Chasing Him

by Kennedy Fox

  “Someone’s in a better mood.” She looks at him, then back at me. “Thank you again.”

  Just as I’m about to tell her to stop thanking me, my phone buzzes and interrupts my thoughts. I pull it from my pocket and see it’s a text from Cade asking when I can meet up today and have our talk. My heart flutters, and Sarah looks at me with her brows raised.

  “Why don’t you just tell him how you feel? Get it over with?” she asks. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

  I give her a disapproving look. “It could ruin our friendship since I’m ninety-nine percent sure he doesn’t feel the same. Also, we both know neither of us are pros when it comes to relationships.” Considering most of mine have ended with one-sided feelings or in heartbreak, that statement couldn’t be truer.

  “So there’s a chance?” she quips, giving me a sad smile. “You’re right, though.” She scrunches her nose. “But to be fair, Tim was a dick.”

  “Not arguing there.” I shrug before hugging her and saying goodbye.

  I agree to meet him at a sandwich shop across town, and I replay everything I want to say in my head. Should I say something about how I’ve always felt or push those feelings back? How will it affect our friendship if I do and he’s already falling for Kristi? I go over different options and scenarios in my mind and decide that I’m going to let him tell me his news first. Maybe he’ll tell me how he feels, and then it won’t be so awkward.

  Ha! A girl can dream.

  After parking, I walk inside and find him sitting at a booth by the windows that overlook the streets. It looks like a typical winter day, colorless, but I love living here. We order our food, and while we wait, I study him. He’s biting his lower lip, which makes me even more nervous.

  “So,” he starts.

  “Yeah?” I lift my eyebrows and take a drink of water, my mouth feeling dry.

  “Well last night…” He pauses, causing my palms to sweat. I sit silent and wait. Seconds pass, but it feels like hours.

  “Cade. Just spit it out,” I encourage.

  “Yeah okay. Last night, Kristi told me she’s pregnant. And the baby’s mine.”

  Holy shit! I hadn’t expected that at all. I swallow hard, making sure not to let my emotions show. My heart races and everything spins. There are too many questions that I want to ask, but instead, I choke them back and smile. “Wow. Really?”

  He nods with a small grin. “Yeah, we’ve been seeing each other off and on the past few months,” he explains, and I feel slightly betrayed at the fact I didn’t know he was seeing someone. I tell him almost everything, and I thought he did the same, but I guess not.

  “I see.” I glance over, grateful our food is being delivered. I thank our waiter before giving Cade all my attention. “So how do you feel about it?”

  “I was shocked, and I think it’s still sinking in, but I think I’m going to ask her to marry me. It’s the right thing to do, and I really do like her a lot. I told my mother this morning, and she freaked out.”

  I search his face, wishing I could read his mind. “Do you love her?”

  “I think I could,” he admits. “I hadn’t planned on settling down so soon, but she’s carrying my child now, and I think I need to give it a chance for the baby’s sake, ya know?”

  “You’re a good guy, Cade.” I slide my hand on top of his. “Go with your gut instincts because they’ll never let you down,” I tell him with a sincere smile though it pains me to know this is going to change everything between us.

  He nods, his gaze following to where our hands are. “Thanks, Mila. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  Slowly, he’s breaking down, the stress of him becoming a dad and possibly a husband is written on his face. As I glance up at him, I almost don’t recognize my best friend or the man I’ve had a crush on for the past few years. But if there’s one thing that’s certain, Cade is a genuine and sweet soul, so this Kristi girl better realize what she has.

  We finish eating, and sadness washes over me as he talks about his new future, and I know there’s not going to be much room for me in it anymore. This isn’t exactly the life he planned for himself, but I know he’s too much of a gentleman to do anything other than what he believes is right. I’ll support his decision, whatever it is, because that’s what friends do.

  After lunch, Cade walks me to my car and pulls me into a big hug. We stand there for a while, his scent overpowering my senses. He’s always smelled good, and his cologne easily became my favorite the first time he wore it. When I push away, I see the worry in his eye.

  “Wait, weren’t you going to tell me something?” he asks.

  “Oh, right.” I think of something quickly. “Just that I’m going to visit my grandma in Texas for a month, so I won’t be around to watch old football reels with you on Thursdays for a little while.” I wink, fidgeting with my shirt and hoping he can’t see right through my lies.

  He takes in a deep breath. “I guess that’s okay. You have my permission,” he jokes.

  I grin.

  “Thank you, Mila.” His expression turns serious, and I’m worried about all the pressure he’s going to be putting on himself now.

  I laugh, unlocking my car. “For what?”

  “For being a good friend. You’re the only person in the world I trust, and I can breathe a little easier knowing I have your support.”

  “You’re welcome.” I smile, though it’s forced. I love that he trusts me so much, but it makes me wonder why he kept Kristi a secret until yesterday, and if she hadn’t told him this news, would he have ever told me? “And you’ll always have my support no matter what,” I remind him before climbing into my car.

  I wave as I drive away, and he walks to his car in higher spirits than before. I feel just like the rookie player who never gets to be a starter, watching everyone’s life progress forward as I sit on the sidelines. I drive home in a daze, replaying everything that’s happened in the past twenty-four hours. As I pull into the driveway and look up at the gray sky that perfectly describes my mood, my phone rings, and I see it’s my grandma. A smile fills my face, and I happily answer the call because the new plan is to leave as soon as I can.

  Chapter Two

  JOHN

  Jackson needs a boot in his ass. It’s the only thought that fills my head when I saw the horses out of their stables and scattered all around the front pasture of the B&B.

  He must’ve left the gate open again, which infuriates me, especially since I haven’t even had my morning coffee first. Fog lines the ground, and my surroundings are coated in an orange hue due to a sliver of sun peeking over the horizon. Letting out a sigh, I walk to the barn, tuck some feed in my jacket pocket, and grab a few lead ropes. It’s cold, considering it’s January, and this is the last thing I want to be doing right now. Actually, the more I ponder on it, Jackson needs two boots in his ass. Just thinking about rounding these horses up alone as he sleeps infuriates me. Fuck this!

  I storm back toward the house where he’s happily sleeping. Walking in, the door slamming behind me, I go straight to the kitchen to fill a pitcher to the top with cold water. I even put a few ice cubes in it for good measure. Without wasting any more time, I open Jackson’s door, see him hanging halfway off his bed in his boxers and throw the water on him.

  “What the mother fuck!” he yells, rolling out of his bed and hitting the floor with a loud thud. I hold back a laugh as he stands with water dripping from his body, looking as pissed as ever. He looks down at his wet boxers, then at me, and charges for me. I shake my head, move my body out of the way and watch as he slams into the wall behind me.

  “Now, you and I both know you shouldn’t get yourself all worked up before coffee,” I taunt him. His chest rises and falls with anger. “So before you start throwing a little dick fit, you should know that all the horses are out roaming around the B&B,” I explain, walking back to the kitchen and grabbing the lead ropes I left hanging on the back of a barstool. I don’t even wait
for him before I step outside to round up the horses. Moments later, I hear the door slam behind me.

  “You’re an asshole for waking me up that way,” Jackson yells. I shake my head and keep walking. I pass the steps of the porch of the B&B and see all the plants that once lined the bed have been eaten to nothing. Mama’s gonna be pissed, but I’ll let Jackson answer for his mistakes.

  A white mare is chewing grass, and I tuck my hand in my pocket, pull out some feed, and walk up to her. At first, she’s hesitant but then comes to me, taking the bait. I click the lead rope to the metal ring on her halter and lead her back to the barn. I pass Jackson and roll my eyes at him, scoffing. He doesn’t say a word because he knows I have a right to be pissed at him. My guess is he was out trying to impress a girl and forgot to lock the gate because that seems to be the reason more times than not.

  After I walk two more horses back to the stables, I let Jackson handle the rest. I’m done. He made this mess, and it’s time for him to clean it up alone. Considering most of the horses were out wandering around, I’m not surprised when I see my brother Alex and Dylan drive up. They both get out of the truck and help. I mutter a few curse words under my breath when a guest stops me.

  “’Scuse me,” the woman says, her hair wrapped tightly in curlers. She’s wearing a furry housecoat with matching slippers, both bright yellow. “You gonna brew some coffee?”

  I smile at her before walking over to the coffeepot. “You like it strong?”

  She pretends to fluff her hair and looks me up and down before throwing a wink my way. “The same way I like my men.”

  Chuckling, I shake my head and start the coffee. The woman is about the same age as Mama, but it doesn’t surprise me. I’ve been running the bed and breakfast for years, and I’ve learned that many people go on vacation for a quick hookup. Although Miss Daisy is definitely reaching out of her league.

  I give her a smile, hand her a coffee cup, and walk away. Getting the hell out of awkward situations seems to be my specialty.

  I open the curtains in the common room so when the sun rises, it’ll peek through the windows and cast a warm glow throughout. Old lady McFlirty asks if I can light the fireplace for her, and I do. I bend over to stack freshly chopped wood inside the hearth. Instantly, the fire starts crackling, and when I turn around, she’s staring at my ass. I hold back an eye roll and force a smile as she settles on the couch with her coffee.

  As I’m walking toward the phone, Jackson comes barreling in. He looks at the older woman sitting on the couch and tilts his hat at her. “Howdy, Ma’am.”

  “Oh, so there’s two of you?” Her voice rises in excitement, and I groan. She continues mumbling something about her fantasies, and I’m happy Jackson keeps walking. Getting him riled up is the last thing I want to deal with today. It’s already been a clusterfuck.

  “We’re still missing three horses,” he tells me, leaning against the counter. “Alex and Dylan are searching, but I don’t know where they could’ve gone.”

  I glare at him. “Well, considering they’ve probably had all night to wander around, there’s no telling where the hell they are.”

  “I’m sorry! Okay? I was showing Amanda around the stables last night, and one thing led to another, and I must’ve forgotten to lock the main gate. Throw a dog a bone every once in a while.”

  A dog is right.

  Shaking my head, I flip through my to-do list for the day. “You’re tellin’ Dad.”

  “Can’t we just keep it to ourselves this time?”

  I look up at him, brows raised. “You really believe Dad doesn’t already know? The last time, Old Betsy was over at the Lakefields’ property eatin’ Mrs. Lakefield’s flower garden. Thank God they were equestrian safe, or that would’ve been your ass. All I’m saying is the longer they’re out, the more trouble you’re gonna be in.”

  Jackson rolls his eyes. “You need to get laid.”

  The older woman chuckles but doesn’t look over at us or—thankfully—volunteer herself.

  “And you need to quit being an irresponsible horndog,” I retort.

  “No can do, bro. Living my best life, which you’d know something about if you actually had one.” Jackson laughs, gives me a sarcastic smile, then walks out the back door. I hear him going on about something and look through the window where the other three horses are grazing in the distance. Of course. Makes me wonder when his luck is going to finally run out.

  For most of the morning, I spend my time making sure the house is warm enough for everyone. Considering it’s mid-January, and most of our guests like to spend their time inside by the fire, I find myself chopping more wood than usual, and before lunch, my arms and legs are sore from carrying loads into the B&B. Just as I’m taking a break to catch my breath, I see my brothers Alex and Evan bustling through the side door. Evan’s girlfriend, Emily, is following behind them.

  “What the hell is this?” I ask as soon as they’re within earshot. “This can’t be good.” I cross my arms over my chest. Emily is smiling so big that it’s hard not to smile with her.

  “It’s not bad news,” she finally says, holding out her hand to show me the rock on her hand.

  “Well, damn!” I relax and smile. I figured Evan would be popping the question any day now, considering they’re expecting their first baby soon and have just finished building their dream house on the ranch. “Looks like we have another weddin’ to plan soon. Congrats, you two!” I pat Evan on the shoulder and nod. He deserves every bit of happiness coming his way. They both do.

  “Baby first, then wedding,” Emily confirms. “I’m not walking down the aisle ten months pregnant.”

  Jackson snorts. “Another party! Yeehaw!” He hip thrusts the air, and Evan punches him in the shoulder.

  “I’m shooting you with a tranquilizer,” Evan deadpans.

  “I’ll help you,” Alex adds.

  “Can’t stop, won’t stop,” Jackson taunts, spinning around and shaking his butt. He looks over his shoulder, then slaps his ass just to get a rise out of us.

  “Oh my God.” I groan. “Stop it. You’re giving my face a bad name.”

  “I’m the only reason you’re getting laid, and you know it,” Jackson retorts, and it takes all my willpower to keep from smacking the shit out of him.

  “Speaking of laid, Emily and I have plans that don’t include any of you.” Evan drags Emily by the hand toward the front door.

  “Don’t be rude.” Emily smacks his shoulder.

  “Trust me, John wants us out as much as we do.” Evan jerks his head toward me, and I confirm with a nod. I have to get back to work.

  “Yes, and take the evil twin with you,” I reply, glaring at Jackson who then wraps his arms around my shoulder and makes a big show out of kissing me on the cheek.

  Alex shakes his head, grabbing Jackson by the arm and thankfully pulling him away. “C’mon. The horses won’t feed themselves.”

  Everyone’s in good spirits as I follow them toward the front door. I love seeing Evan so happy after everything he’s been through and the sacrifices he’s made to do what he loves, which has always been helping others.

  “Congrats again. I’m so happy for you guys,” I tell them one last time before remembering it’s also Emily’s birthday, so I wish her a happy birthday too. I try to give her a hug, but she’s so pregnant that it’s almost impossible. She lets out a groan, and I remind her that my niece will be here soon enough. I love being an uncle and spoiling all my nieces and nephews.

  Evan opens the door, but all three of them come to a stop, and I hear commotion in front of me about a baby.

  “Is that a baby?” Jackson asks.

  “A what?” Gasping, I step between them and see a sleeping infant in a car seat on the porch. It’s the middle of January, so it’s chilly—even for Texas—and I look at everyone else and then the baby again; we’re all confused as hell.

  “A baby,” Emily confirms, her mouth slightly open in shock.

  “Whose
baby?” Evan asks what we’re all wondering.

  We all turn and look at Jackson.

  “You think this is my baby?” He sounds offended, which is comical. “I double wrap my shit, thank you very much.”

  Emily snorts, knowing very well that Jackson has a reputation. “There’s a note!” she says before reaching down and grabbing it. Her expression drops. “Oh, no.” Evan leans over and reads the name written on the front, his brows raised in shock.

  “It’s for you.” Emily hands me the envelope, and all the blood drains from my face when I realize what she just said. My heart is racing so hard in my chest, that it almost hurts.

  “Shit, I didn’t see that coming!” Jackson howls, and I’m tempted to throat punch him, so he learns to shut up.

  I take it from her hand, and though I’m surrounded by my brothers, I feel as if I’m standing alone, the cold air brushing over me, as I open the envelope and pull out the letter.

  * * *

  John,

  If you’re reading this, then my lawyer has been informed of my death and brought you our daughter. First, I want to tell you how sorry I am. I’m sorry this is how you’re finding out about her. It pains me to write this letter to you, and I wish I didn’t have to. I find myself wishing for a lot of things these days. I wish for more time to be a mother to our daughter and time to watch her grow up and all the milestones I’ll miss. After our time together, I knew you were someone special, but I wasn’t in a place in my life to have a relationship, and I didn’t think you were either. I did often wonder if what we shared was real or if we’d ever cross paths again. When I found out I was pregnant, then I knew it had to be real. She’s a miracle, John. A true miracle. When I was twenty-two, I was diagnosed with PCOS and was told my chances of having a baby were less than ten percent, yet here she is. Completely perfect in every way.

  * * *

  I was weary through my first trimester, always expecting to miscarry. Then I made it through my second and finally my third. I knew I was lucky and even more grateful to even be experiencing the feeling of her kicking inside me. Once the shock wore off, I knew I needed to tell you, but I was scared. It crippled me, and every day, I told myself that was the day I’d call you. The guilt of not telling you nearly destroyed me, and the longer I waited, the harder it became. I should’ve tried harder to tell you, but knowing you moved on, I couldn’t bear your rejection of a baby I was so thankful for.