I'm Not Running

by David Hare

  Pauline You don’t get home cooking in the Labour Party.

  Sandy Home plotting, yes. Home cooking, no.

  Pauline And where were you studying, Meredith?

  Meredith I was at Oxford. They made me president of the Labour Club.

  Pauline Did they indeed?

  She turns to Sandy.

  Hear that, Sandy? President.

  Sandy I heard.

  Pauline Just like our old friend.

  Meredith But you’re right. I took things too seriously.

  Pauline Hmm.

  Meredith I didn’t have enough fun. Wherever I was, I had this idea I should be somewhere else. Do you know that feeling?

  Pauline Sort of the life you didn’t live?

  Meredith Yeah. The life I didn’t live. That’s it.

  There is a moment of contact between them which almost embarrasses Meredith by its directness.

  You studied to be a doctor?

  Pauline Correct.

  Meredith That’s demanding.

  Pauline Not really. More, it’s time-consuming. It’s book learning. You just need seven years to spare.

  Meredith Surely there’s more to it than that?

  Pauline I know a lot of stupid doctors but no ignorant ones. And my mother died in the middle. That didn’t help. I guess I’ll always have the feeling I missed out. You?

  Meredith Well, I’m only –

  Pauline Twenty-three? Lucky you.

  She is looking at her with envy. Sandy is watching, intrigued by their contact.

  I’m wondering if I could persuade you to stay for lunch.

  Meredith Lunch?

  Pauline It’s not often we get to meet people of your age. It’s good for us, isn’t it, Sandy?

  Sandy If you say so.

  Pauline We’re very sheltered.

  Sandy By choice, Pauline. By choice.

  Pauline I went for a walk in the field before breakfast, and the beans are just bursting to be picked.

  Meredith That sounds wonderful.

  Sandy Meredith can’t stay.

  Pauline Why not? She’s come all this way.

  Sandy You specifically said you couldn’t, remember?

  Pauline Really. I insist.

  Meredith Well in that case –

  Sandy In that case, what?

  Meredith I can rearrange my plans.

  Pauline Great. Then that’s settled.

  Sandy looks daggers. Pauline lights a cigarette, puffs deeply. Then:

  Meredith It was Jack Gould’s idea.

  Pauline Sorry?

  Meredith That I just turn up.

  Pauline Jack suggested it?

  Meredith Yes. I said I hadn’t been able to get hold of you. He said, ‘Just turn up.’

  Pauline Did he indeed?

  Meredith Yes.

  Pauline Is he a friend of yours?

  Meredith He’s sort of taken me under his wing.

  Pauline Has he?

  Meredith Recently. He’s nice, isn’t he?

  Pauline Jack Gould?

  Meredith You must know him well.

  Sandy She does.

  Sandy looks with overt scepticism to Pauline.

  Pauline Under his wing?

  Meredith Yes.

  Pauline How far under? Do you work for him?

  Meredith I wouldn’t say I work for him, no. I work with him.

  Pauline OK.

  Meredith Freelance. I research.

  Sandy Not full-time?

  Meredith We’re just defining my role.

  Sandy And you’re impressed?

  Meredith You’re never sure what a public figure’s going to be like. In my experience, they’re not always quite who they claim to be.

  Pauline I’ve found that.

  Sandy Me too.

  Meredith You know – nice on the surface –

  Pauline Sure –

  Meredith Giving out an image, but then quite different in how they treat the people immediately around them.

  Pauline That happens. Yes.

  Meredith What’s great about Jack is that what you see is what you get. He doesn’t pretend –

  Pauline No.

  Meredith And he said you’d be the ideal person to head up any campaign against FGM.

  Pauline Did he give a reason?

  Meredith He admires you. He said, let’s face it, you were the only person he knew who’d actually achieved something.

  Sandy gives Pauline another look. She stubs out her cigarette.

  Pauline Maybe.

  Meredith You did. You got something done.

  Pauline Sort of.

  Meredith You can hardly deny it.

  Pauline With the help of thousands of others. And anyway, I’m not sure it’s what I’d call ‘done’.

  Meredith Meaning?

  Pauline You never really win. Sandy will tell you.

  Sandy Things falls back.

  Meredith He said you’d created a movement.

  Pauline Sure. If there’s one thing politicians really fear, it’s a movement.

  Sandy Yeah.

  Alert to her moods, he sees her darkening.

  Meredith Jack mentioned you were at Newcastle together.

  Pauline I’m glad he remembers.

  Meredith At the same time.

  Pauline Yes.

  Meredith I got the feeling –

  She stops.

  Pauline What sort of feeling?

  Meredith Oh, you know –

  Pauline No, I don’t know.

  Meredith He kind of implied you’d been close.

  Pauline Boasting, was he?

  Meredith Look, I didn’t mean –

  Pauline It’s all right, I’m joking. Yes, we were friends. For a while. Probably we met at the wrong moment. Let’s put it this way: we were at different stages. He wanted one thing, I wanted another.

  Meredith And since?

  Pauline Oh, you know. Less close.

  She stops to think a moment.

  Jack was Labour aristocracy.

  Meredith His father was Sam Gould.

  Pauline Exactly. Wrote a great book.

  Meredith The Death of the Working Class.

  Pauline People still read it?

  Meredith I don’t know about people, but I did.

  Pauline Sam Gould fought for the miners. He was the greatest historian the Labour movement had. In those days Jack found his background a bit of a burden.

  Meredith In what way?

  Pauline ‘How can I live up to my father?’ Struggling for his own identity.

  Meredith He’s not struggling any more.

  Sandy No.

  Meredith He’s flying.

  Pauline re-settles.

  Pauline Well, he must be excited.

  Meredith Excited?

  Pauline About what’s about to happen.

  Meredith He seems incredibly relaxed.

  Pauline Does he?

  Sandy But presumably he’s all systems go?

  Meredith We haven’t discussed it.

  Sandy You haven’t discussed his leadership prospects?

  Meredith No.

  Sandy Why on earth not?

  Meredith The subject never came up.

  Sandy OK.

  Meredith Also: I guess he doesn’t want to spook his chances by taking anything for granted.

  Sandy Yes. I guess that’s it.

  He smiles. Pauline gets up.

  Pauline Jack’s a wonderful man, you’re right. The party’s lucky to have him. If I could identify a weakness, it’s psychological.

  Sandy It certainly is.

  Pauline Ignore Sandy. He’s untrustworthy on this subject. Jack was given everything when he was a child, so he doesn’t value it. He had the kind of awful parents who keep telling the child how brilliant he is.

  Meredith Did your parents never praise you?

  Pauline Rarely. Barely. I’m searching, but no. There was seldom a kind word.

  She thinks a moment l
onger, then resumes.

  Jack’s like a lot of people. It becomes a habit, doesn’t it? Think Left, Live Right. Life-style replaces life.

  Meredith frowns.

  Meredith Can I ask you something?

  Pauline Yes. Ask anything you like.

  Meredith I’ve been wondering –

  Pauline Yes?

  Meredith Are you running yourself?

  At once Sandy gets up, furious.

  Sandy All right, that’s it. That’s what you came for –

  Meredith No –

  Sandy He sent you, didn’t he?

  Meredith Who?

  Sandy Jack Gould.

  Meredith No.

  Sandy He sent you here because he wants to know. Who are you exactly? What do you do for him?

  Pauline Sandy, it’s all right, leave Meredith alone.

  Sandy What’s your job? All this crap about ‘I just dropped by’.

  Pauline It doesn’t matter.

  Sandy It matters to me.

  Pauline Why?

  Sandy Twice now she’s asked, ‘Are you running?’ ‘Are you running?’

  Pauline So?

  Sandy She keeps coming back to the subject.

  Pauline It’s not unreasonable, Sandy. She’s allowed to ask.

  Sandy Oh, is she?

  Pauline Everyone else does.

  Sandy I thought we were meant to be talking about women in Africa.

  Pauline We were.

  Sandy About women’s health. Wasn’t that the subject?

  Meredith Yes. Yes. That’s what I came for.

  Sandy You need a figurehead for your campaign.

  Meredith Yes.

  Sandy Well?

  Meredith shrugs.

  Meredith I don’t know. It was a conversation, wasn’t it? That’s all. I just picked up on a mood.

  Sandy Oh, is that right?

  Meredith I mean if Ms Gibson’s not running, why are you so jumpy about it?

  Sandy Because we’re sick and tired of being asked!

  Pauline smiles, not touched by Sandy’s impatience.

  We’re exhausted! We’ve had it!

  Meredith But then why are you running a write-in campaign?

  Sandy We are not running anything, least of all a fucking campaign. What you are seeing in the country at large is a spontaneous expression of the popular will, entirely unmediated by professional expertise. It’s hardly Pauline’s fault that people trust her so much.

  Meredith There was a poll last week saying that if Pauline Gibson were leader of the Labour Party, they’d be twenty points ahead. Did you read that?

  Sandy Out! Out!

  Pauline Oh, please, Sandy, don’t worry, I think it’s actually quite funny.

  Sandy Do you?

  Pauline Let’s send her back to Jack and tell him I’m running.

  Sandy And what would the point of that be?

  Pauline Why not? That’ll really get him jumping.

  Meredith It says in the papers that it’s all a nonsense anyway. You can’t run because you’re not a member.

  Pauline Yeah, they have this ludicrous rule, you have to be a member of a party before you can lead it. Crazy, but there it is.

  Meredith Well then.

  Sandy Exactly. How many times do we have to say?

  Pauline But anyone can join.

  Sandy Steady.

  Pauline For five pounds as I understand it. Right, Sandy?

  There is a silence. The three of them are all still.

  Meredith So do you want to tell me? What is happening here?

  SCENE FIVE

  2018. Jack Gould is being interviewed on screen. As in the first scene, the Interviewer is just a voice, but Jack is seen. He is in his forties, better dressed and groomed, the rough edges knocked off.

  Jack They used to say you could put up a lump of coal in the Rhondda Valley and it would still get in. Those days are over. We don’t live in tribes any more.

  Interviewer Then what does determine how we vote?

  Jack Look, there’s always a degree of self-interest. What’s good for me? And there’s nothing wrong with that.

  Interviewer That’s a long way from Sam Gould, isn’t it?

  Jack Not really, no. Because I think voters want to be represented by people who are decent. It’s in the British character. We believe in fair play.

  Interviewer Surely the public’s idea of fair play has been sorely tested in the last few years –

  Jack Of course –

  Interviewer We’ve had some representatives who’ve done well to stay out of prison –

  Jack It’s true.

  Interviewer Not all have.

  Jack I agree.

  Interviewer People are very cynical.

  Jack I think it’s sad. A few individuals have done politics an immense amount of harm. It’s up to those of us who want to serve, who see public service as something noble and important, to restore the reputation of politics. That’s the task. Not just to win, but to change the weather.

  SCENE SIX

  2009. The scrubbing room of a hospital. Nerena Trent is a consultant, in her forties, black, authoritative, in scrubs. Pauline, also in scrubs, is washing her hands. She’s thirty-two.

  Pauline I know you’re angry with me, but I did what I thought was right.

  Nerena A tracheotomy?

  Pauline Correct. I made a medical judgement.

  Nerena How long have you been doing this? I get the impression you launch into new procedures because you like to see if you can bring them off.

  Pauline The patient had been in a traffic accident.

  Nerena So?

  Pauline His tongue was swollen. He had a mouthful of blood. He couldn’t breathe.

  Nerena You didn’t have to punch a hole in his throat.

  Pauline I disagree. I thought I did.

  She is drying her hands. Nerena is beady.

  He had blood clots in his upper airwaves.

  Nerena And you couldn’t go in through his mouth?

  Pauline As I say, it was a judgement.

  Nerena Who else was around? All right, that’s a stupid question –

  Pauline I’m a junior doctor.

  Nerena Fair enough.

  Pauline When did you last see two of us in the same place?

  Nerena OK.

  Pauline It was two a.m.

  Nerena Who else was on?

  Pauline Orla was around but she was in surgery.

  Nerena You didn’t think you needed to check with her?

  Pauline As a matter of fact, I didn’t.

  Nerena You didn’t talk to her?

  Pauline It was a crisis call. I chose the cricothyroidotomy.

  They go out into the corridor together.

  Nerena I’ll take the boring doctor against the brilliant doctor any day because they don’t take risks.

  Pauline I didn’t think this was a risk.

  Nerena That’s what I’m saying. Too much confidence.

  Pauline And what’s more, it worked.

  Nerena Yes, but it might not have done.

  Pauline Are you going to report me?

  Nerena You know me better than that.

  She is half amused.

  Hospitals have become like fucking primary schools. I’m not going to play those games.

  Pauline Thank you.

  Nerena I’m not a fucking snitch.

  Pauline I appreciate that.

  Nerena They want to turn doctors into police, I’m not going there.

  Pauline Good.

  Nerena Tell you what I am going to do: watch for any evidence of recklessness in your clinical judgements. I don’t give a fuck about the rules, I give a fuck about the patients. So should you.

  Pauline is seriously moved by this.

  Pauline Thank you again.

  Nerena You got away with it once, you may not again. Your nurses were watching you, and they weren’t convinced.

  Pauline Did they mention it to you?

/>   Nerena I’m not going to answer that question, because it’s none of your fucking business. You need to grow up.

  Pauline nods as Nerena walks away. She walks towards a hospital bed. Sandy is in it, wired up but looking chipper. He’s in his twenties.

  Sandy Are you OK?

  Pauline Isn’t it meant to be me who asks you?

  Sandy You look a bit shaken.

  Pauline No.

  Sandy It’s kind of you to come and see me. Did you save my life?

  Pauline You’re over-dramatising.

  Sandy Sorry.

  Pauline Just to reassure you: you would have lived however badly you were treated.

  Sandy That’s good to know.

  Pauline I hope it puts you off motorcycles for life.

  Sandy I wasn’t on a motorcycle, that was the problem. I was on a scooter. They were on motorcycles.

  Pauline They?

  Sandy The men chasing me.

  Pauline I thought you fell off.

  Sandy I did fall off.

  Pauline You were being chased?

  Sandy Until the police arrived.

  Pauline pauses a moment.

  Pauline Do I need to know about this? Were you run off the road deliberately? Are you doing anything about it?

  Sandy is silent, not answering. It’s a no.

  A doctor isn’t an officer of the law.

  Sandy I got into a mess.

  Pauline I can see that.

  Sandy Shall I tell you?

  Pauline It’s your choice.

  Sandy I was outside a bar, round the back, sucking off a guy, and I thought he was enjoying it. Then one of his friends caught sight of him and the guy decided he wasn’t enjoying it after all.

  Pauline Doesn’t sound as if it’s motorcycles you should give up.

  Sandy No. It’s cocks.

  Pauline Specifically, strangers’. What do you do for a living?

  Sandy I work for the Labour Party.

  Pauline Doing what?

  Sandy PR.

  Pauline You mean spin?

  Sandy Kind of. I have a shallow gift for putting things in the best possible light. And I can do it in a reasonably personable way.

  Pauline And you were in Corby because –

  Sandy I was visiting my mother.

  Pauline Ah.

  Sandy Being dutiful. An hour in her company and I was desperate for some action.