Chasing Him

by Kennedy Fox

  As a matter of fact, I need to delete it from my brain.

  By the time I make it to John’s, he’s passed out on the couch sitting straight up. I quietly walk toward him and gently pat his arm.

  “John,” I say softly, trying not to startle him but fail miserably. He nearly leaps off the couch in a panic. “Crap, sorry.” I cringe, feeling awful that I startled him.

  “Scared the shit out of me,” he admits, brushing his hands over his face. “You’re back.”

  “Yes, and you’re not going to be able to survive off naps forever. Go take a shower,” I tell him, smelling his manly scent mixed with sweat.

  He nods and pushes himself off the couch, his large frame hovering as he kicks off his boots and walks toward the bathroom. I check on Maize who’s sleeping soundly in the swing, then grab my suitcase.

  I want to ask him about Maize’s mother, but I know that if he wanted me to know, he would tell me. Still, I’m curious and wonder what situation led him to be a single dad to a three-month-old baby. I can’t imagine how hard this has been on him on top of all his other responsibilities.

  Soon after, John is standing in front of me dressed in a T-shirt and a pair of low-rise sweatpants. They hang on his hips as if the smallest tug would make them fall, but I quickly snap my gaze up to his face and try to focus on what he’s saying.

  “You can stay in Jackson’s room, but I’d change the sheets before you do. Actually, you might want to bleach them. Better yet, burn the bastards.” He chuckles, glancing at my suitcase next to my feet. He picks it up for me and leads me to Jackson’s old room. He walks out and comes back, placing an extra set of sheets on the foot of the bed. “There’s extra blankets and towels in the hallway closet if you need them. There’s only one bathroom, so I made some room on the counter for your things.”

  “Okay, thanks.” I look around the bare room and let out a deep breath. “Home sweet home, for now,” I say with a smile.

  “So about Maize. I’d like for her to stay in the co-sleeper next to my bed, if possible. I’m not ready to detach yet,” he admits, and I think it’s cute how in love with her he is. “I won’t be able to sleep with the anxiety of her not being close to me, so I hope you understand that you’ll have to come in and grab her when she cries.” I nod, listening to his instructions.

  “Sure, that’s no problem. We can put a baby monitor in my room, and when she cries, I’ll grab her so, you can go back to sleep right away. I’ll put some diapers and wipes in my room, and on nights I’m here, put the rocking chair in there too, so you don’t hear her fuss. Then once she’s changed and fed, I’ll rock her back to sleep and tuck her back in the co-sleeper. At first, I’m sure you’ll wake up, but hopefully, after you realize she’s being taken care of, you’ll be able to fall back to sleep pretty quickly,” I tell him.

  “You really are the baby whisperer, aren’t you?” John tilts his head at me, smiling.

  “I am,” I say proudly.

  “Now let’s put Maize to bed and get the baby monitor so you can get some sleep.”

  I follow John to the living room where Maize’s swinging quietly, and once he grabs her, we walk back to his room. I follow behind, inhaling his fresh soapy scent. I love how clean his skin smells right out of the shower. Once Maize’s settled, he takes the rocking chair from his room and walks it over to mine. After he returns, he grabs the baby monitor and hands it over.

  “Hopefully you don’t snore,” I tease, grabbing a stack of diapers and wipes to stock in my room.

  “I don’t. Well, at least I don’t think so. I’ve had zero complaints.” He shrugs, sitting on the edge of his bed, yawning.

  “Well, goodnight. Get some sleep.” I turn on my heels for the door before this gets any weirder. Being this close to him, in his room, is overwhelming my senses, and I need to set boundaries before my body turns on me.

  “Goodnight, Mila. Thank you again. You have no idea how much I need this.” He looks over at Maize, then back at me.

  He needs me. It’s the only thought that plays over in my head as I walk back to Jackson’s room, which I guess is now mine. After I change the sheets, I fluff the pillows and turn on the small flat screen television that hangs on the wall.

  Before crawling under the blankets, I slip into a tank top and some pajama shorts. I’m thankful Jackson didn’t take his TV yet because my mind’s too busy for sleep. For at least an hour, I flip through channels but don’t find anything interesting; not that I could pay attention to it anyway. Just as I close my eyes, I hear my phone buzz on the nightstand. I roll over and grab it, unlocking the screen.

  Cade: Can’t wait to hang out again! You’ve been gone too long.

  My heart hammers in my chest at his message. Cade and I were basically inseparable, and now I’m the awkward third wheel.

  Mila: Me too! Though I might not be able to for a while.

  * * *

  Cade: Aren’t you coming home next week?

  I release a shaky breath.

  Mila: No, sir. Decided to stay longer.

  I keep my messages short, not wanting to get into the details of this new arrangement.

  Cade: Oh, really? How much longer?

  * * *

  Mila: Not sure. Could be a few more weeks or months. Just playing it by ear right now.

  Since the engagement, we haven’t talked much. He’s been so busy to notice, and truthfully so have I.

  Cade: Oh bummer. Why? Everything okay?

  * * *

  Mila: Perfect. Couldn’t be better. Just want to spend more time with my family.

  It’s not a complete lie, but I don’t want to give him all the details right now.

  Just as I’m waiting for his reply, I hear Maize’s little cries on the baby monitor. I don’t hesitate as I throw my phone on the bed and rush to the other side of the house. Not used to all the lights being off, I bump into a coffee table, almost knocking a lamp on the floor, then stub my toe, holding back all obscenities. I quietly open John’s bedroom door and see him reaching for her.

  “I’ve got her,” I tell him, leaning into the co-sleeper and grabbing Maize. He looks at me in a sleepy daze and nods before re-adjusting his comforter over his shirtless body. Blinking, I snap my eyes away from him and walk Maize out of the room, careful to shut the door behind me without making too much noise.

  “Hey, sweet girl,” I say softly, hoping to calm her. “Are you hungry? I bet you are.” I walk us to my room, so I can check her diaper, and once she’s changed, I prepare her bottle in the kitchen and settle us in the rocking chair to feed her.

  I hum a song to her as I hold her bottle and rock her. It’s the same song my mother used to sing to me when I was a baby. Maize looks up at me, her fingers playing with the fabric of my shirt and making me smile at how precious she is. I don’t know much about John’s backstory, but I know Maize’s one lucky little girl to have him as a dad.

  Within thirty minutes, she’s fed and back asleep. After wrapping her back up in her blanket, I walk back to John’s room and place her in the co-sleeper. The moonlight splashes through the room, and I almost feel like a creeper staring at John sleeping so peacefully, but he’s just so damn beautiful. Forcing myself away, I walk back to my room, ready to get some sleep before Maize wakes up again.

  I settle in bed and lay on my cold phone. I pick it up and see Cade texted me back almost forty minutes ago.

  Cade: Well that’s good. Haven’t heard from you much while you’ve been gone. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you had a boyfriend there or something.

  The message has me laughing out loud, and I roll over and send a text back.

  Mila: Not a boyfriend. Just been busy helping someone out with his baby girl. She’s so precious. I’m already in love with her.

  The thought makes me smile. Each day, Maize and I have girl talk. Though she sleeps through most of it, I tell her all my secrets. Mrs. Bishop was right; little Maize has already stolen my heart, and I’d do anything for her. It
might actually be a record. Even for me—the baby whisperer.

  Chapter Ten

  JOHN

  At 5:00 a.m., I wake up to the sound of my alarm, and just like the past two weeks, I feel rested and ready to go. Ever since Mila’s been staying here, I’ve finally been able to sleep through the night.

  I turn off the low sound of the beeping and roll over to check on my baby girl, and she’s not there. Sitting up in bed, I look around and don’t see her or Mila anywhere. In a panic, I jump out of bed and rush down the hall in search of Maize.

  When I hear bacon sizzling and eggs frying, I stop at the end of the hallway that leads to the kitchen and spot Mila chatting up Maize like they’re best friends. A smile instantly fills my face as I lean against the doorframe and watch her move around the kitchen in skimpy pajama shorts and a tank top that shows her stomach and lower back. There’s way too much skin, and I’m finding it hard to look away. This is not how a nanny should to look. I scrub my hand over my face, trying to wake myself up. Mila starts the coffee and dances and sings to Maize who’s in her vibrating chair, watching her every move.

  “You’re such a pretty girl,” Mila praises her, making sweet kissing noises. Maize’s eating it all up as she smiles and kicks her little legs. My face stretches into a wide smile, relieved at how well Maize has adjusted to having Mila in our lives in such a short amount of time. I hate that Bailey isn’t here to witness our baby grow up, but I have to keep reminding myself that I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she never goes without. Mila’s a true miracle for coming to our rescue.

  Turning toward the cabinets, Mila looks through them and pulls out some plates, then stands on her tiptoes to reach a coffee cup. The coffeemaker beeps, and she fills the cup to the top. Turning around, she finally spots me and nearly drops the mug.

  “Jesus, you scared me!” She rests a hand on her chest as she catches her breath. She places the small of her back against the counter and relaxes her shoulders.

  “Sorry,” I say with a grin. “Was just enjoyin’ watchin’ you and Maize have a party in here.”

  “Well ya know, gotta start the morning off right,” she says with a hint of embarrassment that I’d been watching her dance around. Her eyes travel down my body, then up again, and I notice her eyebrows are raised. “Um, you might want to get dressed before we sit down to eat.”

  I look down my body and curse. “Shit,” I mutter, realizing I’m still in my boxers and hard as a goddamn rock. Fuck, how embarrassing. I turn and walk as fast as I can to the bedroom, trying to think of horrible thoughts so my dick will settle down. At this point, I need a cold ass shower, but somehow, I calm myself before getting dressed.

  By the time I return to the kitchen, Mila has two plates of food waiting along with coffee. She hands me a fork before she sits with a proud smile. I can’t remember the last time anyone other than Mama cooked for me. The microwavable pizzas Jackson makes don’t count.

  “You didn’t have to do this,” I tell her, taking a bite of fresh farm eggs covered with cheese.

  “I know.” She shrugs. “But breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Didn’t your mama teach you that?”

  I laugh. “Actually, yes. But I haven’t had the time or energy to make anything, so I usually just grab a breakfast bar or something.”

  “Well, lucky you that I’m a great cook,” Mila tells me matter-of-factly. “I learned at a young age and cooked for my siblings all the time, so I know from experience that you need sleep and food. The essentials. Speaking of, how’d you sleep last night? When I came in for Maize, you were snoring like you were out cold.”

  “Are you sure it was me?” I tease, and she gives me a look that tells me what a ridiculous question that is. “I slept great. Actually, since you’ve been here, I’ve been sleeping better than…well, since becoming a dad,” I admit, taking a bite of bacon.

  “Must’ve been a rough four months.” She chuckles, and I almost feel guilty for not telling her the full story. I decide to save it for another day since she’s staying on full-time. It’s not an easy story to tell, especially since it’s still so fresh and the wound is still open.

  “Yeah,” I say instead, though, in reality, it’s been almost two months. “Oh. I almost forgot. Mama called me last night and asked if we’d like to do lunch today. Though I think she just wants to see Maize and wouldn’t care if either of us showed, I told her it shouldn’t be a problem. I hope that’s okay.”

  Mila smiles and nods with a mouthful of food. After she swallows, she speaks. “I’ve heard your mama is one of the best cooks in all of Eldorado.”

  “She’s known for it. But I’ve got her beat with my brisket.”

  “Oh, that sounds like a challenge,” Mila gets out right before Maize starts crying. Just as if she knew this would happen, Mila lifts her into her arms and pulls a bottle full of formula from the counter.

  “I’m impressed,” I tell her. “It’s like you knew.”

  Mila gives me a wink as she feeds Maize. I offer to take her so Mila can finish eating breakfast, but she shoos me away. Instead of insisting, I sit and clean my plate. After Maize’s fed, Mila puts her back in her chair and cleans out her bottle in the sink. I watch as she places it on the weird bottle drying rack and brings the carafe with coffee to the table. An awkward silence fills the room, and we both open our mouths to speak at the same time and then close them.

  “Go ahead,” she says.

  “No, you go first.”

  Mila shakes her head as she refills her coffee cup and then reaches across the table to refill mine.

  “I was just going to say that I appreciate everything you’ve done for me—us—so far. I know it’s only been a couple of weeks, but after finally getting some decent sleep, I feel like a brand-new person.”

  Her eyes meet mine. “Good. Even if this is only a trial run.” That’s a hint of amusement in her tone, which I’m sure is on purpose.

  “I think we’re past that point, Mila,” I drawl out slowly. “Maize and I need you.” As soon as the words come out, I worry how they’ll be interpreted, but regardless, we do need her. She’s been a godsend, and I wouldn’t be functioning without her help. At first, I was dead set on not allowing anyone but family watch Maize, but after seeing how well Mila takes care of her, I knew that’d be a mistake.

  “Well, I’m not going anywhere for now.” She smirks, grabbing her empty plate off the table and walking to the sink.

  After Mila cleans up, she tells me she’s going to rock Maize and get her down for a nap. I head to my room to grab my phone and finish getting ready for work. Less than ten minutes later, Mila carries Maize into my room and sets her in the crib. While I’m at work, Maize sleeps in her crib, which, according to the baby book River gave me, is healthy for the weaning process when she’s too big to sleep next to my bed.

  I look at my precious little angel sleeping peacefully. I’ve always heard people say they didn’t really know what love truly meant until they had kids, and I fully understand that now. In a blink, my life changed, and though it was scary at first, I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. Maize’s the best thing to happen to me, and even if I wasn’t prepared, I can’t help thinking that I now need her just as much as she needs me.

  Glancing over at Mila, I catch her looking at Maize with the same love and adoration in her eyes. I give her a quick smile, tell her I’m heading to work, and grab my jacket before walking out the door.

  As I make my way to the B&B, I’m elated with being back on schedule and feeling like a normal human being. Two weeks ago, I was nothing more than a bag of bones. Today, I feel like I could conquer the world—or my daily duties—but one thing at a time.

  After helping set breakfast out, I find Mrs. Jefferson, the woman I snapped at, and apologize for being such a dick a few weeks ago. Once I explain I’m a new dad and everything, her face softens, and she gives me a hug.

  “Being a parent is the hardest job you’ll ever have, but it eventua
lly gets easier,” she informs me before biting into a homemade blueberry muffin. Mama’s famous recipe.

  I hold on to her words like they’re my saving grace. It gets easier, which means there’ll eventually be a light at the end of the tunnel.

  After I put in a few hours of work, I look down at my phone and realize I need to head home and pick up Mila and Maize before we all head to my parents’ for lunch.

  As soon as I walk into the living room, I see Mila in tight blue jeans and a low-cut shirt that shows way too much cleavage.

  “Nope.” Resting my hands on my hips, I look at her, trying not to stare at her chest. It doesn’t help that her nipples are hard as a damn rock either. Fuck. Eyes up.

  “Nope, what?” she asks, furrowing her brows in confusion as she grabs Maize out of the swing.

  “You can’t wear that shirt. Actually, we should probably set some ground rules since you’ll be staying here around the clock.”

  Mila rolls her eyes and kneels in front of the car seat. She’s dressed Maize in an outfit that says something about Grandma being her favorite, and I know Mama’s going to love it. “Is that what you do ‘round here? Make rules for everyone?” She arches an eyebrow with a cocky smirk on her face.

  Tilting my head, I narrow my eyes and study her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Ask Jackson.” She carefully places Maize in the car seat and straps her in. I suck in a deep breath remembering the nanny rules I’d given Jackson—the ones she wasn’t supposed to hear.

  “Jackson needs rules. He has zero boundaries. And it’s not like he listens to anyone anyway. Trust me. It’s an open invitation to flirting and ridiculous comments from him. So you can’t be wearing shirts like that around him.”