by K. T Fisher
"Great."
I'm a little early when I reach Finley's school but that doesn't matter I can't wait to see him, I've missed him like crazy. Once I pick him up I stop by my parents because me and Finley usually have dinner a few times a week. Plus me and Finley love it at theres. When were sat around the table I decide to ask my dad how much he bought the huge play center for Finley. He looks up from devouring his plate and shrugs his shoulders.
"A few hundred."
What?
"A few hundred? How much exactly?"
My mum rejoins the table after making Finley another drink and answers. Probably knowing that my dad will not answer me truthfully.
"£400"
I'm shocked! Sure I knew it wasn't cheap but £400! That's insane.
"WHAT!"
My dad doesn't look bothered at all.
"It was on offer I had to get it for him."
"£400 and that was an offer price? He loves it and I'd like for him to have one at home but I can't afford that."
"He has plenty at yours honey, we just wanted to get him something special for when we have him over that's all. "
I can't believe they would spend that much. I should have know, they do love spoiling Finley. They feel sorry for him not being with his dad and my mum sure lets me know enough time. My dad not so much, he lets me get on with it but I know from the look on his eyes sometimes he totally agrees with my mum. After we have all finished our dinner dad and Finley are in the living room while I'm helping my mum clean up.
"Everything OK honey?"
"Fine, why?"
"Finley said you were shouting at Uncle Sam, Mark and James yesterday and were crying."
When did he say this? Oh crap I wonder if he told my parents everything I told him.
"I'm fine mum, we just had a falling out. No problem, it's all forgotten about."
"And who's Jax?"
My heart drops. Shit. So Finley did tell her. Hearing my mum say his name though freaks me out.
"Look I told him his dads name OK?"
"Then why did Fin say Jax made you cry?"
Dammit Finley listened and saw more than I thought.
"He said that?"
She puts down her towel and takes hold of my hand and pulls me out to the garden.
"Now I know what you have told me but I don't believe you Kendal. Finley told me and your father that this Jax made you cry because you miss him. Now I know you wouldn't act like that over someone you spent a weekend with and I also remember Jax was the name of that older boy you were seeing when you were at college."
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
"You sure you don't know where he is?"
"No I don't mum and that's the truth. And to be honest I do think Finley should no his father. Until I can figure out this mess can you not say anything more please!?
She bites her bottom lip and then then nods.
"Don't expect me to be happy about this."
I walk away and tell Finley were going. My dad looks confused but one look at me and my mother he figures it out. No doubt he will have all the information as soon as I leave. Which scares the shit out of me because if dad starts to look into the name Jax and realizes my ex was Jax of Decoy he will have me figured out.
"Bye mum."
"Bye mama! Bye grandad!"
I quickly buckle Finley in and get in and drive. Shit shit shit! Dam my mum and her sharpness. Four years of my mum and dad not knowing anything and now look. After Finley has had his bath and a bedtime story I tuck him in I head to the laptop in my room and do something that I haven't done for two years. I load up YouTube and type Decoy into the search bar. I see all there music videos and latest interviews come up. After I had Finley this was sort of my addiction and it wore me down, Jessica actually lived with me for a few weeks to help pick me back up. Now here I am again. At the top of the list theres a freeze frame picture of Jax and the title says it's an interview from only last week. I click it and I can't help but marvel at how sexy he is. His black hair is in it's usual messy style, he has a slight shadow of stubble which makes him looks rough and ready. His dark eyelashes make his gray eyes pop out. He has a tight black shirt on and his shoulders look huge, Jax has filled out more since I last saw him. He starts talking, his voice sounds amazing. Deep and manly, his singing voice is even better, probably why so many girls love him. The interviewer sounds British and is asking him about a song of theres.
"So Jax, Decoy's new single Never Let Go is being released this weekend. The fans seems to love it, could you tell us what inspired the song to be written?"
Jax grins at the interviewer but I can tell his nervous because he twiddles with his earlobe, his nervous habit. My hearts melts for him, his not comfortable with the question.
"Sure, the song is all about a girl who has a hold of your heart completely but then one day you loose her. Your heart still bleeds for her. You try to move on but no other girl will ever compare so you can Never Let Go."
He glances to the camera and my heart skips. It feels like that little description was about me but he can't be talking about me. His looking right at me now. But his not obviously. His looking at the camera.
"The record label said you wrote this song. Is this from personal experience?"
Jax just grins at the interviewer and shuffles a little in his seat.
"Let's just say I can never let go of mine."
I shut my laptop shut before I can hear anymore. Oh my god, could he be talking about me? I couldn't effect him like that could I? Its me who can't get over him. His famous now, his forgot all about boring old me. I bet his talking about some gorgeous model girlfriend. Yea thats it. I heard he was dating that model, yea that's it. His talking about her. I get into my bed and try my best not to think about those haunting gray eyes staring at me from the screen and his last words 'I can never let go of mine'.
Chapter 6
Over the next six days it's the usual routine for me. Take Finley to school and go to work, if I'm working all day my parents fetch him. Sometimes Jessica and Sam will fetch him for me. They love to spend time with him. Or if I'm working half a day me and Finley spend quality time together. The best days are when we have the whole day together. Bianca tries her best to make sure I work when when Finley's at school so I can spend as much time as possible with him. But theres only so much she can do.
Sophie has arranged a bridesmaids dress fitting today for us. Maisy has been very excited for today because Sophie told us that the designer Gloria Stevens is sending dresses for Sophie to choose from. Maisy isn't just crazy about house design, she loves clothing designs too. So trying on exclusive dresses from Gloria Stevens is a big deal to Maisy. I'm not really into labels and all that, if it looks good I'll get it, not if it's too expensive though. But I'm not worried because if I know Sophie right the dresses will be stunning. I'm excited to finally see Sophie's new house. She text us all her address and I have just arrived. Well, I say arrived but I'm not even on the property yet. Sophie's house is in the rich area, of course. I'm sat in my car in front of some huge gates, I roll down my window and press the buzzer which is car level. A minute later Sophies voice comes out the little speaker above the button I just pressed.
"Hey Kendal."
I look around my car and outside. How did she know it was me?
"How you know it was me?"
She laughs and I hear Maisy.
"There's a camera above the gate you idiot."
"Come on in Kendal."
Sophies still giggling when the gates open for me so I drive through them. Typical that Maisy would be straight here, I bet she's in heaven today. A grand new house, I should say mansion really, to look at and new designer dresses. I follow a little road that's surrounded by green grass and trees spotted around here and there. The road leads me to the front of the house where there's a big drive which could be described as a small car park. I spot Maisys car and park next to it. By the time I'm out my car I see Sophie and Maisy standing at the f
ront door of the house. Its a huge place but it looks like it could have been an old church. Sophie gives me a hug and then leads me to the room where we will be trying on dresses. I try and look at as much house as I can, it's half furnished still but what do you expect when the place is so big. When we enter a large room , which Sophie tells us is going to be her dining I see a cute girl about eighteen on the other side talking on her phone. She offers a smile and a wave and carries on talking quickly to whoever is on the phone.
"Thats Sarah, the girl I told you about. She works with Gloria and bought the dresses round for us. I think she's talking to Gloria now actually. She badly wants us to choose one of her dresses."
Theres a beeping sound and Sophie rushes off. Leaving me and Maisy alone with Sarah. A few minutes later Tanya appears in the room.
"Where's Sophie?"
"Phone call."
Tanya and Maisy ask me how I'm feeling, Tanya hasn't said anything about me confessing I still love Jax but right now I can see it on her face. Her eyes say it all. Full of sympathy and sadness. Sarah is still talking on her phone on the other side of the room and I see Maisy keep looking at her. Probably trying to get a snippet of the fabulous Gloria Stevens voice! After a couple of minutes of mindless chatter there's another beeping sound throughout the house and not long after Sophie re-enters with Jessica behind her. We quiz Sophie on any ideas she would like for her hen. We don't tell her though that we were all round mine the other day thinking of ideas and were thinking of whisking her away for a couple of nights. Like a hen weekend or something like that.
"Right girls, are we all ready?"
We turn at Sarah's chirpy voice. She is now off her phone and pulling the two racks full of dresses towards us. She then goes back and pulls another two so all four are all lined up. Each rack has each of our names on the front.
"Sophie sent me all your dress sizes, you all have the same dresses and there all in the same order. Now lets get trying these bad boys on."
We all look at each other in the ninth dress we have tried on. They have all been beautiful dresses but I would say only one so far has made Sophie's eyes get that little sparkle. We are now in pink dress, the top half is a boob tubed style that pulls you all in, I love that because it sucks in my little blob on the bottom of my stomach that no amount of sit ups get rid of. I don't mind it that much to be honest because I have it because I have Finley. How can I be mad at that? It's not that big anyway it's just rounded a little bit. Anyway the bottom half of the dress is gorgeous, it has a lot of bling on the top and has a faded design so as the sparkle reaches the bottom of the skirt there's hardly any there. It puffs out too but not too much, just enough that it fits in at a wedding. The length rests above the knee, I'm not 100% on the top half, the sparkles don't fir in with it but the skirt I love. We all look at each other and then towards Sophie and she has that twinkle in her eyes.
"You all look stunning. Sarah do you do these in a navy blue?"
"Yep, do you want the sashes that come with them?"
"No, I think they look better without."
Sophie stands looking at us frowning and tapping her chin while she thinks.
"Something is missing though. Sarah do you think I could combine dresses?"
Combine dresses? This is interesting. Sarahs now has her hands on her hips.
"Maybe, why what you thinking?"
Sophie turns to the rack of dresses and fishes out the pale green dress we tried on. The other dress she liked. This dress is also a boob tubed top, it's covered in sparkles. The skirt is plain and isn't anything special.
"I really like the top on this dress. It fits there bodies better and I think the sparkles match the skirt on the one there wearing now better than the one it comes with."
Sarah smiles and walks away dialing her phone. I think about the bodice on the green dress we tried on. The contrast from the all over sparkles to the faded out sparkle design on the skirt of the pink dress would look interesting. I'd love to see what they would look like on. We all change back into our clothes, when were dressed in our clothes again Sarah strolls back into the room.
"Well I just spoke to Gloria and told her your idea Sophie and she loved it."
Sophie looks shocked and her hands cover her mouth.
"Seriously?"
"Yea, she thinks it's a great idea. She's going to have them freshly made for you I just need all your correct measurements and we will have them made in the navy blue you want."
Sophie screams and jumps up and down on the spot clapping her hands.
"Oh my god! Thankyou Sarah. They will look amazing, I can't wait to see them."
"That's not all, she also said she has the most amazing shoes to go with the dresses and will send them with them once they have been made."
Sophie stands there, huge smile on her face and wipes the palm of her hand across her forehead.
"I can't believe it, you guys are gona look amazing. Oh Sarah thanks!"
She runs up to Sarah and throws her arms around her.
"Bridesmaids come and join in!"
We all run over and group hug, we all can't stop laughing. The girls all stay and have drinks with Sophie but I have to leave so I can fetch my gorgeous little rockstar.
~Jax~
I have been living with Max and Leo for two weeks now and they have had party's both weekends and a couple of times during the weeks. There not the kind of social party's where you get drunk with your friends and have a good time. Max and Leo's parties only include girls and most of them are half naked. After the first party they had I haven't been to one since. The room that was the cinema is mine and I have my room, which thankfully doesn't look out to the area where they entertain the girls.
Today I finally traded in my hire car and I bought my car. Usually were always touring so there's no need to buy a car or we're being driven around anyway. Now we're setting up roots and there's no need to be on the road as much because there's no need for promotional gigs I want to buy the car I've wanted for years! A silver Aston Martin DB9, it's a beast and I spend all morning driving it around but now I'm trying to write some lyrics on the balcony of my room but at the minute Leo and Max are having another party. I didn't think living with them would be this bad, I understand that there single and why there doing it. If I wasn't so fucking hung up on Kendal then I would probably be down there with them, I think I'm going to have to start looking for a new place soon.
I walk down the stairs from my room and lock the door behind me, after the first party I got locks on my door because the girls tend to just wonder off around the place. On the landing area there's a big glass panel looking out to where the party is obviously taking place even though it's getting dark it's still hot. There's about ten girls in the pool and sitting beside it, all in barely there bikinis. Leo is happily sitting in between some girls on the side of the pool and a few girls that are in the pool are ridiculously staying near his legs which are dipped in the water. Max is in the attached Jacuzzi with four girls all with champagne glasses in there hands. Max is looking very pleased with himself, I have never been in the jacuzzi because of what I saw. One night I came home from being with Rhys when I saw the patio doors open, I went to go and close them because it was dark outside but I saw Max and Leo having sex with some random girls whilst in the jacuzzi.
Since I woke in the hotel with the mystery blonde I decided no more sex with groupies or any other girls. I want sex to mean something because it's become something very cheap. Over the past four years I have so many girls under me and at first it was exciting but then it got old and boring. Obviously Max and Leo have no problem with having cheap meaningless sex. I hold nothing against them, let them have there fun but it's not for me anymore. Leo worried about the press getting hold of the new me because they love the image of me as some playboy rockstar but I don't give a shit about all that.
I'm fed up and I don't want to listen to the giggling girls or the music anymore so I decide to get in my new DB9 and d
rive, nowhere in particular I just want to drive. After about fifteen minutes I'm in a quiet little part of town. It's pretty round here, parks and fields everywhere. I drive by some private roads which I'm guessing where houses are tucked away. I enter the local town and I'm pleased to see it's quite empty seeing as it's getting dark now. I find a place where I can park my bike so I can walk and do some thinking. I grab my cap and shades out from under the seat so if I do see anyone hopefully they won't recognise me. I don't see anyone so I'm free to let my thoughts run away, I think about everything but whatever I think about always comes back to Kendal. Especially now I'm back here in London where we first met six years ago. I think back on these past four years without her, yea I've made my carrier but it's been pretty lonely. I was over at Rhys' place last and seeing him in his own home he shares with his girlfriend just made me think back to her and crave what Rhys has. I want my girl and to have a family together. Yea I know I'm only twenty-six but I'm a man who knows what he wants and when you have had that perfect girl of yours and she slips out your hands, nobody compares and you will do anything to get her back. One day I will have Kendal back, I know I will. My phones beeps gladly breaking my desperate thoughts.
