Tangled Dreams

by Jennifer Anderson

  This time I was actually able to look around. I noticed the room was a lot bigger than I initially thought. There was a desk in the corner with books laying all over it. Throw rugs scattered on the old polished wood floor. A big wooden bed stood in the middle of the room, with a couple of dressers in the corner. The walls were painted a dark green and the television was located directly in front of the bed sitting on another dresser. There was an old comfortable looking couch sitting next to the bed. The room truly looked like his place of solace.

  “Hey Madison.” He said walking over to me. I could feel his gaze on me and it made me nervous. He was trying his best to look in her eyes and not below her chin. What did she expect really? “If your to uncomfortable to sit on the bed, I could throw some pillows down on the floor and we could sit down there.”

  Not liking the prospect of sitting on the floor with a bum ankle I chose the bed instead. The whole idea of it making me nervous anyhow. Coming over to me he threw some pillows up against the headboard so we could sit up more. He then moved around it and flopped down on the bed. More cautiously I sat down also scooting as far over to the edge as I could get. Carefully lifting my legs and ankle as to not hurt it anymore.

  Looking down, “Your ankle feeling any better?” Before I could answer he was leaning down and taking my foot in his hands inspecting it.

  “Yeah it feels better. Thank you.” Leaning back up against the pillows he grabbed the remote and turned the movie on. The only thing he could think about was reaching over to hold her but, knew he couldn’t. The urge to do so was killing him.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  Not realizing he was staring at her he shifted uncomfortably. “Nothings wrong. Did you want me to go downstairs to get you anything?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Did you want to talk about the letter?”

  Watching the movie, “You have it. You can read it. It’s pretty self-explanatory.”

  “Are you sure you want me to read it?”

  “Go ahead. I don’t have much use for it anymore. Besides, I’ve read it.”

  Reaching into his back pocket he pulled it out and unfolded it reading it quickly. When he was finished, he looked over at me with an angry look in his eyes. “That was cold.”

  “Yeah, cold is a good word for my mother.”

  Reaching over and taking my chin in his hand he forced me to look at him. “That’s not what I meant babe.” Looking at him I couldn’t help but to stare straight into that gorgeous face.

  “You know what I like?” Catching him off guard.

  Gavin’s eyebrow arched up in question. “What do you like?”

  “I like it when you call me babe.” That made his eyes soften back up and he was even more breathtaking. “I never liked being called Madison. Dad always called me Maddie. But, mom always said Madison was my name and that’s what I should be called. She wasn’t much for nicknames or endearments of any sort. But, dad never listened to her.” I said smiling with tears in my eyes.

  Leaning over closer Gavin could no longer resist her. Cupping her face in his hands he gently took her lips to his.

  Not expecting his kiss my world started to go upside down and everything go fuzzy. When I didn’t pull back he got more brave and kissed me harder working his way down my neck planting them softly everywhere. Without even thinking I tilted my head back and was starting to get lost in the moment. Before I knew it I had my hands in his hair clutching him tightly. Closing my eyes hoping when I opened them this wouldn’t be a dream. Working his kisses back up to my cheek he whispered in my ear, “Your so beautiful. You drive me crazy. I’m sorry I have to kiss you.” My mind was shouting to stop it. Stop it now. You live together. You can’t do this. But, my heart and hormones were saying something entirely different. I have been kissed before but, never like this. Not with this much passion and need. My mind growing more and more fuzzy with each kiss and second that ticked by. Inching closer to me his body was almost on top of mine now. Kissing me with expertise I had never felt before his hands started working up my shirt and to the middle of my back. The panic in my stomach jolting me back to reality.

  “God, I’m so sorry Madison. I should have never done that. I should have never kissed you.” Looking down with shame in his eyes.

  “It’s alright Gavin. It’s just that we live together. I know we are not related but, it could cause problems with your parents. Maybe we should just watch the movie.” I said as I lifted myself back up on the pillow. Thinking about how badly I wanted to kiss him again.

  He sat there not saying a word and feeling like a fool. But, also scared at the fact that he had kissed quite a few girls and none of them compared. She made herself clear that she didn’t want a relationship with me telling himself sternly. So, settling down they let themselves finally relax and watched movie after movie. Trying there best to laugh and enjoy the night.

  “It’s getting late Madison. You sure your not tired?”

  “I’m fine. Unless you want to go to bed?”

  “Nah, I’m good.”

  By this point it was working on three a.m. and I was feeling tired but, I didn’t want to admit it. Really not wanting to call it a night and leave him. With the only illumination in the room being from the television I soon fell asleep.

  Gavin played with the thought of carrying her back to her own bed, but decided he would watch the television a while longer. Thinking he would take her to her bed in a while. Looking at her she looked so peaceful. It was hard to believe that he was looking at the same girl who was tearing out of the house crying only a couple of hours ago. He leaned back against his pillow, getting interested in the movie again. He wasn’t paying much attention when she started to stir until she cuddled closer to him putting her arm around his stomach. Laying her head down on his chest he couldn’t resist putting his arm around her, kissing her on top of her head. Thinking to himself, how could I not like this girl? She’s just lonely. I can’t take advantage of that. She’s already made it clear that she doesn’t want me. Trying to hammer that fact into his brain over and over. Like she was reading his thoughts.

  “Gavin?” saying in a sleepy voice. “I think your gorgeous to.” She said tightening her grip on me. Remembering, their conversation the night before he knew exactly what she was talking about. He chalked it up to her talking in her sleep and chose to say nothing at all. Hugging him like that one place was made specially for her.

  “It’s getting late babe. You need to go to bed.”

  “Please, don’t make me leave.” I whispered. “I don’t want to be alone. It feels so safe here with you.”

  A knife tearing away at his heart he knew right then and there he better be protecting it. Thinking how very easily he could fall in love with her. With no plans of giving his heart away in the near future, the last thing he wanted was for either one of them to get hurt. I can’t turn her away tonight. She obviously needs someone. Knowing they wouldn’t get caught from his mom leaving so early in the morning he made his decision. Leaning up he slipped his t-shirt up over his head and settled in. Not willing to move away from her, scared she would change her mind.

  I could feel him settling in and I was to tired and comfortable to move wrapping my arms back around his bare stomach. He felt so warm and inviting.

  After a while, listening to her shallow breathing felt almost hypnotic and eventually put me into a deep sleep holding her tightly.

  I woke up in the morning as the sunrise danced through the windows and across my face. Confused a bit about where I was. Opening my eyes slowly I was gazing directly into Gavin’s face. We were tangled up in each other’s arms and that made me remember. Not wanting to wake him, I laid here with my eyes closed knowing as soon as he woke up this moment would end forever. Unfortunately, it had to end. This is my aunt and uncles house and I am a guest in their home. I knew they would not be happy with this situation. Having nowhere else to go I didn’t want to test my luck. But, also knowing my aunt and
uncle was gone for the day and wondered if I could just be myself. Holding him closely and staring at him I wondered if there was ever a moment when he didn’t look so handsome.

  Laying here for another hour in his arms was pure bliss. Unfortunately, he was starting to stir a bit and I knew he was waking up.

  He opened his eyes to find surprisingly that she was not only still here in his bed but, still wrapped up in his arms tightly. He expected to wake up to find her gone. Just when he was thinking that she still had to be asleep, she said good morning. Surprised, but very pleased that she not only chose to stay but kept her arms locked tightly around him with absolutely no space between them.

  “Morning babe. Did you sleep well?”

  “The best I’ve slept since well, since dad died.” I said without looking up at him. My nightmares were actually at a minimum last night. I was so afraid he would push me away. I wasn’t about to tell him about my nightmares.

  “Well, is that a compliment? My ego might start getting big if you keep talking like that.” Teasing her giving her a squeeze.

  “Well, your ego is already big. But, I was just telling you the truth.”

  “First you compliment me, then you insult me. You are a complicated person. So, I guess we’ll have to do this more often.”

  “I wish we could.” I said sadly.

  “Well, why can’t we?” He knew the answer already. Or many of the reasons for that matter.

  “You know why Gavin. We talked about it last night.”

  “Well, if I’m so disgusting and you don’t want this then why aren’t you pushing me away?”

  “Because I’m weak.”

  “What kind of answer is that? Are you saying I forced this?”

  “No Gavin. Not at all. Calm down and let me finish.” Saying sternly. “I’m weak because right or wrong I am getting strong feelings for you. I respect you. I admire you. Your gorgeous on the inside as well as the outside. I find it harder and harder as the days go by to keep myself away from you. I’ve never had anyone besides dad who has understood me, and been there for me, acting like they cared. Okay I’m done.” Now really embarrassed.

  Gavin couldn’t believe his ears. He thought he was the only one having to be strong and hold back. “Well it’s not act. I do care about you very much. The truth is I don’t want to let you go either.”

  “I know your parents would not like this Gavin. I can’t afford to piss them off. I have nowhere to go.”

  “Madison I would never let anything bad happen to you. Besides who says they have to know?”

  “You want us to lie?” Looking up at him wide eyed.

  “Babe, I don’t know you as well as I would like to but, I would do just about anything to hold you like this again.

  “I don’t know if I can do that.”

  “Well, just think about it, but not today. Let’s just be ourselves just for today.” He said giving me a gentle kiss on the nose. “You know your beautiful in the morning right?”

  “No, I’m not. I’m not going to say anymore about your looks, because your head is big enough at this point.” I said teasingly.

  “Sh, now what else do you think about my looks?”

  I just looked down and laughed. “I’m not going to tell you.”

  “Well, I’ll tell you what I think about you. I think you have a ridiculous body, possibly the best I’ve ever seen. Trustworthy, gorgeous eyes. Hair that I love running my fingers through.”

  “Possibly the best body?” I said annoyed cutting him off.

  “All those things I just said and you hear that? You are such a woman.”

  Unappreciative of his “woman” comment I started to get up to no avail. Grabbing me by the waist and pulling me on top of him he forced me to look at him, his legs clamping tightly around mine.

  “Madison, I really do want this to me more.” Looking deeply into my eyes, brushing my hair out of my face.

  “We can’t Gavin. I’m sorry.”

  “Then why do you always look sad when you say that to me?”

  “You know why.” Deflecting any more discussion about it, “I’m hungry let’s go down and get something to eat.”

  “I’m hungry to.” He said not letting go of me.

  Trying to wiggle free he was a lot stronger than I realized.

  “Alright, I’ll let you go this time but, next time I may not be so willing to comply.” Looking at me with a wicked look in his eyes.

  “You know for some odd reason I believe you.” I breathed out as I got up thankful for the distance being put between us.

  We spent most of the rest of the day down downstairs talking about everything from our lives to our interests. However, since school was starting in two weeks he promised that he would take me into town and show me around. I couldn’t lie, I was scared to death about going to a new school. He was great trying to console me, but admitted he wouldn’t like the prospect of a new school either.

  The day went quickly and aunt Julia didn’t get back with everyone until after supper. Aunt Julia excitedly took me by the hand pulling me upstairs to show me several bags of clothes and shoes she purchased for me.

  “Julia, you didn’t have to do this.” Staring at her generosity spread over my bed. Knowing uncle William probably had a coronary over all these purchases for me.

  “Oh nonsense.” Throwing her hand up in the air. “I wanted to and after the awful day you had yesterday it was worth it. It was imperative to put a smile on your face.”

  “Well, this did it. Thank you so much.” Looking down and feeling guilty. “I’m sorry I yelled and acted that way with you yesterday.”

  “Madison, if you had no reaction at all I would have thought there was something wrong with you. You didn’t act any differently than most people would have. You’re a very strong young lady and your mom doesn’t know what she has.” Julia said smiling pulling me in for a hug.

  I had to admit it felt weird. I have never had such compliments and that sort of attention from a female in my life. It made my heart ache wishing my mother acted like Julia.

  Pulling me back away at arm’s length again. “Now, enough of this. Go try on your clothes.” Clapping her hands together excitedly. “I’m dying to see you in them. Oh I sure hope you like them and they fit alright.”

  Trying them on I absolutely adored everything. She had gotten me shorts and shirts in all different colors. Cute skirts and matching sandals, even getting me a few pairs of jeans and sweaters for winter.

  “I’ll get you more sweaters when winter gets a little closer. So, do you like everything?”

  “Are you kidding? I love everything. I’ve never had such pretty clothes in my life. Not to mention this many.” Looking at everything in disbelief. Even getting me some bed-clothes and work boots.

  “Well, you deserve it sweetie.”

  “I promise I’ll work all this off, it had to of cost a fortune.”

  “I know you will sweetie. As soon as that ankle gets better. When school starts though I want you to spend as much time on your homework as needed. You should be very proud of your grades. I’ve always thought that was the most important priority. William and I go head to head about it every school year. ” Saying with a wicked smile on her face.

  “Why is that?”

  “Well, William thinks the farm work is the top priority. However, I always win. Giggling about it. I smiled but I was scared to death to go to school here. “Well speaking of school I wanted you to know I’ll be registering you soon.”

  “Okay.” Saying in a shaky voice.

  “It’ll be alright sweetie. You’ll do just fine. Gavin will bet there to introduce you to people. Well, I’m exhausted. I’ll leave you to put away your clothes. Goodnight sweetie.”

  “Goodnight.”

  After she walked out I just stared at all my new clothes laying all over my bed and couldn’t believe that they were all mine. Looks like I’ll finally get to use the closet. Putting my clothes away I found another bag und
erneath a pile that I hadn’t seen before. Opening it up it was full undergarments with a note on the top.

  “I didn’t want to embarrass you by giving you these, but just thought you might need them.” Love Aunt Julia.

  I smiled at the gesture, knowing that I did. The bag was full with bra’s and panties and they were all beautiful and lacy with all different colors. “I wonder how she knew my size?” Wondering out loud. Then thinking how obvious it was since she’s been doing my laundry. Trying to fight back the tears thinking how nice and considerate she was. Nothing like my mother. After I was all done, I contemplated going to find Gavin but figured he was probably sick of me by now. Laying down staring at my diary I grabbed a hold of it staring at the cover trying to will myself to open it. Hugging it to my chest and closing my eyes my heart still aching for my father. Remembering all the good times we had, and all the good times yet to come that I’ll never get to share with him. He won’t get to see me graduate from high school. I won’t have anyone to walk me down the aisle when I get married. He won’t get to see his grandchildren. I won’t have anyone to run to when I need some advice. I wanted to cry but, felt like I didn’t have any tears left at the moment. Looking up there was a quiet knock at the door leading into Gavin’s room.

  Chapter Six: One day at a time

  Gavin strolled in my room, “hey babe what’s going on?” Sitting down on the bed next to me comfortably. “What are you clutching so tightly?” Asking with concern and curiosity on his face. I proceeded to explain to him the back story of my diary not leaving a thing out. “Wow. It must have been really hard not seeing him very much.”