Tangled Dreams

by Jennifer Anderson

  “Nonsense, you are hurt. Don’t worry. I’ll pick up some clothing for you tomorrow when William and I go into town with the girls.”

  “No. You don’t have to do that. That’s not necessary.” I said not used to the kindness.

  “No worries Madison. We usually make a day out of it but, don’t worry Gavin will be here to help you if you need anything. He usually waits until the last minute to get his school stuff, and insists on doing it himself. He claims that he doesn’t need his mother holding his hand to do that anymore.” She exclaimed as she sat down on the side of my bed.

  “Speaking of mothers. Have you heard anything from mine yet?”

  “No Sweetie, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. Besides, I’m not all that surprised. I just feel like I have intruded on your life to long now.”

  Julia looked away the guilt pressing down upon her. Her mind reeling with the fact that her mother was supposed to call Madison by now, to tell her the truth. What if she doesn’t? What am I going to do? She has to know soon. I have to get her registered for school. Her worry mounting by the second. Deciding if she didn’t call in a week that she’ll have to tell her. How on earth do I tell this sweet girl that her mother isn’t coming back?

  “Julia are you okay? You got so quiet.”

  “Yes sweetie. I’m fine.” Getting up slowly she gave me a hug and complimented me on being a lovely girl and walked out. Julia hugging me like that only made me miss dad even more. Looking over at my diary I kissed my fingers and touched the diary, that was so important to me. “I love you daddy. Goodnight.” Slumping down into bed I fell asleep.

  Gavin peeked his head in Madison’s room at lunch time to check on her noting, that she was fast asleep. Disappointed he figured that maybe he could talk her into having a movie night with him. Thinking since mom and dad usually leave really early in the morning on shopping trips, that this would give them the perfect opportunity to stay up late. He already knew that he wasn’t going to have to do chores in the morning and was already looking forward to that fact alone. I’m just keeping her company he told himself. Being a good friend. Anyone would do it. Satisfied with that resolution he hurriedly ran back down stairs and to the barn.

  A couple of hours went by and Julia was walking back from the mailbox with a letter from Madison’s mother. She was positive that her heart had sunk down into her feet, and she was praying that her mother wouldn’t tell her through a letter. Just the same, she didn’t hold much faith in Sandra. Racking her brain, she didn’t know whether to give it to Madison and go ahead and get the inevitable over? Or wait. Wait for what? She didn’t know. Maybe for Sandra to get a heart and make a phone call. Finally, deciding for after supper that way if she needs a little space she could have it. Or if she needs a little family she can have that also. Wringing her hands together, she finished the long walk up the driveway.

  The afternoon went by in slow motion. Even Gavin who had willingly been staying in the barn more in the evening couldn’t wait to be done for the day. Trying to tell himself it was all about the movie, but knowing the excitement came from who he may be watching it with instead.

  The boredom that I was starting to feel from sleeping all day was almost debilitating. I was ready to do something, anything at all. I just wanted to get up and walk. Thinking my ankle was starting to feel better I decided to test that theory, and get a shower. The memory of my last shower, assaulting me. Making me remember back to the night before, and how no boy had ever called me beautiful. Although, Gavin was so much more, he was more of a man than any boy that I had ever seen. Attempting to push it out of my head, and chalked it up to him trying to be nice. After all, I was all banged up and he felt sorry for me.

  Looking at the clock, it was five on the dot and quitting time for uncle William and Gavin. Knowing everyone would be piling in the dining room to eat at the moment It would be a perfect time to sneak down to the second floor and get a shower. I knew I had plenty of time because aunt Julia would be up with a food tray later. For some reason she was rather persistent on personally bringing up my supper. Swinging my feet out of the blanket, I set them carefully on the floor. Willing myself to stand, I took a deep breath and stood up slowly. The pain wasn’t as horrible as it was the night before but, most certainly made walking a challenge. Limping to the dresser, I got out a change of clothes and skipped past the nightgown from the night before. Turning around I started to inch my way closer to the door. Laughing to myself as I thought about how I have become and official “furniture walker.” As I was about to reach out to grab the door handle, it swung open to find Gavin staring down at me.

  “Madison. What are you doing up?”

  “Well, I’m tired of that bed and I’m going to go down to take a shower. By myself this time.” Giving him a glare so he wouldn’t argue. “What do you want?”

  “Well.” Stuttering, thinking he would just somehow throw it into conversation but, now had no other choice then to come out and ask. Nonchalantly. “Well, since I don’t have to work tomorrow and your obviously bored, I thought you might want to watch a movie tonight? I rarely have anyone around here my age to watch movies with.” Down playing the question as much as possible to save some shred of dignity.

  “Alright. That would be nice. God knows I have had enough sleep for ten people today. So, I’ll probably be up all night anyhow.”

  “Did you want me to bring you something to eat up?”

  Starting to limp towards the door, “No your mom said she would bring it up to me. She acted like she needed to talk to me. Maybe she’s finally coming to her senses and decided to throw me out.” Saying half heartedly.

  Grabbing my arm tightly, “She’s not going to throw you out. She adores you.”

  “Well, she’s the only one Gavin. I still haven’t heard anything from my mom.” Trying to fight the tears back.

  Slipping his hand down my arm and lacing his fingers through my own. “Madison, she’s not the only one who adores you here.” Looking me straight in the eyes.

  My heart leaping into my throat, I looked away and started towards the door again. “I’ll see you later Gavin.” Slipping my hand from his grasp.

  “At least let me help you down the stairs. After that, I’ll leave you on your own.”

  “Fine, okay.” Those words didn’t matter much because he had already grabbed me around the waist with a shaky had. I didn’t feel the stairs once, as he basically carried me down the steps. And once again I was in awe of his strength.

  After my shower, I scooted back up the stairs painstakingly slow and felt triumphant when I made it to the top. Limping in frustration, I sat back on my bed and waited for aunt Julia. I didn’t wait long before she came in and sat down with my tray. While I ate she made small talk about the weather and animals. She raved about how Gavin is finally coming around.

  “Madison, you are a breath of fresh air around here. I know you’re a lot of the reason Gavin is doing better now. It really helps having someone his own age around to talk to. As you can imagine, the hours they spend working on the farm in the summer, he doesn’t have much time for his friends. You have been such a big help.”

  “I haven’t done much Julia. I can’t take credit.”

  “Nonsense. You have been very nice, and sometimes that’s enough.”

  Finally done eating I could feel the tension in the air. “Julia, is there something else you want to talk about?”

  “Well, yes dear. I don’t know how to say it other than just telling you. I received a letter from your mother today.” Taking it out of her back pocket she handed it to me with a sad expression on her face. I took it happily and stared at it smiling.

  “I bet she’s sending for me soon. See the address? It’s Chicago.” Feeling a little pain of sadness having to leave this beautiful farm for the city again.

  Julia smiled nervously. “Honey please don’t get your hopes up.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ll
just leave you alone to read your letter. I’ll be down in the kitchen if you need anything.”

  The door shutting behind her, I couldn’t make heads or tails of her strange behavior. Ripping the letter open it didn’t take long for my smile to fade and that empty feeling to creep back upon me.

  Dear Madison,

  Everything is just fabulous here! Your Grandma and Grandpa are doing great! We have reconciled and I have moved in with them. I have also taken a job at a local nightclub. It’s the best job in the world! I make lots of money, meet lots of people, and the best part is I get to have fun at the same time. But, they are disappointed I never went to college. So, I’m happy to tell you I am going back to school. I’m sure you’re doing great there. Probably meeting lots of boys and having great fun. So, I’ve decided to let you stay there indefinitely. I need to get my feet on the ground again. With your dad gone, I have no one to take care of me anymore. Don’t worry though, I have given your aunt and uncle permission to make any decision regarding you, and your schooling. Not that you would have any problems in school. You will meet tons of new friends and have a million boyfriends in no time. Well, you may not hear from me for a while. I really have to concentrate on my life for a while now. You have fun getting to know your family.

  Ciao, mom

  Crumpling the letter up in my hand so hard that my knuckles were white I stared at the wall in utter shock. Unaware of the tears rolling down my cheeks I limped out of the door as fast as I could at the moment. I had to get out of this house. I barely touched the steps as I slid down most of them on my butt stumbling down the rest. Barreling through the kitchen crying, and looking like a lunatic I caught aunt Julia and Gavin discussing something quietly. I knew the flames of fire were nipping at my eyes at that point. “Did both of you know?” I asked coming out more in a shriek, the tears falling faster down my face. “Did you know when I got here that I was going to be abandoned? Answer me!” Julia stood with tears in her eyes and Gavin shifted his gaze to the floor, giving me my answer. “Forget it. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m not staying.” Plowing through the middle of them and out the door. I wasn’t sure where I was going, so I just headed towards the creek. For some reason the peacefulness of the place made me feel closer to dad there. Tripping and falling through the pasture, I came to tall grass and my ankle was screaming at me to stop. I however, did not listen and finally made it to the creek, falling to my knees in exhaustion. The letter still clutched tightly in my hands. All the tears I had been so desperately trying to hold at bay came out. Crying for the father who loved me, crying for the mother who never really wanted me in the first place. Crying for the home I miss so badly, and for the past I’ll never get back.

  Chapter Five: Another Loss

  “Back at the house, Julia grabbed Gavin’s arm. “Gavin she is coming back. She was just upset. Maybe you should give her a couple of minutes.”

  Gavin looked down at his feet with anger and hurt in his eyes. But, most of all guilt for knowing the truth, and not saying a word to her.

  “Sweetie? You really care for her don’t you?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t known her all that long. The only thing I do know is when I found out that I was adopted, I would have given anything just to have someone sitting there with me. I don’t want to leave her feeling abandoned. Luckily, I was wrong. I did have people who cared about me, even when I was mad, and hard to love. Deep down I knew you loved me. But, who does Madison have?”

  When her son looked back up she could see it in his eyes. Confusion, anger, hurt and love. Even if he didn’t know it yet, she certainly did. Any woman who has ever been loved knows that look. “Alright sweetie. Go see if she is alright.” Beaming with pride for her son.

  That was all he needed to hear. Not that he would have listened if she had said no. Running out of the house, he didn’t have to think about it. He knew where she would be. Making his way towards the creek he saw her blond hair falling down around her knees as she sobbed and shook uncontrollably. Stepping up to her he bent down beside her wrapping his arms around her.

  “Get off me!” I shrieked with tears blurring my vision.

  Letting his hands fall to his sides he sat beside her, trying not to take to much of a blow to his ego.

  “You knew, and you didn’t tell me. I thought you were my friend. I thought you cared about me. The few times I did talk about leaving, you knew.” I said sobbing. Looking at Gavin, I could see the hurt in his eyes and it made me feel like a fool for yelling at him. I knew in my heart he never meant to hurt me but, at the moment I was to mad to forgive him.

  “I’m sorry babe. I didn’t want to see you sad. Especially, so soon after losing your dad.”

  “Don’t do that. Don’t speak of my father. You know nothing of him, or me!”

  Looking down, he could see she was clutching the letter and it made his heart ache for her. “I’m just trying to help.”

  “Well you’re not. Just leave me alone!” Sobbing harder.

  Darkness was creeping upon them and he didn’t want a repeat performance of last night. He knew his mom was counting on him to bring Madison back in one piece. He knew she would be waiting in bed worrying until she heard them come in. “Madison, I’m sorry but, I can’t leave you out here. It’s getting dark.”

  “I don’t care. I don’t have anywhere to go anyhow.”

  “Madison yes you do. You are a part of our family now. Everyone here loves having you here. You’re the only one who wants to leave.” Knowing that was partially true. He could see very clearly that his father did not share the same sentiments.

  Hearing his words sent such pain into my heart. Why couldn’t I hear them from my mother? Beating my fists on the ground in frustration. “Why did he have to leave me Gavin?” Looking into the distance where the trees were dancing in the wind. The sunset shimmering through them. “I miss him so much. I miss home.” Now calmer. This time when Gavin wrapped his arms around me, he did so in a way that he didn’t take no for an answer. This time I didn’t care to fight him on it. Giving in I laid my head on his chest and was content with listening to his heart beat. He didn’t seem to mind sitting there stroking my hair, and just being here for me. When I did open my eyes again, it was now completely dark. Going over the hurtful things I had said to him in my head made me feel that much more awful. He was still here to. Even after all those hateful words I said to him. Maybe there was someone who cared.

  “Madison, we need to get back to the house. It’s getting cooler and your starting to shake.”

  Looking up at him I could still see the pain and concern in those brooding eyes that I have come to appreciate so much. “Gavin?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m sorry I said such horrible things to you. I didn’t mean them.”

  “I know you didn’t. It’s okay. I know how it is to feel betrayed by a parent. Remember?”

  “I remember. That’s part of the reason I feel like such a jack ass right now.”

  “Really?” He said with a glint in his eyes. Shocked that a foul word came out of her mouth.

  “Thank you for being here for me. I’m sorry for ruining movie night.”

  “Wait a second. Who says it’s ruined? It’s early, it can’t be more than 9:30. We have all night.”

  With the best smile I could muster. “Alright, we should get going then.” When he started to get up I tugged his arm bringing him back down to my eye level. “Gavin?”

  “Yes?”

  “Thank you.”

  “No problem.”

  He said giving me one of those sexy smiles that drives me completely insane. Leaning forward he gave me a kiss on my forehead, that sent my heart fluttering. He then lifted me up to my feet.

  “Alright. You obviously aggravated your ankle again, stumbling outside the way you did earlier. So you have two options. I haul you back to the house, or…okay, you only have one option.”

  “Well a girl could get used to this.” Now beaming a smile a
t him. Looking down at the letter still clutched in my hand I was torn on what to do with it. Gavin must have read my mind and took pity upon me because he took it out of my hand and folded it up putting it in his back pocket.

  “I’ll give it back to you, when you decide if you want to keep it.” Looking intensely into my eyes.

  Shifting my gaze away, “thanks.”

  “Okay, here we go.” Swooping me up he had me back up to the house in no time.

  At the top of the landing he stopped in between our rooms. “Alright, did you need to go in your room to get anything?”

  “I think I’ll go change into something more comfortable, and less dirty.”

  “Ah, that cute little nightgown?” He said with a smirk and an evil look in his eyes. “Do you need any help?” He asked teasingly, but wouldn’t have turned her down if she had said yes.

  Chuckling and shaking my head, “No I think I can manage. And it’ll be sweats tonight. How do you do it?”

  “Do what babe?”

  “Make me laugh when I’m so upset?”

  “I guess it’s a talent of mine.” Looking down at her he wanted to kiss her so badly but, knew that was a line he couldn’t cross. “Alright, just hobble in my room when your ready.” He said walking away.

  I stood looking at his door for probably five minutes trying to get the courage to go in. I don’t know what I’m so worked up about. We are just watching a movie. Not a big deal. Glancing into the mirror one last time. I had baggy sweats on that looked more like bed pants. I thought I had left them when I moved and was very happy to find them. I also had a dangerously low cutting v-neck shirt. It didn’t used to be so snug and was my moms shirt. It showed way more cleavage than should be allowed in any state. However, this was the types of clothing my mother wore all the time. Frankly, I didn’t have much to choose from. Pulling my hair back into a loose pony tail I took a deep breath and walked through the forbidden adjoining door.