A Relationship...Or Something Like It

by Greene, Caroline

  “Maybe I will think about it. I will let you know.”

  Chapter 2: Blind Date

  On the ride home, Ross interrogated me.

  “You aren’t really going to go out with the new guy, are you? Mom and dad will kill you!”

  I just avoid his answer and reply, “Well, I’m having coffee with Darren tonight, the one who answered my ad. I want to see how that goes.”

  Unfortunately that wasn’t enough to stop Ross’s brotherly instinct to rat me out to my parents. We walked into the kitchen where mom was getting dinner ready.

  “How was work today?”

  Before I could answer, Ross chimed in.

  “There’s a new guy who started work, and he’s 34. He asked Abigail out on a date!”

  Mom looked concerned.

  “What do you know about him?”

  “Well,” I said. “As I told Ross, I really don’t know what I’m going to do yet. He seems nice. His name is Kyle Buchman, and he’s moved down here from Florida. Enough meddling in my business; I have to get ready for coffee with Darren.”

  I drove over to the coffee house down the street. A short, stocky man with a pleasant smile was waiting for me. Darren introduced himself and, over coffee, we have a pleasant conversation. Or rather, Darren does. I am trying to listen to what he is saying, but Kyle’s infectious grin and the way he makes me feel keeps popping into my mind and making me smile incessantly. ‘Poor Darren’, I think. ‘He must think I’m a grinning idiot. I’m sure he’ll never call me again”. Casablanca’s “As Time Goes By” keeps going through my mind as I smile brightly at Darren and try to focus on what he is saying. After a few hours as we finish our coffee, he walks me to my car. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Abigail. I will be calling you again.” I murmur something about how it was nice to meet him too and the moment I leave, all thoughts of Darren are forgotten and Kyle and the day at work take over. My mom is waiting for me that night.

  “How was Darren, dear?”

  I don’t want to worry her at this point, so I just tell her that he seemed nice enough, but mom won’t let me escape to my room with my thoughts.

  “I thought the name Kyle Buchman sounded really familiar. Then I realized he is Ruth Katz’s cousin, so I called Ruth, and she told me to tell you to stay away; he is an asshole.” She takes a deep breath. “Do you know he was married before? He married her because she was pregnant, but she lost the baby. He sounds like trouble, and I think that it’s best that you focus on men closer to your own age. Plus, he has an older brother and a younger sister who have also been in their share of trouble. Ruth even says that their parents have even had their share.”

  I roll my eyes but ask, “What kind of trouble?”

  Mom takes a deep breath. “They have all abused drugs, prescription and non-prescription, at one time or another. Ruth says the father was investigated for tax fraud and other unscrupulous business practices. She says he must have charmed or bought his way out of it; they do have family money, just like the Katz’s, but shortly thereafter he decided to retire and handed the business over to his daughter,” She continued. “His brother got addicted to pain pills and almost lost his job over it and ended up spending time in rehab, and his sister has had trouble with the law due to drug use, petty theft, and the like. You should stay far away!”

  Then mom looks me up and down. “You do know Alex Katz is single. He’s more your age.”

  I have always just seen Alex as my friend, Jennifer’s older brother, and nothing more. I tried to explain this to my mom. “Mom, Alex has barely said two words to me in all the years that I have known him. When he does talk, it’s all about his baseball collection. I have never known him to have a girlfriend, and he is 22. Are you sure that he even likes women?”

  As she always does whenever I say this about Alex, mom just says, “He is just shy. I bet he would go out with you if Ruth and Sherman tell him to take you out.”

  I give her a dirty look. “How very romantic! A forced date! Thanks, but no thanks.”

  Even knowing all I do about Kyle, I still want to say screw it and experience feeling more of what I have been and accepting the date. I know that people make mistakes, but they learn from them and move on. ‘So what’, I think. ‘It shouldn’t matter that Kyle doesn’t have a perfect past. It’s all a part of who he is now.’ In spite of the new information from mom, I still am very tempted to go out with Kyle, get to know him, and hear his side of things. I think of the Rakes in the Regency romances that I read. They were often wild in their younger days until they fell in love and changed willingly. Maybe as things develop with him, I think, if he is still involved in these activities, he will decide that he will change for me. But at the same time I am unsure of things myself so I just tell mom that I will think everything through like I always do and that I am sure there will be a lot of nice men to choose from my personal ad. But I lay in my bed, knowing I want to say yes to the Casablanca date and knowing that none of these men will be able to measure up to these new feelings. I had never defied people’s expectations before; could I now? The words to “As Time Goes By” are running through my head, and I hum it as I am trying to fall asleep.

  Chapter 3: Flirtation

  All week long at work Kyle is flirting with me incessantly. He keeps asking if I have decided about his birthday date yet. I just grin flirtatiously, enjoying the banter, and tell him I will let him know when I decide. This is the most fun I have ever had at a job, but my co-workers, many who have come to see Ross and I as surrogate children, grandchildren, and younger siblings, are starting to get concerned about what they are seeing between Kyle and me. During one of our exchanges, Kyle whispers a risqué comment in my ear, and the Sales Supervisor Paula gives him a dirty look.

  She turns to me. “Do you want me to talk to Cate? You don’t have to take this harassment.”

  I am embarrassed by her assumption and tell her that I know Kyle is just teasing me and that she doesn’t have to worry about me.

  “But a pretty, young woman like you needs to watch herself.”

  Pretty?! I laugh, as I have never been called pretty by anyone before. “Thanks for your concern, Paula. Kyle is just having a little bit of fun. I am not so pretty.”

  I think of my unrequited crushes and many first dates which have never led to second ones. Throughout the day, Kyle continues his pursuit.

  “I was thinking about how much fun I am going to have on my birthday,” he gives me a meaningful look. I hope you will be joining me!”

  Agatha, Cate’s secretary, a prim and proper woman in her 60s, glares at Kyle. “Young man. Do you know what sexual harassment is? Leave that poor girl alone. Abigail, you do not have to put up with this!”

  After lunch, Cate comes up to me. “I have been hearing a lot of things from the employees. Is Kyle bothering you? If he is, I will have a good talking with him!”

  I quickly assure Cate that I can handle Kyle and tell her that I have interests elsewhere. I confide in her about the personal ad and mention that a few men have already responded and that the first, Darren, has already asked me out on a second date. Darren wants to go out with me the same night as Kyle’s birthday dinner.

  With the disapproval of my co-workers as well as the doubts from my parents, I have even more uncertainty in spite of my temptation. I decide to turn to my friends for advice. Leigh remained up at school to take summer courses to make up for dropped classes and a bout with mono that she had spring semester and is staying in our apartment. Diana and I decide to drive up together to visit her and do some decorating and go out dancing. On the drive up, Diana confides that although she is happier with Matt than she has ever been with anyone else, there are things about the future that worry her. Matt, apparently, does not believe in marriage, and Diana wants more and more to have a future with him. She doesn’t know how much she should live in the moment vs. finding someone else that will give her what she wants a few years down the road. I confide in Diana about my summer flir
tation, about how attracted I feel to Kyle, in spite of everybody else’s disapproval. Diana, surprisingly given her current situation, is another one who is in the disapproval camp.

  “How much do you really know about this man? Why would a 34 year old be interested in a 21 year old, especially when I’m sure as a teacher he worked with a lot of eligible women?”

  Again, the conversation resumed over Chinese food at the apartment with Leigh. Leigh, like me, is still a virgin, but she has had a few long term boyfriends. She recently broke it off with Daniel because he was abusive to her. After the second time he hit her, she decided that enough was enough. It doesn’t hurt that Leigh is very pretty, slender, with blonde hair, and big blue eyes. She did not remain single for very long as a high school friend had a party, and she met Ted. But even in the glow of her new romance, she was just as skeptical.

  “You barely know this Kyle. Everyone around you thinks he’s trouble. You’re 21, but I know what your parents think still means a lot to you. And you have a job to think about.”

  I knew then that as helpful and caring as my friends were trying to be, whatever decision I was going to make, I was on my own. After that night, I knew that whatever happened or did not happen with Kyle, I had to keep things to myself so I would not be judged. That night, I put a great distance between myself and my friends. However, I was still very indecisive on what to do. Darren called me again wanting a definite answer to his proposed date. I agreed, on Kyle’s birthday, to go out to dinner and a movie with Darren. I knew that as far as everyone else was concerned that I had made the right decision, but I knew it would be tough to tell Kyle. All day long, Kyle teased me about it being decision day, and he kept saying things like,

  “Tick, tock! I want an answer soon.”

  I flirted and delayed all day long feeling sadness for what I knew I had to do. Kyle walked Ross and me to our car expecting an answer. Instead, I took the coward’s way out, hopped in the car, and let Ross drive away with Kyle standing there staring. ‘Great,’ I think. ‘I have blown my chance, and I am sure he has lost interest in me.’

  Chapter 4: Just Another Date

  I get ready for my date with Darren. My wild mane of curls tamed the best that I could, I am wearing a new outfit, and I try to be excited. Darren is so right for me on paper with his job as a Financial Analyst, a dentist for a dad, and the family’s country club membership. My parents are even more excited than I am. In the small world of Jewish geography, they realize that Darren is the son of Dr. Ziegler, one of the most respected dentists in town. In fact, Dr. Ziegler has even subbed in a few of my father’s bridge games. Plus, Darren’s 26, a more appropriate age, and has never been married. He picks me up and shakes hands politely with my parents who are charmed.

  “Have fun tonight!” My dad is smiling in a way since he hasn’t since the whole Kyle debacle. ‘It is better that way,’ I tell myself. ‘This is safe; a date like this is what I know”. Darren smiles at me.

  “You look nice tonight. It’s great to see you again.”

  We decide to see the new Batman movie then go downtown to Greektown for lamb and some Greek Saganaki (flaming cheese). We make pleasant conversation, and everything goes predictably well like a hundred other dates I have been on. It’s not that Darren is not a nice guy because he is. We do have common interests such as we both were involved in theater in high school and college. We have a spirited discussion as we walk downtown and ride on the People Mover about our favorite acting roles. I know that if he gets to know my parents and friends, he would be accepted. He also likes to read, and we talk about our favorite authors and find we have several in common.

  The physical chemistry, however, is lacking. I do not feel any differently about him than I do talking to a friend. I have no desire to kiss him or to go out on any more dates. I cannot see him in the role of a serious boyfriend. I most likely will accept if he does ask me out again, I have always been too nice in situations like this, never wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I will not be terribly disappointed if he does not.

  Darren drives me home and walks me to the front door. He kisses me with just a little bit of tongue and tells me he had a nice time. Then he drives off. It was a pleasant evening with none of the conflicting feelings that Kyle brings up. Darren and I can have a nice, uncomplicated relationship that everyone approves of. I can even become, in time, the dentist’s daughter-in-law. Will that make me happy? Is that what I really want? I feel emptiness; a lacking inside.

  In the weeks before, two other men have answered my personal ad, and I am not interested in them either. Philip is my age and seems very nice. He is tall and big boned, not my physical type at all. As the Metro-Detroit Jewish community is small, we have several acquaintances in common and, in fact, at one time dated a friend of a friend. He is studying Accounting at a city college. Truthfully, he is nice, but he seems boring to me, and we do not have a lot in common. Through further discussion, I find out that he is a sports fanatic, and I am an uncoordinated klutz who thinks that most televised sports are boring and do not hold my attention enough to sit through a whole game. I know that he does not hold my interest.

  The other one I get an answer from is Seth. Knowing how creepily clingy he is, I do not call him back. Names are never mentioned in these ads, so he probably did not even realize it was me, he probably saw it as someone who is of a similar age and interests to his and just decided to randomly respond. Dad shakes his head as he always saw Seth as someone devoted, rather than clingy.

  “I liked Seth. He showed a real interest in you. You should give him a second chance.”

  I think about how he wanted to see me constantly, dropped by unannounced, or arrived to pick me up uncomfortably early, and his reluctance to let me go. There is a difference between interested and obsessed, and I definitely want someone who likes me but gives me enough space to have my own friends and interests.

  After my date with Darren, I am alone in my room listening to music and thinking about Philip, Darren, Seth, and two other responses to my ad that came in the mail today. I look them over dispassionately. There is Roger who is 24 years old and works at an advertising agency, and Charles who is 21 and going into his senior year of college at a rival school. I will call them and meet them to placate my parents if nothing else. Deep down, however, I just know they won’t hold a candle to what I feel for Kyle. I know that I do not want to go out with any of them and have a pleasant but unexciting time. I would rather get to know Kyle better. Since I turned him down, or rather just walked away, I wonder what he decided to do for his birthday. As nice and suitable as Philip or Darren would have been, Kyle is the one who holds my interest. I hope that he is not too upset with me for taking the coward’s way out and stops flirting with me. I like our playful banter at work, and I don’t want it to end.

  Chapter 5: Shiva House

  The next morning my mom wakes me up.

  “Ruth Katz’s father died. We need to go to the Shiva this afternoon and pay a condolence call.”

  Ruth and Sherman Katz also mean their daughter Jennifer. Jennifer and I were best friends since elementary school. We had grown apart in recent years as her friends were from a more wild set. We still had good conversations in the times that we did spend together. In fact, Jennifer was my rock during my freshman year of college. I had decided to room blind, and I got stuck with a roommate who was obviously unbalanced. One minute she would be acting like I was her best friend and the next minute I was her worst enemy that was always in the way. Jennifer was always a good friend to me. There is a lot of history with our friendship, and we have shared both good times and bad. My roommate first semester was very moody, and she took out her temper on me. Jennifer was a year younger and a high school senior. During my freshman year, she would drive up to campus, take me to parties that she knew about, drive me home on weekends, and just generally, try to keep me away from my roommate as much as she could. She also was there for me during the whole Jason break up. She came
up to school the minute she heard the news, bought me dinner, and let me cry for “what might have been”. I also remember her other reaction, however, during that visit when Jason dumped me. She told me I was a fool for not sleeping with him and that I should if I wanted him back. I am more physically attracted to Kyle than I ever was to Jason. I am not sure whether I wanted her to talk me in or talk me out of what I should do. The point was that with Jason, I didn’t want him enough and with Kyle, I think I want him more than I should.

  Kyle is Jennifer’s first cousin once removed. There was never any reason in the past for her to mention Kyle as he was much older, eventually married, and an adult. I wondered if I could bring up Kyle to Jennifer today without the disapproval of everyone else or would she be as wary of this attraction as everyone else was? Would Kyle be there today? And, if so, how would I face him after what I did to handle the birthday situation, or, rather, not handle, the birthday situation?

  My parents, Ross, and I go up to the Katz’s and into their living room. I hug Ruth and her mother offering my condolences. Jennifer is inside giving me a look. She sighs, looking at me with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance,

  “We’ll talk later!”

  I look at her shyly and tell her how sorry I am for her loss. I don’t really know how to bring up the other stuff, so I keep my distance. I do not know what to say to her, so I avoid her. I even attempt to make pleasant conversation with Alex which makes my parents and Ruth and Sherman beam. Alex, however, speaks to me in terse two word sentences and escapes to his room as soon as he is able. Kyle is not at the house, but Ruth looks at me and grins.

  “Do you want to see some pictures?”

  She brings out her and Sherman’s wedding album and shows me a picture of the ring bearer.