The Road Home

by Palmer, Fiona

  ‘Do you drive the grader?’ she asked, pointing to the large yellow machine.

  ‘No. Uncle Greg contracts out to the shire but he’s in Perth today so I brought it here. Lucky Jack’s around to drive it.’

  Lara must have looked confused, because Brett explained. ‘Jack drives for Greg from time to time. Not many people out here know how to drive a grader, especially through bush.’

  Jack climbed down, his long-sleeved shirt flapping open as he walked towards them.

  ‘Ready to go?’

  No, not really, she thought, but she managed a grin. ‘Yep.’ She grabbed the water bottle. ‘See ya, Brett.’

  ‘I’ll catch up with you at the pub some time and buy you a drink,’ he said with a wave.

  She waved back before catching Jack’s look. ‘What?’ she asked.

  ‘You were with him for a minute and you’ve already scored a drink?’

  Was it just her imagination or were his eyes really a deeper shade of green? ‘It must be my wonderful wit and charm,’ she said, laughing. Jack groaned.

  ‘Sorry, it’s a bit tight in here. You’ll have to sit on the side,’ he said, climbing into the driver’s seat.

  ‘That’s fine. Reminds me of when I used to squish in with Dad on the tractor or the header.’

  Lara sat on the esky that was in the cab, and Jack moved the grader off towards the reserve. At the edge of the bush he put the blade down and began driving through the scrub, carefully choosing his path around the larger trees. They moved further in, the smoke always on their right side, seeping through the bush like a ghostly figure.

  Lara was too scared to speak, and it didn’t seem like the time to start up a random conversation anyway. Jack needed to concentrate. Further in they drove, scraping the top layer of dirt and bush, while Jack talked occasionally to Evan on the two-way.

  ‘How you holding up? Not exactly the fire-fighting you had in mind?’ Jack asked.

  ‘No, not really, but at least I know I can get in the tractor and plough off a fire break or something.’

  ‘If it ever happens, just make sure you let someone know and keep in contact. Always try to keep water in the fighter tank. Check everything still runs so you’re prepared. Especially through harvest. You never want to be out in a paddock on your own with no water.’ Jack ran her through a few more things she could do if there was a fire on Erindale. It was the first time ever that he was actually helping her, offering her advice about the tried and true method of how things were done. It passed the time quickly.

  The two-way crackled into life, cutting Jack off. She was disappointed. She was enjoying listening to him talk, especially without any irritation lining his voice. ‘You on channel, Jack?’

  ‘Yeah, Ev, go ahead.’

  ‘Mate, the wind’s turned and it’s coming your way. Best you move, now.’ His voice held a sense of urgency that crawled up Lara’s spine.

  ‘Roger, Ev. On my way.’ Jack hung up the microphone hand-piece. ‘Shit.’ He leant forward, peering through the bush, searching for the approaching flames.

  ‘That doesn’t sound good.’ Lara tried to keep the unease from her voice.

  Jack pointed out the side window. ‘Look – here it comes. The smoke’s blowing our way now.’ Jack swore but he didn’t sound panicked. He turned the wheel and they headed to the left. She shot him a curious glance. After a while, she realised he was going around in a circle. She desperately wanted to ask him why, but before she could work up the courage, she spotted red, licking flames on the far right.

  ‘Jack! Jack, I can see it. It’s coming straight for us!’ Now she was panicking. ‘Are we …’ She couldn’t finish. Too many options rushed into her head. Were they in danger? Were they going to burn?

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ve put a break around us; there’s no way we can outrun it.’ He drove to the the centre of the circle and stopped.

  ‘So, what’re you saying? We’re going to just stay here!’

  Lara was becoming hysterical. Jack held her with both hands and shook her gently.

  ‘There is no other option. Try not to panic. We should be fine. The scrub bush around here isn’t tall and the fire should just go straight past and around the break circle. Okay?’

  She felt like screaming ‘No!’ but Jack was so calm that she relaxed, just a fraction.

  He took off his shirt and began tearing it into strips, and asked for the water bottle. He soaked the material and handed her a wet strip. ‘To put over your mouth in case the smoke gets too bad.’

  Her eyes felt like they were going to fall out of her head as she tried to imagine the cab full of smoke, and flames right outside. She couldn’t believe how scared she was. Her hands trembled.

  ‘Here. Come sit in the middle. It’ll be safer.’

  She just stared at him, paralysed, but then her arm, which had been resting against the metal wall of the grader, began to feel warm. She imagined the paint blistering off the outside of the grader as the metal became red-hot, and got a sense of just how much hotter it would get inside. Awkwardly, she moved over to Jack and sat on his lap, feeling incredibly uncomfortable to be pressed so close up against him. He leant forward and reached around her for the two-way. His heart beat rapidly against her back and she realised he wasn’t as calm as he appeared. This did nothing to soothe her own panic.

  Jack relayed to Evan what they’d had to do and reassured him that he’d stay in contact. Lara shook with fear and Jack put his arm around her. Her body was confused. Half of her was scared and the other half was flat-out thinking of Jack’s arm resting against her. He was so strong and she could feel his breath tickling her neck. He smelled slightly of soap from a morning shower, and her body was starting to relax when she saw smoke coming through the holes in the cab.

  ‘Oh, shit!’ She turned herself so she could see Jack’s face. ‘You know, if I’d known being in the country was so dangerous, maybe I wouldn’t have come! Snakes and fires …’

  ‘It was a harmless snake, remember?’ Jack said with a half-smile that took the edge off her fear. ‘And this fire won’t get out of hand. The trucks will be following along our break, trying to put it out as it comes towards us. We’ll be okay.’

  She wasn’t so sure. Frantically, she tried to look out of each window, when Jack’s hands tightened on her arms.

  ‘Please stop wriggling,’ he said in a strained voice. She thought her weight must be making him uncomfortable, but then she felt the real reason for his request. She was arousing him. Lara sat deathly still and felt twice as hot, with her cheeks now burning too.

  The flames began to circle around them and she watched the way the red heat engulfed the dry bush. She’d never been this close to an out-of-control fire before, and to see it moving faster than she could run was incredible. Kangaroos and rabbits bounded out in front of the fire, some coming right near the grader. A spiny anteater scurried along as fast as its little legs could take it, but it wasn’t fast enough, and Lara watched the flames overtake its tiny body. Her eyes clamped shut, not wanting to watch the rest. They opened again as the smoke in the cab made her cough, and she pressed the wet shirt to her nose. Jack had done the same. The temperature was skyrocketing and the crackling of the fire echoed around them. Sweat was running down her back, along her hairline and neck, and soaking into her clothes as the cab became an oven.

  It was exhausting trying to watch every part of the break just in case the fire managed to jump over. The flames came closer, edging towards them.

  Lara dropped the wet cloth from her mouth. ‘Jack, in case it gets ugly, I just want to say I’m really sorry about misjudging you, and … thanks for being there.’ She paused. ‘The last few months haven’t been easy.’ She met his emerald eyes and shivered at their intensity, despite the heat. His lips were inches from hers and she was very aware of how soft they looked. As their breath combined, Jack closed his eyes and so did Lara. She breathed him in.

  ‘Lara,’ whispered Jack. ‘It’s me who should b
e apologising. I’ve been a right tosser.’

  Lara’s opened her eyes and ran a finger over his lips. ‘It’s okay. I understand.’

  Jack was rubbing her thigh and his touch burnt her skin as if his fingers were red-hot embers. He looked out the window. ‘Most of it’s just about passed.’

  She turned her head, searching the landscape for the blazing flames. Blackened sticks and grey ash covered the ground. Some of the bigger shrubs were still alight, and tiny orange flames sucked the last from the thicker branches and trunks. Pale smoke wisps trailed up from the crispy black remains, before the wind whisked them away. Gone were the animals, gone were the thick green shrubs, and gone was any sign of life. This was a strange new world of death.

  Lara’s heart was still pounding. ‘That was so scary. I was so scared. That was so close.’ She coughed and spluttered in between her adrenaline-filled words. Jack just held her tight. ‘You didn’t even look fazed,’ she went on.

  Jack half laughed. ‘Believe me, I was a little worried.’ He brushed back his fringe from his sweaty brow.

  ‘So now what? Have we let it get away? Please tell me we didn’t risk our lives for nothing?’

  ‘No. Ned would have made sure the break along the fence was good and, if anything, we bought him some time to make sure the job was done.’

  Lara stood up and tried to stretch her legs in the cab while Jack got back on the two-way to let Evan know they were okay and check for more instructions. Lara didn’t listen to Evan’s reply. She was too busy gazing out the hot window and wondering about the feelings that had clearly been passing between them.

  When they got back to their temporary base, Jack put the grader back on the low loader and then they joined the crowd. The fire had been contained within the reserve patch of bush, and everyone was standing around a ute on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere as the sun descended and the smoke lingered. Their faces were worn, their clothes blackened and reeking of smoke, but once everyone had a beer in their hand their smiles reappeared. Clearly someone had made the run to the pub to make sure all the volunteers were rewarded with a drink. Jack reached into the carton, pulled out two beers and handed one to Lara. Her smile was worth every scary moment they’d just experienced.

  The men standing around were all vying for some of her attention, asking her how she was going on the farm and whether she needed any help.

  ‘Thanks, but I’m coping just fine at the moment. Well, I was until today, anyway,’ she joked.

  Then the questions came quick and fast.

  ‘How hot did it get?’ asked Evan.

  ‘Was there smoke in the cab?’ asked Brett.

  ‘Bloody hot,’ Lara replied and glanced at Jack. ‘But Jack was so calm. I was just about hysterical.’

  Jack wouldn’t openly admit it, but the last half hour had scared the hell out of him too. As one of the boys passed him another beer, he watched Lara out of the corner of his eye. She knew how to hold a crowd, that was for sure. In fact, she was entirely mesmerising and they all wanted to hear the story from her. He thought back to the fire, with her so close, how she’d felt pressed against him. Just thinking about it got his heart racing like a mad goanna. Heck, she was like the flames themselves, burning underneath his skin.

  28

  LARA watched Jack shake hands with Brett and say goodbye to everyone before heading back towards her. He was an imposing sight, covered in ash and dirt with the orange glow of the setting sun behind him. For the life of her, she couldn’t look away. There was just something about Jack. And it wasn’t only his sexy swagger, his strong, toned physique or the mysterious glimmer to his green eyes. It was much more than that. Something he kept hidden.

  ‘I don’t know about you, but I could use another drink,’ he said, holding his empty bottle.

  ‘Well, come back to the shed. The beer fridge is full and I owe you a few.’ He was about to protest but she cut him off. ‘Look, you didn’t have to take me along, and I really appreciate you passing on your knowledge. You have no idea what it means to me, to be prepared. I want to be able to protect Erindale. I’m here for the long haul, Jack.’ She knew that no one had expected her to tough it out, except perhaps Marge and Trent. But none of them knew her. Not really.

  ‘Okay. Who can refuse a few beers? It just wouldn’t be the manly thing to do.’

  By the time they got back to the shed, the sun was just sinking below the horizon, casting dark shadows across the open landscape. They sat on the tray of Jack’s ute with fresh beers in their hands, watching the last of the sunset. The fire had added an extra ginger glow to the sky, which merged with the setting sun to create bright crimson streaks. The black silhouettes of the trees stood out against the colour.

  ‘Now, that’s just magic. It looks like the fire is still burning its way along the horizon. I forgot how beautiful each sunset is. No wonder this was Dad’s favourite spot at the end of the day.’

  ‘Yeah, not a bad life from this point of view, is it?’ Jack said, smiling at her.

  Jack smiling, especially at her, was something to behold. It transformed his face, and by God, he was irresistible. Lara thought back to the fire, when he’d been aroused. Was it just the intensity of the situation, a normal male reaction to a woman sitting on his lap, or could he really have deeper feelings for her?

  While he was in such a good mood and the liquor was flowing freely, she asked him about other fires he’d been to and some of the ambulance jobs he’d attended. She was surprised by his long replies.

  ‘We got a call in and were first on site for Ned Graften’s crash. He’d gone to sleep and hit a big gum on the Lakes road. Bloody mess. He was alive, but only just, and we couldn’t help him until the rescue boys cut him out. So we did what we could and just sat there with him as he passed away.’ Jack spoke somehow distantly, as if almost removed from the memory. He swallowed hard before continuing. ‘Took me a long time to get over that. I still break out in sweats every time we get a call-out,’ he said, before closing his mouth quickly as if he’d let something slip.

  ‘How do you keep doing it, then? Why?’ Lara really didn’t know whether she would have it in her to handle such scenes, after losing her parents on the road. But here was Jack, saving lives even after surviving his own accident and seeing what her parents’ crash had done to Noah.

  Jack’s eyes glowed in the fading light. ‘You try not to focus on the negatives, the loss. You keep going for the ones you can save. I hang on to the thought of all those we keep alive. Your parents’ crash was the first I’d ever seen and … and I guess it stayed with me.’ Jack ran his finger down the length of his scar. ‘Not to mention my own accident, but you already know about that.’ He closed his eyes and paused.

  ‘It’s a big scar. Must have been a scary crash?’ Finally she had the chance to ask him some questions.

  ‘They had to cut me out. I spent a heap of time in hospital, all bent out of shape. I had surgery for this,’ he motioned to the scar. ‘And I was all alone. No family and no real friends. I was angry and thought the world was out to get me back then.’ Jack poured it out in a rush as if it was a long-held secret.

  ‘Yeah, well, you wouldn’t be alone in that department, Jack. None of us are perfect. We can all lose ourselves to our emotions and become people we don’t want to be.’ Lara thought of Noah, and even of herself, dating Nic and living in the city. You didn’t have to be immature to make mistakes or get into trouble. ‘But what counts is how we change from our mistakes, and move on and make the best of what we have.’

  He nodded in agreement.

  ‘Do you mind if I ask about your family? Bec’s so lovely. You’re lucky to have her, but she said you don’t talk to your father?’

  Jack rubbed his neck as he spoke. ‘Not being able to stay on the farm back then hurt me, and I was a teenager, so everything seemed so much more devastating at that time.’

  ‘I can imagine. I didn’t want to leave the farm either but it must have been much
worse for you, being a boy. You guys usually get the farm.’

  He turned to Lara. ‘I didn’t realise you wanted to stay on the farm?’

  ‘Oh, yes. I loved it out here but it was predetermined that I would go away for school. My parents had a different path for me and, being the good daughter, I followed it.’ She laughed a little. ‘You know, the funny thing is, after all these years, I’ve only just realised how much I really didn’t enjoy it. I was working my butt off for other people. It just didn’t seem fulfilling.’ She took a sip of her beer. ‘But out here, I feel like I’m accomplishing so much … and on my own. And it feels so rewarding, so powerful. I’m doing it all for me, Jack, not for anyone else. Doing what I really wanted to be doing in the first place.’

  Jack thought for a moment, letting her words sink in. ‘Hmm.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Your friend Mel was right. You’re not the person I thought you were. I had you pinned on heading back to the city. But I don’t think you were ever a city girl deep down. I don’t know how I missed it.’ He chuckled.

  ‘Could have been my high heels?’

  ‘Actually, I got you something.’ Jack went to his ute and fished around behind his seat. He walked back with a brand-new pair of leather Blundstone boots. He handed them to her. ‘You can’t use Noah’s old pair forever.’

  Lara didn’t know what to say. It was the most touching gesture and in a way it felt like she finally deserved them. ‘Oh, Jack, thanks. They’re wonderful. More amazing than any high heels I’ve ever bought.’ She touched the yellow tag with ‘Blundstone’ written across it and felt adulation. The leather was shiny and new. She couldn’t wait till they looked used and worn-in. ‘Thanks a lot, Jack. This is special.’

  He shrugged it off as she put the boots straight on, chucking Noah’s old ones towards the shed.

  After a few seconds she decided it was safe to ask another probing question. She wanted to learn more about Jack. So much unexplored territory. ‘So, your dad just told you to leave the farm? What did you do?’

  Jack sipped his beer, giving himself time to think. ‘I was upset when it sank in that I couldn’t stay, but Dad had organised a job for me at another farm. I had nothing else going for me, no other work, so I went. Six months I spent there, getting mentally, verbally and physically abused.’ He paused and took a steadying breath. ‘That bastard had me so shit-scared.’