by Sarah Biglow
Shannon joined the kids in the living room and played with Meghan for a little while. She couldn’t remember Meghan being so excited with a stuffed animal in a long time.
“Does the penguin have a name?” Shannon asked as she leaned against the couch.
“Um…I don’t know. Baby Waddles.”
“That’s a stupid name,” Christian chimed in from the chair next to them.
“Christian, your sister can name the penguin whatever she wants.”
Just then, the door opened, and Mike walked in. “Dinner’s here.”
Tanner and Christian abandoned their toys and raced each other to the kitchen table. Meghan smoothed the penguin’s wings and tucked it protectively under her arm before following her brothers.
Long after the kids were in bed, Shannon sat in the master bedroom, watching TV with the volume turned down low. She knew Mike would be up in a few minutes, but she was enjoying the quiet. She hated lying to him, but she couldn’t tell him that she wasn’t exactly happy about having another child. Please let these jitters just melt away. Let me hold this baby, and let that make everything right again.
“You’re still up,” Mike said as he walked in.
“Yeah. Just watching a little TV. Don’t get much of a chance these days with the kids fighting over their shows.”
He crawled under the covers and rested his head on her shoulder. They lay together like that for a few minutes before Shannon turned the TV off and wiggled down under the covers.
“Night, hon,” she said and kissed his cheek.
“Night.”
18
October 19th
Lisbeth watched as the class filtered out to recess. One girl, Elizabeth, stopped at the doorway and looked up. “Is something wrong, Elizabeth?”
“I got to go potty.”
Lisbeth took the girl by the hand and led her down the hall to the girls’ bathroom. She waited while Elizabeth took care of her business. As she stood there, Lisbeth glanced down at her growing baby bump, trying to put the looming doctor’s appointment from her mind. She was perfectly happy with having twins, even the morning sickness and swollen ankles. But she was also trying to mend things with Candace, and that meant talking with the doctor about reducing to a single baby.
“I’m done,” Elizabeth called.
Lisbeth stepped inside to make sure Elizabeth washed her hands before they headed out to the playground. Elizabeth took off and left Lisbeth to observe. The area was cluttered with kids from all of the morning kindergarten and first grade classes. She often wondered why they couldn’t give each class their own time to play. Her musing was cut short when she spotted Jack making a beeline for her. Great. Lisbeth sat down on a nearby bench and waited.
“How are you doing?” he asked and joined her.
“I’m good.”
“I haven’t seen you around during lunch lately.”
She laughed. “You really need to stop trying to flirt with me. It’s kind of painful. And I told you, I only teach in the mornings during the school year.”
“I didn’t mean it that way. I swear. I just…I’ve been meaning to tell you that things with my brother are good. He’s happy.”
“That’s great.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?” she asked.
“Are you happy?”
“I’m thrilled. Even with the morning sickness. I love being pregnant.”
“That’s not exactly what I was talking about.”
She shrugged and ignored his question. She turned and cupped her hands around her mouth. “James, you leave your sister alone. I mean it.” The boy continued to fling wood chips at Margaret. “Do you want to sit in time out the rest of the morning?”
He stopped and ran off toward the slide. Lisbeth glanced around to make sure the rest of her kids were behaving. Jack cleared his throat beside her. He wasn’t going away.
“I’m sorry. What was the question?”
“You’re good. I asked are you happy? And don’t give me you are about being pregnant, because that’s not what I meant.”
“Is this really an appropriate conversation to be having at work?”
“Well, seeing as you spurn my advances, yeah.” He gave her a wink.
“I am happy with who I am. I love the woman I married with all my heart, and we’re going to raise these two beautiful children together until we grow old.”
“Twins. That’s…impressive.”
“We’re dealing with it.”
“How’s yoga treating you?”
“Yoga is fun. It’s diverse. And I think I’ve made some new friends.”
“Always a good thing.” He paused. “You’ll have to excuse me. I’ve got two kids trying to kick each other off the slide.”
“Good luck,” Lisbeth called.
“Thanks.”
“Ms. Marquez’s class, time to line up,” she called a few minutes later.
A collective groan crossed the playground, but her kindergarteners started to line up. Margaret was still picking wood chips out of her hair. James made faces at her behind her back.
“James, one more thing from you, and you’ll be in time out.”
He looked away, and Maggie smiled at his misfortune. Lisbeth led the class back inside for the rest of their lesson on colors. She picked up the giant blocks, and the class chorused the color. Some giggled when their neighbor got it wrong, but Lisbeth made sure each and every one of them knew their colors spot on before parents started to show up. Lisbeth waved goodbye to Elizabeth and grabbed her jacket and purse. Even being on her feet for a couple of hours was starting to wear her out. She knew it would only get worse.
On her way home, Lisbeth stopped by the mall and strolled through the maternity store. She looked at flowing tops and extra-sized pants. She almost laughed at some of the patterns. She couldn’t imagine wearing them. One of the store attendants started for Lisbeth, who quickly backed away from the floral print pants.
“Can I help you?” The woman was about forty, with salt-and-pepper hair.
“Oh, no thanks. I’m just looking,” Lisbeth answered.
“When are you due? If you don’t mind me asking,” the woman continued.
Lisbeth fingered a nearby paisley top and let the hem flow away from her. She didn’t answer right away. “Um, April,” she finally answered.
“Well, if you need anything, just let me know.”
Lisbeth nodded and ducked out of the store as fast as she could. Maybe buying maternity clothes right now wasn’t the best idea. Instead, she wandered the length of the mall for a while longer. She stopped in the food court and grabbed a salad. As she ate, Lisbeth watched people rush by. Some women pushed strollers and toted toddlers on their hips. She couldn’t wait to show off her kids like that. By the time she’d finished eating, it was nearly one thirty. Lisbeth grabbed her bag and walked through the mall until she spotted a baby furniture store. She couldn’t resist. The moment she walked in, a pair of bassinets drew her attention. They were displayed in the front window, and she sneaked around the back of the other cribs and beds to get a closer look. She ran her hand over the fabric: pale blue and pink and as soft as fleece. The tiny pillow at the head of the bassinet was soft and fluffy.
“They’re nice, right?” a female voice said from behind.
Lisbeth turned to see a woman in a green blouse and a little white nametag that read Monica. “They are.”
“Are you looking for anything specific?” Monica asked.
“Not really. I’m just browsing.”
“That’s good. To do it early.”
“Do you have a lot of these in stock?” Lisbeth asked and pointed to the basinets.
“We can always order if we run out.”
“Great. I may be back.”
“We’ll be here.”
Lisbeth gave the woman a smile and headed back to the parking lot. She got into her car and headed home. She pulled into her spot and noticed Candace’s car w
as already in her space. Lisbeth hurried through the lobby and to the elevator. When she reached the apartment, she heard Candace’s voice inside.
“She’s not here right now.” A pause. “I don’t know when she’ll be back, but I’ll let her know you called.”
The apartment went silent, and Lisbeth nudged the door open. Candace stood in the living room with the phone in her hand.
“Who was that?” Lisbeth asked.
“Your mother. She wanted to know if you would be around this weekend.”
Lisbeth flopped onto the couch. “You didn’t tell her that I was available, did you?”
“I told her that you’d call her back.”
“I don’t think I can handle her right now.”
“Honey, we can tell them together. It will be fine.”
“I just…I’m scared. I think the babies would be information overload. And they still pretend like we aren’t together.”
Candace put down the phone and took Lisbeth’s hands in her own. “I know it’s a lot, but we have to tell them sometime.”
Lisbeth wet her lips, squeezed Candace’s hands lightly, and said, “We’ll tell them. I promise.”
Candace leaned in and kissed her on the lips. Despite the impending appointment, Lisbeth found she couldn’t pull away from her wife’s embrace. They stayed lip-locked until Lisbeth got up the courage to call her mother back. The phone rang twice.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Mom.”
“Oh, honey. Where were you? I called a little while ago, but your roommate picked up.”
Lisbeth cringed at the way her mother said roommate. “I took a trip to the mall after school. Got some lunch.”
“Oh.”
“What were you calling about?”
“I was hoping you were free this weekend. Your father and I were thinking of coming to visit for a while.”
“Oh, sure. I think I’m free on Saturday. We could go out to lunch.”
“That sounds lovely. Should we meet you somewhere?”
“We can meet at the apartment and walk from here.”
“We’ll see you then.”
“Bye, Mom.”
Lisbeth hung up and tossed the phone onto the table. Candace joined her on the couch and stroked her arm.
“You went to the mall?”
“Yeah. Just felt like the thing to do. I saw some absolutely horrible maternity clothes. God-awful floral prints. It was painful. If I ever feel the urge to buy anything like that, shoot me, okay?”
“Sure.”
They laughed for a few minutes over her descriptions of the clothes.
“I stopped by the baby store, too. They had these adorable little pink and blue basinets. They would be perfect for the nursery.”
“Sounds nice,” Candace said and reached for her keys.
Lisbeth checked the time. They were going to be late for the appointment. Not that she was overly excited about the prospects. But maybe it would show Candace they could handle twins. The ride to the office was silent. Lisbeth kept her attention focused on the traffic out her window until they pulled into the parking lot. Her throat went dry as they walked in the front door and took seats in the waiting room.
“Lisbeth?” a nurse called.
Lisbeth stood and gripped the armrest for a moment to steady herself. They followed the nurse back to a room, and Lisbeth settled on the exam table. Candace sat opposite her and waited. An interminable time later, the doctor walked in with a clipboard. Lisbeth couldn’t read his expression.
“How are you doing today?” he asked.
“Anxious,” Lisbeth answered.
“I understand. This is a difficult decision and one you shouldn’t rush into.”
“Would it be better for her health if we reduced to one fetus?” Candace asked.
“Possibly. It would certainly increase her chances of reaching full term. But there are of course other reasons and factors that could keep her from a full-term delivery. And it is far more common to reduce multiple pregnancies in the higher level of triplets or quadruplets.”
“So it’s not a sure thing. And you think both babies are healthy, right?” Lisbeth interrupted.
“As far as we can tell, both babies are developing properly, and we haven’t detected any problems.”
“Then there’s no reason to go through with it. If they’re both healthy,” she said.
“What about the procedure? I mean…we found some information online, but not a lot,” Candace said.
“You’d come in, and we would do the procedure here. We go in via ultrasound and inject the chosen fetus and stop the heart.”
“Ultrasound?” Lisbeth asked and bit back bile rising in her throat.
“Yes. And provided both fetuses are healthy as yours are, we pick one.”
“But what if they’re not the same gender?”
“In that instance, you would have some say. And I hope I don’t need to remind you that this needs to be a decision you both agree on.”
Lisbeth nodded and looked at Candace, whose face paled. Her complexion no doubt mirrored Lisbeth’s own.
“Can we have a minute to talk about this?” Lisbeth asked.
“Of course. There’s no need to make a final decision today if you don’t want. We have a few more weeks before a final decision needs to be made.”
The doctor left them to discuss the options in private. Lisbeth turned to face Candace and clasped her hands in her lap. Candace wiped her eyes, as if warding off tears.
“Did you know they did it by ultrasound?” Lisbeth asked.
“No. I knew the doctor chose which fetus, but I guess I didn’t read closely about the details.”
“I can’t go through that. I just can’t. I know it’s not exactly like an abortion, but it’s close enough. We can find a way to support these two children. We don’t have to choose only one.”
“I just want what’s best for you.”
“I know you do. And I want what’s best for these babies, and I just don’t see how terminating one is going to achieve that.”
“I am sorry I didn’t look further into the procedure,” Candace said. “But you know I’d be here with you.”
Lisbeth looked away. Why is she still pushing the issue?
“Why do you really think this is a doable option for us? For all we know, terminating one will cause a miscarriage.”
Candace licked her lips and leaned forward in the chair. Lisbeth studied her wife’s features as she waited for a response.
“You know…I was hurt when you said I was being selfish about this. And maybe I do put some pressure on you to get through this. But it’s not because of my own inability to carry a baby to term. It’s because I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you and raise a child.”
Lisbeth rested her head on the headrest of the exam table. What Candace said made sense, but it sounded like the same old argument.
“I want the same thing, but I can’t get there by risking either of these children. So I’m telling you that I am not going through with it. And that’s all there is to it. The doctor said we needed to agree, and clearly, we don’t. But right now, and I’m sorry if this hurts, my vote counts more.”
Candace exhaled through her nose and stared at her hands in silence. Lisbeth waited for something to happen. The pain and hurt flickered over her wife’s features. Finally, Candace stood up and took Lisbeth by the hand.
“You’re right. I should have never suggested it. I’m sorry.”
Lisbeth stood up and they left the exam room. She could tell by Candace’s tone that she wasn’t happy about having to acquiesce the decision. They would move on from this in time.
“I love you. I hope you know that,” Candace whispered as they left the doctor’s office.
“I love you, too.”
Saturday came too quickly for Lisbeth. She hid in the kitchen and made Candace answer the door. She could hear her parents’ voices. Her mother was always polite to Canda
ce, and Lisbeth hoped she’d stay that way after their lunch.
“Lisbeth, your parents are here,” Candace called.
Lisbeth swallowed twice and smoothed her shirt before walking into the living room. She gave her parents quick hugs and pulled on her jacket before they could say much about her figure.
“Let’s go,” Lisbeth said and led the group out.
“Oh, I didn’t know your roommate was joining us,” Lisbeth’s mother said.
“Mom, don’t be rude. She’s part of the family.”
Her mother said nothing else as they walked the two blocks to a little Italian restaurant. They got a table, and Lisbeth let her parents take the booth side. She and Candace sat with their backs to the front of the restaurant and waited for menus. Lisbeth nervously flipped through hers, even after she’d decided on her meal.
“So, how is work?” her father asked.
“Good.”
“You look a little…stressed out, honey. Are you sure you’re okay?” her mother pressed.
“I’m not stressed out, Mom. I’m fine.”
“Well, you look like you’ve put on a little weight.”
Lisbeth’s grip tightened around the plastic.
“Jeez, Mom. Thanks.”
Her mother tried to apologize, but Lisbeth didn’t listen. She was trying to calm down enough to get the truth out.
“Look, there’s something I need to tell you,” Lisbeth said.
Her parents looked at her and waited.
“I’m pregnant. With twins.”
“You didn’t tell us you had someone in your life. When can we meet him?” her dad asked.
“Dad, we’ve been over this. I’m gay. I’ve been gay for years. Candace and I are married.”
“Honey, is this is really something we should be discussing right now?” her mother said.
“Yes, mom. We can talk about it here. You knew I got married. You just refused to come to the service.”
“It’s not the same,” her dad said.
“Dad, actually it is. Has been since 2004. Now, in case you missed it, we’re having twins.”
“We heard you, Lisbeth. There’s no need to get so upset. Though I’m surprised you decided to have children right now.”
“Candace will be raising them with me. And if you can’t find it in yourselves to accept me for who I am, then I’m not sure I want you in my children’s lives.”
