Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance

by Angela Snyder

  I chuckle and can't help the mirroring smile that graces my lips. Shelby Rae always did have a way with words…and never let anyone else get one in edgewise. Her mouth got us both into trouble a time or two…or ten back in the day. "So you're back in town?"

  "Yeah. And working here now apparently," she says while flashing Buddy a glance.

  Buddy actually blushes, and I stare at him in bewilderment. Buddy is never shy around women, but I can remember him carrying a torch for Shelby Rae back in the day. He must still be holding onto that secret crush. I wonder if Shelby Rae ever noticed how much Buddy was in love with her back then. The whole thing makes me think of Tucker Hayward. I guess he never stopped holding onto the secret crush he had on me either…although I don't know how secret it was considering he asked me out every five minutes. I think everyone in the county knew he liked me. Buddy, on the other hand, suffered in silence. He never asked Shelby Rae out in fear of rejection, I suppose.

  I turn my attention back to my friend. "So…how is…everything?" I ask awkwardly. I don't know how to bring up such a sore subject. She lost her husband, and I know how close they had been in high school. They were inseparable, and Matt loved her with the kind of love that mirrored Colton's love for me --- unconditional.

  Shelby Rae keeps a smile on her face, but I can see a sadness behind her eyes that wasn't ever there before. "Oh, I've been better," she says, her smile faltering a bit. "Things have been crazy with the move and everything that happened with…" She swallows hard before saying her husband's name. "Matt." She closes her eyes for a moment before she continues. "But let's not dwell on that right now. I'm taking it moment by moment, and we just so happen to be in this moment."

  I have so many things I want to apologize to her for. I want to tell her I'm sorry for not being there; sorry for not being a better friend. At one point in my life, she was my best friend, my partner in crime, my confidant. We shared so much together; and just like with everyone else in my life when I left for college, I forgot about her, too. "I'm so sorry I didn't keep in touch," I say as a poor excuse.

  "Hey, we both didn't do a very good job with that. Don't blame yourself, Penny." She waves her hand dismissively in front of her. "The past is the past. We can't change it now, but we can change the future; right?"

  "That's right." And at that moment, I know Shelby Rae and I are going to continue our great friendship. With a big grin, I say, "Tell me all about Lilly."

  Her entire face lights up as she begins to tell me about her four-year-old daughter. She pulls a picture of her out of her back pocket, and it's safe to say that her daughter has a great mix of both Shelby Rae and Matt. With fiery red hair, she takes after her mama. But her brown eyes are definitely her daddy's.

  "She's beautiful," I whisper.

  The sadness in Shelby's eyes instantly disappears as she tells me about how she managed to get through the terrible twos alive and how the threes and fours are just as terrible.

  "I can't wait to meet her," I tell Shelby Rae when she's finished.

  "I can't wait for you to meet her," she says, beaming.

  I notice Buddy behind the bar watching us. "I can help show Shelby Rae the ropes if you'd like, Buddy," I tell him.

  "Nah. I think I've got it covered," Buddy says with a sheepish grin.

  I've never seen Buddy act like this. It's so unlike him. Buddy's usually calm, cool and collected when it comes to the ladies. This is a whole other side to Buddy, and I think I like it. It makes me smile thinking that maybe he'll be the one to heal Shelby Rae's broken heart. Buddy has been pining after her for a long time; but Shelby, much like myself, only had eyes for her high school sweetheart. Matt was one of the nicest guys I had ever met, and we all went out on quite a number of double dates with Shelby Rae, Matt, Colton and me.

  It's a real tragedy that Matt's life ended so abruptly, and it makes me think of how many people have been lost in the past five years. It's almost unreal how much has changed in such a short time span.

  Shelby Rae's voice pulls me from my thoughts. "We'll chat later?"

  "Definitely," I tell her. Then I look at Buddy and say, "I'm going to go prep for the supper crowd. Let me now if you need anything." I wink at Buddy when Shelby Rae's back is turned before I disappear into the back.

  The door to Colton's office is closed, and I wonder if he's in there. I decide that I don't care, but for the next hour or so I glance over at his door at least a thousand times. Colton and I need to talk. I don't like this animosity between us, especially if I'm going to continue working here. I'd like to clear the air, if nothing else. But I just don't know if he wants to hear me out. I'm thinking the answer to that question is no.

  As I'm cutting tomatoes, I hear a commotion coming from the front of the bar. A fight? We never have fights in the bar…especially not on a Monday afternoon. Usually Buddy is able to break up any argument. He has a gift for creating harmony…especially between drunk people.

  And then I hear Buddy yelling, "You can't go back there! Just because you're the mayor doesn't mean you own the place!"

  My body stiffens as I turn to see my parents entering the room.

  "Shit," I mutter to myself.

  * * * * *

  COLTON

  I'M IN MY office going over some liquor orders when I hear yellin' comin' from the other room. I recognize Penny's voice right away, and she sounds upset. I go to the door, slowly open it just a crack and peer out. I see her talkin' to her parents. I've seen them around town enough times to recognize them.

  "So you're slumming around in Crawford's Bar now?" her mom seethes.

  "I'm not slumming around, Mama. I work here."

  "You work here?" her mother scoffs. "Now I've heard everything. My God, Penelope, what is going on in that pretty little head of yours anyway? You have a life waiting for you up in New York."

  "I told you I'm not going to New York."

  "What about your future? Do you want to ruin that too?"

  Penny's hands curl into fists at her sides. "It is my future, isn't it? I think I can make my own decisions!"

  "Oh, Penelope. Tell me you're not waiting for him. Tell me you're not thinking about throwing everything away for him."

  My eyes zero in on Penny. For some reason, I know her mama is talking about me. And I desperately want to hear Penny's motive for staying in Willowbrook. A part of me hopes that I'm the motive, but I don't even know why I feel that way. I'm the one who's been pushing her away, after all. Fuck, my life is confusing.

  "You're the reason we're not together, Mama. You and all of your lies. You told everyone I had a boyfriend, and that's why Colt stopped calling me. And when I asked you why he stopped calling, you told me it was because he had found someone else. I never came home after that because my heart was ripped out of my chest." Penny sticks out her chin defiantly. "My heart doesn't beat without Colton. Don't you understand that?"

  My heart stutters in my chest from her words. Penny has never even talked about this with me. I had no idea how deep her feelings ran for me. She…loved me. And maybe still does. I don't know how I feel about that, but it doesn't make me angry or sad. It makes me…sort of happy.

  "Oh, stop with the dramatics, Penelope. You were better off in New York and focusing on college and your studies. So I told a few white lies to keep you focused. So what?"

  "So what? Oh, Mama, you just don't get it, do you? If I had known Colton was in an accident, I would have come home. I would have been here for him when he needed me the most. Maybe I could have helped him deal with things, and maybe he would have never forgotten me!"

  "And maybe you would have left college, destroyed your life for that boy, and he still wouldn't have loved you or even remembered you!" her mother counters.

  "Yeah. But I could've tried! I loved him, Mama." She stops and takes a deep breath before saying, "I still love him. I'll never stop loving Colt. Nothing's going to ever change that."

  My grip on the doorknob tightens. She still loves me? It's
almost like the missin' pieces of the puzzle are suddenly lockin' into place. No wonder she's been actin' the way she has. She's in love with me.

  "Not even if he marries someone else? You know he has a girlfriend, don't you?"

  Penny's face tightens up as if she's desperately trying not to cry. "I know. I…" Penny's tough demeanor crumbles a little as her voice cracks. "It doesn't matter. I'm not leaving."

  Her resolve doesn't sound as strong as it did before, and I wonder what it would feel like if Penny did leave. Would I miss her? Would I want her to come back? I don't know the answers to those questions. I'm still reelin' from the fact that Penny was in love with me…and still is. I've been treatin' her horribly, and all this time she's been dealin' with this inner turmoil. I suddenly feel like the world's biggest asshole.

  Shelby Rae suddenly appears in the doorway. "Only employees are allowed back here. So unless you're gonna put an apron on and start cookin', I suggest you both leave," she says, glaring pointedly at Penny's parents.

  Penny's father leaves first, not putting up a fight. I noticed that he didn't say a word during the argument either. Obviously Penny's mama is the only one fightin' her daughter tooth and nail over everything. Her dad is just sort of a passenger in all this drama.

  Eventually, Penny's mama stalks out. Shelby Rae calls after them, "And don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!" She gathers Penny into her arms. "Are you all right?"

  Penny nods. "Yeah. Thanks, Shelby Rae."

  "Anytime." She hugs her tight before releasin' her. Shelby's eyes meet mine through the crack in the door, and she cocks a brow.

  Clearin' my throat, I open the door and step out just as Shelby Rae leaves. Penny quickly tries her best to compose herself. "Hey, Colt. I didn't know you were in your office." She sounds embarrassed. "I just…I need a minute."

  I'm not going anywhere. "I heard everything, Penny."

  I can see her visibly tense. "Oh. I'm sorry."

  I step forward. "I'm not. Why didn't you tell me, Penny? Why didn't you tell me the real reason you didn't come back?"

  "Would it have made a difference?" she asks with her back still towards me.

  "Maybe," I whisper. Her shoulders sag, and it looks like she's bearin' the weight of the world. I feel awful for how I've been treatin' her. She's endured so much over the past few weeks all because…because she loves me so much. I walk around and stare at her tear-stained face. She's so damn pretty it almost hurts to look at her.

  Why couldn't I see her before? It's like I was blind, and now I can finally see her. I'm finally seein' Penny as more than just somebody tryin' to get under my skin and tryin' to make me remember things I don't want to remember. She's so much more than that now. But how do I even deal with that? Everything between us is fucked up. If I could turn back time and do it all over again, I would have broken things off with Ruby Sue for good. But a part of me wants to keep this distance from Penny, because I'll only end up hurtin' her in the end. Everyone I love gets hurt…or dies. It's inevitable. Instead of sayin' another word to her, I turn around and do something I'm good at --- I walk away.

  * * * * *

  PENNY

  AFTER COLTON LEAVES without so much as a word, I clean myself up and get back to work. It's almost closing time when Shelby Rae waltzes into the kitchen. "It's probably none of my business, but…what the hell is goin' on with you and Colt?"

  I'm mopping the floor when I stop and look up at her. "It's complicated."

  "Complicated isn't even the right word. It's downright fucked up."

  I chuckle. Shelby Rae never was one to mince words. With her flaming-red hair and big, pale-blue eyes, Shelby Rae is a force to be reckoned with. She was always a spitfire and told it how it was. Only Matt could contain her vivacious spirit, and he did a great job of keeping her in line…well, when she let him, that is.

  "I think we need to talk about all this over a big glass of wine…or two," Shelby Rae announces.

  I nod in agreement. "I could definitely use it after the day I've had."

  She grabs another mop that's resting on the wall and dunks it into the bucket. "The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can drink," she says with a wink.

  After we get the kitchen cleaned up, Shelby Rae and I go up to my apartment with a bottle of wine in hand, courtesy of Buddy. I think Shelby Rae could have asked for almost anything and he would have given it to her, no questions asked. It's so cute to see how Buddy is with her, and I hope that he can win her heart.

  In no time at all, I'm polishing off my second glass of wine while Shelby Rae is still working on her first. She has to drive home, so I don't blame her for not drinking like the world is coming to an end…like I am. Once I've finished catching her up on everything that has happened since I've gotten back into town, she sits in silence for a long time.

  "So do you think Colton will pull his head out of his ass and come around anytime soon?"

  I shrug in answer to her question. The truth is I have no idea if Colton will ever have that ah-ha moment where he realizes how much I care about him and finally wants to focus on what we had together. That moment may never happen no matter how much I want it to.

  "You want my advice?" she asks.

  I nod. I've suddenly become mute. Maybe I'm afraid of how the wine will warp my answers.

  "Ignore him."

  I stop mid-pour of my third glass of wine. "What?" I ask, my voice suddenly finding itself.

  "Ignore him. Guys hate that. Go out with Tucker and show Colton how much he's missin'. I promise you he will come crawlin' back."

  I consider her suggestion. There's nothing to lose by ignoring Colton except for the obvious reason --- not making any more progress. But considering the progress is pretty much at a standstill, I won't be losing much.

  "Remember how much Colton hated when you gave him the cold shoulder? That boy would have done anything to get you to talk to him again. Maybe a part of the old Colton, as you call him, will come roarin' back to life."

  I finish pouring my glass, and then I sit back on my couch with a smile. "It might just work. What do I got to lose?"

  "That's the spirit!" Shelby Rae says enthusiastically. She stands and puts her glass in the sink. "I better get home. I want to snuggle with my Lilly bug tonight."

  "Your mama is watching her?"

  "Yeah. She'll watch her while I work a few nights a week at the bar." She grabs her purse from the floor and hooks the strap over her shoulder. "Mama doesn't mind. She's missed her granddaughter terribly. And now that dad and Matt are gone, they both could use some much needed time together."

  I set my glass down on the coffee table and walk over to Shelby Rae. "I'm really sorry about what happened to Matt." Tears well in my eyes against my will. "He was such a wonderful guy."

  Shelby Rae's eyes begin to shimmer with tears, mirroring my own. "Yeah, he was." She wraps her arms around herself. "I miss him. I miss him so bad. It's insane how much."

  I walk over to her and pull her into my arms. "If you ever need to just talk, you know I'm here."

  She nods against my shoulder. "Thanks, Penny. It's so nice to have you back in my life. You have no idea how much I need a friend right now."

  "Probably as much as I need one," I whisper.

  She pulls back and dashes away her tears with a watery smile. "Must be the wine making me into such a crybaby," she says with a roll of her eyes. "We'll have to do this again real soon…except with more wine and less tears."

  "Definitely," I agree.

  "Night, Penny. I'll see you later this week."

  "Night." I walk out onto the porch and watch her leave. Sighing, I turn my attention to the house on top of the hill behind the bar. The lights are on, which means Colton's probably still up.

  I wonder if he gets lonely in the big old house all by himself. My best guess would be yes. He's lost so much, and I can't even imagine what he's gone through over the past several years. I guess that's part of the reason why I've given
him so many chances. I know the boy I love is in there somewhere. I just don't know how to get him back…yet.

  I think back to Shelby Rae's advice. Ignore him. Ignoring Colton might just be the solution I need. Only time will tell if it works or not, though.

  CHAPTER 12

  PENNY

  THE NEXT COUPLE of weeks go smoothly. Colton keeps his distance, and I do the same. I take Shelby Rae's advice and try my best to ignore him…which proves to be pretty dang easy considering he doesn't even want to be in the same room as me. Colt and I have a few friendly conversations, but otherwise we pretty much avoid each other.

  I go out on two more dates with Tucker, but we never take it past first base. I know I'm holding back, but I can't help it. My heart just won't give up that last string of hope that maybe someday Colton will come back to me.

  The only thing that seems to have changed is that I haven't seen a glimpse of Ruby Sue. My hopes are that her and Colton finally broke things off and that Colt and I can pick up where we left off five years ago, but I'm not counting on anything just yet. Because it seems like whenever I get my hopes up, I get let down. So for right now I'm just holding onto what little hope I have and praying that it's enough to get me by.

  It's late at night or early in the morning, depending on how you want to look at it, when my cell phone rings. My fingers fumble to find the receiver on my nightstand. "Hello?" I ask with a throaty voice. I don't hear anything for a few seconds. It's at that moment that I realize I said hello without even checking the caller ID. I pull my ear away and look at the screen. Unknown contact. I put the phone back to my ear and say hello again.