My Dirty Detour: An Alpha Male Mafia Comedy Romance

by Grace Risata

  “That’s horrible!” I exclaimed.

  “Since you like to be a little gossiping bitch and tell my secrets, Rocky….guess what? I know something that you don’t!” Dmitry taunted.

  “What might that be?” Rocky asked. By this time we’d been idling in the brewery parking lot for about five minutes, but I wasn’t making any attempt to get out of the car. This conversation was too juicy to miss. I can’t believe these two tough guys were gossiping like naughty housewives.

  Dmitry turned around and gave me a stern warning. “Violet, pay attention. What you are about to hear does NOT leave this car. I mean it. I will never speak to you again. You will cease being one of the group and you will be considered dead to me. Do you understand?”

  “Maybe I should get out of the car then? I’m not a good secret keeper.”

  Rocky asked me, “Really? With a build up like that, you’re going to leave? I’m not telling you later what he says. Can you live with that?”

  Hell no. “Ok fine. I won’t ever repeat what I’m about to hear. No matter how much I want to and how juicy it is. Proceed.”

  Dmitry dished the dirt. “Gypsy has been keeping tabs on Natalia for the Barsotti family, right? So he’s been tailing her and he knows everything she’s doing, right? Natalia’s secretly fucking Ursula’s dad and Ursula has NO idea.”

  “No way!” and “Holy Shit!” were the responses Dmitry got after his confession.

  “How the FUCK am I supposed to keep that a secret?!?” I yelled in frustration.

  “Not a word to anyone, Violet. I know Rocky can keep his mouth shut, but this is a test to see if you can.”

  “This is torture. Don’t tell me anything like that again. I can’t handle being in charge of such knowledge,” I whined.

  “We’re slowly integrating you into the group and this is a test of your trustworthiness. Try and pass the initiation, ok?” Dmitry teased, but I think he was serious.

  “I’m really learning a lot today,” Rocky admitted. “Violet’s mom smokes pot and now this. I’m going to bed before anything else happens. I have too much going on as it is.”

  “She only smoked pot that one time. Probably. But going to sleep and ending this awful day sounds like a good plan to me.”

  Dmitry warned me one more time not to blab and then bid us farewell. Gypsy stood watch on the roof with a promise by Sergio to take over for him later. I guess Sergio felt guilty about dumping us by the side of the road. Rocky and I went to bed, but not for any amorous late night activities, only for sleep. I had every intention of finding out more about his fight with Alexei, but after I took out my contacts and went to join Rocky in bed, I discovered him sound asleep. I didn’t have the heart to wake him up. After all the excitement of the day, I figured he could use a break. I eventually fell into a restless sleep, dreaming of the fight and all the ways it could go wrong.

  Thursday Morning, Week Three

  I woke up to a sense of déjà vu as I once again called Dottie at work to tell her that I still wasn’t myself yet and I’d better take more time to recover. Again, I ended the conversation with an overwhelming sense of guilt at not being able to tell her the full story. Unlike yesterday however, I was able to wash up and change into some fresh clothes. I couldn’t shower or all the work Irina did to straighten my hair would literally go right down the drain. Any exposure to water and my strands would curl right back up to their naturally frizzy state . So I took a sponge bath, hit all the important parts, and got dressed in a pair of jeans and a black zip up hoodie. It was really nice to be casual again after dressing so out of my element last night. It was good to be plain old Violet. I celebrated by jumping on Rocky’s bed and sitting next to him. I was pleased to see that he was finally awake. He was out like a light when I woke up to get dressed.

  “Good morning, sleepy head! So what chaotic mess are we going to get ourselves into today?” I asked him.

  “Aren’t you all full of optimism and hope this fine morning!” he responded with no trace of appreciation for my sarcasm. I was trying to be positive and not think about the upcoming fight. I didn’t want to mope around and make Rocky any more stressed than he already was. I leaned over and gave him a sweet kiss and ran my hand up his t-shirt to feel his washboard abs.

  “That’s much better,” I sighed. “Now I can be happy.”

  “I’m not. I still have the image in my head of you with no underwear on last night. Someone owes me some alone time after teasing me with that. Unfortunately, there’s absolutely nothing I can do to act on that because Dmitry will be over here any minute.” Rocky pointed to the alarm clock that read two minutes to eight. “He said he’d be here at eight to help me prepare for the fight and he’s always on time.”

  “I guess two minutes isn’t going to get the job done, huh?” I pouted.

  “Not the way I do it,” Rocky replied. He noticed my disappointment and said, “I’m all yours later. I promise.”

  Sure enough, there was a loud knock on the bedroom door and a voice yelled, “Get off your old lady and get your ass out of bed, it’s training time!”

  The door burst open and Dmitry jumped on the bed.

  “You’re lucky we’re fully clothed,” I chastised.

  “I’ve seen Rocky’s junk before. It’s nothing special. What are you making us for breakfast, Violet?” Dmitry asked while bouncing on the bed.

  “Why are you so fucking perky already?” I grumbled.

  “I have coffee and I’m wide awake. Let’s go people! Time to get up!”

  Rocky pulled the covers back over his head and I went into the kitchen to see what we had in the fridge. “How about an omelet and some toast?” I offered.

  Dmitry approved my breakfast selection and ordered Rocky to shower and get ready to practice. Dmitry sat at the kitchen counter drinking his coffee while I chopped up onions, green peppers, and ham cubes for the omelets. I decided to pick Dmitry’s brain while I worked.

  “I haven’t had a chance to talk to Rocky about the fight. He fell asleep as soon as we got back last night. Give it to me straight, Dmitry. What are his chances of winning and how scared should I be?”

  Dmitry hesitated and I took his pause as a bad sign. I pleaded, “Don’t lie to me either. I don’t like it when you try to sugarcoat the truth like I can’t handle reality.”

  “I’ve never done that with you, Violet, and I won’t start now. Alexei is a formidable opponent. I’ve seen him fight a few times. He’s ruthless. He’s about four inches taller than Rocky and he has about forty pounds on him. Alexei treats his body like it’s his business, which it is. To my knowledge, he’s never lost a fight. But that fact really shouldn’t scare you. You have to keep in mind that he only fights people that he knows he can beat. His family is very powerful and his rivals know that if they win, they’ll bring shame to Alexei. No one wants to do that. They all know better.”

  “So why does anyone fight him at all, then?”

  “Good question. Let’s say your family has a business and it’s not doing very well. You need some money to get out of debt. So you send the strongest young male in the family to fight Alexei. Alexei wins, he looks tough, he gains credibility, and the family gets a nice sweet payout for sacrificing their son and losing the fight.”

  “But what does anyone else get out of it? I mean why does anyone go to see a fight if they know how it will end? The result is the same every time because Alexei always wins. Isn’t it boring?”

  “No. There is a lot of money to be made from betting on the fights. They don’t usually accept bets about who will win, because that’s a given. They take bets on how bad the challenger will get hurt, how long he’ll last in the ring, and how many rounds it will go.”

  “But how will this fight be different? Rocky won’t take a dive, will he? He has to win. What will happen if he wins and shames Alexei?”

  “Let’s think positive. Let’s not say ‘if he wins’, but instead ‘when he wins.’ Rocky will not be taking a dive. He’l
l fight to win. There will be no repercussions when Rocky wins because Alexei’s family is not more powerful than the Barsotti family. If Alexei tried anything in retaliation for a loss, he’d have the whole Italian mafia gunning for him and it would cause an all-out war. They’re stupid, but they’re not that dumb. No one in that family so much as wipes their ass without express approval from Ursula’s dad, Mikhail. He knows he can’t take on the Barsotti family. So this will simply be a fight to see who’s the strongest. Rocky and Alexei will both legitimately give it all they have. I imagine bets on this fight will rival anything that happens in the rings in Vegas.”

  “If you didn’t think Rocky could win, would you still let him fight?”

  Before Dmitry could answer that, Rocky walked into the kitchen and asked, “What smells so good in here?”

  I smiled and served him an omelet. Dmitry got the second one and I got the last one. As we were all stuffing our faces, I actually had a thought that wasn’t selfish. “Oh shit. Who’s on the roof doing sentry duty? Should I bring them breakfast, too?”

  “Nope, it’s just Sergio. Let him starve,” Dmitry replied.

  Rocky rolled his eyes. “Yeah, if there’s enough food left we can make him a plate.”

  ------------------------------------------------------

  After breakfast we walked outside to the make-shift teaching area where I so miserably failed yesterday. Rocky and Dmitry started training, while Sergio came down from the roof to eat an omelet. I sat by Sergio in the grass and we had a conversation safely out of earshot of the other guys.

  “Violet, I want to apologize for last night. I had no idea that fuckwad was going to pull out a stash of blow. My cousin is a loser. After you guys got out of the car I had a screaming fit and went off on him. He knows that Rocky won’t tolerate drugs of any kind. I mean like the ones that you snort or inject. Rocky is ok with anything you can smoke. I probably shouldn’t tell you that. I just mean that he’s okay with marijuana and pills, but he freaks out for anything else. Not that Rocky pops pills or smokes anything, personally. Fuck. I’m fucking this up. I’m going on like no sleep at all here, ok? Maybe I should start over?”

  I’d never seen Sergio so frazzled. “Are you ok, man? You’re usually so put together and suave. What’s going on?” I paused from playing with the blades of grass I was picking, to really look at him.

  “I’m tired. Rocky’s pissed at me. My family is in town and I haven’t seen them in years, but it’s awkward. At first it was cool, but now it just seems like it’s been so long and it’s hard to connect with them again. Hanging out with Rocky and Dmitry and Vasily….well I got used to being the coolest guy in the room. I might have mellowed out a little. Now you add in Dante and Carmine and I’m not the star of the show anymore. It’s just…different. All Rocky worries about is you all the time and he never even asked what I did on Tuesday night when I took off with those guys.”

  “Oh no! I’m Yoko Ono! I’m the one busting up the dude group! Fuck. I don’t want to be that girl. The one who gets between the guy friends. Don’t let me do that, Sergio! I’m not that way. You can spend as much time with Rocky as you want. I think he’s only spending all his time with me now because we just started seeing each other and he’s not sick of me yet and …and…”

  “And you’re fucking him and he’s been in a dry spell for an unimaginably long time and that’s definitely NOT something I’m ever going to do,” Sergio said and laughed.

  “Yeah, that doesn’t hurt either,” I admitted.

  “Don’t worry about it, Violet. I don’t think you’re busting up the group.”

  “Well, that’s not my intention at all. If at any point you think that I’m starting to monopolize Rocky or I’m being a bitch or something, just say ‘YOKO’ and I’ll back off. I promise!”

  “Ok, that sounds good. I may take you up on that.”

  “That’s a relief. I’m glad we got that out there. Since you keep bringing it up…what exactly DID you do on the night that you went out with Carmine and Dante? How come Gypsy never gets to go and do anything fun? Did you have any idea how pissed I was at those guys? Ok, not Gypsy, because I like him. I mean the other two.”

  “Why do you like Gypsy?” Sergio asked, puzzled.

  “He’s cool. He’s a body disposal guy who has germ issues. I appreciate the irony of it all, what with having so many issues myself.”

  “Who told you that he’s a body disposal guy? Rocky sure as hell wouldn’t be telling you that?!”

  “It was Dmitry. We had a nice heart-to-heart talk after you bailed with the Guido twins and abandoned us to deal with the aftermath. It was not a pretty scene, Sergio. Not at all. Rocky had a fit because I found out about his past and all the stuff that went down with Ursula. I’m sure you leaving to go off to greener pastures didn’t help any. I was having my own episode trying to deal with all this new information and then having Carmine threaten to bitch slap me into next week for being disrespectful. I was huddled into a ball in the bathroom trying to not lose my shit. Dmitry pretty much swooped in and handled things in your absence.” I needed him to know that we missed him. I guess I could tell him that. “You were missed, Sergio. You’re usually the calm voice of reason that makes Rocky relax and take it down a notch.”

  “I had no idea. My only thought was how it was pissing me off that Rocky would behave like that in front of Dante and Carmine. Instead of being shocked that he hit Dante, I should have taken the time to understand WHY he hit him. I was just so happy to see Carmine again. He’s the only real brother I have left, Violet. I missed him. I’ve always idolized my older brother. In my eyes, he can do no wrong.”

  “He’s not your only brother, Sergio. Rocky is your brother too. It doesn’t matter if it’s not by blood. You know that. Hell, I’ve only known you for three weeks and even I can see that.”

  Sergio nodded his head, deep in thought.

  In an effort to lighten the mood, I asked him, “So…you’ve got me on the edge of my seat. What did you guys do on Tuesday night?”

  “Honestly, we really didn’t do anything special. We got hammered at a bar, smoked some pot, and took a couple of girls home. Actually, they’re the ones who took the girls home. I drank too much and passed out. I haven’t smoked pot in a long time. It made me tired. Fuck, I’m getting old. I just wanted Rocky to know that I do things without him. I wanted him to be upset about the time that I spent with Carmine and Dante and remember the good old days of how it was when we all went out. Rocky and I used to be inseparable. Back in New York, he never would have let me go off with those two…he would have come with us.”

  “Dude, you’re the one who went off without him. Maybe it bothered him, too. If you take a step back and really analyze it, you two sound like an old married couple trying to make each other jealous.” I continued in a high pitched voice, “Well I was only trying to make you jealous to get your attention! Why don’t you pay attention to me anymore?” Then I switched to a deep man voice, “Well if you wouldn’t storm off on a rampage and if you would stay and rationally discuss our problems, then maybe I’d pay more attention to you.”

  Sergio laughed. “Well, when you put it that way….I do sound like kind of a bitch, huh?”

  “You said it, I didn’t it.”

  “Thanks, Violet. I appreciate the talk. You opened my eyes a little bit.”

  “No worries. But don’t get up yet, ok? We have one more thing to discuss.”

  “Oh, yeah? What’s that?” Sergio asked suspiciously.

  “I have a car question for you.”

  “Okay, is yours acting up or what?” he asked, seeming to relax.

  “No. I want to know what you think my car is worth. Like if I had to sell it to you, what would you give me for it? It’s a few years old with about twenty-five thousand miles on it.”

  “At my best guess, I’d say you could probably get ten grand for it.”

  “Good. That brings me to my next favor. Dmitry told me that you were so
mething of a bookie, right?” I kind of formulated a plan in my head while I was talking to Dmitry at breakfast. I would need Sergio’s help to pull it off.

  “Well, I used to be a long time ago,” he admitted.

  “Ok, fantastic. I want to bet ten grand, or the whole value of my car as collateral, that Rocky wins against Alexei tomorrow.”

  “What? No fucking way, Violet.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because, number one, Rocky would kill me for taking that bet.”

  “What’s number two?”

  “There is no number two. Number one is reason enough not to take the bet. Are you having some kind of money problems or what? Do you need a loan? I could give you a few grand if it would help. Does Rocky know you’re having trouble?”

  “I’m not having trouble. I’m fine. I know these past few weeks have been hard on Rocky’s business because he keeps shutting down production to deal with all this crazy shit that’s been dumped in his lap. I figure the ten grand could go a long way toward getting him back in good shape. It’ll tide him over until things go back to normal. I have no other need for the money. I’d bet more if I had it. As a matter of fact, I want you to give the money to Rocky after he wins and don’t tell him where it came from. Will you do that?”

  Sergio stared at me for what seemed like an eternity. “What if you lose?” he asked.

  “If Rocky loses the fight, then me having no car will be the least of my problems.” I didn’t want to think of a battered and bruised Rocky limping out of the ring, bleeding from injuries that were probably internal. The hypochondriac in me was having a fit over it. I couldn’t go down that road. It would destroy me. “So, will you take the bet or not?”