Do Elephants Jump?

by David Feldman

  seams, lack of

  Macadamia nuts and shells

  Macaroni, elbow, shape of

  Magazines

  address label orientation

  Boulder, Colorado and subscriptions

  jumps in

  labels, pink stripe on

  omission of page numbers on

  subscription insert cards in

  Mail

  CAR-RT SORT on envelopes

  compensation for, between countries

  first class versus priority

  translation of foreign

  undeliverable, fate of

  Mail chutes, unclogging of, in skyscrapers

  Mailboxes and postmaster general approval

  Mail-in refunds, versus coupons

  Mail-order ads, delivery time promises of

  “Make no bones about it”

  Mall, shopping, entrances, doors at

  Mandarin oranges, peeling of

  Manhole covers, round shape of

  Marching, stepping off on left foot when

  Marching bands, formations of

  Margarine, versus butter, in restaurants

  Margarine sticks, length of

  Marmalades, contents of

  Marshals’ badges, shape of

  Marshmallows, invention of

  Martial arts, sniffing and

  Martinizing, One Hour

  Mascara, mouth opening during application of

  Matchbooks, location of staples on

  Matches, color of paper

  Math, school requirement of

  Mattress tags, warning labels on

  Mattresses, floral graphics on

  Maximum occupancy in public rooms

  Mayonnaise, Best Foods versus Hellmann’s

  Mayors, keys to cities and

  McDonald’s

  Grimace, identity of

  “over 95 billion served” signs

  sandwich wrapping techniques

  straw size

  Measurements

  acre

  meter

  Measuring spoons, inaccuracy of

  Meat

  children’s doneness preferences

  national branding

  red color of

  Meat loaf, taste in institutions

  Medals, location of on military uniforms

  Medical conditions, in hospitals, guidelines for

  Medicine bottles, cotton in

  Memorial Day, Civil War and

  Men

  dancing ability of

  feelings of coldness

  remote controls and

  Menstruation, synchronization of, in women

  Menthol, coolness of

  Meter, origins of

  Miami, University of

  football helmets

  “Hurricanes” nickname

  Mickey Mouse, four fingers of

  Microphones, press conferences and

  Migration of birds

  Mile, length of, origins of

  Military salutes, origins of

  Milk

  as sleep-inducer

  fat content in lowfat

  in refrigerators, coldness of

  Indianapolis 500

  national brands

  plastic milk containers

  single serving cartons of

  skim versus nonfat

  skin on, when heated

  Milk cartons

  design of

  difficulty in opening and closing of

  Milk cases, warnings on

  Milk Duds, shape of

  Millimeters, as measurement unit for film

  “Mind your P’s and Q’s”

  Mint flavoring on toothpicks

  Mint, U.S., and shipment of coin sets

  Minting of new coins, timing of

  Mirrors in bars

  Mirrors, rear-view

  Mistletoe, kissing under, origins of

  Mobile homes, tires atop, in trailer parks

  Mole hair, color of

  Money, U.S.

  color of

  stars on

  Monitors, computer, shape of

  Monkeys, hair picking of

  Monopoly, playing tokens in

  Montreal Canadiens, uniforms of

  Moon

  apparent size of, at horizon

  effect on lakes and ponds

  official name

  quarter-, vs. half-

  Moons on outhouse doors

  Mosquitoes

  biting and itching

  biting preferences

  daytime habits

  male versus female eating habits

  Moths, reaction to light of

  Mottoes on sundials

  Mountains

  falling hot air at

  versus hills

  Movie actors and speed of speech

  Movie theaters

  bells in

  in-house popcorn popping

  Movies, Roman numerals in copyright dates in

  “Mrs.”

  MSG, Chinese restaurants and

  “Mugwump”

  Muppets, left-handedness of

  Murder scenes, chalk outlines at

  Musketeers, Three, lack of muskets of

  Mustaches, policemen and

  “Muumuu”

  “Mystery 7,” in $25,000 Pyramid

  Nabisco Saltine packages, red tear strip on

  Nabisco Shredded Wheat box, Niagara Falls on

  Nail polish and fingernail yellowing

  “Namby pamby”

  National Geographics, saving issues of

  Navy and Army, Captain rank in

  Necklaces and clasp migration

  Neckties

  direction of stripes on

  origins of

  taper of

  Nectarines, canned, lack of

  Needles, holes in, of syringes

  Neptune’s moon, Triton, orbit pattern of

  Nerdiness and eyeglasses

  “Netherlands,” versus “Holland”

  New York City and steam in streets

  “New York” steaks, origins of

  New Zealand, versus “Old Zealand”

  Newspapers

  ink and recycling of

  ink smudges on

  jumps in

  tearing of

  window cleaning and

  yellowing of

  Niagara Falls on Nabisco Shredded Wheat box

  “Nick of time”

  Nickels, smooth edges of

  “Nickname”

  Nightclubs, lateness of bands in

  “Nine-day wonder”

  Nine-volt batteries, shape of

  Nipples, purpose of, in men

  “No bones about it”

  “No Outlet” signs, versus “Dead End” signs

  Noise, traffic, U.S. versus foreign countries

  North Carolina, University of, and Tar Heels

  North Pole

  directions at

  telling time at

  Nose rings and bulls

  Noses

  clogged nostrils and

  runny, in cold weather

  runny, kids versus adults

  wet, in dogs

  Nostrils, clogged

  Notches on bottom of shampoo bottles

  Notre Dame fighting Irish

  NPR radio stations, low frequency numbers of

  Numbers, Arabic, origins of

  Nutrition labels, statement of fats on

  Nuts

  Brazil, in assortments

  Macadamia shells

  peanuts in plain M&M’s

  peanuts, and growth in pairs

  “O’” in Irish names

  Oakland A’s, elephant on uniforms of

  Oboes, use of as pitch providers, in orchestras

  Occupancy, maximum, in public rooms

  Oceans

  boundaries between

  color of

  salt in

  versus seas

  Octopu
s throwing, Detroit Red Wings and

  “Off the schneider”

  Oh Henry, origins of name of

  Oil

  automotive, after oil change

  automotive, grades of

  “Okay,” thumbs-up gesture as

  Oktoberfest, September celebration of

  Old men

  hairy ears and

  pants height and

  “Old No. 7” and Jack Daniel’s

  “Old Zealand,” versus New Zealand

  Olive Oil, virgin

  Olives, green and black, containers of

  “On pointe” and ballet

  “On tenterhooks”

  “On the Q.T.”

  “Once in a blue moon”

  “One fell swoop”

  One Hour Martinizing

  One-hour photo processing, length of black-and-white film and

  Onions and crying

  Orange coffee pots, in restaurants

  Orange juice

  price of fresh versus frozen

  taste of, with toothpaste

  Orange thread in blue jeans

  Oranges, extra wedges of

  Oranges, mandarin, peeling of

  “Oreo,” origins of name

  Outhouse doors, moons on

  Ovens, thermometers in

  Overflow mechanism, kitchen sinks and

  Oxygen in tropical fish tanks

  Oxygen masks, inflation of airline

  “P.U.,” origins of term

  “Pacific Ocean”

  Page numbers on magazines

  Pagination in books

  Pain, effect of warmth upon

  Paint, homes and white

  Paint, red, on coins

  Painters and white uniforms

  Palms, sunburn on

  Pandas, double names of

  Pants, height of old men’s

  “Pantywaist”

  “Pap test”

  Paper

  legal size, origins of

  recycling of holes in loose-leaf

  Paper cups, shape of

  Paper cuts, pain and

  Paper mills, smell of

  Paper sacks

  jagged edges on

  names on

  Paper towel dispensers, “emergency feed” on

  Paperback books, staining of

  Papers, yellowing of

  “Par [golf course]”

  “Par Avion” on air mail postage

  “Pardon my French”

  Parking lots, sea gulls at

  Parking meters, yellow “violation” flags and

  “Parkway”

  Parkways, parking on, versus driveways

  Parrots and head bobbing

  Parting of hair, left versus right

  Partly cloudy, versus partly sunny

  Partly sunny, versus partly cloudy

  “Pass the buck”

  Pasta

  boxes, numbers on

  foaming when boiling

  holes in

  Pay phones, collection of money from

  Pay toilets, disappearance of

  PBX systems

  “Pea jacket”

  Peaches

  canned, and pear juice

  fuzziness of

  Peanut butter, stickiness of

  Peanuts

  allergies to

  growth in pairs

  honey roasted, and airlines

  origins of comics name

  Pear juice in canned peaches

  Pears and apples, discoloration of

  Pebbles, spitting by fish of

  “Peeping Tom”

  Pencils

  architectural and art, grades of

  carpenter’s, shape of

  color

  numbering

  Penguins

  frostbite on feet

  knees

  Penicillin and diet

  Penmanship of doctors, bad

  Pennies

  lettering on

  smooth edges of

  vending machines and

  Pennsylvania Dept. of Agriculture, registration, baked goods

  Penny loafers, origins of

  Pens

  disappearance of

  holes in barrel of cheap

  ink leakages in

  Pepper

  and salt, as condiments

  and sneezing

  white, source of

  Pepsi-Cola, trademark location of

  Perfume

  color of

  wrists and

  Periods in telegrams

  Permanent press settings on irons

  Permanents, pregnancy and

  Perpetual care, cemeteries and

  “Peter out”

  Phantom limb sensations, amputees and

  Pharmacists and raised platforms

  Philips screwdriver, origins of

  Philtrums, purpose of

  Photo processing, one-hour, length of black-and-white film and

  Photographs

  poses in

  red eyes in

  stars in space and

  Photography

  color of cameras

  hand position of men in old

  hands on chins in

  Polaroid prints, flapping of

  smiling in old photographs

  Physical exams, back tapping during

  “Pi” as geometrical term

  Piano keys, number of

  “Pig in a poke”

  Pigeons

  baby, elusiveness of

  loss of toes

  whistling sound in flight

  Pigs

  curly tails of

  pink hair color of

  roasted, and apples in mouths of

  Pilgrims, buckled hats of

  Pillow tags, label warnings of

  Pilots

  and dimming of interior lights

  female, dearth of, on airlines

  “Pin money”

  Pine nuts, shelling of

  Pine trees, construction sites and

  Pineapple in gelatin

  Pinholes, on bottle caps

  Pink as color for baby girls

  “Pink lady”

  Pink stripes on magazine labels

  “Pinkie”

  Pins in men’s dress shirts

  “Pipe down”

  Pipes, kitchen, shape of

  Pirates

  earrings on

  walking the plank

  Pistachio ice cream, color of

  Pistachios, red color of

  Pita bread, pockets in

  Pitcher’s mounds

  location of

  rebuilding of

  Pittsburgh Steelers, emblems on helmets of

  Planets, twinkling of, at night

  Plastic bottles, beer and

  Plastic cups, shape of

  Plastic deer ornaments on lawns

  Plastics, recyclable, numbers on

  Plates

  repositioning of

  round shape of dinner

  Plots, farm, circular shape of

  Plug prongs

  holes at end of

  three prongs versus two prongs

  Plum pudding, plums in

  Plumbing

  kitchen, shape of

  sound of running water

  Pockets in pita bread

  Poison ivy, grazing animals and

  Polaroid prints, flapping of

  Poles

  directions at

  telling time at North and South

  Pole-vaulting

  preparation for different heights

  women and

  Police

  and crowd estimates

  flashlight grips

  radar and speed measurement

  Police car beacons, colors on

  Police dogs, urination and defecation of

  Policemen and mustaches

  Ponds

  effect of moons on

  fish returning to drie
d

  ice formations on

  versus lakes

  versus lakes, level of

  Poodles, wild

  Pool balls, dots on

  “Pop goes the weasel”

  Popcorn

  “gourmet” versus regular

  popping in-house, in movie theaters

  versus other corns

  Popes

  name change of

  white skullcap of

  white vestments of

  Popping noise of wood, in fires

  Pork and beans, pork in

  “Port”

  “Porthole”

  Postage and ripped stamps

  Postage Stamps

  leftover perforations of

  taste of

  Postal Service, U.S., undeliverable mail and

  Pot pies, vent holes in

  Potato chips

  bags, impossibility of opening and closing

  curvy shape

  green tinges on

  price of, versus tortilla chips

  Potato skins, restaurants and

  Potatoes, baked, and steak houses

  Potholes, causes of

  “Potter’s field”

  Power lines

  humming of

  orange balls on

  Prefaces in books, versus introductions and forewords

  Pregnancy, permanents and

  Pregnant women, food cravings of

  Preserves, contents of

  Press conferences, microphones in

  “Pretty kettle of fish”

  “Pretty picnic”

  Pretzels, shape of

  Priests, black vestments and

  Priority mail, first class versus

  Prisoners and license plate manufacturing

  Prohibition, liquor production of distilleries during

  Pronunciation, dictionaries and

  “P’s and Q’s”

  Pubic hair

  curliness of

  purpose of

  Public buildings, temperatures in

  Public radio, low frequency numbers of

  Pudding, film on

  Punts, measurement of, in football

  Purple

  Christmas tree lights

  paganism

  royalty and

  “Put up your dukes”

  Putting, veering of ball toward ocean when

  “Q.T.”

  “Qantas,” spelling of

  Q-Tips, origins of name

  “Quack [doctor]”

  “Quarterback”

  Quarterbacks and exclamation, “hut”

  Quarter-moons versus half moons

  Quarts and gallons, American versus British

  Queen-size sheets, size of

  Rabbit tests, death of rabbits in

  Rabbits and nose wiggling

  Racewalking, judging of

  Racquetballs, color of

  Radar and police speed detection

  Radiators and placement below windows

  Radio

  beeps before network news

  FM, odd frequency numbers of

  lack of song identification

  public, low frequency numbers

  Radio Shack and lack of cash registers

  Radios

  battery drainage

  lingering sound of recently unplugged

  Railroad crossings and “EXEMPT” signs

  Railroads, width of standard gauges of

  Rain

  butterflies and

  fish biting in

  measurement container for

  smell of impending