by T. Styles
I was always scared to have sex this far long. Not only was Otis’ dick huge but I was also worried he’d hurt the baby. That is until I remembered he was always so gentle. Even making sure I reached and orgasm too. Telling me it was good for shaping the baby’s cranium.
When I straddled him, he eased into me and I exhaled. He looked into my eyes like he wanted to say something else. Instead, two pumps later, he splashed his cum into my body and for some reason I felt wetter than usual.
After I had an orgasm, he walked to the bathroom and I lied on my back, knees on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. Otis returned with my warm washcloth and softly wiped my pussy clean. From between my legs he looked like a doctor giving me a strange exam. Tossing the rag on the table he placed his hand on my knee. “You okay?”
I nodded yes.
“I only want the best for you.”
“I know,” I smiled.
“Let me get out of this bitch’s house before I say something I don’t mean.” He exhaled. “She seems like she’s going to be a handful tonight, be careful.”
I sat up and suddenly felt a soft pressure on the bottom of my belly. “I think something is wrong.”
He leaned forward, kissed me on the forehead and smiled. “Next time I’ll take it easier.” He stood up. “Probably not a good idea to do it like that no more anyway. It’s just that your pussy be so juicy and tight these days.”
Was it a swimming pool before?
He grabbed his keys off the end table and walked toward the door. As he opened it I noticed snow covered everything outside. The cold temperature was bone chilling and I couldn’t wait for him to close the door. “Damn, I hope you don’t have that baby tonight because you’d be in trouble.” He walked out and I was warm again.
When the house phone rang I answered, surprised to hear Rufus’ voice. I remembered I wasn’t supposed to pick up the phone but it was too late. “Now I catch you.”
I rubbed my belly. This bitch is going to be mad. “Been busy I guess.”
“Too busy to talk to your cousin?”
I smiled, although I wasn’t sure why. “Where you been? Jackie and Otis been trying to reach you all night.”
“I am where I am,” he joked. “Where’s Jackie?”
“Right here,” she said on the other line. I didn’t know she picked up and it’s a good thing we didn’t say much.
I hung up and walked toward the sofa, my stomach pain getting worse. It wasn’t terribly painful. More like I had to poop but when I tried I couldn’t. Instead I sat on the sofa for fifteen minutes until I remembered what Otis said. Was I going into labor? I rushed to the window by the door, staring outside I saw how deep the snow had gotten. I just hoped it wouldn’t be a problem for the ambulance to get through if it was time to deliver.
Worried, I walked toward Jackie’s room. I could hear her laughing, probably talking to Rufus. I opened the door. “I think I’m in labor,” I whispered.
There was a reason for my soft voice. There were so many legs to the lie that it was hard to keep track of them all. Jackie believed that Rufus wasn’t supposed to know I was pregnant, definitely by Otis. Rufus wasn’t supposed to know I was fucking Otis either, which was true. Then there was the truth. Rufus knew I was pregnant because it was his baby, but Jackie didn’t know.
She lowered the handset from her ear. “What you say?”
I know she heard me. “I’m having the baby,” I whispered again.
She exhaled. “Better call 911.”
“I can’t…you on the phone.”
She sighed, rolled her eyes and said, “I have to go, if you can, call me later. Okay?”
I’m not sure what he said when she hung up and she didn’t bother to tell me either. “What I tell you about answering the phone?”
“I forgot.”
“Maybe if you didn’t fuck so much around here your brain would be clearer.” She paused. “The phone is all yours…make it quick.”
I rushed into the living room and dialed 911. The pains were more intense and I was starting to worry. “I’m having a baby, I need help.” I told the operator, giving her the address.
“We’ll get someone out there as soon as we can,” the operator replied, her attitude non-chalant.
My eyes widened. “You don’t understand, I need help now.”
“I get that, but you should also be aware, like I’m sure you are, that we’re in the middle of a blizzard. It will take a while for someone to get to you. Now I really am sorry but it’s all I can do.”
Now what?
After hanging up I flopped on the sofa. My breaths were heavy and I wasn’t sure if it was a pregnancy symptom or my nerves. I didn’t feel much better when she came out of her room, arms crossed over her chest. “I know you don’t think you about to have no slimy baby on my sofa.”
With wide eyes I said, “Exactly where do you want me to have it? I called 911 and they don’t know when they’ll get here.”
She rolled her eyes, stormed into her bedroom and slammed the door.
I’m so sick of that bitch I could scream. Any other time I could take her mood swings but now I was about to have a baby. And since it didn’t look like she was going to help me, it would be alone.
The first thing I did was slowed down my breaths. “You can do this, Bernice. You’re going to be okay. Just remain calm.” I chanted those words repeatedly until I could feel myself relaxing. I knew I had to have this baby no matter what so I couldn’t make things worse by being upset.
I was about to go sit in a tub of warm water when Jackie stormed back into the living room. She tossed the winter coat she just bought me in my face. One of the buttons scratched my nose. “You gotta get out of here. You can’t be having no babies in my house.”
I stood up, and caressed my belly, not sure if it was for pity or pain. “Jackie, please don’t do this. I don’t have anywhere to go tonight. You know that. Look outside, I’ll die out there.”
She stomped past me and opened the door. Snow flurries floated inside and dusted the place where she stood, even her toes. “Don’t like your attitude and it’s not my problem.” She pointed outside. “Get out.”
Sliding the coat on, as slowly as possible, I hoped she changed her mind. Hoped she’d laugh and cry joking. Grabbing my black boots by the door I slid them on one by one, still she was waiting for me to leave. “Jackie, you can’t do this.”
Silence.
“I’ll die out there, my baby too,” I pleaded.
“I’m cold, you gotta leave.” She shivered.
What did she think would happen to me?
I felt like I was in an awful dream, one that wouldn’t end well. Obeying her wishes I stepped out of the house and turned around to face her. I thought I saw a smirk and felt in my heart she wanted me to beg. I would if I had the energy but I didn’t.
So she slammed the door.
I turned around and faced the city. There was no color. Everything was white. It felt like the world was toppling down around me and I would cry, except my teardrops would freeze. The pain in my stomach was so great now I had to sit on the top step. The door was at my back, the snow so deep it covered the sides of my legs. I thought all was lost until I saw a truck with a snow plow in front of it.
I blinked a few times when I saw Rufus’ face in the driver’s seat. I stood up preparing to run to him until I passed out, face first into the snow.
****
I gave birth to a baby boy, his warm body was nestled against my breasts as I looked down at him. The doctors and nurses all smiled at me but my focus floated to other thoughts.
How was this possible?
He was the most beautiful thing in the world and I didn’t have a thing to offer. Just because I am his mother, he would have a hard life.
I kissed his forehead.
“What’s his name?” a white nurse asked, with a smile so large it took up the bottom half of her face.
The first name I thought
about was Kaden but I knew a dude who raped girls with that name, which is probably why it stuck in my head. Then I thought about Rufus but that was just plain ugly.
“Ka…Ka…Ka…” my tongue flapped around because whatever name I chose he would be stuck with for life. Some people throw out names without thinking but since I couldn’t give him money, I wanted his name to be something he’d be proud of.
“Ka?” The nurse repeated. “How are you spelling that?” She frowned.
I looked down at him again and said, “Ka…Ka…” My thoughts floated again. Suddenly I was thinking about how if the stranger driving down the street, the one with the snowplow, that I thought was Rufus hadn’t stopped, neither of us would’ve survived.
My baby would not have lived.
“Did you say live?” The nurse asked again. I didn’t know I verbalized my thought and she was growing agitated.
“Mam, I’m not understanding…you said Ka and live. Which one is his name?”
I looked up at her again. “Kalive…” I smiled. “I’ll call him Kalive. Kalive Davenport.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
BERNICE
Kalive was a month old as I lie on a clean pallet on my brother’s floor in his living room. A chubby baby, his legs and arms looked like a pile of tires. I didn’t bother asking Jackie if I could stay with her, since she let her feelings be known by throwing me outside during the dead of winter while in labor. But Grand also made it clear that he wasn’t feeling his grove being stunted by his little sister and her baby either.
“You can’t stay here long, Bernice. You gotta start taking care of yourself.” He told me as he rolled reefer into a joint while sitting on the edge of his bed. “This no place for a kid and I don’t want you getting comfortable.”
“You always judging me but what about your son? The one you don’t claim?”
Why did I just do that? I’d known about my nephew Vaughn for a while but never said anything out loud.
He looked away. “Ain’t no proof he’s my kid but if there is I’ll do right by mine. Don’t worry about that, let’s talk about you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Fuck sorry, Bernice. Like I said before don’t get comfortable here. Plus Wet Faye still mad at you for poking her eye out. And if I’m being honest, I’m mad too. She was a pretty something before you ruined her.”
I frowned, and rocked my baby a little harder out of nervousness. I slowed down when he spit up and it splashed against my breast. “She stays here? Still?”
“In jail now for fighting some white woman at a civil rights march on the Monument. Should be home any day now, when I can put the money to the side to get her out.” He lit his reefer, pulled and blew out smoke.
I covered Kalive’s nose.
“You’re my brother, Grand. Mama not answering her door and I don’t got no place to be. So I want to know what you saying?”
“What I’m getting at is that leaves you with five days tops to get you some other business.” He pointed at me with the joint. “Use each one wisely, dig?”
And I did.
The first thing I knew that I had to do was find a gig. Luckily one of the girls who stayed with Grand had a thing for babies. Hers was taken some months back because like me, she didn’t have a place to go. She agreed to help so I could find a job so the same thing wouldn’t happen to me.
With her watching Kalive, during the day I searched for employment. I knew she was a junkie but whenever I came home Kalive was clean and fed and since I didn’t have help, as a beggar I couldn’t choose.
Nobody minded holding Kalive because he was a respectful baby, only crying when he was wet or hungry. I joked to Grand that he was probably saving his voice for the hell he would raise when he got older. Considering his father was crazy we both agreed it wasn’t funny, for fear my words might turn to reality.
Three days later I had been out all day trying to find a job and when I walked through the front door I saw Wet Faye standing in the living room, my son nestled under her left breast.
She was out of jail.
With outstretched hands I walked carefully toward her, as humble as possible. I would’ve gotten on my knees if there weren’t so much trash on the floor. “Faye, I’m begging you, please don’t hurt my baby.”
She smiled in a way only an evil person could, when they were aware they had their victim right where they wanted. There was an eye patch over the missing eye, which made her look sinister. “What you doing here, Bernice?” She addressed me but her gaze was on Kalive’s sleeping face. “Huh? Didn’t I tell you not to come ‘round here again?” Now she focused on me and I shivered.
“I wasn’t gonna stay long. Grand gave me five days and I’ve been working hard to find a place of my own. But if you give me my son I’ll leave today…right now.”
She smiled again. “What if I told you it was too late?” She held Kalive upside down by his left leg before tossing him a few feet away. I thought I was going to die as I watched him flying through the air, his arms held tightly against his body.
Kalive landed on his back, on a pile of clothes and I’d never been so happy in my life. His wide eyes looked around, probably wondering what was happening.
With him no longer in her clutches I leapt toward her, this time with plans to choke her until the life drained from her body. On top of her, I slapped and clawed at her face, the patch she wore lied next to her head revealing a cream color hole.
I was able to get my fingers around her neck, and was about to squeeze when she slapped me on the side of the face with a glass ashtray. I picked up one of the shards preparing to cut her throat when I was suddenly whisked up by the back of my shirt and flung across the room, not too far from Kalive.
It was Grand.
He was breathing heavily as he looked over at me and I knew I’d gone too far. Once again. “Get the fuck out of my house!” he yelled.
I picked up Kalive and wrapped him in a sheet. With a lowered head I said, “Just give me a few minutes to grab the rest of my things.” I don’t know where I was going to stay but I knew it couldn’t be there.
“Not talking about you,” he said rotating his head in Wet Faye’s direction. “I’m talking about this bitch!”
Wet Faye stood up, her jaw dropped and a tear formed in her good eye. “But, daddy, she was the one who started this! Look at my face!”
“I know, but I can’t have you around my nephew. Bernice is trouble, there’s no doubt about it but she’s also blood, and so is that little boy.” He picked up her eye patch and tossed it at her. It slapped against her lips. “I’ll find you when it’s safe to come back.”
Wet Faye placed on her patch and gazed in my direction. I rolled my eyes and watched her walk out. When she was gone I moved closer to the sofa and kicked some stuff off to make a place to sit. “I’m sorry, Grand.” I sat down and rocked Kalive who hadn’t bothered to cry.
“Don’t say you’re sorry, Bernice. Just find a place to stay. You’re a mother…but I ain’t the father and I resent feeling like one.” He stomped toward his room where two junked up women awaited him.
****
I ran back to Jackie.
It was the last place on earth I wanted to go but I needed longer help. If I had any other baby, one less tolerable, it may have been a problem living in her house. But he slept so much that Jackie got a kick out of holding him. She called him her little fat doll.
“He’s perfect,” she said one day, gazing down at his face. “But he looks nothing like Otis.” Her eyes fell on me.
I looked away, trying to hide my deceit. “He’s still a baby, Jackie, give him some time.”
After that day I saw her always watching me holding him from across the room. She wanted him for herself. It was obvious. I knew then I had to find a place so I saved up a lot of money from a car wash I worked at on the weeknights, when she was home from work and could look after him.
With her help I managed to put away $600
, it was some money but I needed enough for two months rent and furniture.
Tired after working one night, I was surprised that Jackie was still up. Normally when I came home around 10:00 at night, she would be in bed with Kalive lying next to her asleep.
Doing my best to stay out of her way, I jumped into the shower and allowed the warm water to caress my body. Work was hard and soon I found myself missing Otis who I hadn’t spoken to in months. Jackie said his number was the same but I didn’t bother. He knew I was back, why didn’t he check on me? One of the reasons I returned was so if he desired he could find me.
I needed to be held, to be caressed by the one man I had fallen for. Instead I got reminded that I was a whore and he had a wife.
There was one man who wouldn’t leave me alone.
Rufus called almost every day asking to speak to me and I ignored him every time. There was no way I was rocking the boat in Jackie’s house.
After washing up I was just about to get out when Jackie walked inside the bathroom. I hid behind the shower curtain and said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m getting out now.”
“No need.” I heard the toilet lid slam against the tank, followed by a soft thud when she sat down. Seconds later I could hear piss splashing against the water in the bowl.
Not knowing what to do, I remained hidden behind the shower curtain, one hand covering my breasts, the other my pussy.
“You know, I’m happy to have you back, Bernice.”
My eyes moved around portions of the curtain. “Thank you, I’m happy to be back.” I shrugged. What did this bitch want? “If it wasn’t for you I don’t know where I would’ve gone. But don’t worry, I won’t be here long.”
“It’s no rush and it’s no problem. Really. I always felt bad about what I did to you that night, when I put you out in the snow. Don’t know what got into me.”
Me either.
“You were with Otis, ignoring me,” she continued. “I guess I felt unappreciated. I mean, do you appreciate me, Berny?
“Of course, and I wish there was some way I could show you.” I was talking to her with the curtain still in front of me. Everything about this was awkward.
