Sarah Smile (Halos & Horns

by Lori Leger

  Or would be?

  He’d half-assed apologized for the guy, yet he hadn’t denied it.

  She kicked off her covers, got up from her bed to turn on the ceiling fan. She went to the window seat, grabbing the book she’d started earlier and opened it to the bookmarked page. In less than a minute, she slapped the book closed, her ability to concentrate, shot to hell, used it to fan her face instead. Her bedroom’s temperature had nothing to do with the heat infusing her body. That was nothing but thoughts of Tanner..

  She picked up her phone. Read the text for the hundredth time. “Call me, dammit. Call me!”

  She hit dial and ended it before it rang, just as she had dozens of previous times. “Don’t call him. He’s busy getting his father on new meds, managing doctor’s appointments, helping his mother deal with everything.”

  She pictured him, the look that had come over his face the instant before Parker had interrupted them. She had already seen it by then. The Tanner Collins classic “I’m not worthy,” look. “Stubborn man.”

  He held back to punish himself, because of some misguided notion that he was too jaded for her. She fanned herself with the book again, wondering if he realized he was punishing her, too.

  She lifted the phone to eye level and typed in the two words echoing through her mind and hit send.

  Tanner jerked the covers away and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He pushed off and went to stand in front of the window.

  All his life, he’d been an easy sleeper. No amount of stress or worries had stopped him from getting his z’s. Tiffany had attributed it once to his total lack of conscience. He’d denied it then, but now realized how spot on she’d been. What other reason could have allowed him to sleep like a baby while he’d wronged so many people? He’d hurt countless girlfriends and one fiancée by sleeping around, and he’d lost a few male friends by sleeping with their girls. There had been hundreds of them, some with husbands at home. No woman had been safe from his advances, unless they had children. That’s where he’d drawn the line. He may have caused problems in a marriage or two, but never ones involving children.

  He picked up his phone to check the time again. Two a.m. The phone buzzed and chirped in his hands, surprising him so badly, he nearly dropped it. He stared at the screen, seeing Sarah’s name flash. She’d sent him a text.

  You ok?

  He placed his hand on his chest, trying to stop the pounding of his heart. Damn! How the hell could two little words typed out on a tiny screen, turn his heart into a jack-hammer? What was he, a pimply faced thirteen-year-old, walking around with a perpetual stiff for his first major crush?

  He stared at the text, wondering if he should answer. If he did, she’d know he was unable to sleep, and possibly think it was because of her. A two a.m. text message was a good indicator that she wasn’t getting much shut eye either. He thought about ignoring it. No use leading her on if nothing could come of this, right? But, he wouldn’t just leave her hanging like that when she obviously cared enough to ask. He passed his thumb pad lightly over the keys and sent another two word text.

  I am.

  He waited a moment, got another back in reply.

  Your dad?

  He’s fine now. Thanks for asking. Shut this down, Collins. Good night. He hit send and waited.

  Good. You’re welcome. After a moment she sent a final Night Tanner.

  He waited. Nothing more came. Part of him breathed a sigh of relief. Another part was sick with worry that he’d never hear from her again.

  “It’s best this way,” he murmured, reminding himself to stay strong for her. He sure as hell didn’t want to be that guy—the one to break Sarah’s heart.

  He grabbed the phone and put it in the top dresser drawer. Out of sight, out of mind.

  Once he’d made his way into the kitchen, he popped in a single brew cup of decaf Columbian and leaned against the cabinet to wait for it.

  “Kyant get no shut-eye, Mon?”

  He jumped at the voice behind him. “Shit, Zoe! Make some damn noise, would you?”

  The nurse emitted a light laugh from the table at the breakfast nook.

  “Sorry, Doc, I sometimes sit in the dark to still my mind from the worries of the day.”

  He faced her, leaning one hip against the cool, granite counter top. “Do you worry much about things?”

  “Keah. A person would have to be heartless not to. I expect that’s why you’re down here. You aren’t nearly as heartless as you think you are.”

  Tanner watched as the coffee maker filled his mug. “Maybe I just put on a good front.” He pulled the full mug from the tray and walked over to Zoe, settling for the chair across from her.

  “I don’t see any traces of it left in your aura,” she said.

  He sipped from his steaming mug before setting it down on the end table. “I’m not sold on that ‘aura’ thing.”

  “Whether you believe it or not, everyone has them. I get the ability to see them from my granny. The first time I met you, I could still see traces of it—your former nasty self. As hard as you tried to hang on to ‘em, they’re all gone now.”

  “Maybe my ‘nasty self’ is just buried under a layer of me pretending to be a good guy.”

  “Nah. No layers. You truly are a good guy.” She rose from the table and headed back toward her bedroom. Just before disappearing down the hallway, she turned to face him again. “You should be more accepting of that part of yourself.”

  Tanner sat in the silent darkness of the room, the only sound his quiet sips from the coffee and the soft hum of kitchen appliances. He sat there running lines of conversations over in his mind until his eyelids grew heavy.

  He made his way back to his bedroom and settled onto the mattress, picturing Sarah as he’d left her, her last words to him ringing through his mind like the tower bell in St. Louis Cathedral. Don’t forget.

  Not likely, he thought, before finally falling into a blessed state of sleep.

  Chapter 11

  Sarah dropped the phone on her bed, disappointed to her core she’d had no more messages from Tanner. She brushed back her curls, clasped them in a barrette and headed to the nursery. She could tell from the subtle snuffs and sounds coming from the monitor that at least one of her daughters was awake.

  She tiptoed into the room just as two little heads popped above the crib rails, their hair a wild disarray of golden curls.

  “Hello sweet girls!” she cooed, lifting Sammi and placing her in the crib with her sister. “Did my babies get a good night of sleep?”

  The girls chirped excitedly at the sight of their mother then crawled over to each other.

  Once she’d covered their faces with kisses, she changed diapers and wiped away the sleepy crust from little eyes and noses. She placed them on the carpet so they could crawl around. Both squealed with delight at the sight of Leah and Daniel appearing in the doorway.

  “Hey, there’s my munchkins.” Daniel’s voice boomed from the doorway, as he scooped up Sammi.

  “Hello gorgeous girls,” Leah cooed, lifting Danni for a kiss.

  It always thrilled Sarah to see the older couple make such a huge fuss over her daughters.

  Daniel’s laughter rang out as the toddler he held patted his face with both chubby hands and butted heads with him. He squeezed her tight and faced Sarah. “My God, I love waking up to these two.”

  “What a joy it is, seeing these faces first thing in the morning,” Leah added, her eyes creased with laughter.

  Sarah fidgeted, uneasy about having to bring up a particular subject. “I think it’s safe to say they feel the same way. One of these days, I’ll have to move out of here and give you your privacy back, you know.”

  “Oh, don’t unsettle my stomach before I’ve had my morning coffee,” Leah pleaded.

  Daniel stared in horror while clinging to Sammi. “You wouldn’t break an old man’s heart like that, would you?”

  “Come on, you two. We’ve had this discussi
on before. One of these days I’ll have to learn to be independent.”

  “Sarah, you had to deal with things the hard way for too damned long,” Daniel growled. “Besides, I can’t stand the thought of you bringing my munchkins to an old daycare at the crack of dawn so you can get to a job in the city by eight a.m. Why would you want to do that when we love having them here with us?”

  “We adore having them here,” Leah corrected.

  “It’s what I feel I should do. I feel guilty. Like I’m taking advantage of you two and taking time you should have with your own grandchildren.”

  Leah and Daniel stared at each other, obviously shocked by her words, and by the looks on their faces, horribly offended. Leah was the first to find her tongue.

  “Sarah, have you ever known us to turn down a babysitting gig for any of our grandchildren?”

  “Including these two?” Daniel objected. He jabbed his finger at her. “If your girls grow up calling me anything besides Paw Paw Dan, there’ll be hell to pay, I’m warning you now.”

  “And you know how much I love being their grandmother,” Leah added, close to tears.

  Sarah stood back, with arms crossed, shaking her head slowly at the two people who doled out nothing but unconditional love to her and her babies. “How will I ever find a way to show you both how thankful I am?”

  “A damn good start would be never to bring that subject up again,” Daniel said.

  “Unless you’re moving out to marry some nice young man who’s met with our approval and will be a good father to the girls,” Leah added.

  Daniel turned on his wife. “Why couldn’t he just move in here, too?”

  “Newlyweds need their privacy, Sweetie. You aren’t being realistic.”

  The two of them headed toward the kitchen, totally dismissing Sarah, who followed, as though they’d deemed her part in the conversation completely null and void.

  “We could build them a wing, Leah. How much privacy would they need?”

  Leah turned on her husband. “Really? This is a horse training facility in Lake Coburn, Louisiana, Daniel, not South Fork Ranch in Dallas. If you’ll remember, none of those marriages worked out, and for a good reason. The in-laws were always sticking their noses into everybody’s business.”

  Daniel hung his head. “I guess you’re right. Shit.”

  Leah gasped, covering Danni’s ear and pressing the child to her chest. “Paw Paw! Watch your language around the babies.”

  “Oops…I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said, pressing a kiss to Sammi’s forehead. “Paw Paw has a dirty mouth, but I’m gonna work on that.”

  Tanner woke up, stretched in the bed and picked up his phone. He stared at Sarah’s last text and sent another.

  I’ll be back in LC tonight. We need to talk …

  He only had to wait several seconds before she replied.

  Ok.

  He spent most of the morning tending to things for his father, setting up future therapy sessions and going over them with Zoe.

  By two p.m. he was sitting in the room with both his parents drinking a last cup of coffee before he hit the road. “Is there anything else I can do for the two of you while I’m here?”

  “Nothing for me, other than find a decent girl and make me a grandfather,” his dad said, wincing as he tried to sit up straighter in his bed.

  “Good Lord, yes,” Celine added. “We’re getting a little tired of making excuses for why you haven’t settled down yet. I even had one member of the DAR ask if you were gay.”

  Tanner chuckled at the scene that must have created. “I didn’t realize that either of you were interested in grandchildren.”

  His mother faced him, her eyes wide with curiosity. “Why would you think that?”

  He looked around at their surroundings. “Jesus, Mother, look at this place. Do you have any idea what babies running around here could do to this house?”

  “Do you?” his father asked, eyeing him. “Since when do you notice what babies do?”

  “Since I have friends with children, like Tiffany, Jackson and Giselle, and a few others.” Sarah. “I’ve never imagined you two as the grandparental types.”

  “Well, just what sort of people does it take to be grandparents? Parents love their children, and grandchildren are an extension of them,” Celine said.

  His father grunted as he nodded in agreement. “A continuation of the family bloodline, except they come with the benefits of spoiling them rotten and sending them home at the end of the day. That’s what I hear anyway.”

  Tanner scratched at his chin. “What if they weren’t of your bloodline?” As he suspected, his parents turned to him wearing horrified expressions.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Whose bloodline would they be?”

  “I mean, what if I married someone who already had a child, or two?”

  His mother’s face paled. “Is it that woman you brought here a few months back?”

  “Angelique? No, we’re just friends. As a matter of fact, I’ll be a groomsman in her wedding next month. I’m curious, that’s all.”

  “Are you shooting blanks, son?” his father asked. “Is that what this is all about?”

  “Justin!” Celine’s brow furrowed in disapproval.

  “It’s a valid concern, and could explain this line of questioning, Celine. Are you sterile, son?”

  Tanner shrugged. “God, I hope not. If I am, I’ve wasted a shitload of money on condoms all these years.”

  “Now that’s enough!” Celine jumped to her feet. “There is no need for either of you to be so crass.”

  “I’m sorry, Mother,” Tanner said, lifting a brow at his father.

  “Me too, dear,” Justin said to his wife, who promptly left the room. He turned to Tanner. “Are you going to tell me what this is about?”

  “It was just a question, Dad.”

  “Don’t bullshit me, Son. Are you thinking of marrying someone with children? If you are, I’d have to advise against it. It’s difficult enough dealing with children, especially teenagers, when they are your own flesh and blood. You start bringing in some other man’s children of questionable lineage—”

  “Questionable lineage?” Tanner cut him off.

  “You know exactly what I’m saying.”

  “Are we talking about children or breeding horses or some other livestock?”

  “Don’t knock bloodlines, boy. Even the American Kennel Club believes in pedigrees.”

  Tanner clenched his jaw. “Just remember Dad, sometimes when a pedigree is too pure, it weakens the breed—turns a perfectly fine dog into a useless, worthless animal.”

  “Well, you remember also that traipsing in here flaunting some floosy and her passel of bastard children would be tremendously disrespectful to me and your mother.”

  Tanner stood slowly, taking a deep, calming breath. “I think I’ve got things straight here with all the medical attention you’ll need, but don’t hesitate to call if anything else comes up.”

  “Where are you going?” Justin demanded.

  “I have a job, responsibilities in Lake Coburn. Patients I need to see.” He’d add Sarah and the twins to that list, but his father had just set in stone yet another reason to steer clear of them.

  “You just remember what I told you, Son.”

  Tanner turned at the door to face his father. He opened his mouth to give him ten kinds of hell as a comeback then pictured the incision down the center of the man’s chest. He snapped his mouth shut, knowing if he said what he wanted to, his old man’s heart might just explode. Instead, he took a deep breath and spoke calmly, filtering his words. “I’m not likely to forget it anytime soon.” He left out the obvious … You pompous, arrogant, son of a bitch. “But you might want to think about doing the same. You know, about the pedigrees, weakened breeds, and such. I know this may come as a surprise to you, but I’ve recently learned I’m no better than anyone else. And my pedigree has turned me into much less of a man than I should
be.”

  Tanner turned, seeing his mother, who stood with her arms crossed tightly across her chest and wearing a curious expression. He followed her into the kitchen.

  She turned on him. “I heard more of that discussion than I cared to. What was that about?”

  Not wanting to stir up any trouble, he remained silent and grabbed his bag on the way to the door.

  “Tanner!” she hissed, following him outside and jerking him by the arm.

  He threw his bag into the trunk of his car and shut it before turning on her. “What Mother? What do you want me to say?”

  “That you’ll come back!”

  “I will if he needs me for anything.”

  “Just to visit? When he’s better?”

  After an uncomfortable silence he finally replied. “Eventually…”

  “We want what’s best for you.”

  He laughed. “You know, I brought Angelique here a few months ago because I wanted you to meet a friend of mine. You and dad treated her like she had leprosy. You’re damned lucky that she had enough self-confidence to handle your rudeness with a class that neither you nor he could seem to muster. I’d never been as ashamed of the two of you as I was that day.”

  “You’re right, son. We did treat her badly, but considering some of your actions in the past…”

  “The way I acted in the past was in direct relation to the arrogant snob you raised me to be. I had no conscience about hurting people by my actions or my words. I had a wonderful fiancée and lost her because I felt I was entitled to do whatever the hell I wanted.”

  “Tiffany never would have fit into this fam…”

  “For God’s sake, are you trying to blame Tiffany for my unforgiveable behavior?” He stared at the stranger he’d called his mother for four decades. “If that’s the case, then what could you possibly have done to keep your husband from sleeping with any woman with a pulse all these years? And don’t try to tell me you didn’t care, because it took some doing to find a lesbian nurse to take care of the old man, because you clearly cared.”