Finaly My Heart's Desire (Meant for Me Book 2)

by St. James, Brooke

  "The one you had a crush on for years of your life?" she asked.

  The question was like salt in an open wound. I cringed. "It's not like I was a stalker. I was just a little kid."

  "Oh my goodness," she exclaimed, in a breathless tone. "That's exactly what happened with Micah and me, except I only fell in love with him for a day before trying to forget about him." We were silent for a few seconds before she asked, "What'd you do when you saw him at the wedding?"

  I let out a laugh. "I almost had a heart attack."

  She laughed. "I guess so. What did he do?"

  "Who Shane?" I asked, glancing at her. "He didn't even recognize me. Well, he sort of did but not really. He was definitely more significant in my life back then than I was in his, so I knew he wouldn't know who I was. I was actually thankful for it for obvious reasons."

  "What are you gonna do now?" she asked.

  I had just pulled into a parking spot at another dress shop when she asked that question, and I glanced over at her with a curious expression. "What do you mean?"

  "I mean, now that you've learned he's single, are you gonna try to get in touch with him? I have his number."

  She was smiling and I just gawked at her like I couldn’t believe what she was saying. I had assumed that thought would have never crossed her mind.

  "He's your best friend's ex," I reminded her.

  She continued to smile as she shrugged. "She's the one who broke up with him." Her face suddenly turned serious and contemplative, and I could tell she was thinking about whether or not Trish would mind.

  "Plus, I have a boyfriend," I added. "Remember, Robin?"

  She gave me a regretful smile. "I know, I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have tempted you like that. I like Shane, and it was the first thing I thought of when you said he was the same guy."

  "What's he do?" I asked, unable to resist a little more information now that were having this candid conversation.

  "He's got a good job," she said. "He's a physical therapist, and I think he's really good. He works with athletes and stuff."

  I was instantly transported back to the days when I would doodle our names on notebook paper and think of myself as Mrs. Emily Rollins. I sighed, imagining him being good at his job and helping others. I felt that sense of longing for him that was all wrong for someone who was in a serious, committed relationship. Robin would go ballistic if he knew the feelings I was having for Shane at this very moment. He would probably hunt the guy down and do something terrible that we'd all regret.

  I found myself overwhelmed with emotion and I sunk my face into my hands. Seconds later, I felt Carly's hand on my back. "I'm sorry," she said. "I know you really liked him way back then. I didn't mean to tempt you. Robin's obviously an amazing catch."

  "Yeah," I agreed, trying to talk myself into it. I ran my hand through my hair, and did my best to smile and act like it really wasn't a big deal at all.

  We went in the store so I could try on dresses, but all I could think about was how single Shane Rollins was. I did my best to act like I wasn't thinking about it, but it was on my mind the whole time I tried on dresses.

  I relied on Carly and the lady at the store to tell me which one looked good on me, because I didn't really care. I brought the one they chose up to the counter and purchased it on Robin's credit card. Then I put it into the backseat of my car—the car Robin bought for me.

  It wasn't the first time I considered all the material possessions I would lose if I left Robin. I would lose literally all the creature comforts I'd become accustomed to. I would lose the possibility of marrying into the richest family in Texas. Robin was my stability. He was my future. I had spent the last three years assuming that I'd be with him and my life would be a walk down easy street. Our children and grandchildren would be privileged. They would go to the best schools and have the best of everything. I had a plan for crying out loud! It was not fair for Shane Rollins to infiltrate my thoughts the way he had. I reminded myself that the last time I had feelings for him, it ended in my own humiliation. I could not let him do it to me again. I was with Robin and that's all there was to it.

  Carly and I didn't speak about Shane again after that. I told her what to expect at the party and gave her a brief rundown on what subjects to avoid, telling her my best advice was to do more listening than talking—that nodding and smiling would get her a long way.

  I dropped Carly off at her and Micah's house but didn't go inside. The party was two days away, and I told her I'd see her then.

  Chapter 7

  Carly called me at 9:00 in the morning on the day of the party. It wasn't out of the ordinary for her to call, but something about the hour led me to believe something was wrong. Before I even picked up the phone, I had thoughts about what it could be. The first thing that crossed my mind was that she and Micah had to cancel for some reason.

  "Hello?" I said, a bit sleepily even though I'd been awake when the phone rang.

  "Hey Em, is it too early?"

  "No, what's up?"

  She let out a sigh. "Well, you know your brother," she said.

  "Yeah," I said, figuring this had something to do with them not coming to the party. "Is everything okay?"

  "Oh, yeah, Micah just…" she hesitated. "I thought I should tell you that Micah called in a favor to Robin."

  "A favor?" I asked. I had no idea what she could be talking about.

  "Your brother's been telling me that Brock Rollins was some kind of metal artist. He said while Brock was in the military, he'd take pieces of ships and planes and other military equipment, things that had been scrapped, and he'd make stuff out of it—tables and chairs, and all sorts of things."

  "Okay," I said, still not getting it.

  "So your brother got to talking to him about it, and Brock brought pictures of his stuff to work for Micah to look at." She sighed. "Anyway, Micah fell in love with Brock's stuff. He said he prayed about it and really felt like God would want him to help Brock try to get a business started."

  "And he needed Robin's help?" I asked, finally seeing the point.

  "Sort of," she said. "He just called Robin to make sure that it would be okay if he tried to rub elbows with a few possible investors tonight at the party."

  "Oh," I said. "That's a good idea. I already told Micah he should do that for his business. There's gonna be a ton of people there who would be interested in something like that, I'm sure. He should bring Brock's portfolio with him. I hope Robin told him it'd be fine. Did he?"

  "That's not exactly what Micah asked Robin," she said.

  "What'd he ask him?"

  "He asked if Brock could come to the party and talk to people himself."

  "He did?"

  "Yeah."

  "What'd Robin say?"

  "He said it was fine."

  "So Brock's coming tonight?" I asked.

  "Yeah," she paused before adding, "and Shane."

  I could feel the blood leaving my face. Nerves began ricocheting on the inside of my body.

  "Shane's coming to the party tonight?" I asked in utter disbelief.

  "Yeah. I thought you should know. Brock didn't want to miss the opportunity, but he didn't want to come without Shane."

  "Does Micah know who Shane is to me?"

  "No," she answered quickly. "I haven't told him anything. He probably wouldn't have invited them if he knew."

  I let out a long breath. "Was Robin gracious about putting them on the guest list?"

  "I think so," she said. "Micah didn't say much other than telling me he prayed about helping Brock and hooked it up for Brock and his brother to come to the party tonight to try to meet potential investors."

  I tried to think about how much Micah would know about my long-term crush on Shane. He was four years older than me and was likely oblivious to that whole thing, but I had it bad enough for long enough that I was sure he'd at least remember his name.

  I thanked Carly for giving me the heads up and went through the rest
of the day in a state of restless anticipation. I was relatively sure Robin had no idea who he'd agreed to add to the guest list, and it'd take him by surprise when he saw that it was the same guy from the wedding. Maybe he wouldn't even care. Maybe I was just freaked out about it because of who Shane was to me.

  The last thing I needed to do was give myself away. I needed to just chill and act like he was any other guy. My thoughts ran wild all day, and before I knew it, the time had come for the party to begin. I was always nervous for these parties, but this one was especially bad. I was so giddy with anticipation that I had to stifle a giggle the entire time I was getting ready.

  The dress Carly helped me pick out was a rich shade of red satin and was gathered below the bust at an empire waist. I felt like a princess wearing it. It was beautifully made and flattering on my figure, which gave me some much-needed confidence.

  My hair was styled in a French twist and I wore a gold necklace with rubies that matched the color of my dress. My attire was appropriate for the occasion, which was just the way Mrs. Buller liked it. She hired two stylists to come to the house and take care of hair, make up, and clothing for all of us, and by the time they were done with us, we looked like the royal family.

  No amount of help from a stylist could prepare me for the on slot of feverish nerves that washed over me when Shane came in the front door, though. I felt hot and breathless as soon as he set foot in the room.

  The Buller's house boasted a grand entryway with huge double staircases and a loft. It was a sprawling room with marble checkerboard floors and beautiful, ornate windows and furniture. It was tradition for the Buller family to station themselves near the door for the first thirty minutes of the party to greet the guests as they arrived. For the past two years, I'd been included in the family circle, and it was now my duty to stand there, shake hands, and pass out fake kisses on the cheek to everyone who entered the door.

  The welcoming committee consisted of Mr. and Mrs. Buller, followed by Robin and myself, and then his two little sisters, both of whom were teenagers. They had a doorman standing by to introduce the guests as they came in, and each of them was expected to go down the line, so each of us could greet them.

  Micah had been here once before, so he knew the drill, and I had already clued Carly in, but I wondered how the Rollins boys would react to such a show.

  I spared glances at Micah and Carly as best I could, but I had a really hard time taking my eyes off of Shane. He was dressed in a fitted black suit with a vest and tie, and he smiled confidently as if he came to these types of parties all the time. His almost black hair was combed away from his face and to the side in a dapper style like he'd just stepped out of a barbershop.

  I watched as Micah greeted Robin's parents and turned to first introduce Carly and then the two gentlemen he brought along. Mr. Buller shook everyone's hand before Mrs. Buller passed out hugs and fake kisses.

  My nerves escalated as they moved toward us. Robin shook Micah's hand. "It's good to see you Micah." He nodded at Carly and acknowledged her by name before shifting his attention to the Rollins brothers. "One of you must be the artist I've heard about."

  Brock gave a quick nod as he stepped forward to shake Robin's hand. "I appreciate the invitation," he said.

  "We're glad to have you here," Robin said, reaching out to pat his shoulder. "I'm sure there are a lot of people present who you'd be interested in meeting. Merry Christmas. I hope you enjoy yourselves."

  I reached out to hug Micah and Carly watching Robin and the Rollins boys out of the corner of my eye the whole time.

  "You look beautiful," I whispered to Carly, smiling at her before I fake kissed her cheek.

  "Thank you," she said. "So do you."

  "I'll talk to you guys in a few minutes," I said, winking at her.

  Guests were steadily coming in the door, so it was imperative that the line keep moving along. All of us knew that, so we only took a few seconds with each greeting. Carly kept going toward Robin's sisters, and I turned my attention to Brock. I shook his hand and gave him a small bow. "It's good to see you again," I said.

  "You too," he responded. "Thanks for having us."

  I smiled. "Merry Christmas."

  He returned my smile and nodded before moving down the line to Robin's little sister. Shane stepped in front of me and I held out my hand for him to take. Our eyes locked for a split second that felt more like an eternity. The contrast of his light blue eyes against his dark hair and suit made it almost impossible for me look away. I quickly glanced at Robin to see that he was preoccupied with the next family.

  My hand lingered in Shane's a little too long, and when I glanced back at him, I found that he was smiling at me. I smiled back, looking a little ashamed that I left my hand in his. I tried, but couldn't take it out. It was like some sort of electrical current was holding it there.

  I finally found the presence of mind to pull my hand from his, but his grip tightened, holding it in place. Before I knew what was happening, he brought my hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on my bare knuckles. My eyes were locked with his during those seconds. I definitely wasn't breathing. Heat and electricity flooded my body, making me feel weak and woozy. As soon as my hand touched his lips, he released it, breaking the spell he had over me.

  I instantly glanced at Robin, and was thankful to find that he was still preoccupied. He looked at me a second later, and then glanced in front of me to find that Shane was still standing there. I gave Shane a final bow as if telling him to move along, which he did. I watched him greet Robin's little sisters out of the corner of my eye as I spoke with the next person in line and was both relieved and disappointed to see that he kissed both of their hands as well.

  My heart was beating so rapidly as a result of the exchange that I took a second to glance down at my chest to see if it was actually visibly pulsing. I took a deep, shaky breath, hoping it would help. I was stuck at the door for another fifteen or twenty minutes before the family disbursed and began mingling with the guests.

  Robin was glued to my side. I normally wouldn't have noticed this—I may have even been thankful for it, but tonight was different. All I wanted was a minute to speak with Shane Rollins alone, if only to satisfy the 14-year-old in me. Robin was anxious for a drink after the task of greeting all of the guests, so the first thing he wanted to do, was visit the bar.

  "Do you mind if we look for Micah and Carly?" I asked after he swallowed whatever he ordered and handed the empty glass to one of the servers.

  "No, but we can't be with them all night. You know I have other people to talk to."

  I wanted to say he could go talk to everyone while I stayed with my brother, but obviously I didn't. "That's fine," I said. "I just wanted to say hi."

  We began making our way through the house searching for them, but Robin had to stop and talk to someone along the way about every five seconds, so it was a slow process.

  "Your brother brought those guys from the wedding," he said, at a moment when no one was talking to us.

  "I saw that," I said, acting surprised. "I wonder what that's all about."

  Robin glanced at me as we moved through the crowd. "He didn't tell you? Apparently one of them makes furniture out of scrap metal. Your brother's all excited about it and wanted to try to help him meet some investors."

  "Oh it seems like Carly mentioned something about that," I said.

  "I'm surprised he didn't bring his girlfriend," Robin said. "Isn't she your friend?"

  "Trish?" I asked. "She's Carly's friend. I do like her, though. She's a cool girl."

  I felt sick talking about it, and was relieved when he didn't say more. It was difficult finding them. The dress Carly borrowed from me was black, which was the same as nearly all the other women there. I finally caught sight of them on the back terrace. I had to peer around someone else to see them.

  "There they are," I said.

  Robin looked in the direction I pointed and smiled when he caught sight o
f them. "We'll go out there for a few minutes," he said.

  It was chilly outside, but you wouldn't have known it because the Buller's terrace was decked out with beautiful fire pits and upscale outdoor heaters that made it even more comfortable outside than it was in the house. There were several gigantic decorated Christmas trees out there and white lights were strung overhead, making it seem like a winter wonderland. There was always a huge crowd on the terrace, and it was easy to understand why. I tried not to seem too anxious as I made a beeline for Micah, Carly, Brock, and Shane, who were standing in a group talking to two other people I didn't recognize besides having greeted them at the door.

  Robin had his arm around my waist as we approached, and I wanted more than anything for him to drop it and stand beside me like a normal person—a person who wasn't my boyfriend.

  Chapter 8

  Everyone glanced at Robin and me when we came to stand near them on the terrace.

  "This is amazingly beautiful," was the first thing out of Carly's mouth. Her comment was directed at Robin, but she looked around, gesturing at the lights and decorations.

  My gaze drifted instantly to Shane. I felt a longing in my chest similar to the one I felt for three years straight when I was younger.

  A stab of guilt followed that feeling. I wasn't a cheater. I would have never even considered straying from Robin, but the temptation of Shane was unbearable. Looking at him caused a painful ache in my neck and jaw like I wanted to cry. I said a prayer right then. I asked God to give me strength to fight this temptation and forgiveness for my wandering heart.

  "Will you?" Robin asked, drawing me from my thoughts. He gave my waist a squeeze, and stared at me with a smile, waiting for my answer to the question.

  "I'm sorry," I said. "I missed the question."

  "Mr. Randall was asking if you'd carry on the tradition of the Buller Christmas party once the torch is passed to you," Robin said, motioning to the guy in the group who must have been Mr. Randall.