Love Hate Relationship (a Colors novel)

by Jessica Prince

  I hadn’t slept for shit. The image of Navie crying was pinned to the backs of my eyelids every time I closed my eyes. I called her phone too many times to count. I showed up at her apartment and sat outside her door before being removed by security with the threat of the cops being called. Normally, that wouldn’t have scared me, but running the risk of being locked up would have put a major snag in my plan to get Navie to talk to me. So begrudgingly, I left. But not before yelling through the door that I wasn’t giving up.

  I texted, I called, I left voicemail after voicemail. All of which had gone unanswered. Rolling over onto my back, I scrubbed my hands along my face, trying to wipe away the dregs of exhaustion, which were clinging to me. Sunlight poured through my bedroom windows, painting everything in a beautiful golden glow that was a complete contradiction to my dark, gray mood. The clock on my bedside table glowed red, the numbers telling me it was just after seven in the morning. Would she come in to work today? Would she call in and attempt to avoid me? The only relief I felt was knowing that she’d eventually have to turn up in order to do her job.

  Shoving from the bed, I walked into my bathroom to splash water on my face. The reflection staring back at me was almost unrecognizable. My skin was pale. Dark circles shadowed beneath my eyes, muting their icy blue color and making them appear dull. Stress carved every crease and line of my skin even deeper, making it look like I’d aged years overnight.

  The shrill sound of my phone ringing from my bedroom brought me out of my stupor and I ran to where it lay on the nightstand, hope causing my heart to thunder in my chest.

  “Navie?” I asked, not bothering to look at the screen.

  “That would be a no,” the voice on the other end spoke.

  My entire body slumped in defeat as I sat on the bed, rubbing my forehead with my free hand. “Lauren.” The disappointment in my voice was evident.

  “Well, good morning to you, too, sunshine.”

  I didn’t have the energy for our usual back and forth. I needed to shower and get dressed on the off-chance Navie came in to work. If not, I needed to prepare for hours of stalking. I had a full day ahead of me.

  “Look, Lauren, I’m not in the mood right now. I need to—”

  “What you need to do is shut up and listen to me, Rowan.” Her tone left no room for argument. “I have no idea what the hell happened between you and Navie, and if I’m being honest, I don’t want to know. What I want is for you to have your ass here bright and early tomorrow morning at nine a.m. so we can interview new assistants. And I know asking for sunshine and rainbows to blow out of your ass is asking for the end of world hunger, but can you at least try to come off somewhat pleasant?”

  I didn’t hear a damn word she had to say after interview new assistants. Icy dread filled my veins as black began clouding the edges of my vision. “What the hell are you talking about, Lauren? I don’t need a new assistant. I already have one.”

  “Seeing as Navie called me yesterday and resigned from that position, I’d say you don’t.”

  “She did what?”

  “Rowan, I’m just the messenger here. Navie called requesting to be moved somewhere else within the company. Considering she’s one of the best workers I’ve seen in years, I didn’t want to run the risk of losing her, so I found her another position.”

  Rage and anguish coursed through my body, the toxic combination threatening to destroy me as I tried to wrap my mind around what I’d just been told.

  “Where is she?” I gritted.

  “Now, Rowan, you need to calm down—”

  “Fuck calm! Tell me where she is!”

  Silence trickled through the line for several seconds before she finally responded softly. “She’s not here, Row. We worked out the details of her new position, but she requested some time off. She refused to tell me what happened between the two of you, just said she needed to get away for a while. I gave her two weeks’ vacation.”

  I couldn’t breathe. I was suffocating. “Lauren, I have to go.”

  “But… tomorrow—”

  “I have to go,” I cut her off. “Don’t worry about a fucking personal assistant right now. I’ll discuss it with you when I get back.”

  “Wait. What? Where are you going?”

  “Don’t know yet,” I answered as I pulled a suitcase from my closet. “Wherever the hell she went. I just need to find out where that is.”

  A resigned sigh came through the phone. “All right. I’m not going to try and talk you out of this, but please, promise me you won’t turn this into a PR nightmare. We’re just starting to get your image cleaned up.”

  “I’ll do my best,” I offered unreassuringly.

  “Oh, sweet Lord. Why me?”

  “You can’t be mad at me! The man practically slept out on our stoop for three nights! What did you want me to do?”

  “I don’t know, Harlow,” I replied sarcastically. “Maybe call security, or the cops? Or how about not tell the asshole who broke my heart exactly where I was when I left to get away from him?” I knew I was being unfair. I wasn’t mad at Harlow, but trying to get a handle on the emotions that had been flowing through me for the past four days was proving to be a harder task than I would have thought.

  “Okay, first of all, I’m going to excuse the bitchy attitude because I love you and I know you’re under stress. Secondly, you called security on the guy the first night he refused to leave and it obviously didn’t do shit. I didn’t know what else to do.”

  I let out a huff of air and fell back onto the bed. Since arriving at Willow Ranch three days before, I’d been holed up in one of the guest rooms in the main house, barely coming out to eat, let alone spend time with my family. It was clear that Carson and Cassidy were both worried about me, but so far, they’d given me space. I had a feeling that wasn’t going to last too much longer.

  Silence leaked through the line for one uncomfortable minute before she spoke again. “Are you done being mad at me now?” That was yet another reason I loved my best friend so much. Harlow and I rarely fought, but like most women, when we did, we could have a tendency to be a little bit nasty. But once the dust had settled and our anger cooled, we didn’t hold grudges. We apologized and moved on, refusing to let it ruin our friendship.

  “I’m sorry,” I said in a quiet voice. “I was never mad at you. I’m just confused and… sad.”

  “I know, honey,” she soothed. “I’m going to say something right now that might piss you off, but you’re going to listen because you know I’m wise beyond my years and always right.”

  That earned her a small laugh. “All right. Hit me with it.”

  “I think you need to talk to him.” She didn’t pause to let what she said sink in, or give me an opportunity to object. “I know what you told me about his history with that bitch, but a man doesn’t sleep on the stoop of a woman’s building if he still has feelings for someone else.”

  “I know what I saw, Harlow! He was kissing her!”

  “Is that really what you saw?” she asked cautiously. “Can you honestly tell me that you’re a hundred percent positive there isn’t a reasonable explanation for what you saw?”

  “You think there’s a reasonable explanation for why his mouth was on hers and they were pressed together so tightly not even sunlight could get through?”

  “I don’t know,” she insisted. “That’s what I’m trying to get you to understand. You ran out of there without listening to anything he had to say. Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to find out the truth? You deserve to be happy, babe. And I’ve never seen you happier than when you were with Rowan. I just don’t want you to regret not hearing him out.”

  “So, you’re on his side?” I asked unreasonably.

  “I’m on your side and you know that. But I’m not going to stand by and watch you ruin your chances at something great because you’re scared. You had a raw deal growing up, babe. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been. One person should never have to handl
e that much disappointment. But you’re out of your mind if you think I’m just going to sit back and let you rebuild those damned walls you’ve lived behind all your life. You’ve worked too hard to become the person you are today to cower away and hide when shit gets rough. I love you too much to let you do that, even if I run the risk of you hating me for it.”

  “I could never hate you,” I whispered.

  “Then please promise me you won’t let go of the woman you’ve become. Do whatever it is you need to in order to be happy. You have people in your corner now. I can’t promise that everything with Rowan will work out, but what I can promise is that, no matter what, there are too many hands holding on to you to let the fall be as painful as it’s been in the past.”

  I sniffled and wiped at the lone tear that broke free and made its way down my cheek. “Stop being so smart. It’s giving me a complex.”

  Her laughter rang through the line. “Then stop being so damn hard-headed.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, honey. And I’ll be here no matter what.”

  “You promise?”

  “Cross my heart and hope to die. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

  “Okay.” We hung up and I sat up on a loud inhale to find Carson standing at my bedroom door, shoulder resting against the frame, a concerned smile on his face. “Hey,” I offered with a weak smile of my own.

  “Hey, yourself.”

  “How long have you been standing there?”

  Pushing from the door, he walked into the room and sat beside me. “Long enough. You ready to join the land of the living again?”

  Toying with a loose thread on the hem of my shirt, I shrugged. “I guess.”

  He blew out a deep breath and stared at the wall ahead of him. I had just begun to wonder if we were going to sit in uncomfortable silence when he spoke. “You know, if there’s one guarantee in life, it’s that all guys are stupid assholes.”

  “O-kay…?” I dragged out, my brows tipping in confusion at his random statement.

  “I mean, seeing as I am a guy, I know that to be a fact. And because we’re stupid assholes, we have a tendency to do stupid shit. Take me for instance.” He turned to face me, his grassy green eyes holding a sincere grin. “I almost lost Cassidy once because I was a stubborn jackass. But lucky for me, I have this little sister who wanted nothing but the best for me. So when she saw how badly I was fuckin’ up, she called me out on my shit. She told me how much I’d changed when Cass came into my life, how much she wanted nothing more than to see me happy. She understood what it felt like to be beaten down over and over again, but she made me promise not to let my past dictate my future.”

  “She sounds brilliant.” I giggled through my tears.

  “Oh, she is. Smartest girl I’ve ever met. She’s the best sister I never had.”

  Brushing the wet from my cheeks I smiled brightly up at him. “And you’re the best brother she’s never had.”

  Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, Carson pulled me in for a hug and placed a kiss on the top of my head. “I’m not gonna like him,” he spoke. I laughed into his chest, knowing he was talking about Rowan. “I’d never like any guy you ended up with. But even though I hardly know the guy, and his first impression was shit, I can honestly say you had a glow when we visited that I’d never seen before. Cass saw it, too. So all I’m gonna say is if you can work out your issues, and he’s the guy who can make you that happy for the rest of your life, well, I’ll try really, really hard not to kill him.”

  “I love you.” I laughed loudly before placing a kiss on his scruffy cheek.

  “Love you, too, little bit. Now, let’s go eat. Anymore of this lovey-dovey shit and my balls are gonna shrivel up into raisins.”

  I was running on fumes by the time I saw the sign for Willow Ranch. I was functioning on maybe six hours of sleep combined over the past four days. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d eaten anything. And I was pretty sure that rank odor I was smelling was myself.

  But I refused to stop. The moment I’d gotten what I needed out of Harlow, I was on the first flight from New York to Texas. I hadn’t bathed or changed clothes since the last night I slept out on their goddamned stoop. I was fucking miserable, but if I didn’t get to Navie within the next five minutes, what was left of my sanity was likely to evaporate.

  The minute a large white house with a wide wraparound porch came into view, I breathed a sigh of relief. It was exactly how Harlow had described. I threw the car into park and jumped out, running up the steps like an Olympic hurdler.

  “Navie!” I yelled at the top of my lungs as I beat on the rickety screen door. “Navie! I know you’re in there! Open the goddamned do—”

  The front door shot open. Carson pushed through the screen door and stepped onto the porch, letting it slam closed behind him with a loud bang. “Have you lost your fuckin’ mind? You can’t just run up on someone’s house, beating on their door like a crazy person. This is Texas, man. You know we shoot people for that shit, right?”

  His thinly veiled threat and the murderous glare in his eyes didn’t even register. “I don’t care. I need to see her.”

  Crossing his arms over his chest, he stared me down. “What makes you think she’s got any desire to see you?”

  “I don’t know!” I raked my hands through my tangled hair. “She probably never wants to see me again, but I don’t give a shit. I’m in love with her! I’ve been going out of my fucking mind for four goddamned days, and I’m not leaving here until I see her.”

  Something about everything I’d just said loosened Carson’s stance and made him smile. The adrenaline I’d been running on finally started to fade, and fear that he was actually going to shoot me took hold. Slapping me on the back, he pulled me to his side with a boisterous, “Well, why didn’t you say that? Come on in, we’re just about to have dinner.”

  Yep, I was about to die. I had no doubt he was leading me to some sort of kill room with floor drains and plastic-covered walls, but if I got at least a glimpse of Navie before the end came, I could die a happy man.

  Fortunately, to my surprise, he actually led me into a dining room filled with people. I recognized Cassidy right away. Next to her was a little girl who was her spitting image. I recalled Navie talking about her family a few times and if memory served, that was her daughter, Willow. There was an older man and woman I could only assume were Milly and Kal, Cassidy’s aunt and uncle, and another man and woman, who looked to be in their mid-twenties. I tried to remember if Navie had ever mentioned them, but everything around me suddenly faded away when the door from the kitchen pushed open and the woman I’d been going crazy over walked into the room holding a large bowl of green beans.

  She came to a sudden halt when she saw me, those beautiful, dark blue eyes widening, her jaw dropping slightly in surprise. I was so focused on her, soaking in every single thing I could, trying to memorize her beauty in that moment, that I hadn’t noticed the room had grown eerily quiet.

  “H-hi,” she stuttered uncomfortably, her gaze darting around my face like she was trying to memorize me, as well.

  “Hi.”

  We didn’t say anything else. Carson, however, took that as an opportunity to break up the silence. “Guys, this is Rowan Locklaine, Navie’s boss. He’s here to grovel and beg for forgiveness. Rowan, you know Cassidy. This is our daughter, Willow.” He pointed at the little girl. “That’s Kal and Milly,” he said, indicating the older couple. “And these are our friends, Lana and Zeke.” He waved a hand at the last two people at the table.

  Like it wasn’t the most awkward introduction in the history of existence, Carson pulled out a chair on the other side of his wife and took a seat. Looking around uncomfortably, I noticed the only available chair was one directly across from where Navie was standing. Not wanting to risk losing sight of her, I ignored the stares from everyone and sat down, watching as she nervously tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and lowered into h
er own chair, placing the bowl on the table without lifting her eyes.

  “Hi,” I repeated, like a fucking moron. I just needed her to lift those eyes back up to me. The instant she did, my heart flipped in my chest.

  She blushed red as she gazed at me through her lashes. “Hi.”

  “You think that’s all these two’ll say for the rest of dinner?” the guy introduced as Zeke asked.

  “Shh,” Milly scolded. “I’m tryin’ to listen.”

  “You look beautiful,” I continued, ignoring everyone around us.

  She offered me a tiny, one-sided grin and a quiet, “Thanks.”

  “This has got to be the most uncomfortable fuckin’ meal I ever been to,” Kal grumbled from the other end of the table.

  “Shh!” Milly, along with Cassidy and Lana that time, chided.

  I sucked at small talk. Richard had always been the smooth one, whereas I choked when it had to do with simple, mundane conversation. Deciding to bypass all pleasantries, I went for broke. “I miss you, Navie. I’m so sorry for hurting you. Please, take me back.”

  She didn’t say anything. No one did. And I could have sworn everyone around me was holding their breath, just waiting to see how this little show played out. Tossing her napkin on the table, Navie stood from her chair and faced me full-on. “Let’s talk in private,” she said with a tilt of her chin in the direction of the kitchen. Standing up, I followed after her like a lost puppy as the dining room erupted in shouts of objections. I could have sworn I heard Kal grumble something about it being better than a soap-opera.

  Hyper-awareness took over the moment the door shut firmly behind me, and all I could think about was how close I finally was to her, how badly I needed to touch her. But the way she stood at the far end of the room, pressed against the counter like she needed every available inch of space between us, kept me rooted in place.