Chasing Shadows

by Rebbeca Stoddard

  He sighed deeply and shook his head lightly. “You are right. We need to take advantage of this. You and me together again is something to enjoy, even if we may not have forever. Whatever time I have with you will not be wasted on worries about what the gods may or may not have done. I love you, my sweet one.” Sebastian kissed my forehead as if to emphasize how true his words were.

  His arms encircled me and held me close. There were moments when he would squeeze me so tight I was scared he was going to break me—my bones would even creak in protest— but he would never squeeze tighter than that. It was almost as if he was terrified the world was going to tear us apart in those seconds. At one point I closed my eyes from exhaustion and dozed off on his chest. When I woke up, he was lying on his back with my body tucked neatly into his side. Feeling a little chilled, I snuggled deeper into him, wanting nothing but his warmth. Almost as if he knew what I wanted, he pulled me more tightly against him. I wiggled a little bit to get in a comfortable spot so I could go back to sleep. Sebastian was my home. He was my comfort, my world, and my sun. He kept me warm and steady. It didn’t matter that we hadn’t known each other for very long. I had felt this way since the day we met. Nothing mattered except the fact that he was here with me. As all the thoughts about him floated around my mind, I began to doze back into a peaceful slumber.

  “Absolutely not! I will not let you sacrifice yourself for me. We will figure something else out. We have to . . .” I pleaded.

  “And what do you propose? Giving them yourself? Not a chance in hell. You knew the minute they sent us that letter that I would do whatever was necessary to prevent them from getting you,” Sebastian yelled.

  “I just can’t let him die for me.” My words came out in a soft whisper.

  “You have to. You have to make this sacrifice for the world. He knew what would happen if he stepped out there. We told him. But he wanted to do what he could to protect you, just like I will.” He looked at me with pity. I looked around the room; everyone had that damn look on their face.

  “He is my brother . . .” Tears finally poured out. I had sucked them in all this time. No one could see my weakness.

  “I know.” His voice was softer than it had been after the world turned to total shit.

  “Sebastian, please? I have to save him. He always saved me.” I looked at him through my eyelashes.

  “I can’t let you, AubrieAnna. I am sorry.” He looked away, ashamed that he had to say no.

  “Fine.” I straightened my back, a plan already forming in my head. “If you won’t let me save him, at least leave me alone so I can mourn the one person who always saved me and trusted my strength.” The words felt bitter on my tongue. I knew I was hurting Sebastian with those words, which hurt me.

  “I love you. And I am sorry.” Sebastian lifted his hand then dropped it before it touched me. He turned and walked out of the room.

  I sank to the floor, my heart breaking and tears chasing each other down my cheeks. There was no way I could let Alexandier die because of me. He was getting out of this with me, even if no one else did.

  Chapter 9

  I jumped out of bed and fell on my face. The nightmare was already starting to haunt me. Alexandier was in college. He was safe at McPherson. At least I thought he was. After all, he had texted me the day before and told me to have a good day. My brother had to be okay. Fearing the worst, I texted him saying I had had an interesting day and that I loved him. If he didn’t reply in four hours I was going to Kansas, and damn everyone to hell who dared to stop me. Not wanting to sit still and overthink everything, I walked into the bathroom to get ready for school.

  In the middle of curling my hair, my phone chimed. I got so excited that it might be Alexandier that I dropped my curling iron on my toes and burned them. Sebastian snickered at me from my bed, and I glared at him. Snatching my phone up, I froze when I saw who it was.

  You showed your power to us last night. But we will show you ours. We will strike on a day that means the most to someone who means something. Beware, little witch.

  —Langdon

  My heart sank deep into my chest and I swallowed. He was using riddles to try to confuse me. Knowing how bad he was at riddles made me smile a little. If he was going to do something on a day that meant the most to someone who meant something, it wasn’t Sebastian or anyone in my family. Langdon’s riddles were always too obvious, which is why I began to worry. My smile fell immediately as I thought about it. He knew that I knew he was bad at riddles, so what if he meant the opposite? What if he was using my knowledge of him to beat me?

  “Hello?” Sebastian was snapping his fingers in front of my face.

  “Here.” I gave him my phone then turned and walked away.

  Taking deep breaths, I composed myself and continued curling my hair. I had one more part to curl when I heard Sebastian pacing as he talked frantically to someone on the phone. Not wanting to worry about what was going on, I moved on to applying my makeup. The second I was finished I heard Sebastian curse. Officially curious, I walked out of the bathroom and saw him sitting on my bed with a sad look. Careful not to scare him, I approached him. His hand reached out for me so fast that I barely saw it. He yanked me into him harder than necessary, and I fell onto his lap. He buried his face in my shoulder as his body shook.

  I sat there silently as his tears soaked my shirt. At first I didn’t understand what was going on, but then I realized something had happened. What it was, I had no idea, and I probably wouldn’t know until he calmed down and relaxed a little. My heart broke for him as he shook with sadness in my arms. His feelings were palpable, and there was no denying that whatever had happened had shaken his soul terribly. The longer we sat there, the more I began to realize it had something to do with Clamora. Something had happened to the only person who took Sebastian in, who understood him, and who was the last person in his family. Granted, I understood him and loved him, but it was nothing compared to what Clamora had given him throughout his long life after he left his parents behind. Feeling the sting of tears, I squeezed him harder. There was no way I was going to cry. I didn’t have the right to, and Sebastian needed me to be his strength.

  Hours passed before he finally moved. His eyes were bloodshot and the tip of his nose was pink from sniffling. Sebastian wiped his eyes clean, and I smiled softly at him. I knew I had to wait for him to explain what was happening, so I did. I didn’t push, just sat there in silence with him until he was all right enough to tell me. It took him a few more minutes before he could even smile back at me. Wanting to give him reassurance, I grabbed his hand and held onto it.

  “Clamora is in the hospital. The u da yv la dv attacked her this morning. I was on the phone with Willow after it happened. She called to tell me what had happened. Clamora was coming over here to talk to you while you got ready for school, and that is when it happened. It does not look good. Willow said that Clamora wants us to go to the hospital when we can. She wants to talk to us. So we are leaving in a few minutes.” Sebastian’s lip quivered every so often when he spoke about what was going on.

  “Okay. Are you okay to drive?” I asked cautiously.

  “I think so. It will help clear my mind from what is going on.”

  “My purse is downstairs.”

  “All right, let’s go then.” Sebastian stood up and walked toward the door.

  I could feel his heart break at the thought of losing her. Reaching deep within myself, I pushed power toward him, picturing it wrapping him in warmth and love. As the silver glow surrounded him, he lifted his head and held my hand. A small smile spread across his lips and he mouthed thank you. I released the breath I was holding and squeezed his hand gently. My power had helped him. A sense of accomplishment rushed through me. I was growing in my power and abilities. Clamora would be proud of me. Clamora. My thoughts slammed back to where we were going and why we were going there. Fear settled in the pit of my stomach. My teacher was possibly dying. If she was, there wasn’t anythin
g I could do about it without giving my own life. Even if I could heal her and fix the problem, no one would let me. I was too important according to everyone.

  Sebastian opened the passenger door for me, and I climbed in. As I sat there waiting for the car to move, I thought back to the conversation Clamora and I had had about the future and saving lives. It felt like it had happened yesterday. But it hadn’t. We had talked about it when I started training on witch abilities, when I started learning about how to help people feel stronger as well as keep their darker emotions at bay.

  “Can I heal people who are on the brink of death?” I asked.

  “You could, but it would cost you your own life.” Clamora’s tone was as cold as usual during our training sessions.

  “I don’t get it.” I was confused about why something like that would kill me.

  Clamora’s face softened. “It is because when death is denied a life, it has to take a life. There is a significant balance with life and death, AubrieAnna. If you try to reverse that, then death must claim another. And that other would be you.”

  “Why me, though? Couldn’t I make it so death takes someone who is suffering or a bad person who does nothing but harm?”

  “It does not work that way. Death does not work that way.” Her tone sounded absolute.

  “How do you know?” I didn’t want a power that could make someone comfortable but not prevent what was coming.

  “I have seen it.” Clamora’s eyes were shut as if she was remembering what had happened.

  “What happened?” My curiosity got the best of me.

  “She died as she saved him.” Her voice said that she would not talk about it anymore.

  I looked around the room, searching for some clue about who it was, but I knew there was no more discussing it. When I couldn’t find anything, I gave up and focused on what she was instructing. “Push at your energy, focus on it. Make it happy. Make it healing. Imagine it wrapping around someone like a blanket.” Her voice was so calming that it helped me focus on doing what she was telling me. “I am going to make a small cut on Sebastian’s hand; he will be in pain as well as emotionally distraught.”

  “No!” I screamed then I blacked out.

  When I woke up it was dark outside and I was on the couch in Clamora’s office. I sat up and bumped heads with Sebastian. My head started throbbing, so I held it in one of my hands. He reached up to look me over and make sure I was okay. Then I noticed his hand had never been cut. Before I could ask, Clamora came in.

  “Good, she is awake.” Her voice was excited, which made me feel weird. Clamora never got excited or sounded excited.

  “What happened? And why does my head hurt so damn bad?” I asked whoever wanted to answer me.

  “You are very powerful. When you screamed at me, your energy flew through the room. Most of it surrounded Sebastian so nothing could touch him. The rest of it began wreaking havoc. You threw books and shelves, small knickknacks, everything that was small enough to cause small amounts of damage. After a few moments of that, you passed out and your energy was sucked back into your body. Sebastian caught you in time before you could hit the ground, but I would assume the energy leaving and entering the way it did gave you that headache.” Her words rushed out. Clamora sounded like a small child seeing snow for the first time.

  “Well, I guess that means he will be pretty well protected, right?”

  “Yes, but we need to work on that passing-out part or else you won’t be much good to him or yourself. But before we work on that, we need to work on helping people feel better. Understood?”

  “Yes.” I smiled at her.

  “And we will no longer use Sebastian as motivation until we get past that.”

  “Sounds good,” I said, and Sebastian got up and walked from the room.

  “AubrieAnna, I know what I said earlier, but you may be able to do things that many witches and supernaturals have not been able to do,” Clamora said.

  “What do you mean? I thought you said it would kill me,” I questioned.

  “After seeing what I just saw, you may be able to do it. But I don’t know, which is why it is still best for you not to try it. It will be safer for you that way.” Clamora’s voice got softer as she spoke. “You are important to the world, to everyone’s survival. So if anyone, and I mean anyone, who you feel you need or who you love is on the verge of death, you must let them go. Promise me.” Her eyes were serious.

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Say it. Say you promise,” she demanded.

  “All right, I promise.”

  Sebastian opened the door and startled me when he reached for my hand. I was too busy remembering our conversation to notice that we had arrived at the hospital. Taking his hand, I stepped out of his car. We walked hand-in-hand into the hospital and to something that would forever change our fate. The smell of antiseptic hit my nose first as we walked through the doors. It was too clean, too plain; stark white walls surrounded us. Anxious and a little nervous, I tapped my foot while we waited for the elevators. A loud ding sounding its arrival startled me, causing me to jump. For some reason, this trip to the hospital foretold a fate that was too scary for me to face without my teacher. Granted, I would have friends who knew just as much combined as Clamora, but it didn’t make it any easier. We stepped onto the elevator and pushed the button that would take us to the fifth floor and the ICU.

  The ride on the elevator seemed to take us hours, when in reality it took not even a full minute. As the doors opened to let us out, sounds slammed into my ears and made me want to pass out. It was overwhelming: squeaks from the beds being rolled away into different rooms or to different floors, wheels and shoes crunching rocks and small crumbs that people brought with them from outside. Beds creaked under the weight of their patients, IVs dripped to provide nourishment for those who couldn’t eat anything. Every little sound assaulted my ears, making my knees wobble and weaken with the stress of trying to block it all out. It seemed impossible. When I tried to block out certain noises, I was left open for attack from other strange and sickly sounds. There was no trying to beat it. All I could do was hope we could find Clamora quickly so we could get behind a closed door and into an enclosed space.

  “Oh good, you guys are here.” Willow spoke from behind us.

  “Where is she?” Sebastian had to talk because I couldn’t even form coherent thoughts.

  “Over here.” Willow began leading us through a maze of corridors and rooms. “The nurses are saying she won’t have too much time. But they want to keep her as comfortable as possible without overwhelming her or stressing her out, which basically means only a few people can see her at a time.” She stopped in front of an open door and stared at us both long and hard before she spoke again. “Clamora doesn’t look good; she isn’t doing good. Just be aware that what you see is a little . . . it’s a little intense. I’m sorry that I couldn’t do as much for her as I wish I could have.” Willow began to tear up, and Sebastian gave her a hard hug and kissed her head. We all knew what was going to happen.

  The doors whooshed open. I would have thought that the sound of her breathing would have affected me, but no. It was the smells. Burnt skin and hair, old crusted blood, decaying flesh, and antiseptic scents filled the room. With all my might I kept imagining the air was clean, but it wasn’t working. Doubling over with my hand covering my mouth and nose, I gagged as silently as I could. There was no describing the definite smell of the room. All I could think of was death. It smelled like death was lingering, waiting, preparing to pounce on this woman. Sebastian held my hand, and we walked forward. He reached up and pulled the curtain back so we could see Clamora. We gasped at the sight.

  She was wrapped in gauze from head to toe. Blood seeped through the bandages, and bits of charred skin peeked through. Clamora’s left leg and left arm were in casts, her neck was in a brace, and the fingers on her right hand were gone. All that was left of her once beautiful black hair were chunks, and her eyes were ha
unted and sad but determined and forceful. Even in her deathly state she was still fiery, and her soul still rang with finality. I couldn’t stand to see her this way, so I called upon my inner strength and power and poured it over her. I begged it to make her healthy and better, stronger and vibrant. All it did was restore the burnt flesh, and her hair came back with vengeance. The broken bones didn’t heal, and her hair was no longer black, but silver. Once the healing process was finished, I walked up to her and held her hand gently. A soft smile came over her lips and she took a deep breath. For the first time since I had known Clamora, I heard her laugh. Genuinely laugh. I turned to look at Sebastian and saw him smile softly at her. Tears stung my eyes. I hurried to blink them away before anyone could see.

  We sat with her, not talking, but just appreciating the time we had with her while we could. I had gone through the death of a loved one before. It hurt and was extremely painful and devastating, especially when I felt that I still needed that person in my life to help guide me. This moment was a lot like the others, except in a way it was worse. Clamora was my teacher. She was the one who was meant to help me and teach me how to harness each part of my supernatural abilities. I was always going to need her guidance; she was the one I really did need in my life for a long time. The part that made it worse was that after all the time we had spent training and harnessing my powers, I never really got to know her. We never had the chance to sit down and have a conversation about where she came from, who she was. All we talked about were supernaturals, my abilities, my strengths, and finding out my weaknesses. None of this felt right. As I looked between her and Sebastian, I noticed they both had tears in their eyes. In that moment, I decided I was going to try to save her life.

  “I did call you two here to talk to you. We have been sitting here long enough, so I must say what I need to say, then you may leave me here to rest.” Clamora’s voice still held its strong and emotionless tone.