Amber Frost

by Suzi Davis

  “You’d rescue me?”

  “Isn’t that what friends are for?”

  He laughed in response, his answering smile warming me thoroughly. He suddenly turned, leaping off the sidewalk and onto someone’s perfectly manicured lawn. A small patch of daisies had miraculously bloomed amongst the mossy, green grass. I watched curiously as Sebastian plucked up a handful of the small, white flowers, spinning around and gracefully loping back towards me, a ready smile on his face. I knew him well enough now not to be surprised or to even bother asking what he was up to.

  We continued walking in companionable silence. Sebastian began idly threading the small, white flowers together, all the while keeping up a steady and relaxed pace beside me. Within minutes his skillful hands had created a small yet perfectly braided, crown of daises. His pace slowed and he came to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk, turning to me with his heart-stopping, dimpled grin.

  “For you,” he told me as he lifted the flowered crown and gentle placed it upon my head. His dark eyes sparkled beneath his long, black lashes; my heart started pounding wildly. He took a small yet precise step back as if to admire my crown, he smiled at me playfully. “Such a beautiful Princess,” he teased. We both froze as he spoke. The sudden, strange look in his eyes matched the exact, indescribable feeling that shadowed my heart.

  “Huh. Déjà-vu,” he muttered, his brows pinching together in confusion.

  “Me too,” I whispered, feeling uneasy. I was overwhelmed by the sudden, unquestionable certainty that this moment had happened before; the cool breeze, Sebastian’s fingers raking lightly through my hair, his smooth voice gently teasing me as he called me “princess” or something close to it – it was all so familiar. The day seemed to grow colder, darker, the clouds on the horizon steadily moving in. Sebastian met my eyes, a strange look briefly passing over his face before his expression cleared once more.

  “Huh,” he repeated with a shrug. His smile returned but this time it seemed a little forced. He lightly took my hand and pulled me back into motion, continuing our way down the quiet street. I tried to shake the eerie sensation as effortlessly as he did. I should be used to it by now – strange things happening in Sebastian’s company were to be expected.

  “Of course you know it would never be necessary for you to break into an asylum on my behalf,” he continued as if there had never been a break in the conversation. I focused carefully on his words, willing myself to forget the bizarre, shared sense of déjà-vu from moments before. “Even though there is a good chance you’ll eventually drive me to the point of insanity, I’d only be committed if I really wanted to be and I can assure you, that is not likely to ever happen,” Sebastian pointed out. I automatically smiled at his teasing tone, allowing myself to become distracted by his playfulness.

  “Are you sure, Sebastian? Maybe you’d like the asylum; three square meals a day, lots of interesting people to talk to, nice, comfy, padded room. Don’t knock what you haven’t tried.” He rolled his eyes at me.

  “What would give you the crazy idea that I might desire anyone’s company other than your own? The insane dull in comparison to you.”

  “Um… thanks?” I answered, looking to Sebastian with uncertainty. He gazed back at me solemnly with eyes full of laughter. “I won’t completely abandon my rescue plans though; it’s still quite possible you’ll be committed at some point in the future. Sometimes I’m not sure if you really know what you want,” I added. Sebastian’s response was unexpected. He lurched to an abrupt stop, stepping in front of me to block my path with intense eyes, squeezing my hand firmly in his.

  “You don’t think I know what I want?” he asked, his smooth voice amused but slightly rougher than usual. His eyes were dark and smoldering, he seemed almost angry but at the same time I could see the dark humor in their depths. I knew I should probably say something to placate him but lately I’d grown used to saying what I wanted, pleasing myself first, so I answered honestly without thinking.

  “No, I know you don’t. Or at least, you’re afraid to admit the truth sometimes.”

  He didn’t answer me. He just continued to stare at me, his gaze heated, his grip on my hand tightening slightly as the amusement faded from his eyes. I’d never seen him like this before. It was frightening and thrilling all at once. My heart was pounding rapidly again. The air seemed to thicken around us, Sebastian’s intensity spreading like an electric current in the air. Thunder rumbled overhead.

  “I’m not afraid,” he declared, his voice low but soft. Lightning flashed nearby, a sudden brightness in the sky that was now black.

  “Neither am I.” My voice came out hushed and trembling, at odds with my brave words.

  Rain suddenly came plummeting down all around us, heavy, fat droplets that instantly drenched our clothes. The heavens opened and the rain poured down mercilessly, the noise of it hitting the asphalt nearly drowning out the sound of the crashing thunder.

  Sebastian suddenly grinned at me, his black hair flattened to his head, rain pouring down his face and drops dripping from his nose. Though his dark mood had suddenly vanished, there was now a strange brightness to his eyes, an unreadable emotion hiding in their depths.

  Wordlessly, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into a sprint. We ran through the storm, splashing through puddles and laughing together as the wind rose up and whipped at our hair and our clothes. The wind tore the flowered crown from my head and tangled loose daisies in my soaked locks. I tossed my head back and laughed, thrillingly free and alive.

  Sebastian suddenly turned off the sidewalk, pulling me along with him up a steep and unfamiliar driveway. My laughter faded as I began to feel nervous – after all, we were trespassing. The driveway was empty though and there weren’t any lights on inside the house. Sebastian ignored the tall, antique-looking home and led me around to the surprisingly expansive garden behind it. There was a large work shed off to one side, the door slightly ajar. He led me over to it, holding the door open for me and gesturing that I should go in. I didn’t hesitate for a second; the rain was drenching both of us and the sound of the crashing thunder and steadily howling wind had chased away my objections. Sebastian followed me in, closing the door behind us.

  There were no windows in the shed and once Sebastian closed the door, we were thrust into musty darkness. The rain poured down noisily on the roof above us and the wind shook the thin walls. I could hear a dripping sound from near the back of the shed where the roof probably leaked. A nearby rustling sound made me jump – I hoped there were no rats taking shelter here too.

  “Sebastian?” My voice sounded small and afraid. I groped the shadows, my fingers searching anxiously for him.

  “Just one second.” His voice came from the same direction as the rustling noises – that was good at least. “There, found it.” Suddenly the interior of the shed was lit up by the warm light of a small camping lantern that Sebastian proudly held up. I looked around, inspecting my surroundings.

  The interior of the shed was larger than I expected but there was no space to spare as it was crammed full of stuff; gardening tools, furniture, boxes, it was all piled up precariously around us. Sebastian placed the lantern on the ground beside me and was now rummaging through one of the cardboard boxes.

  “Sebastian, what are you doing? You shouldn’t go through someone else’s things,” I scolded. “What are we even doing in here?”

  “It’s a safe, dry place for us to wait out the storm,” he answered, not bothering to look at me as he spoke. He turned to another box and began digging through the items in it. “And for your information, these are actually my things. Well, some of them are,” he admitted. “Aha!” He pulled a heavy blanket out of the box he’d been searching through and tossed it over his shoulder. “This way. Try not to bump anything – it’s not balanced very well,” he instructed as he started to inch his way through the piles of clutter.

  “Why are you storing things in someone else’s garden shed?” I asked curiously as I
carefully squeezed past an old, rusty wheelbarrow with several boxes piled up in it.

  “Before I met the Jensons, I used to sleep here sometimes when it was too cold or wet to sleep in the park. It’s always unlocked and no one’s ever caught me using it.”

  “Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  “Here, take your coat off and sit down,” he instructed. He hung the lantern from a small hook overhead so that we could both see. We had reached the back of the shed where there was a small open area amongst the clutter. Stuffed into the small space was a dusty old couch with several cushions on it that Sebastian was gesturing for me to sit down on. I slipped out of my sodden jacket and hung it beside his on the back of a nearby chair, then hesitantly lowered myself onto the edge of the couch, hoping there were no spiders or mice living in it.

  “You’re shivering,” Sebastian noticed, looking concerned. Though the shed was fairly warm, almost cozy inside, my hair was still soaking wet and I was cold now that I’d taken my drenched jacket off.

  “I’ll be fine in a minute,” I managed to get out between my chattering teeth. Sebastian rolled his eyes at me, then stepped forwards, pulling the blanket from his shoulder and wrapping it snuggly around me. I held it tight to my body, attempting to trap in some heat.

  “Better?”

  “A little.” My teeth were no longer chattering but I was still shivering. Sebastian started rummaging around again until he found another blanket. He sat down on the couch close beside me and then wrapped his blanket around us both, pulling me against his side. Though he had gotten just as wet as I had, he didn’t seem anywhere near as cold. Warmth radiated from him and I snuggled in under his arm, resting my head against his shoulder. My heart beat a little faster, my pulse quickening from his proximity. Was it my imagination or did he seem to be breathing a little more quickly than usual too?

  We sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of the torrential rain pounding against the shed’s roof and the sounds of each other breathing. I warmed up quite quickly, a flush beginning to creep into my cheeks but I didn’t move an inch away from Sebastian. I had to fight the urge to pull myself even closer to him; to tilt my chin up and gently kiss his smooth, perfect jaw…

  “What are you thinking?” His lilting voice interrupted my thoughts.

  “Nothing,” I answered automatically and somewhat guiltily.

  “Gracelynn,” he warned, his voice uncharacteristically stern. “Don’t play games.”

  “I’m not,” I denied. I turned my head so my face was against his neck, hoping he wouldn’t notice my blush. It was a bad idea; his skin was so warm and silky smooth, and he smelt absolutely delicious. “Can’t I keep just one secret from you?” I asked, desperately trying to focus on our conversation and not become distracted by his warm body pressing against me.

  “No. Now tell me what it is, please? I really want to know.”

  “I don’t think you do.”

  “I do. I really want to know, Gracelynn. Which means you’ll inevitably end up telling me, one way or another. So you might as well just tell me now,” he reasoned. I let out a gentle sigh against his chest. I was surprised to feel him shiver as my breath touched his skin.

  “You’re absolutely sure. You really want to know what I was thinking about?”

  “Definitely.” He sounded certain.

  “Okay,” I agreed, giving in. I knew I had lost the argument from the moment that he decided he wanted to know. It really was inevitable that he would get his way. But how could I tell him? How could I possibly find the words to describe the way he made me feel? To explain the overwhelming, intense attraction that I felt? To describe the powerful emotions that he triggered within me, that had been building each and every day since the first day we met. I shifted against him nervously. There were no words. I knew the only way I could possibly express myself was to show him. It was a risk. Most likely he’d instantly reject me but for some reason, as I listened to his slightly ragged breathing, as I heard his thumping heart beating a little too quickly in his chest, a sudden hope stirred within me and I knew I had to try.

  I slowly and nervously lifted my head off his shoulder, and turned to face him. He was studying me curiously, anxiously waiting to hear my thoughts. My heart pounded even harder as I looked at him, studying his black, mussed hair, his smoldering, dark eyes, his perfect lips. His expression became one of confusion as I lifted a slightly-trembling hand to lightly brush the side of his face. My breathing became uneven as I slowly leaned in closer. His eyes widened as he seemed to realize what I was about to do.

  “Gracelynn?” His eyes searched mine questioningly as he pulled back slightly. He didn’t sound angry or even disapproving, just puzzled and perhaps a little sad.

  “I can’t tell you what I was thinking,” I whispered, my voice hushed and soft. “But I can show you.”

  “Gracelynn… don’t do this,” he objected. There was something in his eyes though that was at odds with his words. A small spark, a glimmer of… something.

  “But why? Why don’t you want me to?” My voice shook as I tried to hide the hurt that his rejection was causing me. Something must have shown on my face though because Sebastian’s expression suddenly changed, that tiny spark igniting into a fiery blaze.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” he admonished, he almost sounded angry now. “Of course I want you to – of course I want you. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything else in my life.” His low, rough words sent thrills through me. I barely had time to react though as he quickly leaned in to bring his lips to mine.

  It was as if I’d never been kissed before. I had nothing in my experience to compare it to. I had kissed other boys, Clarke and a few others before him, but it had been nothing like this. Sebastian’s lips met mine with a steadily burning intensity. His lips were smooth and soft, moving gently, teasingly, against mine. Sensations erupted throughout my body that were entirely new to me. I felt like I was burning up and tingling all over; a powerful, intense passion building within my core. My heart pounded wildly, I felt like I was forgetting to breathe, my body came alive and moved almost of its own accord as I climbed onto his lap, wrapping myself around him and curling my fingers into his soft, damp hair, pulling him even closer. He responded to my touch similarly, his strong, warm hands holding me tightly, his lips moving from my mouth to my neck while a soft gasp escaped my lips in response. Then suddenly, and abruptly, he stopped at the sound of my ecstatic exhale. His lips froze against my skin, his whole body suddenly motionless and tense, and then slowly he pulled away.

  He gently untangled my hands from his hair. Reluctantly, I allowed him to move me so that I now sat beside him with my legs across his lap. I was relieved when he pulled me firmly against his chest though, wrapping his arms around me tightly again. He lifted the blanket that had slipped down and pulled it over us both. We sat in silence. I listened to his heart slowly calm down, to his breathing become deeper and more even. I tried to wrap my head around what had just happened but once again, I could find no words to describe how I felt.

  “Well… I’m glad I asked,” he finally said, his voice slightly breathless.

  “Me too,” I whispered with a shy smile. We fell into silence again.

  “But maybe I shouldn’t have… I don’t know. Oh, Gracelynn,” he sighed, “I don’t ever want to lose you.” My heart swelled at his words.

  “You can keep me forever,” I promised.

  “No, I can’t. I shouldn’t,” he argued.

  “I don’t want to lose you either.”

  He sighed. “It stopped raining – we should head back to school.” It was then that I realized I could no longer hear the raindrops hitting the shed’s roof. He gently lifted my legs off his lap and stood up, swiftly moving away from me. I instantly felt colder, lonelier; I didn’t know what to say to him.

  We put our damp jackets back on and made our way out of the shed. I was surprised to step outside into the weak sunshine. I searc
hed the sky for traces of the storm but none were to be found. If it weren’t for my damp clothes and hair, I would have wondered if the storm had even happened. I looked to Sebastian questioningly but he carefully avoided my eye.

  We walked back to school in silence. I was so absorbed in my own thoughts it was difficult to tell whether it was a friendly silence or not. It did seem like there was a gathering distance between us. Why did Sebastian avoid my eye that way? Why did he seem so… regretful now? He had said he wanted me, he had kissed me, so why wasn’t he happier? Why did I feel like he was pulling away from me now, when we should have been closer than ever before?

  “What are you thinking?” I asked, turning the tables on him. He glanced at me briefly as I spoke, quickly looking away again before answering.

  “I was thinking about you,” he admitted. “Lately it feels like I’m always thinking about you.” His words should have pleased me but he said it like it was a bad thing.

  “What about me?” I pressed. Why did I feel so anxious?

  “I was thinking that I shouldn’t have suggested going for a walk – I’ve made you late for Geography. And I was thinking about… I hope I haven’t ruined our friendship,” he confessed. He turned to me then, his eyes full of worry, his expression tired and worn.

  “You haven’t,” I assured him.

  “We’ll see,” he answered quietly. He sounded resigned. “I just want you to be happy.”

  “I am happy; you make me happy.”

  “You make me happy too,” he admitted. “And confused, and a little bit crazy.”

  I laughed. “Glad we’re on the same page.”

  We shared a smile, a hint of Sebastian’s usual good humor returning. We were at the school gates. Sebastian paused before them.

  “Goodbye, Gracelynn.”

  “Aren’t you coming back to school?” I asked, surprised.

  “No. I forgot… there’s something I have to take care of.”