The One of Many

by M. Jane Early

  When David and I first met, he’d asked me why I had stayed at the company for so long. I didn’t have a good answer then, and I really didn’t have a good answer now. Imperium got my feet wet in corporate America. It was stable and provided security, but suddenly, it wasn’t enough. After breathing life into a dying telecommunications company, I realized it sparked something in me. I had helped create a new image for a business in trouble, pulled it back from the graveyard, and watched it flourish. For the first time in my life, I had realized my passion.

  A week into my leave, I probed around the internet to see what other opportunities were out there. I found companies that looked promising. Just to test the waters, I put my resume out on a few websites, making myself available for inquiries. I didn’t expect to hear anything from anyone. I had only worked at one company, and my salary would be hard to match or exceed.

  Late one afternoon, while cleaning my apartment, my phone rang.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello, is this Farren Hallston?”

  “Yes.”

  “Hi, Farren. My name is Maria Scott with Vital Advertising. I saw your resume and was wondering if you were available for an interview?”

  “Uh, interview for what exactly.”

  “Our CMO was just promoted to VP, so we’re looking for someone to fill his spot.”

  I paused. “CMO?”

  “Chief Marketing—”

  “Yeah, no, I know what it means. But you want to interview me for that level?” I asked, stunned.

  “Well…yeah. You are the marketing director at Imperium, correct?”

  “Yes.”

  “We saw what you and your team did with the rebrand. It was amazing. Your work completely revamped the image of a company the rest of us had written off. It was impressive.”

  I let out a small, anxious laugh. “Well, yeah, but we don’t know if it worked or not yet. We won’t know until the earnings report comes in.”

  “If you can do for our clients what you did for Imperium, you’re worth the risk.”

  The chance to get to work for an advertising agency was tempting. “Can you tell me about your company?”

  “We’re small, only about a thousand employees in LA and New York. But we’re expanding, trying to tap into newer, smaller markets. We don’t want to be the big guy, Ms. Hallston. We like our personal relationships, and our clients like it too.”

  I sat silently. My mind raced with the possibility of being somewhere else. With new people and ideas. Away from telecommunication and big business. Away…from David.

  “So, do you think you’d be interested in coming to talk to us?” Ms. Scott interrupted my thoughts.

  A wave of panic came over me as I thought about leaving my familiar job. I quickly reminded myself it was just an interview—nothing to freak out about yet.

  “Sure. When’s a good time?” I answered.

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE I won’t see you every day,” Yvette said as I sat across from her at lunch.

  I smiled. “That’s why technology was invented. Besides, I’m not even leaving the city. We’ll still see each other.”

  “How are you going to get to work?” She took a bite of her food.

  I shrugged. “My new place is close, basically within walking distance. I’ll be fine.”

  She looked at me. “Kind of messed up that you’re not even giving your two weeks. I thought the job didn’t start until the beginning of the month?”

  I scoffed. “I have a ton of vacation, and if you need anything, just call.”

  Her stare made me look at her. “What about David?” she asked.

  I inhaled and looked away. “What about him?”

  “Shouldn’t you tell him?”

  “Of course I’m going to tell him, Yvette. I’m not totally irresponsible,” I answered, annoyed.

  She eyed me. “Have you talked to him?”

  I glanced at her and shook my head.

  “Farren, I have to ask.” She hesitated. “Is he why you’re leaving?”

  I put my sandwich down and wiped my hands. “I can’t lie and say he’s not a part of it. I can’t be around him and move forward.” I took a breath. “I think about him with other women, and it just…” Even in my mind, seeing David with them floored me. I couldn’t watch it in real life. “He’ll eventually move on.”

  “So will you,” she said.

  “I know, but I need this change. I’ve been here for way too long.” I gave a slight laugh.

  She nodded. “I get it. You’re gonna kill it.”

  I gave as much of a smile as I could. “Thanks. I’m going to miss you and our lunches. And Trevor’s happy hours.” I laughed.

  “Yeah, you’re gonna miss getting drunk off your ass over one of his drinks? I wouldn’t,” she said, then chuckled.

  “I’ll miss everything. Mostly you…” I paused. And especially David, I thought.

  They offered me the job at Vital an hour after I left the interview. The benefits were top tier, and the money was definitely motivation to leave Imperium, but it was more than that. The CEO was only forty and had started the company five years earlier from the ground up. He didn’t have an office—no one did. Everyone was equally accessible. When I met with him, he mentioned—more than once—they encouraged big ideas and thinking out of the box. The atmosphere was relaxed and youthful. I was genuinely excited. The more I thought about it, the more I didn’t just want a break from Imperium—I wanted an escape. After I received the call that I had the job if I wanted it, I didn’t hesitate. I had to grab my moment.

  I had three weeks of vacation to pack and get settled in my new apartment. I needed this time to regroup. I set my out of office reply on my phone and email, telling everyone I would not be checking my messages and to contact Yvette for further help. I wanted to include Yvette in everything, hoping maybe when David looked for my replacement, he wouldn’t have to look too far.

  My letter of resignation was complete, printed, and sat at the corner of my desk. I stared at it, deciding that just leaving it on David’s desk wouldn’t be enough. No matter how we ended, I didn’t want to leave things the way they were now. I needed closure.

  I’d had two relationships in a row that didn’t end up the way I thought or even wanted. Crew and I weren’t supposed to go forward, and I was thankful it ended where it did. As much as breaking up with David hurt, I had found someone I matched well with. Finding someone who made me feel the way he did would now be the challenge.

  I waited for everyone to leave the ninth floor, feeling the quiet in the office in the pit of my stomach. Looking out into the bullpen, I sighed at the thought of actually walking out of this building, no longer an employee of Imperium.

  I walked to David’s office, using the key he gave me in case of emergencies. He had been gone a few weeks. I hadn’t gotten a text or even an email about where he was or how he was doing. Entering his space, I could smell him. That subtle fragrance of masculinity that drove shivers down my spine. I exhaled, wondering where he was or who he was with. A tear tugged at the corner of my eye.

  I walked behind his desk and looked at the photos of his family. Some I recognized from his house. The others were new. The one that stood out was David and his dad at his high school graduation. Mr. Powers’s arm was around David as they both smiled. I was glad he didn’t want to erase his history with his father. Hopefully accepting who Samuel Powers was would be David’s first step towards moving out from under his father’s shadow.

  I laid his key and the envelope that held my two letters on his cherry wood desk. My resignation and my goodbye. Everything I wanted to tell him but couldn’t for fear I wouldn’t get it out. I told him what he meant to me, what I would treasure, and what I hoped he would find one day because he deserved it, even if he didn’t think so.

  I looked at it for a moment and had the sudden urge to take it back—forget the whole idea. David and I weren’t together, but I wanted to be in his vicinity, share his air, see him e
very day. The weight of us no longer being together crashed into me. We were over and hanging onto that fantasy was unhealthy. Before I completely lost my nerve, I walked out of his office, closing the door behind me.

  As much as I wanted this to be an actual vacation, I had a lot of work to do before starting at Vital. My new apartment was almost finished being renovated and leaving packing to the last minute gave me massive anxiety. Going through mounds of things I had accumulated over the years, I found memorabilia from when Crew and I started dating. Ticket stubs, dried flowers, stuffed animals, cards. I threw all of it away. Not because I hated him, I just didn’t need those reminders anymore.

  My thoughts always traveled back to David. Missing him more than anything. Wondering if he was okay. Thinking if there was someone else he was spending time with. The thought of him with another woman was nauseating. David had told me continuously that it wasn’t about other women. That was true while we were together, but what about now? Would he go back to being that guy, the playboy he was before us?

  I was going through my pictures from college when a loud bang echoed from my front door. I got up off the floor, turning down the music through my wireless speaker, and walked into the living room. The banging continued.

  “Farren?” a voice yelled.

  I took a breath and walked slower. My skin bristled knowing who was on the other side.

  “Farren, please. Open the door,” he yelled.

  I closed my eyes and unlocked my deadbolt. My hand didn’t make it to the knob before it opened.

  David walked into my apartment, fuming. He had taken off his tie and jacket and unbuttoned his top button. His hair was disheveled and gorgeous. I hadn’t seen him in weeks, and my heart pained with how much I missed him.

  “What the hell is this?” He held up my resignation.

  I inhaled and met his eye. “You know what it is, David.”

  He stared at me for a few moments, then said, “No.” He ripped the pages in half. “I don’t accept it.” He slammed them on my table.

  I closed my eyes. “You don’t have any say in my decision.”

  “How could you not talk to me about this?” His voice was low, but the anger was apparent. “You know I would leave before I’d make you uncomfortable. I don’t have to be in the building, Farren.”

  “It’s not about you,” I countered.

  “Bullshit,” his voice rose.

  I paused. “Do you remember when we first met, and you asked me why I stayed at Imperium?”

  He didn’t answer.

  I continued, “I had been asking myself that question for a long time, but I never had a good enough answer. At first, it was because it was comfortable, and it scared me to go anywhere else.” I walked towards him. “And then it was because of you.”

  He turned away from me and ran his hand through his hair.

  “Now I have to do what’s right for me,” I pleaded. “I have to start over. Find out who I am without Imperium or Crew…or you,” I said, brittle.

  He turned and came towards me. “You’re giving up everything we’ve worked for, everything we’ve built…” his voice fell to a whisper, “because I hurt you.”

  “Yeah, you hurt me.” My tears collected. “And yes, knowing that you’re just feet away from me, and I can’t touch you, or be near you, kills me. But I have to do this. Not only for my independence, but because if this is what it takes to get over you, then it’ll be worth it.”

  He watched me. The pain on his face was deep. He let out a breath. “Farren,” he said and walked towards me.

  “No,” I said through the tears as I backed away. My voice was small and not convincing enough to make him stop. He put his hand on my neck and brought my lips to his. The warmth was immediate, and though I shouldn’t have wanted to enjoy his mouth against mine, I couldn’t help but be comforted.

  He pulled back and whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He leaned his head against mine.

  I wanted this to be real. I wanted him to want me like this again, want to be with me like he did before. But this wasn’t the right answer. Being with David now would just put us back here in a few months. He had so many things to work through, and I couldn’t stand in the way of that. Not this time.

  I pushed David away. The hurt increased in his eyes. “We’re right back where we started. We can’t do this because you’re not ready. Maybe I’m not either.”

  His breath became thicker. “It’s still no reason for you to quit.”

  I whispered, “I have another job.”

  “Where?” he asked sternly.

  I didn’t answer.

  “Call it off.”

  “No,” I said low.

  “Farren,” his tone rose.

  “No!” My eyes locked with his.

  “I will not let you walk away. You earned this. We earned this. You can’t leave. I…I need you,” his voice caught.

  The anguish in his face almost made me give in. Almost. “No,” I whispered.

  David’s jaw set. His footsteps towards the door were dense, and he opened it with force. He lingered and looked at me. “I’ll give you this week, but I expect to see you in your office next Monday.” Hurt, frustration, fury all crossed David’s face as he walked out, slamming the door behind him.

  Thirty Three

  “Hey, Farren.” Kyle Hart, the CEO of Vital, walked to my desk.

  “Hey.” I stood when he reached me.

  “Are you ready to introduce yourself to the team?” Kyle gave me a smile.

  I exhaled. “Ready to go.”

  He touched my arm and said, “You’ll be great,” then walked away. I took a minute and followed.

  The night David left my apartment, I broke down. My conflicting feelings left me on my floor for an hour, debating on whether or not leaving Imperium was right or worth it. My brain decided it would have to take control since my heart was in shambles. I wouldn’t give up my chance at doing something I wanted to because David was mad at me. I wouldn’t throw away a once in a lifetime opportunity because he didn’t want me to leave. I couldn’t be his crutch any more than he could be mine.

  I moved that weekend. When I didn’t show up to Imperium on Monday, my phone lit up with calls from David the entire day. I eventually had to turn it off, so I wouldn’t be tempted to answer. When I turned it back on, I had eight voicemails and too many texts to count. I deleted everything without reading or listening to what David had to say.

  Yvette called me later in the week and said she would stop by to deliver my mail from the old address. She wanted to give me all the skinny on the happenings on the ninth floor. Apparently, there were plenty.

  I hugged her when she walked in.

  “Nice digs, Farren.” She walked by me into the apartment and snooped. “You still have boxes to unpack?”

  I shrugged and closed the door.

  “Pitiful,” she said. She dropped the bundle of mail on my table.

  I walked over and sorted through the pile. “Thanks for getting all this for me.”

  She said nothing as she leaned against the counter. I glanced her way. She was chewing on her bottom lip.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “I don’t know if I should tell you this,” she said, staring at me.

  I turned to her. “Tell me what?”

  “It’s about David,” she responded.

  I held my breath and waited.

  Her shoulders fell. “When I was getting your mail, he showed up.” She looked at me apologetically.

  I took a step towards her.

  “He saw me and asked what I was doing.”

  My heart rate increased. “What did you tell him?”

  “I told him the truth. I was getting your mail because you weren’t there anymore.”

  I exhaled.

  “Don’t worry,” she held up her hand. “I didn’t tell him where you lived, as much as I’m sure he wanted to threaten to fire me if I didn’t.”

  I walked to
the couch and sat. Yvette took something out of her pocket and joined me. “He told me to give you this.”

  She handed me a blank envelope. “What is it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  I opened it, then saw it was a handwritten letter. I put it away until I could read it alone.

  “He’s kind of a mess,” she said. “Irritated most days. And he’s always at work. Before I come in until after I leave.”

  I peered at the envelope in my hands. “I left him with a lot of things to do.”

  “I don’t think that’s it.”

  I turned to her.

  “You not being there is a blow to him. I don’t think he was prepared for you not to come back.”

  “He’ll be okay.” I paused. “We both will.”

  Yvette exhaled and stood. “Come on, show me the rest of your pad.”

  I stood too and led her around the apartment.

  After Yvette left, I went back to the couch, where I had put the letter. I stared at the envelope, debating on whether I wanted to do this now or when I didn’t feel so emotionally depleted. I speculated on what he had written and if I should just throw it away. Then I decided the torment wasn’t worth it and opened the letter.

  Farren,

  It wasn’t fair to ask you to stay. I can’t keep you at work just so I don’t lose you completely. Inevitably, it was my decision to let you go, and I’ll have to come to terms with that. I want you to be happy, and if this move makes you happy, then I have no right to stand in the way of it.

  I’m sorry, Farren. I wish I could tell you in person how much you mean to me. But it doesn’t matter anymore.

  I’ll never deserve you.

  David

  I was tired of crying. David was doing exactly what I asked him to. He was letting me go, and it ripped through my chest like a chainsaw.

  I put the letter down and lay on the couch, hoping sleep would bring me back to reality. Being away from him was supposed to be a good thing. But in that moment, I let my regret and heartbreak consume me.