigger stuff on it,” Carl advised, having gotten a fire started.

  “How are we going to cook the meat?” Tanya asked, realizing suddenly they had no pans.

  Carl took one of the saguaro ribs and used his knife to sharpen one end into a point. “Nothing like meat on a stick,” he said, handing her the long rib then picking up the snake and cutting off its head and tail. He reached into it and grabbed on, then proceeded to yank out the snake’s viscera. He handed what remained, the body of the snake minus its guts, to Dustin, who was looking a little squeamishly at it.

  “I’ll be right back,” he told them, stepping out of the boulders.

  “Carl, wait… can I come along?” Jessie asked him, trailing after.

  He stopped to look at her, then shrugged.

  “Wait, you’re not going to use the little boy’s room or anything, are you?” she asked, a little concerned with how little fight he had put up.

  Carl chuckled. “Gonna have to take your chances,” he said. Jessie frowned but followed after him in spite of it.

  As soon as they had gotten far enough away to not be overheard, Jessie started in. “Dusty and I were talking,” she began, then paused to give Carl a chance to offer a smart ass retort. He said nothing so she continued. “He helped me realize something. Much as I’ve been trying to help out and get better, I’ve been hung up on what happened.”

  “Kind of like right now,” Carl grumbled, turning and leading them towards some pine trees.

  “Yeah, I guess,” she agreed. “But this is it, I promise!”

  “I ain’t holding my breath,” he muttered just loud enough for her to hear.

  “Damn you, you son of a bitch, this is hard!” she said, clenching her fists and wanting to throw a rock at him. Carl stopped and turned to face her, looking at her and waiting with feigned patience.

  “I’m trying to say I’m done saying I’m sorry. I am, I mean… I’m really ashamed of a lot of stuff, but like Dusty said, I can’t change it so I just have to move forward and be better.”

  “Said all that, did he?” Carl asked, a look in his eyes that said he doubted her yet again.

  “Not really, but that’s what he meant, I think,” she said. She shook her head a minute later, clearing it of thoughts about Dustin’s intentions. “It doesn’t matter what he said or meant, what matters is that I’m here and I’m not going back. I’d never have been able to get cleaned up without someone being an asshole like you, so thanks.”

  “My pleasure,” Carl said with the rare smile. Unfortunately, she knew he was amused at being thanked for being an asshole and not much else.

  “I’m going to make you proud of me, Carl, maybe not anytime soon, but before this is over, you’re going to stop thinking of me as trash and maybe more like a friend.”

  Carl raised an eyebrow, silently challenging her all the more. Jessie blushed, realizing she had a long ways to go with him. “Even if you never think that way, at least I’ll know I tried.”

  “You sure you ain’t drunk?” he asked her, his words slapping her across the face even though his tone was not abusive.

  “I think this might be good for both of us,” Jessie said after she worked past her shock and shame at his unintended insult, “because you’ve got a lot to learn too.”

  He chuckled, then shrugged, admitting that perhaps he did. “We done here?” he asked her.

  She nodded then smiled at him and said, “I think so, unless you want to take me right here and now on the side of the mountain.”

  “Thought you said you’d changed?” Carl growled.

  “I have,” Jessie said, winking at him. “I was going to shoot you down if you said yes.”

  She walked past him, smiling haughtily, and felt a triumphant yell struggling to burst from inside of her. She felt alive, more alive than she had felt in years. After nearly a dozen steps she faltered and stopped, her momentary high spirits crashing as she realized that she had no idea where they were going.

  “Um, what are you doing out here anyhow?” she asked.

  Carl, smiling right back at her with that alpha male look in his eyes, walked past her and up to the first pine tree. “Looking for some pine nuts, give us a little variety.”

  “Pine nuts?” Jessie asked.

  “Yeah, they’re in pine cones,” Carl told her. “This here’s a pinion pine. Grab some pine cones and we’ll head back. The nuts are under the pine cone scales.”

  Jessie stared at the pine cones, each about two inches long and as big around as they were long. She’d never heard of eating pine nuts before, but she knew that she could trust Carl to know what was safe. That or he was trying to poison her so he wouldn’t have to deal with her anymore.

  * * * *

  “How are your feet?”

  Jessie looked up from the rock she sat on, surprised by the voice, and was scrambling to reach for her vintage rifle. Carl was returning from a quick morning hike to scout out their surroundings, a grin on his face. “Always keep it close,” he said, nodding to the rifle.

  Jessie stuck her tongue out at him but then looked down to her feet. “Hurts pretty bad,” she admitted, “but I can make it. What are we going to do for water?”

  Carl hiked up his pack, aware of how light it was since they had drank the last of their water this morning. “Trick ain’t finding water,” he told her, “it’s finding clean water.”

  “What do you mean? I’ll risk a little mud or fish pee,” she said, surprising herself at how badly she wanted a drink. Especially now that she knew they had none to spare. Before, when it had been a matter of having water but rationing it, it was not so bad.

  “Not dirty like that, radiation,” he said. “LA’s about 125 miles west-southwest of us. Wind brought all the fallout from that first nuke in through here. North some, through the Mojave desert, but the heart of that’s only 60 miles west-northwest of us.”

  Jessie looked around, her eyes going from trees to bushes and even a couple of birds “That deer last night, the snake… the trees, they’re growing fine. Wouldn’t this place be dead if there was radiation hanging around?”

  Carl looked around for a moment, trying to reconcile the things she pointed out. “Must have blown most of the fallout high enough the wind took it past or further north,” he said. “Don’t m
ean we shouldn’t be careful.”

  She nodded enthusiastically, agreeing with him. “By the way, I’m feeling much better today,” she said. “No more shakes, see? A solid meal and some good sleep did wonders.”

  He grunted, then moved past her and down towards the boulders where his unofficial charges were at. They were finishing getting ready themselves, or as ready as they could be. Dustin looked rested but miserable. Tanya stood proudly, ready to put on some miles without complaint.

  “How’s your ribs?” Carl asked Dustin.

  “What? Oh, they’re sore but okay,” he said with a surprised look at Carl. He shrugged and offered a smile, “I’ll keep up.”

  Carl nodded, he had pushed them hard to get where they were and he respected them for making it. The alternative might not have been an option, however, so he didn’t bother mentioning it. Just when he was ready to slow down a bit and take it easy on them they now had to push on just as hard – they were out of water and wouldn’t last long without it.

  “Hard day today,” he said. “We could head northwest up into the Mojave National Park. Good chance of finding water and shelter. Might find some other people too. Other option is head northeast, to Nevada. A few towns between here and there, might be water, might be people.”

  Dusty looked up, pleased at the thought of other people. Tanya showed no emotion, leaving Carl to guess what her thoughts were. “Why tell us?” Dustin asked after a moment of thought. “You’re the guy running the show.”

  Carl shrugged. “I’m keeping you alive, you’re the ones with people on your ass. You’re the ones that got to figure out where you want to go.”

  “Why isn’t Jessie down here? She should have a say too,” the teen pointed out.

  Carl glanced up at the path up the side of the ridge he had come down. “Nobody gives a damn about her,” he said, “this is about you two.”