Sarah Smile (Halos & Horns

by Lori Leger

  “I-I was afraid he’d cause himself another heart attack if he got all affected by a young, desirable woman, that’s all.”

  “Mom, don’t. Don’t do that.” He locked gazes with her until her façade crumbled before his eyes. “Aw, Jesus. Come on, sit here.” He led her to a bench in the breezeway.

  “All these years, I’ve hated it.” She sniveled into her ever-present linen hankie. “I put up with it because, well, who am I, if not Mrs. Justin Collins, the Third?”

  “You’re Celine Tugwell Collins, and if anybody doesn’t like it, tell them they can just …” He stopped suddenly, not wanting to offend her.

  “Kiss my lily white ass?” she finished, repeating the phrase he’d thrown at her after the Angelique incident.

  “Exactly!” He followed with a short burst of laughter. “I guess I won’t live that down any time soon.”

  “Oh God, I don’t think I’ll ever forget that!” Celine said, covering her mouth as a giggle escaped, then another, until the two of them had doubled-over with laughter. She dabbed at her eyes, finally managing to control herself. “Oh Lord, it feels good to laugh again.”

  Tanner smiled as she pulled yet another hankie from her pocket. “How many of those things do you carry around with you?”

  “Oh stop.” She attempted to stifle her laughter.

  “It’s true! You’re like a friggin’ magician with those damned handkerchiefs. You got some stuffed up your sleeve, or what?” he said, examining the sleeve of her designer blouse. In seconds, she was doubled-over, once more in a helpless heap of uncontrollable laughter.

  “Tanner…Stop!” She gasped, trying to catch her breath. “Oh God, I almost peed my pants.” She wiped her eyes again and gazed up at him. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say the word ‘friggin’’ before.”

  “Yeah? Well, we’re even then, because I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say ‘peed’ before.”

  Celine slapped her hand over her mouth. “I did, didn’t I?”

  “What? Said it or did it?” he asked, causing her to throw her head back in laughter again.

  “I swear, I never knew you were this funny, Son! Where did that sense of humor come from?”

  He smiled and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. “I used to think it originated with me, but I’m beginning to suspect I get it from my mother.”

  She placed a hand on his cheek and sighed. “I used to laugh all the time, you know, until I married your father. This whole social-status-lifestyle in Houston has a way of sucking the fun right out of everything.”

  He shrugged. “Maybe it’s time for a change.”

  “Oh, Tanner, I could never leave Justin. He’s the only man I’ve ever cared for.”

  “I didn’t mean it that way. There’s still time for both of you to change. Talk to Dad. Tell him you won’t put up with any more ‘extra-curricular’ activities from him. Remind him every now and then that he’s no better than anyone else. When he gets better, maybe take a trip, a second honeymoon. Learn to have fun with each other. If all of that fails, maybe go to a marriage counselor.”

  Celine shrugged her thin shoulders. “I guess I could try. I don’t know how receptive he’d be to it.”

  Tanner turned as Zoe’s car pulled into the driveway. She got out, carrying a shopping bag and waved to them before going inside. “You want my advice? Talk to Zoe. Really open up to her. I bet she’d help you get the old man to loosen up.”

  “You’re probably right. She seems to have a way of making him do things without him even realizing he doesn’t want to do them.” She gave him a sad little smile. “He probably doesn’t remember that she likes girls.”

  “Nah, he remembers. He probably thinks he can change her mind, him being so superior and all.”

  She gave him a nod of agreement. “Hmph, and irresistible; don’t forget irresistible.” Her tone was as dry as the Mojave desert in July.

  Tanner released another low chuckle before sobering. “I know one thing, Mother. If the two of you continue with this little act, you won’t see much of me. I won’t subject anyone I care about to dad’s superior opinion of himself. That means no visits from a daughter-in-law, or any grandchildren.” He got in her face. “You got that?”

  She nodded. “I got it.”

  “Good.” He stood up, pulling her to her feet so he could give her a hug. “I have to go now. Call me if you need anything,” he said, turning toward his car.

  “I will, and Tanner?”

  He turned to face her again. “Yeah?”

  “I love you, Son.”

  He smiled at her. “I love you too, Mom.”

  Chapter 12

  Tanner headed straight for the LeBlanc ranch, deciding he’d put off speaking to Sarah long enough. What he had to say to her couldn’t be said over the phone, and sure as hell not in a text message. As he approached their long drive at the highway, he met up with Mitch, apparently out for a run with Brando, the LeBlanc’s Border Collie.

  He pulled to a stop and lowered his window to wait for Mitch to reach him. “What’s up, Mitch?”

  “SSDD, man. You’re shit outta luck if you came to see Sarah. I’m helping Leah watch the girls so she could hit the mall after work. Said she had some shopping to do for the twins.”

  Tanner nodded his disappointment. “Tell her I came by? Ask her to call me when she gets in, and I’ll come over then. It’s important I speak to her tonight.”

  “Will do,” Mitch said.

  Tanner backed out of the drive and headed home, praying Mitch wouldn’t decide to be an asshole and not give her the message.

  He nearly hit the ceiling when Sarah called him two hours later. “Hey!” he said, anxious to hear her voice.

  “Hello,” she said, sounding a little cool. “How’s your father?”

  “The med reaction set him back some, but he’ll recover. Other than that, he’s a little on the crabby side.” As well as being a pompous jerk.

  “Oh, I figured there must have been more trouble since you didn’t call.”

  That stone cold silence after the one statement spoke volumes. He’d hurt her, without meaning to.

  “I had some things to straighten out, issues between my folks, and myself.” He waited for what seemed like an eternity before she replied.

  “And?”

  “And, I settled some things, in my own head, I mean.” Another long pause.

  “Tanner, are you speaking in some kind of man-code that I’m supposed to decipher? Just say what you have to say, I’ve got to bathe the girls.”

  “That’s the point, Sarah. What I have to say to you—I don’t want to say it over the phone. I want to be with you when I say it.” The next pause was so extended, he checked to make sure the call hadn’t been dropped. “Are you there?”

  “I’m here.”

  “Can I come over tonight? This can’t wait until tomorrow.”

  “Okay. I’ll bathe the girls so Leah and Daniel can put them down for the night.”

  “How about I give you an hour?” he said, hoping they’d be alone but not daring to mention that.

  “I’ll be here.”

  Mitchell stared openly as his sister seemed to glide by him, humming under her breath. “What’s up with you?”

  “Tanner is coming over, and I want you to make yourself scarce.”

  “What for?”

  “He wants to talk face to face, although it’s none of your business why he’s coming.”

  He knew she was falling for this creep, and falling hard. Guilt and bile rose in his throat at the thought of having to hurt her. Damned if that shit-brick Collins left him no other choice.

  “Listen, Sis, I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but he’s playing you.”

  She glared at him. “Mitch, just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean he’s not a decent guy. Besides, if he says what I think he wants to say, he’s just going to ask me out on a date.”

  “You don’t need to be spending any time wit
h that son of a bitch, Sarah. He’s a player. I saw him in action.”

  She faced him. “In action, doing what?”

  “I saw him leave Red’s place with a, a young lady, and I’m using the term loosely.”

  “You mean she wasn’t that young?”

  “No, she was really young. It’s the lady part I question.”

  Her brow wrinkled. “How young?”

  “Too young to buy a drink.”

  “Are you telling me that Tanner left a bar with a girl he knew was too young to buy a drink?”

  “That’s what it looked like to me.”

  “That doesn’t sound like something he’d do.”

  “Aw God, I’m telling you the guy’s a slime ball and you won’t believe me?” He grabbed her arms, determined to get the message through to her. “Okay, the day I met you and Angel at the diner, do you remember that waitress, the chick with the short, spikey hair?”

  She nodded, her facing paling suddenly. “Her name is Charley.”

  “That’s her. I saw him talking to her at the diner before y’all got there. Then, when I went to Red’s that night, Collins showed up, and shortly after, Charley followed him in. Her hair was different from earlier at the diner, but it was the same chick. She had a pink stripe right here,” he said, indicating on his own head. “When she ordered a drink, Meagan checked her ID and threw her ass out for being underage. He left too, and I peeked outside just in time to see him helping her into his car. They drove off together. Now, I’m no Einstein, but even I can do that math.”

  She gazed shrewdly at him. “So, if I were to ask Meagan, she could verify your story?”

  “You mean to tell me you’d believe Meagan, over your brother, a U.S. Marine?”

  “Meagan doesn’t have the intense dislike for Tanner you’ve seemed to develop.”

  He put his hand up to stop her. “Meagan saw the entire thing, except she didn’t go to the door to see the two of them leave together. Call her, and I’m sure she’ll tell you.”

  Sarah saw the hurt in her brother’s eyes just before he stormed out of the room. This was too important for her to throw it away because of an overprotective sibling. She knew Meagan very well, and was tempted to call her. No doubt she’d verify Mitchell’s story. Besides, Mitch admitted that Meagan hadn’t seen the worst of it—Tanner leaving with a much too young for him, Charley.

  Ugh, the thought of it made her nauseous, and she vowed not to revisit the diner until that particular waitress had moved on.

  She picked up her phone, sent a brief text to Tanner.

  The time isn’t right for a face to face, Tanner. Maybe later.

  As soon as she knew the message went through, she turned off her phone. She couldn’t bear hearing his voice right now, any more than she could bear hearing the words “I told you so” from her brother.

  No huge surprise she couldn’t sleep…the agony of not checking her phone for messages had nearly done her in. At four a.m. she’d completely given up the escape she sought through sleep, and shuffled out of bed to visit the bathroom. She washed her hands, staring at her reflection in the mirror. The shadows under her eyes, proof enough of her predicament. Unable to resist any longer, she picked up her phone. She had six text messages from Tanner. As she held the phone in her hands, it began buzzing. She cringed, letting it ring, unanswered, and then waited longer until the voice mail indicator lit up. Her heart pounded in her chest as she passed a feather light touch over the delete key, backed it off, wanting so badly to hear what he had to say but suspecting it would only make her weaker and want him more. Her fists clenched in resolve as she deleted the message, and turned her phone off again.

  For the next two hours, she told herself several times over that it was nothing. He didn’t mean that much to her, therefore, it didn’t matter one bit that he was a dog and slept with anything, as long as it wasn’t her.

  The next day she went to work, trying to believe in herself enough to know she was fine without Tanner in her life. She went through that day, and the next week, dodging phone calls, text messages, voice mails, and refusing to check her personal email. He took total advantage of the fact that they worked in the same hospital, by attempting to contact her through her office email. It only took her a few seconds to shut that down.

  He’d obviously grown tired of the non-responses, because on Thursday of the next week, he didn’t make a single effort to contact her. At first she’d been relieved, but strangely enough, by noon she was missing the attempts. By early evening, she found herself wondering if something had happened to his father to stop him. By the time she put the babies to bed, she’d decided he didn’t give damn about her after all.

  Not a problem.

  At least not until she couldn’t sleep and decided to watch some tube. After a minute of channel surfing she ended up on a country video station. It worked, initially. The first two videos had a spirit-lifting effect. The third, a ballad by Jake Owens had her feeling a little somber. By the fourth, another heartbreaker by Hunter Hayes, Sarah was a blubbering basket case. She turned off the set, threw the remote on the chair, and buried her face in her pillow to cry herself to sleep.

  Tanner finished his rounds later than usual Friday afternoon. Despite a successful week of surgeries and a light patient load, he still found himself staying longer with each patient, conversing with family members, and in general, doing what he’d avoided throughout the previous years of his career…connecting with his patients.

  Tiffany caught up with him as he left the lounge with his gym bag under his arm.

  “Hey,” she said, pulling him to a stop by his arm. “What’s up wi…” She stopped and took a step back. “Oh my gosh, it’s true!”

  “What?” Tanner checked the area, trying to see what had her so upset.

  “They’ve been telling me, but I wouldn’t believe them until I saw it myself. You look like shit.”

  “Thanks, Tiff,” he said, turning his back on her and heading toward the back exit.

  “Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Is your dad in bad shape? Are you driving back and forth to and from Houston every night?”

  He stopped, drew out a long sigh, and faced her again. “No, I am not. Dad’s fine and so am I.”

  Her brow creased with worry lines. “Have you looked in a mirror lately?”

  “Of course…” He stopped, thought about it, and couldn’t remember thinking about anything but Sarah all week long. “No, I guess I haven’t.” He noted her horrified expression and brushed his hand through his hair, thinking it was a little unruly today. “It can’t be that bad.”

  She pulled him back into the doctor’s lounge and stood him in front of a full-length mirror on the back of the door. He stared at the reflection of a stranger…unshaven, hair uncombed, even his scrub shirt was on inside out. “Damn,” he said, before giving Tiff a careless shrug. “Well, it hasn’t hampered my performance in surgery.”

  “No, and your patients have been raving about you lately. Your bedside manner has improved. You’ve practically done a one eighty degree turn around. But, Tanner, you look like you’ve been rode hard and put up wet. What the hell has gotten into you?” She shook her head slowly. “When’s the last time you ate?”

  He stared at her reflection in the mirror. “I think I ate lunch.” He vaguely remembered rearranging some cafeteria meatloaf from one side of his plate to the other, but didn’t have much of an appetite. “A bag of pretzels or something.”

  She pursed her lips, releasing a frustrated rush of air. “You’re coming with me.”

  “I’m going to the gym, Tiff. I need to work off some frustration.”

  “You’ll never make it if you try working out in this condition, Tanner. You need to eat something.”

  Rather than get caught arguing with her in the lounge, he followed, figuring anytime away from his apartment was better than being there.

  Fifteen minutes later, he sat across from her in the diner around the corner, pushin
g french-fries around on a plate and nibbling at a hamburger. He finally shoved it away and drank the rest of his sweetened iced tea. “Charley!” He called out to the waitress. “I’ll have another tea, please.”

  “Sure thing.” She took his glass to refill it and pointed at his nearly full plate. “Was there something wrong with your meal?”

  “No, it was fine. My appetite’s off, I guess. Just …” He was about to tell her to get rid of it, until he caught Tiffany’s glare. “Put it in a to-go box, please.”

  “When have you ever eaten anything from a to-go box?” Tiffany asked as Charley took his plate away.

  “I’ll probably feel like eating later. I just don’t feel like it right now.”

  Tiffany sat back in her chair and leveled her gaze on him. “Spill it, Collins. I want to know why your appetite’s off and why the great, conceited Tanner Collins can’t seem to comb his hair, or notice that he slipped on his scrub shirt inside out.”

  “Jesus Christ, since it bothers you that much,” he muttered. He ripped his shirt off and slipped it back on, over his T-shirt, this time right side out. “Satisfied?”

  “You’re missing my point. You don’t do this … show up unshaved, unshower—”

  “I showered.” He cut her off and lifted his arm to sniff at it, just to be sure. Satisfied, he gave her a brisk nod. “I showered.”

  “Okay, but unshaved, uncombed, and generally unkempt. The Tanner I know would never leave the house looking like that.”

  He drummed his fingers on the table and dropped his head. “Look, the Tanner you knew wouldn’t have done it, but maybe I’m a different Tanner. Hell, you’re the one,” he said, jabbing a finger at her, “who said I needed to change or I’d end up old and alone.” He opened his hands. “I changed. Meet the brand new me, okay? Not that it’s done a damned bit of good, because I sure as shit can’t stop the new me from getting any older, and from the looks of it, I’ll still end up being alone. It seems that no matter what I do, I won’t be able to escape my man-whore past.” He took a deep breath, released it, and froze as he realized all other noise and motion in the room had ceased. Tanner pulled his gaze from Tiffany’s shocked expression to see at least a dozen people, all staring openly at him, some with cell phones in hand. Only then did he realize how loud he’d gotten. He closed his eyes and turned back to Tiff, wondering how many phones were dialing 911, the local police, or maybe even tapped into the psyche-ward security guards at this very moment.