A Relationship...Or Something Like It

by Greene, Caroline

  “This was my Kai, Kai! And he was so in love with Sophie, the flower girl, Sherman’s niece!”

  She brings out the Bar Mitzvah albums of Kevin and Alex, Jennifer’s brothers, as well as Jennifer’s album in which Kyle is easily recognized. I feel a pang in my heart for the sweet boy in those pictures, and I wonder what I could be missing out on. Ruth closes the album and turns to me.

  “Abigail, you are almost like another daughter to me. I do not think going out with Kyle is a good idea. He may seem charming and have the gift of gab, but there is a lot that you do not know.”

  I look into her eyes. “I am not sure about anything, and he is just somebody who I am working with this summer. I will think about what you said.”

  In spite of Ruth’s warning, I leave with a warm, sentimental feeling knowing about Kyle’s younger days and a bit about his childhood antics and how he fits into his family. Hopefully, we can smooth things over about my leaving him hanging on his birthday with my non-answer which was really my refusal. I knew that I blew things with him on a romantic level, but that didn’t mean that we couldn’t be friends. We do have to work together for the rest of the summer. Seeing his cousins over the weekend might be a good icebreaker to keep things on a friendly level. I just hope he is not too disappointed that I am such a coward.

  The next time, I will not be such a coward around Jennifer either. She has always been a good friend to me but I still have doubts about confiding in her. She has definite opinions and I do not know if she will be supportive or totally against the idea of me and Kyle. I am not sure I want her advice at the moment until I figure things out for myself.

  Chapter 6: Still Interested

  I enter the office with trepidation the next morning. Kyle is waiting for me and before I can form an apology he says,

  “You will not get away with things so easily. We will have that date in good time.”

  I am speechless for a moment then decide to be honest.

  “I just didn’t know what to do, so I decided to do nothing. You deserved to know that.”

  I hand him a birthday card I had bought out of guilt.

  “I hope you had a good birthday in spite of things.”

  He took the card from me.

  “No worries, I actually had a date to take me to the movies. A very nice 30 year old woman took me out. Her name is Sarah; we used to be married but now we are friends.”

  I feel a wave of jealously for this woman who knows Kyle so intimately and still considers him worthy of her time despite any problems they may have had as a married couple. I just tease back. Flirting comes so easily with Kyle even though I’ve never really flirted with anyone before.

  “Sarah, huh? Well, I’m glad you had company; no one should spend their birthday alone.”

  In spite of my jealously over Sarah going on my date, I am happy that Kyle is still willing to flirt and joke with me.

  “Hey, I found some things out about you Kai Kai!”

  “Kai, Kai, huh? You know my cousin Ruth? She was my favorite babysitter growing up.”

  I explain: “Ruth and Sherman are my parents’ favorite couple friends. They warned me about you,” I winked. “I have also known Jennifer since elementary school, and I know Ruth and Sherman would love it if I would go out with Alex, but that is not going to happen!”

  Kyle just grinned at that. “Yeah, I can’t see you with Alex. He has never had to work a day in his life. He started working for Sherman right out of high school, and he will probably run the business into the ground once he is on his own. And that condo that he is always bragging about: it’s not his condo, just something his parents bought for him.”

  I nod my agreement and then continue. “Well, aren’t you going to tell me about Sophie?”

  “Oh yes, Sophie: my 5 year old crush. I believe she was a worldly, older woman of 7!” He continues, “Ruth and Sherman were my favorite cousins growing up. When I was a teenager, Sherman used to give me all kinds of advice about girls. Ruth’s father and my mother were brother and sister. Ray, Elizabeth, and I are probably going to stop by the Shiva tonight.”

  It is a blessing and a curse for how small this Jewish community is. I think of Ruth’s warning: everybody is connected to someone, and they think that because of that, they have the right to offer advice. On the other hand, knowing that he is connected to close family friends makes it feel more possible to eventually become a part of my social circle.

  As I am pondering this and bending over the filing cabinet, Kyle gives a subtle wolf whistle. I stand up fully and turn around to look at him.

  “What?” he says. “Continue what you were doing; I was enjoying the view!”

  I giggle flirtatiously and hum “As Time Goes By.” With that, the ice over my avoidance of making a decision concerning him is broken. It seems that, for now, he will be content with office flirtation and allow me to make up my mind at my own pace.

  We fall back into our old pattern of bantering and joking and flirtatiously dancing around each other. I wonder if I could walk away from this. I wonder if it is worth taking a risk. Kyle made it clear to me that things will go further, when he continued to flirt with me at work and did not seem angry by my non-answer of his date, but I have to be the one to choose and let him know. The thought of this empowers me and scares me at the same time. I wish I was more like Jennifer and Diana: women who go for what they want without thinking it through or concerning themselves with future consequences, but I am a planner; I don’t like to misstep.

  I feel scared and vulnerable to feel this strongly about somebody. I know that if things do not work out, I will be very hurt unlike the previous dates I have been on with my take it or leave it attitude. I am an all or nothing type of person, and it is very hard for me to see things in shades of gray. If I act on these feelings, I will either give this my all or do nothing. Giving it my all sounds more exciting than anything I have done in a long time. Staying in the rut of friends and boring dates is safe, but I long for something more. I have it in my reach, and I need to decide whether or not to let it pass me by.

  Chapter 7: Third DateDarren calls me up and asks me out on a third date. Casablanca is still playing downtown. I suggest that to him, and we agree on that and to grabbing some dinner in Mexican Village after the movie. The classic movie is interesting, though in the back of my mind I think I should have been there with someone else. After the movie, he suggests a favorite restaurant in the Mexican section of the city. We split an order of Nachos and talk about our families, the choices in our college majors, his job with a bank, and my hopes for writing for a newspaper. We talk about the upcoming presidential election, the first I will be voting in. I tell him how much I like Bill Clinton’s platform more and more, even though I had taken an off campus job during the school year doing political phone polling where I asked leading questions for the Republican party. He mentions how much he likes Ross Perrot, in spite of his indecisiveness on whether to stay in the 1992 election.

  All and all, it is a pleasant evening, and I know that Darren is a very nice person. I need to make some decisions about him so that I don’t end up hurting him. This waffling about Kyle is starting to affect my actions with other people who I need to take into consideration. Darren and I decide to ride the people mover around downtown before taking me home, and he holds my hand on the people mover, the walk to the car and on the drive home.

  The house is dark when Darren and I arrive.

  “Can I come in for a while?” he asks.

  My heart sinks with dread because I know what is going to happen, but it has to happen so that I can make up my mind about him for sure. I invite him to sit on the couch in the living room. He dims the lights. He puts his arm around me and whispers,

  “I really like you a lot, Abigail.”

  Then he leans in and kisses me deeply. I feel like gagging, and I want to push him away. It feels too wet, too much teeth, and it doesn’t taste very good. He plants some wet kisses on my neck and lic
ks my ear so that I get an unpleasant, shiver down my spine. He reaches down my shirt when the door opens. It is my parents coming home from a late night movie, and I am never more grateful for their interruption. We make pleasant conversation with them for a while, and I walk Darren to the front door where he kisses me deeply one last time. I am relieved to see him go, and I know that I will not be accepting any more dates from him.

  Mom asks, “So how did it go? Now, he seems like someone nice for you.”

  I look at her and say sarcastically, “I don’t think I want to see him anymore. I let him slobber all over me and I feel disgusting. I can’t wait to shower.”

  She protests, “But, Dr. Ziegler’s son and a country club membership! Think about what you will be giving up. Give him another chance. Maybe you should talk to the counselor…”

  “Mom! Enough! I am tired of giving these people a chance to make me happy. I need to start considering what will make me happy, and it certainly is not Darren!”

  I walk towards my room and look back at mom one last time,

  “Do you remember the last time it happened, when you were worried when I did not want to see Seth Levin again for the very same reason and you made me talk to that counselor? The counselor told me it was fine and I just did not have any chemistry. There is nothing wrong with not having chemistry with somebody!”

  I let out a sigh of relief, glad to speak my mind with my mom and hope that she’ll understand a little bit more and trust my decisions. I go upstairs and shower to wash Darren’s spit off of me. I know for sure that as nice as he is, he is not for me, and I will not be seeing him again. I will not be trying again to make something or someone be right for me when it is clear it never will be. Now I need to decide what to do about somebody who being with feels more right than it ever has before. We have not even kissed yet or touched in any way but instinct tells me that if we do, I will feel more than I have ever felt in my life.

  Chapter 8: The Last Straw

  Things go on much the same. I go out with other men who have expressed interest in my personal ad, and it’s the usual one date and done. Darren calls me a few times, and I make excuses in spite of my parents’ protests to give him another chance. Kyle and I continue to flirt constantly at work, and I grow increasingly frustrated with my decision to keep things at that level.

  Diana and I go up to the apartment again for the weekend to spend time with Leigh and get things set up for the fall. My mom’s best friend, who lives in New Jersey, tells her that one of her friend’s sons is attending law school nearby, and she wants to introduce us. Matt and Ted also come up that night to go dancing, so I decide to call law student Gabe. Gabe seems nice enough over the phone, and we agree on a bar and a meeting place.

  The bar is in its usual summer break craziness. Gabe is in the spot where we planned, and I see that he brought a friend.

  “Hi there! You must be Abigail! This here is Joey, my law school classmate.”

  Then Gabe proceeds to act like a total jerk. He barely talks to me and then he goes off with Joey to check out more exciting women at the bar. I am tired of it all, I realize. I have had enough of first dates and meetings that do not lead to anywhere. I am tired of making an effort for somebody who does not care or appreciate it. I’m tired of all the wrong guys falling for me, and me not falling back. Now that I have met somebody who does seem interested in me and what I say, these other men’s shortcomings are even more glaringly apparent. I am not going to do this anymore. I am sick and tired of the whole game, and it feels like a waste of time. Not to mention that I’m finding the whole dating scene increasingly boring. I question my reasons for why I have such doubts about Kyle, and I realize that they are not good enough. I think about the conversation Kyle and I had at work about tonight’s plans.

  “So Abigail,” he asked. “Do you have anything exciting going on this weekend?”

  I tell him about my plans to go dancing with friends and mention Gabe the law student so he doesn’t think that I am home all night thinking about him.

  “So it’s Gabe this time? What happened to Darren?”

  I indicate that I decided not to see Darren anymore. He looks at me, “When are you going to admit to yourself what you really want to do?”

  ‘Why?’ I ask myself. ‘Because my friends and family are not supportive? Is that a good enough reason to keep me from exploring feelings with somebody that I am really interested in, who has made it clear he is pursuing me?’ No, I decide. I need to be the adult that I am and decide for myself what I want and go for it. Friends and family can come around later when they see how happy I am.

  I leave the bar and that night, and we crash at the apartment: Diana with Matt, Leigh with Ted, and me alone I feel a sense of anger at having put up with Gabe’s disinterest. I do not deserve to go out with men who don’t care enough about me and do not see me as important enough to give their full attention to. I have a man who is funny, and who has made it clear he is interested and enjoys, at least at work, what I have to say. Why, I wonder, am I wasting my time going out with these losers to make somebody else happy when I am miserable, and there is only one person I want to be with? At least Gabe the law school jerk opened my eyes to what I really want, and I am not going to waste another second of my time with whom others feel I should be with. Things at work on Monday are going to be different, and Kyle is going to know it! My answer to Kyle is finally going to be yes.

  Chapter 9: Saying Yes At Last

  I go to work after the weekend with a new attitude, a swagger of purpose, and a feeling of warmth. I know what I want in life, and I feel like I have finally become an adult. My parents and friends don’t know everything even if they are more experienced at certain life events than I. I’m a grown up and am going to make a grown up choice: follow my heart and give myself a chance at happiness. I am tired of watching life pass me by. From now on, I’m going to be a part of it.

  Kyle drives in the same time Ross’s and my car pulls into the parking lot. I know what I want, but I am not ready to shout it from the rooftops yet. I don’t want my brother to meddle and give a full report to my parents when I am not ready for their vocal dissent on how I am planning to live my life. I can go for what I want, but I need to keep this between Kyle and me for now.

  Luckily, Aaron is pulling up as well, Ross catches up to him, and they walk in together as Kyle and I hold back.

  “How was your weekend?” Kyle asks. “You went up to campus with your roommates, right?”

  I decide that it is now or never, and it is time to go with the moment.

  “The weekend with my friends was fine. We went dancing, and I got introduced to some law school jerk who is the son of a friend of my mother’s. I am DONE with losers!” I take a deep breath. “I will be at the Wok Palace tomorrow night at 6:30; I never know who I might run into. Maybe if I run into the right person tomorrow, I could be convinced to go to a movie or something after dinner.”

  Kyle immediately understands what I am saying. I want to give this feeling a chance even though I am not ready for the whole world to know it yet. Kyle grins.

  “I might just be there tomorrow, too!”

  The rest of the day, we just cannot stop smiling at each other. Melvin, a 60-year-old bachelor and one of Kyle’s and my quiet supporters, asks what has got me so happy and cheerful. Mindful of the others around me that are not so supportive, I just mention that I have a date with someone that I have liked for a while. I call him “Geoffrey,” which I happen to know from a previous conversation, is Kyle’s middle name. I even mention, with Kyle in earshot, how much I enjoy talking to him, his beautiful blue eyes, his magnetic smile, and how I can’t wait to know him better. I look at Kyle teasingly and wink.

  “I hear Kyle has a date this week, too! Jeanne (my middle name), isn’t it?’

  All day long, Kyle and I talk about Geoffrey’s and Jeanne’s virtues and how much we are looking forward to getting to know them better. We come up with date scenarios; descr
ibe how we look in each other’s eyes. The energy in the room is filled with anticipation for the promise of the next night. This is a date that, no matter what the outcome, makes me more excited than I have been about anything for a long time. I just need to get through tomorrow evening, and I will deal with realities and consequences afterwards. For once in my life, I feel a great sense of relief and freedom: I feel that I am finally controlling my own destiny. I am doing what I want not what other’s want for me, and the feeling is heady. I am a woman who knows what I want and is finally taking action!

  Chapter 10: First Date With Kyle

  The next day after work, I let my mother know not to expect me for dinner. I explain that I have a dinner date at the Chinese food restaurant around the corner and that we may have plans afterward. I let her and my father assume that this is another Jewish Kibitzer meeting. In my excitement, I mention that the man I am meeting seems especially nice and that I have a good feeling about this evening.

  I drive up to the Wok Palace, and Kyle is waiting outside looking for my car. There is a single red rose in his hands which he gives to me. He takes my hand, and we walk into the restaurant together. We immediately get seated at a table in an intimate corner of the room where our conversation will not be disturbed. We both agree that our favorite dish is the sizzling steak and vegetables marinated in their special oyster sauce. We order the dinner for two and when it comes, we dig in eagerly.

  The conversation is just as good as the food. We talk about anything and everything, and it all seems to come together naturally. I talk about my Journalism major at school and how much I like to write, and he tells me about why he decided to become a teacher and tells me about his 7th grade students. His ultimate career ambition is to become a principal and make some changes to the school curriculum for middle school students. The one sour note is his confession that he was not really pink slipped at his school. He had only wanted this job for the summer and he had always planned on quitting when school started up again. He felt bad about being dishonest but he liked the job description and knew it would bring him in good income for the summer while staying with his brother. He knew that if he had told Cate the truth at his interview, he never would have gotten the job. He wanted to earn some money and spend some time in Michigan with his family for the summer and he took this job to help out with his expenses while staying at his brother’s house. In the fall, he tells me that he plans to go back to Coral Springs and his teaching job. It is too early to say this, but I am thinking of Spring Break, and my grandmother Fanny living nearby in Boca Raton. Also, I will be graduating in a year, and there are newspaper jobs all over the country. If this does work out, we can find a way to make a long distance relationship work. Making a long distance relationship work would be challenging for a year but not impossible.