Silver Player: The Silver Foxes of Blue Ridge

by L. B. Dunbar

  “You’re in deep, aren’t you, man?” Jaxson says to me, and I feel Jordan’s eyes on the side of my head. “You love her, but you fucked it up, didn’t you?”

  How does my twenty-seven-year-old nephew know this stuff?

  I shake my head, lowering my face. I’m a disappointment…to myself. She trusted me.

  “Roxie could be a game changer for you,” Jordan warns, offering advice as my attorney, but he has no idea of the truth in those words. She already changed the game. I want her. I want Sadie and her.

  34

  Disillusioned by disappointment

  [Roxanne]

  “So how was your date?” Grace asks me. We have extended hours through the holiday season, and she’s offered to stay late on this Saturday. Tourism is up as people want the quaint and the quiet of a small town to draw them into the festive spirit. Blue Ridge is pretty with the streetlamps and mini white lights in the trees. Every storefront holds a wreath or plaid bow on its door, greeting customers.

  I’m thankful for Grace’s presence as I’ve been distracted all afternoon. At some point, Sadie returned to the apartment, texting me to say she was upstairs. Mr. Harrington did not drive me home after all. Mati did, and I was grateful for her silence after telling me she loved her brother, but she knew he could be a jerk sometimes.

  “It was…” What did Billy call our night together? I made love to you.

  Fun. Insightful. Hurtful. Before the wall sex, I might have said earth-shattering and a game changer. I suppose even after wall sex, it was game changing. “He lied to me.”

  “What happened?” Grace stares at me, but I don’t look up from the stack of books I need to re-shelve.

  “He played me, Grace. I thought we were maybe starting something…something different, special even, but he played me. He told me we could work things out about Sadie, and all along, he had plans to seek full custody. He used me to get her.”

  I forgot. The words ring through my head. How do you forget such a thing?

  “He…wouldn’t separate you from Sadie,” Grace tries to assure me, but even she sounds skeptical.

  “I don’t think it’s a matter of separating us. Just establishing his rights as her father.” I swallow the bitterness in my throat. Not that he isn’t her father, but that he never told me he planned to go this route. “He has court or something this week.”

  Grace continues to stare and then reaches out for my hand. “Are you sure it isn’t a misunderstanding?”

  “What’s to misunderstand? He’s her father, right? And I’m just a woman he had sex with. He used me to get close to his daughter.” Tears well again, and I rapidly blink.

  “Oh, honey, I don’t believe that. You don’t believe that.”

  My head snaps up, and I finally look at her. “Grace, I wanted to believe a lot of things about him. Believe that he meant what he said when he promised he wouldn’t file, and we would work it out. Those were his words, and like a damn fool, I believed him. And then I fell for his charm.” I made love to you. The tears fall harder, and I cover my forehead with a hand. “He’s a player, and I was played.”

  What did I expect? I’d been upset for years that he hadn’t shown any interest in me, and now I feel like the interest was only because of Sadie. I was a means to get close to his daughter, and now he is.

  “Was he bad?” Grace’s voice lowers as she holds two fingers a few inches apart. She’s trying to ease the tension.

  A sad, weak smile curls my lips, and I shake my head. “He was…fine.” My face pinkens. It’s not even close to how he was or how I felt.

  “Do you mean fiiiiine?” She wiggles her brows. For a woman without a sex life, she’s still spunky. Sure, Billy Harrington is fine in the elongated emphasis. His body is incredible with smooth plains and little valleys. And his appendage…phew, I want to tug at my collar and fan myself, but he is more than just sex on a stick—or I thought he was. He opened up to me. He told me about his history.

  I made love to you.

  Love? No, I’m not certain Billy is capable of it after Rachel. We are physically attracted to each other, and my body betrays me when I think of his.

  The way he touched me. The way he kissed me. The way he entered me.

  “I’ll just be one of many,” I state flippantly as I pick up the stack of books.

  “You don’t mean that,” Grace states, surprise in her tone. “I don’t believe he feels that way.”

  “It shouldn’t matter, right? Billy and I have danced around each other for years. Sadie’s the only reason we came together, and I made a mistake.” I swallow over the word. “I let things go too far and got in over my head.” And my heart. “And now, I just need to deal with the aftermath. I won’t lose Sadie to him. Not like this.”

  “Roxanne, I think you just need to talk to him. This just doesn’t feel right to me. I’ve seen him around you. He lights up when he looks at you, and he seeks you out. He’s…totally into you…and it’s not just because of Sadie.” I don’t know how Grace can see such a thing. She doesn’t even recognize that Clyde’s always looking at her like she’s something sweet.

  I hitch the stack of books into my hands and tip my head. “I’m going to shelve these.” I don’t want to keep talking about Billy. I’m numb to him. Now, if only my heart would get the memo.

  + + +

  I’m exhausted, and after a long shower with more tears, I curl into my bed. I’m holding a book, but I’m not reading the words as my thoughts race. A soft knock comes to my bedroom door, and I shift as Sadie enters.

  “Hey,” I whisper, my voice hoarse from crying.

  “Hey.” Sadie enters and then crawls up on the bed next to me. She lays on her side, her head on the opposite pillow. Her eyes search my face. “Why do boys have to suck?”

  I bitterly chuckle. “I don’t know, but they don’t grow out of it.”

  “Think that’s why Mom never married?” The question surprises me, and I shift against my own pillow.

  “I think she just never found the one she thought was right for her and you.” My sister didn’t date much. I’m certain she had nights of commitment-less sex with acquaintances, but no one she ever brought home to Sadie.

  “And you haven’t ever found the one either?” she asks. Sadie knows about my long-term relationship with Chad, and there were many questions at thirteen when we broke up, and I moved. It seemed easier to explain how people fall out of love than how people make a decision to fall in love.

  “I haven’t met the one for me either.” Billy could have been him. He checks all the boxes with regard to Sadie, but the boxes are slowly unchecking for me.

  Sadie weakly smiles at me. “What did Billy do?”

  I don’t want to turn Sadie against her father, so I need to tread cautiously.

  “Billy just wants to be involved in your life,” I begin. Not mine. Only hers. “As he should be. I didn’t know about the interviews he has scheduled.” I fault our child services advocate in this matter and can’t contact anyone until Monday, which is frustrating. “Did you know Billy was seeking custody?”

  Sadie shakes her head. “He’s asked me if I thought I could ever live with him.”

  I hold my breath, waiting for her answer. “I wouldn’t be opposed, but I don’t want to leave you. I don’t see why things can’t stay as they are.”

  I reach out for her, brushing back strands of black hair. “I agree, but Billy is your father, and he has more right to you than I do in the court of law.”

  Sadie stares at me a long minute while I continue to stroke her hair. “But you like him, right? I mean, you went on a date last night.” Her eyes tell me she has more to add, knows more than she should.

  “I…made a mistake, Sadie. An error in judgment on my part.” I trusted him. With me. “But that’s between Billy and me and has nothing to do with you.”

  “But you were fighting about me this morning,” she states, and I close my eyes. The whole scene comes back to me, and I’m
so embarrassed. I’ll never be able to face the Harrington clan again.

  “Sadie, I don’t think it was so much about you as it was that we both said things we shouldn’t have said, and then he didn’t tell me about the interviews.”

  “After you left, he told me they would be nothing more than a bunch of questions. I can say what I want and express my opinion.”

  I smile weakly at her. “I won’t let anything separate us, Sadie. You’re my family. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. But they’re my family, also.” Her words are like a slap, although I know she isn’t wrong. “Can’t you talk to him? Work something out.”

  Ah, his famous words to me.

  “I think we’re past speaking to each other. It might be best to just let the courts handle things between Billy and me for you, honey.” I swallow the lump in my throat. This is just how I didn’t want things to go. I didn’t want her to feel like she was in a tug-of-war.

  “Please. For me. Just talk to him. Hear him out.”

  Why? Does she know something I don’t?

  “I’ll think about it,” I say, and I hate that I’m lying to her because I won’t.

  I have nothing to say to Billy Harrington.

  35

  The hole deepens

  [Billy]

  “Looking for someone?” Giant asks me, catching my eyes traveling to the side window of the pub.

  “Nah.” I pull my eyes away from the glass for the hundredth time.

  “Huh,” he huffs.

  “What’s huh mean?”

  Giant smiles, shaking his head. He’s been less grumpy now that he has Letty in his life. She lives in Chicago, though, and I don’t know how he does the long-distance relationship thing. For now, I know he has his reasons, but still. I’d want my woman daily, if I wanted a woman, which I don’t.

  My eyes drift to the window once again.

  “That’s what huh means.” He lifts his beer and points the stein in my direction. I’ve been caught.

  “What’s going on?” He nods toward the glass. “I don’t think your wandering eyes are looking for your daughter. But you don’t like Roxanne if I remember correctly.” His lips slowly turn upward like he knows something else.

  “I don’t. I didn’t. I…I don’t know.” My shoulders sag. I messed up so badly this morning, and all I want to do is turn back time and crawl under the bedsheet tent and bury myself inside her. I need a do-over. “We’ve been seeing a lot of each other.”

  “Dating is hard,” Giant agrees.

  “We aren’t dating,” I snap. I don’t know what we’re doing, and at this point, I don’t even think we’re doing anything ever again.

  “You just said you were seeing each other.”

  “You’re seeing someone?” My attention turns to the Minnie Mouse voice squeaking to my right.

  “Kristy,” I grit. Usually, I do a duck and cover when I see her coming, but I’d been so focused on the window I hadn’t notice her arrival.

  “Billy Harrington, did I just hear you’re dating someone?”

  “Me?” I choke. “You know I don’t date, honey.” I wink at her and catch the eye of my brother. His face hardens as he watches me.

  “Well, that’s what you’ve been telling me for months. You still like doing other things, right, sugar?” She’s leaning over the bar, pressing her fake tits together, making them swell enough they might pop out her low-cut T-shirt. It’s too cool outside for such a shirt, but I know what she’s playing at and what she’s insinuating.

  “I sure do. I’m always up for a good time.” I smile, but my teeth clench. A hand hits my shoulder hard and holds. I look over at Clyde, who’s watching me almost as intently as my brother. The words taste acidic on my tongue, and then something catches in my periphery.

  “Billy Harrington, you’ve been avoiding me.” Kristy interjects into my upset.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mock, knowing full well what she means.

  “It’s been months.”

  Nearly six, but who’s counting.

  “I’ve missed you,” she pouts, and I might throw up a little in my own mouth. There’s nothing for Kristy to miss. It was one night and too many drinks.

  “I heard you have a daughter.” She lowers her voice like it’s top secret information. “I didn’t know you wanted to be a family man.” Stars fill her eyes. Oh, hell no.

  “I didn’t,” I say, finding another statement burning my tongue. Once upon a time, I figured Rachel and I would have kids eventually, but she’d been holding out on me for so long, or so I thought, and I thought children might never happen. I later learned she hadn’t wanted children in the conventional manner, and she’d been on the pill our entire marriage.

  “It’s okay with me. I find daddies sexy.”

  Something was so wrong in Kristy’s statement, and I stare back at her while she leans against the bar.

  “I have something to do in my office,” I state, dismissing myself and making a hasty exit from the main bar. I usually duck into the kitchen and take the stairs to my second-floor office that way, but for some reason, I head to the main stairwell leading to the party floor. Just as I open the door to the well, I hear the sharp sound of heels following me.

  “Honey.” I turn, attempting flirtation as a decoy. “You know you can’t come into my office.” It’s the excuse I used when I led her to her car and took her in the back seat like some pubescent teen. It’s my policy with any woman, except Roxie. She’s been in there on a few occasions.

  Roxanne is the exception to everything.

  “But you’ve been avoiding me for so long, and you seem so stressed lately.” She sidles up to me, slipping her arms over my shoulders. My skin crawls, and I circle her wrists, drawing her hands off me. Her fingers drag down my chest until I step back, holding her at arm’s length.

  “I’m not stressed,” I say with a little too much force. “I’m just busy.” I’m not about to go into the details of embracing my new responsibility and learning about my daughter while fucking up the first relationship I’ve had in years. Kristy isn’t the person to share such things with. Roxie is. My chest aches.

  “You could be busy with me,” she pathetically flirts, attempting to step into me as the door to the stairwell opens.

  “Dad, why is—” Her words stop as I look up. Sadie’s eyes shift between me and Kristy and then fall to my hands around Kristy’s wrists and her body leaning toward mine.

  “I…” Sadie steps back, eyes wild as they move from Kristy to me. Shaking her head, she turns away from me, allowing the stairwell door to slam behind her. “Sadie,” I call after her as she disappears into the Saturday night crowd. I glare at Clyde standing behind the bar as I pass. I’ve no doubt he let Sadie in the bar so late and then directed her to me.

  “You’re fired,” I yell at him over the patrons.

  “You’re going to thank me,” he yells back. As mature as I am, I flip him the bird over my shoulder as I pursue my daughter.

  “Sadie!” I yell once outside as she crosses the street, and I pick up my pace. She’s a runner, and she should consider track because she’s fast. As she nears the back stairs to her apartment, she shifts around them and breaks into a full sprint along the back alley.

  I follow her as best I can, but I’m short of breath and wheezing as I try to catch up to her, still yelling her name for a few blocks before she finally stops.

  Holy shit, I fall forward, my hands clutching at my knees to get ahold of my breathing. If she breaks free again, I’ll never be able to keep up, but I’ll follow even if it gives me a damn heart attack.

  “You’re out of shape, old man.”

  “Jesus, you’re fast. What’s your time?”

  She stares at me as I look up at her from my bent position. Her head tilts. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “You should think about track in the spring. Cross country maybe.” I’m still huffing as I stand, the air cold around us, and s
he isn’t wearing more than a lightweight pullover and leggings. “Where’s your jacket?”

  “Don’t play father to me,” she snaps, hands coming to her hips.

  “I’m not playing anything,” I bark.

  “What were you doing with that woman?” she asks, like she’s also a woman. A woman scorned.

  “Kristy? She’s nobody.” Sadie’s eyes narrow at me, so similar to the way her aunt does. “We…” fooled around once. “It was…” only once. Sweet Jesus, am I supposed to justify myself to my kid? I’m not about to tell her all the things I’ve done with women, which are all the things she better never do with a boy, or anything remotely male until she’s like forty. I sigh in exasperation.

  “Sadie, I…”

  “Roxie is really upset.”

  My head lowers.

  “She’s mad at you,” Sadie huffs.

  “I know.”

  “I thought you two were getting along. I thought you liked each other.”

  “We do.” I sigh. “As…friends.”

  “Friends?” she scoffs. “Do friends kiss? Do friends spend the night? Do friends look at each other all the time?”

  “Sadie, it’s…complicated.” I exhale.

  “It’s called liking someone,” she snaps, glaring at me. Hands still on her hip like she’s lecturing me, and she is.

  “Look, it’s more—”

  “You’re right, it’s more. You’re in love with each other.”

  I stare back at her. “I was going to say more complicated than liking.”

  “Love is complicated.”

  I stare at her, really look at my daughter; her face flushed from running, mouth stern, eyes piercing. If she had lion-red hair, she’d be my sister at sixteen. I chuckle. “How did you get so wise?”

  “I told you, I know a thing or two about dating.”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t want to know your thing or two, and Roxanne and I aren’t dating,” I say, pointing back at her. It’s the second time I’ve denied what Roxanne and I are doing, and it doesn’t feel right to me.