My Dirty Detour: An Alpha Male Mafia Comedy Romance

by Grace Risata

“P.S. We brought your car back for you, it’s in the garage.” SWEET! Now I could tell my mom her taxi service wasn’t needed.

  “Hey mom, never mind. They brought my car back. No worries! Talk to you later!” She was still sputtering as I hung up the phone to take a nice long shower and begin my day of regret and shame.

  I texted Rocky on my lunch break to see if I could skip work that night:

  “Can I call in sick today?”

  “That depends, are you sick?”

  “Does monumentally humiliated count as sick?”

  “Nope. See you at six.” Son of a bitch.

  -------------------------------------------------------

  I had low expectations of having a decent evening at work, so I tried to cheer myself up by having a nice dinner of spaghetti and meatballs and wearing good comfortable clothes. Something new happened every single night and I was sick of wearing dress clothes. My outfit this evening consisted of comfortable boot cut dark blue jeans, black high heeled boots, and a red V neck long sleeved shirt.

  I arrived at the brewery to find complete chaos. Thank goodness it had nothing to do with me and that helped greatly with my embarrassment factor. No one was at the front desk, but Sergio poked his head out of the factory door and ordered, “Violet, come over here, hurry up. All hell broke loose. We could use another hand.” That sounded interesting. Having never received a tour of the factory floor, it was my chance to check out the equipment and learn how the process worked.

  Vasily, Sergio, and Rocky were all standing by a giant copper vat of fluid. The machine was making a strange noise, like some alarm was going off. The display was flashing ERROR and a really persistent BEEP sounded every five seconds. Vasily was trying to read an owner’s manual while Sergio pressed buttons to get the beep to quiet down. Rocky wiped his grease covered hands all over his jeans before taking the owner’s manual from Vasily and handing it to me.

  He started barking orders at everyone. “You’re smart, Violet, read the manual and see if you can figure out how to fix this. Sergio, try and call the manufacturer. Vasily, don’t touch anything.”

  “What’s going on?” I stupidly asked, as if it wasn’t obvious that something was broken.

  Rocky advised me of the issue. “We just got this machine and it worked fine all day. There’s no reason for a malfunction because the guy set it up and programmed it this morning. It’s brand new. The only thing I could think of would possibly be a blown fuse. The guy said this machine is more complicated than the one it replaced. The startup procedure has certain specifications that have to be programmed exactly right or there will be a short in the system. Something must have been wired wrong or the amperature setting wasn’t correctly matched to the specs. Read the manual and see if you can find if a setting is programmed incorrectly. I’ll see if it came with extra fuses.”

  As soon as Rocky walked away, Vasily started pressing buttons and I flipped through a thirty-five page manual to troubleshoot the problem. We must have tried matching the specs in the book to the gauges on the machine for a full fifteen minutes with no success. It was really hard to read some of the gauges and I was bending over to get a better view when a hand smacked my ass! I spun around to see Lance behind me smirking and Enrique laughing a few feet away.

  I barely finished squeaking out a “What the fuck?” when Rocky and Sergio stalked up to intervene. Rocky looked furious enough to kill Lance, right then and there. This did not go unnoticed by Lance, who immediately put his hands up in an “I surrender, don’t shoot” gesture and tried to backpedal.

  “Boss, I didn’t mean anything by it...I just gave her a friendly pat. Enrique told me she was fair game and kinda easy and I didn’t see no ring on her finger---”

  I was hoping Rocky would pound him into next week, but that’s not what happened at all. Not by a long shot. Instead, Rocky grabbed me in an embrace and gave me a deeply passionate kiss. My emotions ran wild. What began as surprise and outrage over that loser copping a feel of my ass, turned to shock over this...this…I didn’t even know what this was! In place of the violent display I anticipated, Rocky was kissing me with reckless abandon. It was as if he was marking his territory like a wolf pissing on a tree, leaving no doubt to whom I belonged. He finally ended the kiss, but still kept his arm around my waist.

  Sergio broke into a grin and muttered, “It’s about fucking time. That sure took him long enough.”

  “I got that loud and clear, boss. You won’t have to worry about me anymore,” Lance assured Rocky.

  “You’re right, I won’t. You have ten seconds to get your ass out of my sight. You’re fired for sexually harassing a co-worker.”

  Lance started to sputter in protest, but Rocky shut him down. “You can leave now and walk yourself out, or I can break both your legs and you can crawl out. The choice is yours. Enrique, you can follow right behind him and don’t come back,” Rocky ordered.

  “What? I didn’t do anything!” Enrique righteously declared.

  “Oh, really?” Rocky countered. “Then maybe you can explain the surveillance footage I just watched of you sabotaging this machine. The brand new machine that worked fine this morning until you tampered with it a few hours ago.”

  Enrique marched toward the door right behind Lance, vowing that he would get his vengeance soon while mumbling about lawsuits and bosses beating up employees.

  It was impossible to wrap my head around the fact that so much had just occurred in the last four minutes. My ass was grabbed, Rocky kissed me, Enrique lied and told Lance I was easy, Rocky kissed me, Enrique sabotaged the equipment, and Rocky kissed me! Clearly one of those events stood out more than the rest.

  Rocky looked exasperated as he told Sergio, “Just shut the whole operation down for the second night in a row. We need to call the manufacturer to get this machine going again, not to mention find two new employees. None of that is going to happen tonight. I can’t run a business with all this shit going on distracting me. I need a break. I’m taking my girl out tonight and to hell with everything else.” He turned to look at me. Holy Fuck, I was the girl he was talking about. I was his girl. ARGH! When the hell did that happen? How the hell did that happen? I could barely breathe let alone form a coherent thought.

  “Aye aye, captain,” Sergio agreed with a wicked smirk. “What do you want me to do about sir fuckface and his fellow idiot?”

  “Call Dmitry and have him pay a visit to both Lance and Enrique. Make sure Lance knows that his employment here has ended and he’s not to set foot on the premises ever again. Just scare him, don’t break anything. With Enrique…he requires a bit more attention. Clearly my warning from last week had no effect on him if he thought he could get away with damaging my equipment. Have Dmitry give him a bit more firm of a lecture. Are we on the same page?” Rocky questioned.

  “No worries. Dmitry will be happy to help. You two crazy kids have a good time.”

  Rocky turned to me and asked, “Are you ready to get the hell out of here?”

  How should I answer that? The first thought to come to mind was that I have no idea where he wanted to go, but we could literally be sitting in pig shit and if I was with him then that would be fine. My actual answer of “Ok, sure” was a little lame, but it least I was able to form a reply without drooling on myself.

  Rocky made a pit stop to the bathroom to wash the dirt off his hands before we left, while I tried to remove the cheesy grin that was plastered all over my face. I better make an attempt to control my glee so I don’t come off as a total doofus.

  “Where are we going?” I asked. I really didn’t care. I would have agreed to anything.

  “My clothes are covered in grease and dirt from trying to remove parts from the machine. Maybe we could just go for a drive? I can follow you home to drop off your car and then we can see where the road takes us. How does that sound?” Rocky offered. It sounded fantastic.

  Instead of going to my car right away, Rocky led us around back to a garage door. I had
assumed this was only a loading dock of some sort, but it turned out to be his private garage as well. He opened the door and I was very impressed with what I saw. He had a shiny silver Ford Mustang coupe.

  “She’s beautiful!” I exclaimed. He smiled and told me that it was four years old and had a lot of miles on it. He was obviously attached to this girl.

  “Then let’s take my car. I don’t want you to get dirt on your seats,” I offered.

  “No, Violet. I don’t want you driving around at night when you have to bring me back here later. I can follow you home. Don’t worry about it.”

  He drove me to my car parked out front and then followed me back to my house. I kept checking to make sure he was still driving behind me and that this wasn’t some sort of bizarre dream I was having. After reality sank in, I grabbed my phone to make a few calls. First up: Frankie.

  “Mom, it’s Violet. You would NEVER guess what just happened. Some jerk-off at work smacked my ass and Rocky freaked out and fired him! Then he kissed me as if to say, ‘back off, this girl is mine’ and now he’s following me back to my house and I think we’re going on a date or something!”

  Her response: “Where are you going? Be careful. Don’t let him go too far and start unzipping your pants again. Be a lady!”

  The second call was to Stella. “Stella, I forgot when I last talked to you, but shit’s been happening! Yesterday I shot an AK-47 and today Rocky just kissed me and fired some dude for grabbing my ass and now we’re going on a date!”

  Her response: “I don’t know how the AK-47 fits in to you going on a date, but you better tell me EVERY freaking detail when you get home. I don’t care what time it is, call me. If it’s after the girls go to sleep at nine, then text me!”

  The third call was to Irina. “Irina, thank you so much for last night’s advice! This is Violet by the way. Some douchebag at work smacked me on the ass and Rocky had a fit and fired him and then he grabbed me and kissed me like there was no tomorrow!”

  Her response: “I already knew because Vasily texted me from work. But that’s excellent news, Violet, I’m so happy for you. I knew he could only wait so long before taking what he wanted and making you his!”

  My call waiting beeped and I wondered who the hell it could be since I just spoke to everyone. It was Rocky! “Violet, who are you talking to? It’s dangerous to drive and talk on the phone.”

  “Then you and I shouldn’t be talking on the phone right now! Once I get to my house, let me run in for five minutes and then I’ll be right out, ok?” I had a plan. Rocky was way out of my league so I had to pull out all the stops in order to impress him. Hopefully there would be decent food in my fridge.

  Once we got back to my house, I ran in and snatched a brown paper grocery bag. I packed cheese, potato chips, a candy bar, two bottles of water, fresh Italian bread, and some butter. After grabbing a blanket off my couch, my plan was all set.

  Rocky was leaning up against his car, patiently waiting outside. “I figured you had to go in and freshen up your make-up or something,” he told me as he opened the passenger door for me. What a gentleman!

  “Nope,” I corrected him, “I had to pack some survival food. There’s no telling where we might end up and I wanted to be prepared. I figured we could have a picnic. You looked pretty frazzled at work and I don’t know if you ate anything tonight or not.”

  “That’s really sweet of you to be concerned, Violet. I can’t wait to see what you packed. I know just the place for a picnic under the stars.” So romantic! This was definitely, positively, one hundred percent a date.

  Once we hit the open road, I examined his car a bit closer.

  “I love your Mustang. I have a thing for Fords. They’re pretty cool.”

  “Then why do you have a Nissan?” he asked.

  “It’s a hand-me-down from my Aunt Dina. She gets a new car every two or three years. If I need one when she’s ready to trade, then she lets me have it for a great price. She has a Lexus now and there’s no way I’m getting that when she’s done!” I explained.

  “Tell me more about your family, Violet. I know you don’t have brothers or sisters, but do you have a big extended family?”

  “My dad has four brothers and sisters, but they live five hours away and I’m not really close to them except for one Aunt. My mom has a little brother who lives in Florida. I’m pretty close to those cousins because they lived here until I was twelve and then moved away. Aunt Dina is my mom’s older sister. She never had any kids. That’s my family. All my grandparents passed away before I was born. What about your family?”

  Rocky shook his head and explained, “I don’t really like to talk about them. It’s not anything warm and fuzzy. My mother wouldn’t give a fuck if I ate a raw burger or, for that matter, starved from having no burgers at all.” I really didn’t want to press him on details, due to the fact that I considered this a date.

  “Is ‘Rocky’ your real name or a nickname?” That seemed like an innocent question.

  “My real name is actually Rockford. I was Rockford up until the age of twelve. Maybe later I’ll tell you how I got my nickname.”

  “Ah, that might explain a bit. I did a google search of ROCKY DUNCAN and nothing came up.” Rocky looked surprised at my admission so I explained further.

  “I had to make sure I wasn’t going to work for a convicted rapist or serial killer or something. You’re the one who said to be aware of my surroundings. I wanted to be aware of who I was surrounding myself with.”

  “Thanks for stalking me, Violet. Good to know I’m not on any watch lists!”

  “Hey! I just like to know what I’m getting myself into!”

  “You have no idea,” he muttered under his breath as we pulled off the county highway onto a smaller back road.

  “Where exactly are we going?” This didn’t look familiar at all.

  “When we moved here, I wanted to explore the town. I found this place while I was out for a drive one day. I hoped I’d eventually have someone to bring here, and now I do. Let me take your bag and I’ll show you.” Ooh, romantic. He was either going to murder me and bury my body or we’d have a lovely moonlit evening. Fingers crossed for the latter!

  We walked through a field and came to a little hill. He held my hand as we climbed up, making sure I didn’t trip over the uneven surface. Rocky spread the blanket at the top of the hill and sat down. The evening was flawless with not a cloud in sight to block the full moon. We had a breathtaking view overlooking Pineville. Between the glittering stars and the bright lights of the city, it was spectacular.

  I was left speechless by the beauty of my surrounding, as well as the sultry look coming from my companion. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I tried to soak it all in. In life, it’s rare to have a perfect moment when everything lines up and you feel complete. These are few and far between so you have to stop everything and capture them as best as you can. If life is like a movie, then this part was worth living in slow motion. Deep breath…smell the field and the grass and the crisp night air. Deep breath...listen to the sounds of the crickets nearby and the traffic from the city in the distance. Deep breath...open my eyes and savor the moon and the stars and the infinite vastness of space. Deep breath...stare into the eyes of the most drop dead sexy man to ever take me into his arms. This was definitely a moment to appreciate, one I could look back on for the rest of my life. This was Heaven.

  Rocky cleared his throat and broke the silence. “Are you ok, Violet?” I guess it must have looked strange; my gasping for air like a drowning person.

  “I’m just trying to enjoy this moment of perfection. It’s a beautiful night, in a magnificent place, with a man unlike any I’ve ever met in my entire life. I just wanted a minute to enjoy it before I fucked it up by saying something stupid.” Like, for example, that last sentence. “Are you hungry? Do you want to see what I brought to eat?” Maybe he wasn’t hungry and he just wanted to ravage my body? Now that I got here, I had no idea what
to do next. My anxiety of messing things up was starting to take over.

  He patted the blanket next to him and I sat down. “Relax, Violet. I am kind of hungry. Show me what’s on the menu.” Um, me!

  I unpacked the bag and he laughed when he saw what it held. “Bread and water? One candy bar and a bag of potato chips?”

  “Hey, this was all pretty spontaneous. I must have forgotten the champagne and strawberries in my other picnic basket.”

  Rocky smiled at my explanation, causing the wrinkles at the corner of his eyes and mouth to curve up. I loved his smile. His face lit up so completely. When I first met him it was rare to see him smile, but I have to admit that they were becoming more common lately. It meant so much to me that I was one to cause that reaction in him, to make him happy even for a fleeting instant.

  “You’re staring at me again, Violet,” he noticed.

  “Yeah, I am.” I touched his face and stroked his cheek with the back of my hand. He closed his eyes and let me. I leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. It was slow and light, our lips barely brushing against each other. I backed away and gazed into his eyes. He was still so close. He wrapped one hand around the back of my neck and pulled me toward him. This time the kiss was not as gentle. Both my hands rested on his muscular shoulders as the thumb of his other hand stroked my cheek. He hand went from the back of my neck up through my hair, caressing my head as he went. I moaned into his mouth to show my enjoyment. My perfect moment had just gotten even better, if that could be possible. We came up for air and he inched backwards.

  “Violet, you have no idea what effect you have on me. We’re going to have to slow this down or I’m going to pass a point of no-return pretty soon.” His stomach growled right at that moment and we both laughed. Food it is then!

  “Here. Have some of this fresh Italian bread.” I cut a chunk off the loaf and spread some butter on it. He took a small slice of bread and a bit of the cheese. I put a bottle of water in front of each of us. “You only get half the candy bar. You’re lucky to get any of the chocolate,” I informed him.