Providence

by Cocca, Lisa Colozza

  I walked down the hall to the dining room and was surprised to see our breakfast had gotten there before us. I mumbled a good morning to Rosie as I settled Baby Girl into her highchair and started feeding her the warm cereal mush and fruit. I slipped bites of my own breakfast into my mouth between Baby Girl’s spoonfuls. I was hoping working this way would get us out of that room quicker. I was wiping Baby Girl’s face clean when the doorbell rang. Mrs. Harper came and whispered something in Lily’s ear. Lily excused herself and walked toward the front hall. “Would you like me to help you back to your room, Rosie?” I asked. I planted Baby Girl on my hip and came around the table to help Rosie to her feet. She held onto my arm for balance as we shuffled out of the room.

  “I only told her, because I know she can help,” Rosie repeated her words from the night before. “You can’t spend your life running away, Becky. You deserve better than that, and so does Georgia Rose.”

  Rosie stopped walking when we entered the hallway. I thought she was feeling weak, so I nodded toward the chair against the wall. “Rosie, you had no right to go behind my back like that, no matter what your reason. I’ve never given you cause to think I would do anything but my best for Georgia.”

  “Of course you haven’t,” Rosie said, looking like a wounded bird. “I know how much you love this baby, but growing up is hard enough even without a baby to tend to on your own. Lily can help, if we let her.” Rosie brought her finger to her lips. “That doesn’t sound like Doc, does it?”

  I listened to the voices in the front hall. “No, I don’t think that’s him,” I said. “Do you want me to call him?”

  “No, I’m fine,” Rosie said. “I’m just being a little nosy.” The voices and footsteps faded and then disappeared when a door clicked shut. “Sounds like they went to her study,” Rosie said, as she started moving again. It wasn’t until we got to her bedroom door that I realized Rosie was already bathed and dressed.

  “Did someone help you this morning?” I asked.

  “Lily went and hired me a nursemaid,” Rosie grunted.

  “A nursemaid?”

  Rosie shook her head. “She gets me out of bed, gets me bathed and dressed, and makes sure I take my medicines. She told me she was going to plan out my napping and exercising time while I was at breakfast. Another way you and I are alike, Becky, is that neither one of us is good at recognizing the need for, or accepting, help. We both need to get past that.” I nodded and opened her door for her. Sure enough, the nurse was standing there, grinning and holding an open folder when we walked in. “Becky, you’ll probably want to go upstairs and find another sock for Georgia Rose now. Nurse and I need to have a little talk.”

  I looked down at Baby Girl’s feet and saw one covered and one naked foot. I figured she must have kicked off her other sock while we were eating or walking to Rosie’s room. I watched the floor as we retraced our steps, but found nothing, not even a speck of dust, until we got back to the dining room. The woman from the kitchen was standing beside the highchair and staring out the window. She had Baby Girl’s sock in her hand and a look of worry on her face. Baby Girl let out a sound, causing the woman to turn toward us and force a smile on her face. I waved Baby Girl’s bare foot at her and thanked her as she handed me the sock. She hurried through a sliding panel to what I guessed was the kitchen. I slipped over to the window. I wanted a peek at whatever was worrying her. A chill ran up my spine when I saw the black and white car in the driveway. The man Lily was talking to in her office was a police officer.

  I hurried upstairs and grabbed my backpack and Baby Girl’s diaper bag. I started stuffing in anything that seemed very necessary. I wished I knew where the movers had put the stroller. I could move a lot faster pushing Baby Girl in the carriage than carrying her in my arms. I had just grabbed Baby Girl’s coat when Lily tapped twice on the door and walked in. I looked in the hall behind her but did not see a policeman. “Are the police with you?” I asked, swallowing hard.

  “He left, but that’s what I want to talk to you about,” Lily said. “This morning someone noticed one of the front windows of the Second Hand Rose is broken. The officer came looking for Rosie. I don’t want her bothered with this. John is going down now to board up the window. Can you go with him later today to see if anything important is missing? Maybe you can pack up any personal items the two of you have there, and any of her financial records. It was probably just the windstorm last night, but it would be best to start clearing things out of the store.” I nodded my head.

  Lily looked at our packed bags. “My lawyer is on his way here. I’ve told him a little bit about your situation. He wants to talk to you himself. He needs a little more information in order for him to get your birth records and such. Since you are seventeen, you don’t need parental permission to get the papers. My lawyer will be able to do it quietly, so no one even knows you needed them. He’ll be here shortly. I will appreciate it if you could join us in my study in about fifteen minutes.” I nodded my head once more. Lily stared at our bags again. “Rosie needs you in her life, Becky. I hope you’ll remember that.”

  The smell coming from Baby Girl’s diaper took over the conversation. “I need to change her diaper,” I said. This time it was Lily’s turn to nod her head.

  “I bet a year ago you would never have pictured yourself doing that so many times a day,” Lily smiled. “Raising a baby is a lot of work,” she said, walking out the door.

  CHAPTER 32

  With Lily gone and Baby Girl with a clean bottom, I sat down in the rocking chair. I got to thinking about Lily’s words. They seemed odd coming from a woman who didn’t cook her own food, do her own laundry, or even open her own door. I changed a baby diaper for the first time when I was seven years old, and from that day on it was my job at home. Mama did it when I was at school, but once I got home it was one of my duties. Looking back, school was a real break for me from wiping bottoms, filling bottles, and looking out for my little brothers and sisters. I didn’t see it that way back then, but then again, I didn’t give a whole lot of thought to all my chores, either. It was just the way it was, and Mama and my brother Joseph didn’t have it much better than me.

  The biggest difference between Mama, Joseph, and me was that for the past year I’d known my life would be different someday. I don’t believe Mama or Joseph ever held that idea in their heads. I’m sure if Mama saw me here rocking a sleeping baby in my arms, she would laugh at the idea that I had escaped my old life. In some ways, she would be right. I still wasn’t seeing the world, or having adventures with friends. My days were mainly spent taking care of others. But some things had changed. The people around me wanted to help me; they wanted better for me. I needed to keep reminding myself of that.

  A tap at the door pulled me out of my head. I laid Baby Girl down in her crib and went to the door. “Miss Lily would like you to come to her study now,” Mrs. Harper said. I looked back toward the crib. “I brought you a baby monitor,” Mrs. Harper said. “You put this piece near the crib and carry this piece with you. Then you’ll be able to hear the baby from any room in the house.”

  I thanked her and set up the monitor on the table next to the rocking chair. I was surprised to see Mrs. Harper still in my doorway when I turned around. I guess she had orders to make sure I showed up in the study. I was nervous about the meeting, so as usual I started babbling on about anything. “Those baby monitors are a real clever idea,” I said. “Now I need someone to invent a Rosie monitor. Her room is about a mile away from mine. I don’t like the feeling she can’t talk to me if she needs me. I know she has that nurse, but still …”

  “The house has an intercom system.” Mrs. Harper patted my arm. “Later, I’ll show you how to use it. You can call her room, and she can call yours.”

  I was trembling by the time I walked into Lily’s office. Lily introduced me to her lawyer, but I was so nervous I didn’t hear the name and was too embarrassed to tell them I missed it. After shaking my hand, he nodded in the dire
ction of a chair and said, “Please, be seated.” I did as I was told, balancing my behind on the edge of the chair. “I need you to write down some basic information for me,” the lawyer said. “I need your full name, date and place of birth, parents’ names, and your mother’s maiden name. List the schools you’ve attended, and the year you stopped attending.” He handed me a pad of paper and a pen.

  “I don’t know my mother’s maiden name,” I whispered.

  “Just do the best you can,” he said.

  When I finished, I handed the pad back to him. He looked it over for a minute and said, “Very good. Now comes the hard part. I need you to tell me everything you can remember about finding the baby. Where and when did you find her? What was she wearing? Did you find anything else in the vicinity of the baby? Did you notice anyone else hanging around?”

  I took a deep breath and looked at Lily. She crossed the room and sat in a chair next to me. She held my hands in hers. “If my being here helps you tell your story, then I’ll stay. If it would be easier for you without me here, then I’ll leave. You decide.”

  I didn’t believe there was anything that could make telling my story easy. “You can stay,” I said. I was surprised to hear those words come out of my mouth, but the truth was Lily was trying to help me, despite learning about my lies. No matter what her words were saying, I knew she wanted to stay, and I owed her that much. I rubbed my finger back and forth across my half of the baby monitor before speaking again. Then I started my story and I didn’t stop for as much as a deep breath until I got it all out.

  “So you have no idea who the baby’s birth mother is?” the lawyer asked.

  “No, sir,” I answered.

  “None whatsoever?”

  “No, sir,” I repeated.

  The lawyer rubbed his chin with one hand and tapped the desktop with the other. “How old was the baby when you found her?”

  “Maybe a few hours. Maybe a few days,” I shrugged. “She couldn’t have been older than that. She still had her belly button stump, and she still had the new baby sleepiness.”

  “And you saw no references to a missing baby in any of the papers you checked?”

  I shook my head. “No, sir.”

  The lawyer turned his attention to Lily. “As I told you before, getting Becky’s documentation should not prove difficult. Straightening out the situation with the baby is another matter. Give me a day or two to see what I can come up with, and we can proceed from there.” He stood up and looked at me again. “Are you sure you don’t want to go home to your family? Do you want someone to let them know you are safe and well? We wouldn’t have to disclose your location.”

  When I told my story, I had left out the part about Daddy telling me he didn’t need to hear from me anymore. I had an ache inside of me from wanting to see Mama and the kids. Daddy had made up his mind, though, and reaching out to any of them would just stir Daddy’s anger. They didn’t need me bringing more trouble down on them. I looked at the lawyer. “No, sir. No one needs to hear from me.”

  While Lily accompanied her lawyer to the door, I made my way down to Rosie’s room. Rosie’s eyes lit up when I came in. “I was hoping you would come by for a visit,” she said. “This house is so big it hardly feels like we’re living together. Where’s Georgia Rose?”

  “She’s napping,” I said. I showed her the baby monitor and told her what Mrs. Harper had said about the intercom system.

  “Well, I like that idea,” she said. “But I prefer sitting face to face with you over talking to you through the walls. What have you been up to this morning? I hope you’re getting some rest. You’ve been carrying too heavy a load for months now. You deserve a little time to catch your breath.”

  I told Rosie about my meeting with Lily and her lawyer. She wanted an instant replay of the meeting, and I did my best to accommodate her. When I had finished, she asked, “That’s it? He didn’t say anything else?”

  “I don’t think so,” I answered. “I was real nervous, so I hope I didn’t miss anything important.”

  Rosie reached over and patted my hands. “Of course, you were nervous,” she said. “From now on, I want to be there when you meet with that lawyer. I have a few questions of my own for him, and two sets of ears are always better than one.”

  I looked at Rosie for a moment before shifting my glance to the floor. Rosie wanted things between us to be business as usual, but I couldn’t help but feel like a wall had been built between us. No matter how many times she explained her actions, it all came back to the fact she’d betrayed my trust. Who knew what other promises would be broken?

  Baby Girl’s voice came through the monitor and stopped the conversation. She had woken up from her nap like a lamb, and was cooing and making all kinds of happy sounds. “I need to get upstairs,” I said.

  Rosie pulled herself up out of the chair and wrapped her arms around me. “I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m truly sorry. I’ve told you why I had to tell Lily, but there’s no excuse for not trusting you enough to talk it over with you before I shared your secrets. You should have been a part of the decision-making process. We can’t undo what’s done, but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

  Tears welled in my eyes. Rosie was right, but I knew it might take some time for forgiveness to take hold of my heart.

  CHAPTER 33

  We split the next couple of days between Lily’s house and the Second Hand Rose. I collected the cash and important papers Rosie needed from the store, and boxed the remaining merchandise to donate to the church. Mornings I spent tending to Baby Girl and Rosie, and after lunch Baby Girl and I rode into town with John. I packed up boxes, and John hauled them over to the church.

  On the first day, Baby Girl seemed as happy as I was to be back in the store. By the second day, I was spending most of my time packing with one hand and holding her on my hip with the other. By late afternoon, I was questioning the wisdom of my bringing her with me. Lily and Rosie had offered to keep watch over her at home, but I had refused their help. Rosie wasn’t up to changing and carrying a baby around, and I couldn’t picture Lily knowing how. I figured the work would fall on the shoulders of Mrs. Harper, and she had enough to do without adding diaper duty to her chore list. I knew I might have been thinking unfairly of Lily. After all, she had been planning on becoming a mama. But the truth is the idea of taking care of a baby is real different from actually taking care of one, and I didn’t think Lily knew that yet.

  We were finishing up for the day when Dottie came through the door. “Ray said I should leave you be so you can get your work done, but I needed to see how everybody is doing. How is Rosie? Is she getting stronger? You girls moving out to Lily’s house must be a real blessing for Lily. How is she doing? I don’t need to ask how this little one is doing. Georgia looks as happy as a hound on the trail of a jackrabbit. How about you? You look a little tired. Do you need some help with all this packing up? I guess the rumor’s true, then. The Second Hand Rose really is closing down. The reverend’s looking for volunteers to figure out what goes to families, what goes to the rummage sale, and what goes to the church nursery. You know, that’s a real nice cash register. I can’t imagine the church will have any use for that. You know who would, though? Pete Garcia, that’s who. I don’t think he has anything in that bike shop but an old tin box to keep his money and receipts in.” Dottie paused to catch her breath.

  I took advantage of the moment. “We’re all fine,” I said. “We were just finishing up for the day. I appreciate your idea about the register. I think Rosie would want Pete to have it. I’ll let Rosie and Lily know you were asking after them. I don’t want to keep you; I know you must be getting ready for the dinner crowd.” I started walking toward the door. As I reached for the handle, Dottie stopped me in my tracks.

  “Lily’s lawyer stopped in the diner for coffee the other day. He was asking about you.”

  “How do you know Lily’s lawyer?” I asked.

  “I don’
t, really,” Dottie said. “When he started asking questions about you, I asked him who he was and what business you were of his. He told me he was Lily’s lawyer and that he had just met you. He said he was just wondering how a young girl like you got along in this town. I told him you have lots of friends here, and he won’t find a single soul in town with a bad word to say about you. He seemed happy to hear that.”

  I looked at Dottie. Here I was wishing she hadn’t noticed me in the store, and there she was defending me to a stranger. I moved over and hugged her with my free arm. “I noticed the same fellow’s car driving straight through town a few minutes before I came over here,” Dottie said. “You make sure Rosie knows if she needs help with anything, Ray and I will do everything we can for her. Do you need a ride out to the house?”

  “No,” I said. “John will be back from the church in a minute or two. Thank you anyway.” I watched Dottie walk back across the street before I bundled up Baby Girl and walked to the bike shop. Pete greeted me like a long-lost relative. He hugged me so tight, I was afraid Baby Girl might get squashed between us. He was grateful for the offer of the cash register and wasted no time finding a wagon to load it into. A little wooden fence surrounded the back half of the wagon. Pete spread a blanket across the bottom and said, “Why don’t we give Georgia a ride back to the Second Hand Rose? It will be fun for her, and it will give you a little break. She looks like she is glued to your hip.”

  Pete pulled the wagon and I walked alongside Baby Girl. The fence would keep her safe, but I felt better knowing I could grab hold of her if need be. When we got to the store, I lifted Baby Girl out of the wagon and Pete followed us into the store. He looked at the mostly empty shelves and said, “This town’s going to miss this shop.” Pete carried the cash register down to the wagon and wrapped it with the same care he had shown for Baby Girl. When he stood up, he turned to me and said, “We all have trouble in our past if you dig deep enough. We just have to keep people from digging.” I didn’t respond. Pete lowered his voice. “Dottie told me about that man asking about you. If Georgia’s father or anybody else is trying to cause you trouble, don’t you worry. Folks around here won’t help them with their digging. We’ll just keep breaking their shovels.”