Larkrigg Fell

by Freda Lightfoot

  Beth had wanted only Pietro, and having miraculously got him, had completely messed up her chances. No wonder he’d gone off the boil. Probably able to sense her neurotic fears and worries, and virginal inadequacy. But who did Pietro really want? Herself or Sarah? She sighed. What a muddle.

  As if reading her mind Sarah said, ‘There was hardly any necessity for you to throw a wobbly last night. Jonty didn’t really want you. He was only saying it to annoy me. He likes to play games with people.’

  Beth felt herself cringe, crashing the gear stick to change down as they approached the crossroads and the local school. ‘You mean no man would wish to make love to me? I believe you’ve told me as much before, several times.’

  Oh, give me just a little of your confidence, she thought. Let me not see myself as the complete idiot you see.

  Sarah cast her a sidelong glance from beneath long lashes. ‘Did anything happen between you and Pietro?’ And when she saw the flush creep up under her sister’s skin, laughed out loud. ‘You messed up, didn’t you? Played the virgin. Am I right?’ And shaking her head at Beth’s stricken expression, laughed again. ‘I know you too well.’

  Beth was spared from answering this cruel taunt as a figure stepped out from behind the old stone schoolhouse and flagged them down.

  ‘That’s Andrew. What does he want?’ She drew the van to a halt and leaned out of the window. ‘Hello. Problems?’

  Andrew glanced from one girl to the other and Beth could hear his clogs shuffling about on the rough stones. ‘I heard the van coming along the track so I thought I’d - well - have a word. I wondered how it went last night.’

  ‘How it went?’

  He knew he shouldn’t be saying any of this but couldn’t quite stop himself. The thought of Beth in another man’s arms was more than he could bear. He had to know what happened. ‘I tried to save you from that Jonty Reynolds, d’you see.’

  ‘Save me?’ She couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing.

  ‘Aye, from that daft game.’

  ‘I can look after myself, thank you very much.’

  ‘I’m not so sure.’

  She heard Sarah almost choke on a giggle and Beth too tried to manufacture a laugh. ‘What is this, an interrogation?’

  Andrew looked hurt and she felt a wave of panic. Surety he wasn’t falling for her? Oh, but that would be too dreadful. Didn’t they have tangles enough? It was Tessa he was supposed to fancy. ‘I really don’t think…’

  ‘He was making a real nuisance of himself, and that Italian. It were a daft idea anyroad.’

  ‘It was only meant in fun,’ she said more coolly, feeling she should make an effort to discourage him from the outset.

  Andrew flushed. ‘Too much drink, and too cocksure by half, the pair of them. They need bringing down a peg or two.’

  Beth rather agreed but didn’t consider this quite the moment to say so. Andrew would only read more into it than she meant. ‘Jonty has a flippant sense of humour, that’s all.’

  ‘Why are you defending him?’

  ‘I’m not.’

  Again she heard Sarah’s stifled snort.

  ‘Looked like you were encouraging that Pietro.’

  Andrew was glaring at her now as if she were in some way to blame and Beth felt an unexpected spurt of anger. Was he suggesting she was wrong to sleep with Pietro? What absolute cheek! Not that she had slept with him, strictly speaking, for nothing had happened. It had been a complete failure. Or was he suggesting she’d slept with Jonty Reynolds? Dear God, his opinion of her must be pretty low.

  But she had no intention of letting Andrew Barton know anything of her business. She certainly wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of being able to say it served her jolly well right.

  ‘As a matter of fact we had great fun. I hear you went home early.’ She saw his face change colour, go oddly white then deep red, right to the tips of his ears. ‘I had t’milking to do.’

  ‘Of course. As you said, cows are so tying.’

  She heard Sarah’s stifled hiccup, threatening to choke her, and for a moment felt a twinge of shame. There was no really need for her to be unkind to Andrew, for all his clumsy interference. Beth revved impatiently on the accelerator, then spoke in her sweetest, but nonetheless most cutting voice. ‘Thank you for your enquiry but I’m fine, thank you very much, and I really don’t think it’s any of your concern. OK?’

  As she put the little van into first gear and drove off, wheels sending up a cloud of dust she could see him in the wing mirror, still standing in the middle of the lane. And with Sarah’s laughter ringing in her ears, rich and throaty, it all added up to a very real sense of guilt.

  Meg was seated by the empty grate when the twins arrived back at Broombank, banging doors and shattering the silence with their stifled giggles and chatter. They took off their coats and dropped their voices to a few whispered words.

  Their grandmother seemed strangely still and inactive, half aware of their concerned glances but yet in a world apart. It had not been a good day for Meg. The tractor had refused to start, a bunch of ewes which had taken them all of yesterday to count and contain in the intake land had escaped through a gate left open by some unthinking walker. Tomorrow they’d have to start collecting them up all over again. She felt exhausted, bone weary. Was she getting too old for this farming lark?

  Having the twins here had been a joy, but she couldn’t expect them to stay for ever. For the first time in Meg’s life the silence of the fells filled her with depression.

  Beth made a pot of strong tea and slid a mug of it into her grandmother’s cold hands. ‘We’ve got the supplies. Are you all right?’

  Meg smiled her thanks and took a grateful sip. Then the words burst from her, the idea still only half formed in her mind, unprepared. ‘Tam says I need a holiday. I can’t remember the last time we had one. Or if indeed I ever have. Farmers, as a rule, don’t take holidays. But what with one thing and another lately...’ She stopped for a moment before continuing. ‘I feel worn out. Probably my age, hot flushes or something, but Tam thinks a break would do me good.’ She smiled weakly and Beth went and sat on the arm of her grandmother’s chair and held her hand.

  ‘I think that’s an excellent idea. Where would you go?’

  ‘To America? Where else? We nearly went once, Tam and I. Got passports and everything.’

  Beth gasped, then laughed with delight. ‘But that would be wonderful.’

  Meg nodded, grey eyes starting to smile. ‘I think it would be wonderful too. Perhaps I’m not too old for dreams, after all. As I told you, I’ve always held a longing to go, to see my darling Lissa again, and Derry and the boys of course.’

  ‘You don’t want to waste your time over those two scamps,’ Sarah teased, referring to her young brothers.

  ‘Mom would love to see you.’ Beth spoke with enthusiasm. ‘But I thought you were worried about who would look after the sheep and the farm?’

  ‘Nick has said he would keep an eye on them. But you’d need to help. Is that too much to ask?’

  ‘No,’ Beth said firmly, before Sarah could reply. ‘Not at all. We’ll be a willing pair of hands when needed.'

  Meg’s stomach fluttered with excitement and she could already sense the pressures of everyday life slipping from her as they sank back in their seats and felt the thrust of the engines. ‘Isn’t this grand?’ she whispered, and Tam clasped her hand tight in his.

  ‘A second honeymoon, to be sure.’

  Meg gave a low, throaty laugh. ‘Wicked man.’ But she was not displeased. She couldn’t wait to see Lissa again and chat away with her, as they had once loved to do. She couldn’t wait to see the two young boys who she hadn’t seen since they were bairns.

  Nick and Jan would come up every day from Ashlea, so Broombank was safe in their hands, ably assisted by young Bobbie who had already set his sights on farming. Alice and the two younger ones would help or hinder, never liking to be left out of anything.

  �
��It will do those two girls good to get to know Broombank a bit better. Keep their minds off that Pietro Lawson.’

  ‘You’re prejudiced against him.’

  ‘Probably.’ Lissa trusted her two daughters so why shouldn’t she? They’d be fine. What could go wrong in a few weeks? And she gazed out upon the wind-tossed clouds in a blur of contentment.

  Several days later Beth cornered Pietro in the kitchen, desperate to set their relationship on a more secure footing. Outside the rain lashed against the windows and the wind rattled the shutters like a mad thing trying to gain entrance. Summer was a distant memory and the mild days of autumn were passing too. While some leaves still hung on the trees, tenaciously clinging to life, most lay in sodden heaps throughout Brockbarrow Wood, like heaps of bright jewels.

  Soon it would be winter and too cold to go upstairs and sleep in the bedrooms, certainly in the ones where the roof leaked. What they would do then, Beth couldn’t imagine. Even now, in the places where the roof was at its worst and chunks of plaster hung free it was almost as wet inside as out. Water seeped in and dripped off the laths into the many bowls and buckets they’d set about the landings and bedroom floors. Even on the so-called dry parts, mould decorated the ceiling, spreading like evil black lace over the cornices and plasterwork.

  The money in their building society account was dwindling rapidly. She couldn’t think how it had been disappeared so quickly but there always seemed to be something they needed. And it would take thousands of pounds to mend the roof. She’d had two quotes and both were too frightening to contemplate.

  But here in the kitchen, lit only by the light of a lamp it felt cosy and warm. If only Pietro would forgive her for spoiling everything that night and say that he loved her she would be the happiest girl alive, and leaking roofs wouldn’t matter a jot.

  ‘Have you forgiven me?’ she asked, in a voice fearful and nervous of rejection. ‘I know I’m not like Sarah. I do wish I could be instead of so conventional, shy and hopeless.’ She couldn’t meet his eyes, kept her own firmly fixed on her laced fingers.

  His reply was a long time in coming.

  ‘I do not blame you, little one. It was unfortunate that it ended as it did between us, but the game was a foolish one. We should not have played it.’

  Or he should have taken up Sarah’s offer instead, he thought, which might have proved more entertaining. His emotions that night had startled him. That he’d been ready and able to sleep with Beth without any difficulty whatsoever, for all the fierceness of his jealousy was unnerving. Yet how could he toss it aside, like an unwanted bottle of sour wine? Perhaps he thought that taking her would somehow eradicate his pain.

  ‘I should have mentioned my problem right away,’ Beth was saying, aware that anxiety made her voice sound all high pitched and wobbly.

  Pietro smiled abstractedly at her, not quite listening. ‘I should have thought to ask. But my mind was on other things.’ He reached out and touched her hand, not wishing, at this juncture, to have her guess exactly where his mind had been. It was good that she liked him. Wasn’t that the reason for his being here? She was not so attractive as Sarah, this small girl, nor so captivating in other ways but neither was she half so plain as she imagined. One day, when she lost the puppy fat, as she was already beginning to do, she might even be considered attractive. Though never as stylish as an Italian girl of course.

  He had won her with a look, with a smile and his supreme Latin charm. Too easily in a way. But not so with her sister, which was irritating. Perhaps he should take care not to risk losing them both. That could spoil all his plans.

  ‘You must think I’m absolutely wet,’ she was saying. ‘So pathetic. Most girls are having sex like mad and I’m all hung up with complex inhibitions and anxieties. Aren’t I stupid?’

  In that moment she longed for him to take her in his arms and kiss her tenderly, to tell her he was glad she’d kept herself specially for him, and declare for ever his undying love.

  ‘It is good for me that you do not easily give yourself to a man,’ he said and her face lit with such a radiance that it quite threw him off balance. ‘I am glad.’

  ‘Are you?’

  ‘Of course. I think you very - very sweet. Quite delightful.’ And now he did kiss her, a soft kiss which was gratifyingly close to what she had hoped for. If it didn’t quite light with passion, that was only because they were still seated at the table with the mugs of coffee annoyingly getting in the way.

  She felt dazed with love when he broke away. ‘I’m going to get everything sorted out soon, so you won’t have long to wait,’ she promised, and frowned. ‘Though I’ll have to see a doctor first, I suppose.’ Flushed with fresh embarrassment she saw the look of horror on his face, wishing she’d never broached this very personal subject.

  ‘I would not presume to tell you what to do. That would not be right.’

  ‘Oh, you are so lovely and kind.’ Beth smiled softly at him, flattered by what she took to be his concern for her. ‘But we can’t go on like this. I need you too, Pietro. And I know that you feel the same.’

  ‘You do?’ He only just stopped his surprise from showing. ‘Of course. Me too. How could I not?’

  ‘So there’s really no need for us to wait, is there?’ Beth could hardly believe she was saying all of this. What had come over her? But she desperately wanted to be like Sarah, free and fun-loving, the kind of girl who excited a man.

  ‘If you say not,’ he said kindly.

  ‘Oh dear, I’ve never talked like this before in my life. I’m not being too pushy, am I?’

  ‘If you are, it is very sexy.’

  ‘Really?’ She was entranced. ‘It isn’t as if anyone will know, is it? I mean, with Gran and Tam gone. No adult lectures.’ She pulled a wry face, meant to be amusing, nudging aside a small sense of guilty betrayal. She was an adult now, wasn’t she?

  She longed to feel that pulsing passion which true love was supposed to bring. To banish the awkwardness that had so ruined their first effort. ‘I shall be able to enjoy it when I don’t have to worry about, well, you know ... accidents.’ She flushed again.

  ‘Poor little one. So confused. So many scruples.’ He touched one hot cheek with his cool lips. ‘You must know that you are very special to me. I would not have you hurt. So, do not rush with this - this plan of yours. You are too sweet and giving.’

  ‘Am I?’ The ache in her breast grew so badly she could hardly bear it. A long pause as Beth gazed longingly into his eyes, blissfully unable to read the thoughts whirling through his mind.

  ‘There is of course, another solution.’

  Wide-eyed and trusting, she gazed at him still. ‘What is that?’

  ‘I do not know why I didn’t think of it before. It is obvious. We should marry. That would be the best solution, would it not?’

  She became very still. ‘I beg your pardon?’

  His voice strengthened as his thoughts clarified. ‘I stopped the love-making not because I dislike the idea of a bambino by accident, you understand. But because when I have a fine son, like little James, I want for him to be born into a proper family. I wish to be married to his mother.’

  ‘Oh!’ All colour had drained from Beth’s cheeks as she stared at him, stupefied. ‘You don’t mean it. Please don’t say it if you don’t mean it.’

  ‘I do mean it.’ Half an hour ago he would not have done. Now he saw clearly that this was right for him. A decision had been necessary and he had made it. It was really an exceedingly wise move.

  Pietro took her hand in his, adopting the expression he thought most suitable for an ardent lover. He had seen a play once, back home in Florence, where the young hero had almost died for love. He must have looked something like this. ‘I adore you, my little one. How can I pretend otherwise? I long to take you home and show you off to my family.’

  Beth squealed with such delight everyone came running, and were astonished to find her arms were tightly clasped about Pietro’s neck and
they were both laughing and dancing about like silly children.

  Chapter Eleven

  ‘You must be mad.’ Sarah told Beth, not for the first time.

  ‘Not at all. Don’t be jealous, Sarah, be happy for me, please. Pietro loves me.’

  ‘Has he told you so?’

  Beth ignored the sudden stab of disquiet as she realised that he had not actually said as much. ‘There are more profound ways than mere words,’ she said, rather naively.

  ‘Don’t be a little fool.’ Sarah dragged her in to the small sitting room for a private, sisterly chat, which Beth correctly interpreted as Sarah doing her elder-sister-by-seven-minutes-bit. ‘Listen to me. Just because a man takes you to his bed doesn’t mean …’

  ‘Please don’t lecture me. Innocent I may be, but I’m not quite such an idiot. In any case, Pietro agrees I should remain a virgin until we are married.’

  ‘You mean you still haven’t ... ?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I don’t believe it.’

  ‘We’re good friends. That is what is important,’ and Sarah let her go with a sigh of exasperation.

  ‘Have it your own way. But what about Meg? And Mom? How do you think they’ll take this news? You hardly know him. It’s much too soon to think of wedding bells. Look what happened the last time. I’d hate you to be hurt in that way again. Oh, I know we quarrel like cat and dog, but you’re my sister, for Christ sake, I care about you.’

  Beth had never heard Sarah sound quite so sincere. ‘Thank you,’ she said, and put her arms about her, hugging her close. ‘It’s kind of you to be so concerned but you needn’t be.’

  Sarah pushed her impatiently aside. ‘I mean it. Live with him for a while. Sleep with him. Get to know him, but don’t commit yourself. It’s too soon.’

  ‘Why so cynical? I was the one who was jilted.’

  ‘Do you want that to happen again?’

  ‘Pietro wouldn’t do that. He’s kind and sensitive. Unlike Jeremy, he’s a man of honour.’

  Sarah gritted her teeth. ‘There’s no such animal. No man is kind out of the generosity of his heart. Nor can he be entirely trusted. Think what you’re doing here. I do care for you, Beth, and have no wish to see you hurt.’