My Dirty Detour: An Alpha Male Mafia Comedy Romance

by Grace Risata

  “There is a small piece of good new,” Dmitry shared. “You should be aware that Carmine texted Sergio to tell him that the fight’s been bumped up to one o’clock in the afternoon tomorrow. It turns out that some people in high places have Friday night plans and they don’t want to be stuck in Pineville overnight. They plan on flying in, watching the fight, and then leaving right after. That will help us with not having to worry about anyone making trouble after the fight. We don’t have enough people to cover everyone anyway, in regards to surveillance.”

  Rocky asked his friends for one last favor. “I need you guys to make me a promise. I need you to swear to me that whatever happens tomorrow, you’ll keep Violet safe. I can’t be worrying about her and watching the crowd to make sure she’s okay, while fighting Alexei at the same time. Keep Ursula away from her.”

  “We’ll keep her safe, Rocky, I promise,” Sergio vowed

  Dmitry agreed. “We’ll protect her and make sure no one goes near her except for us. No Carmine, no Italians, no Ursula, no one.”

  Rocky nodded his head and thanked them. “I’ll find some way to repay you guys for this.”

  “Hell, it’s more excitement then we’ve had in a long time. I’m kind of having fun,” Dmitry admitted.

  “That’s because you’re an idiot,” Sergio responded.

  Friday, Four in the Morning, Week Three

  I was startled awake from a very graphic nightmare. Someone was chasing me through the woods. I couldn’t see their face and they weren’t saying anything, but I knew they were relentlessly pursuing me. The faster I tried to run, the more I stumbled. For some reason I was barefoot and it was cold outside. As the dream ended, I felt a hand wrap around my neck and I tried to scream, but no words came out.

  I gasped and sat straight up in bed, trying to catch my breath. I was soaked with sweat and my heart was pounding right out of my chest.

  “Are you okay, Violet? What’s wrong?” Rocky asked, sitting up beside me.

  “It was just a dream. A bad dream. A nightmare. I think it was the universe trying to warn me. Don’t fight today.”

  “I have to fight. I have no other choice,” Rocky explained, rubbing my back to try and calm me down. “It was only a dream. You’re safe now.”

  “No, we’re not safe. There’s always another choice. Let’s run. We can both leave now. We’ll pack up some stuff and take the first plane to somewhere else. Somewhere safe. You did it last time, you can do it again,” I desperately pleaded.

  “We can’t do that. You’re thinking with your heart and not your head. That’s really out of character for you, Violet. What happened to the rational analytical girl who makes lists and charts? You don’t do anything spontaneously.”

  “I don’t need a chart to realize how worried I am. We’re running out of time. Let’s go before it’s too late. Please?”

  “No. I’m not giving up my business and you’re not leaving your whole life behind. I’m done running. No matter where you run, the problems just catch up to you. It doesn’t accomplish anything.”

  “Don’t say that. It led you to me.”

  “Yes it did, and I’m grateful for that. I ran away and realized that there was a life outside of the New York. One that was safe and stable. One where I didn’t have to look over my shoulder and worry about who was coming after me for revenge. One that I didn’t even know I needed until I found it. I didn’t know I needed you, until I found you. I like my life now. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’m not running from it. I’m facing it head on.”

  I sighed and rolled over, accepting the fact that he refused to leave. I tried to fight my fear, but it was no use. The tears spilled down my cheeks and I started to sniffle.

  “Are you crying?” Rocky asked.

  “Maybe. It doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes it does,” he replied. “You have no reason to cry. Nothing has happened yet. Maybe zombies will come and eat the Russians right before the fight and we won’t have to go through with it. Maybe an alien mothership will slowly descend and beam Alexei aboard. Maybe Ursula will grow a heart and call the whole thing off.”

  “Maybe monkeys will fly out of my ass,” I responded.

  “Honestly, the odds of zombies, aliens, and monkeys making an appearance are probably more likely than Ursula getting a conscience,” Rocky admitted.

  I rolled my eyes and hit him in the chest. He kissed me and said, “Go back to sleep.”

  “Wait, not yet. What were you guys talking about last night? Did I miss anything important?"

  “No. Carmine and Sergio went at it because Sergio was pissed how Carmine talked to me. I think Sergio is starting to realize that his brother is not who he thought. There’s always petty bullshit in the family about someone being mad at someone else. It was just mostly stupid politics.”

  “Oh, okay,” I said with relief. Good to know that nothing else went wrong.

  Rocky scratched his chin like he was just remembering something. “But there was one other thing. Was there some small detail you forgot to tell me about yesterday? Something about a car and a bet, maybe?” Fuck. Busted.

  “Yes. That’s what I was pissed about on the roof. I can’t tell anyone about Dmitry’s giant gossip of who’s fucking whom, but Sergio can tell both of you about my bet? Where’s the justice in that?” I angrily demanded.

  “They’ve known you for two minutes, so they have no loyalty to you. Their loyalty is to me. Dmitry just told you about his gossip to test you and see if you could keep the secret. I’m really impressed that you have. It’s quite the bombshell. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. You’re just trying to change the subject and take heat off yourself for betting your car.”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. I believe you told me to go to sleep before.” I faked a yawn. “I think I’ll do just that.”

  “You’re not off the hook for that, Violet. Not by a long shot,” Rocky warned.

  --------------------------------

  I couldn’t go back to sleep knowing what was on the line today. I called Dottie for the third day in a row, and this time I got a lecture. I had to be honest and tell her that I wasn’t sick, but rather got myself into a bit of trouble. I explained that someone from Rocky’s past came back to start trouble and I needed one more day to help him get out of it. I promised her that I would be back to work on Monday, come hell or high water, and that I would give her all the details of everything that’s been happening these past few days. She could tell I was being straightforward and that I was desperate, so she let it go.

  I showered and put on one of my best pairs of jeans and the tight black shirt that I wore to the Coral City food fest when Rocky threw up on me. I used the most expensive detergent I could find and it was as good as new. I figured I would probably be throwing up on it again from nerves anyway.

  I checked my phone as soon as I got out of the shower, partially afraid there would be a message from Dottie saying that she’d reconsidered and I was fired. Of course there was no such text. There were two messages from Frankie and Stella.

  Stella: “Good luck today. I hope Rocky gets a knockout. Call me when it’s over.”

  Frankie: “Be careful today If anything gets dangerous call 9-1-1 and run away I’m serious! Call me and let me know what’s going on I worry about you! Love mom!”

  That’s so sweet. I should explain that my mom is bad at texting and doesn’t use punctuation unless it’s an exclamation point. It makes it fun to try and figure out where her sentences begin and end.

  I walked out of the bathroom and told Rocky, “Stella texted that she hopes you have good luck, and my mom told me to call 9-1-1 if it gets dangerous.”

  “That was nice. I mean it’s nice that they care about you. It WILL be dangerous, but you can’t call 9-1-1. No cops can get involved. That’s not the way it works.”

  “How does it work? I mean what can I expect? I know nothing about how this is all going to go down today.” I should have asked t
his before to be better prepared.

  “There are only a few rules. It’s all hand-to-hand combat. No weapons are permitted. No one is allowed to intervene. That about covers it.”

  “Where does the fight take place? Who will be there? What happens afterward?”

  Rocky shrugged his shoulders. “The fight will be at one o’clock this afternoon on Dmitry’s land. It will happen in the field where we had target practice with the guns. That was the most logical place to have it. It’s big and open, nothing surrounding it, no houses, and no witnesses. I’m not sure who will be there. Lots of people that you don’t know. I want you to pay attention and pay attention good, ok?” He pointed his finger at me. “I’m dead serious about this, so listen. I want you to stay by Dmitry and Sergio the entire time. When the fight starts, I want you glued to their sides. If they go separate directions, you STAY BY DMITRY. Is that understood? I’m not fucking around.”

  “I got it. Stay by Dmitry and Sergio, but if one takes off, stay by Dmitry. You don’t have to tell me twice. The Russians don’t like me and I’m pretty sure the Italians won’t either. Is there anyone I should stay away from?”

  “Yes. Stay away from EVERYONE. You talk to Dmitry, Sergio, Vasily and Irina. No one else. If someone talks to you and they’re not on that list, DO NOT RESPOND. Your mouth tends to get you into trouble. Stay away from Dante. Stay away from Carmine. Stay away from anyone that you don’t know,” Rocky advised.

  “But what if someone directly asks me a question? If I ignore them, then that’s even more disrespectful.”

  “Then look down, shrug your shoulders, and say ‘I don’t know.’ Hopefully that will end the conversation.”

  I highly doubted that was going to work under any circumstances. What if Ursula asked me something bitchy like, “How does it feel to know you’re boyfriend’s going to die?” I can’t say, “I don’t know” and shrug my shoulders and look down like I’m some door mat. I couldn’t tell Rocky that his suggestion totally sucked, because I didn’t want to aggravate him today.

  “Can you do that?” he asked.

  “I’ll try.” Honesty was the best approach with him. I would certainly try to stay under the radar, but if I couldn’t….oh well.

  Rocky smiled and kissed me. “Try not to worry too much, ok? You look beautiful today. I like your curly hair and I’m glad it’s back.” I’m sure Irina would disagree when she saw that my shower ruined all her hard work.

  Rocky went to take a shower and I strolled into the kitchen to find something for breakfast. Preferably something that was low on fiber, because I was already trying not to shit myself with anxiety. I was extremely surprised to see Dmitry and Sergio sleeping in the living room. Sergio was on the couch and Dmitry was curled up into a ball on the floor.

  “What the hell are you two doing out here? Did you have a slumber party or what?” I asked, waking them both up.

  “Yes, we did. Sergio painted his nails pink and watched princess cartoons. No wait….he does that every night,” Dmitry said, barely keeping a straight face.

  “Go fuck yourself! At least I didn’t have to sleep on the floor!” Sergio replied.

  “How DID you manage to get the couch?” I asked him.

  “We did rock, paper, scissors. Dmitry always picks rock because he’s stupid.”

  “Hmm….good to know. I’ll file that way for future reference,” I said. “But why did you two stay over and not go home?”

  “Let’s wait until Rocky comes out before we answer that, ok?” Dmitry said with an air of mystery. I had no patience for that. Especially not today.

  “Whatever. I guess I can wait five more minutes. Unless….”

  “Unless what?” Sergio asked.

  “Maybe I can get the information sooner?” I said, staring directly at Dmitry.

  “How are you going to do that?” he asked.

  “Maybe we can play rock, paper, scissors and the winner gets her answer?”

  Sergio started laughing and screamed, “Do the paper, Violet!”

  “You two can eat shit!” Dmitry said, flipping us off with both hands. I smiled while Sergio pulled the blankets over his head.

  “It’s too early for all of this,” he complained

  Rocky wandered out a moment later and asked, “What was all the yelling?”

  “You weren’t here, so Violet took your place in tormenting me,” Dmitry answered.

  “That’s only because you were withholding information! There’s a reason they stayed over last night, but they won’t tell me what it is,” I whined.

  “We were waiting for Rocky so we didn’t have to tell the same story twice,” Dmitry explained.

  “To make a long story short, Dmitry knew the Russians might have something up their sleeve to try and fuck with your head, Rocky. Vasily did surveillance, and sure enough, a car drove by and hurled two Molotov cocktails at the brewery. They were going pretty fast and they didn’t get very close. Vasily didn’t have a chance to fire any shots or to see who was in the car. It was a black sedan,” Sergio reported.

  “Probably Ursula’s flunkies, Enrique and Eduardo. I’m sure it was just their way of trying to rattle you. Nothing else happened. We stayed over so we’d be ready for their next move. I honestly expected more. It was a letdown, actually,” Dmitry finished.

  “Thanks for staying, I appreciate it. Hopefully all this drama will be over soon. I’m getting too old for this bullshit,” Rocky admitted.

  Dmitry’s phone rang and he answered right away. “What? Now? Ok. We’ll be right out.” He turned to Rocky and said, “Drama’s not over yet, buddy. Angelo Barsotti’s convoy just arrived.”

  “Fuck!” was simultaneously yelled by both Sergio and Rocky. Shit just got real.

  -----------------------------------

  Sergio tried smoothing the wrinkles out of the clothes he’d slept in the night before. He looked presentable. At some point he must have noticed his shirt was buttoned incorrectly and at least fixed that. He ran his hands through his hair, in an effort to tame down the wild mess on his head. Rocky seemed a bit more put together in jeans and a black T shirt. Both of them looked utterly terrified.

  “What do we do? What do we do?” I asked. No one prepared me for this. I was two minutes away from meeting the main man. The head of the Barsotti crime family. The guy who had New York in the palm of his hand. I didn’t know if I should ask for his autograph or offer him a drink.

  Rocky took a deep breath and said, “We go out and greet Sergio’s dad. That’s what we do.” So that’s what we did.

  We walked out to the parking lot to find five cars waiting for us. They were all black SUV’s. Evidently it was an unspoken rule that all important people had to drive black SUV’s. I wondered if they were bulletproof. I would have to ask about that later.

  The doors opened on four of the five cars and some very intimidating men began pouring out. They all wore suits in various shades of dark gray and black. White dress shirts and ties underneath; sunglasses covering their faces. If I didn’t know better, I would have bet my money on secret service agents. In reality, they were not guarding the president. Not by a long shot.

  One of them pointed to Vasily up on the roof and yelled, “He comes down NOW or we shoot him down. Your choice.”

  Rocky turned to Dmitry and said, “Get him down.”

  Dmitry called Vasily and told him to back away from the roof and wait inside the building. It was obvious he wanted to protect his brother and keep him away from whatever clusterfuck was about to go down.

  After the fake FBI guys did their sweep and they deemed the area safe, Mr. Barsotti was allowed to exit his vehicle. He was shorter than I thought he would be. As he got closer, I was able to make out his features. With a head full of salt and pepper gray hair, a cleanly shaven face, and bright brown eyes, he looked very distinguished and influential. There was a certain presence about him. He was absolutely the type of person who demanded attention just by walking into a room. I could picture h
im in a position of power, such as a politician. I highly doubted anyone dared to disobey him.

  Angelo walked over in our direction, but stopped about three feet away. He cocked his head to the side, examining us. I realized I hadn’t taken a breath in about 30 seconds, so I forced myself to suck in some air.

  “Hi dad,” Sergio said awkwardly, not making any move to hug his father. Rocky said nothing at all. Please tell me it was not going to be up to me to break the ice here.

  Of course it was. I did the first thing that came to mind. I got down on one knee and bowed my head as a show of respect for this man. There was no way in hell I was going to get accused of being rude to Mr. Barsotti. Carmine could eat shit as far I was concerned, but I was going to get off on the right foot with Angelo.

  “It’s an honor to meet you Mr. Barsotti. Is there a ring I should kiss? I’m not sure what proper protocol is here. Some assistance would be greatly appreciated right about now. Thank you.” I managed to speak clearly and with as much politeness as I could muster. I really had to hold back an autograph request. I also wanted to casually throw out a “So hey, how does one become the most feared man in all of New York?” but I knew that was totally inappropriate.

  Instead of Angelo answering my question, Rocky was actually the one to reply. “Get up, Violet,” he ordered. “My girl bows to no one.”

  Oh that was hot! Remind me to thank him for that later. I did as I was told and got up from my kneeling position.

  Angelo laughed and stuck out a hand. “It’s nice to meet you too, Violet. I’ve heard stories from Sergio. He checks in with me every once in a while. He told me that Rocky’s finally met someone who could handle him. I doubted that, but perhaps I should reconsider. I heard you got into some trouble with Ursula and Carmine. Care to enlighten me on that?”

  I shook his hand as firmly as possible and explained, “Yes, sir. Ursula came to town a few days ago and challenged me to a duel, or some such nonsense. She insulted me quite heinously and I had no other choice but to use vulgar language and not tolerate her actions. Carmine’s behavior was equally offensive and, needless to say, we don’t see eye to eye on most matters.” That was totally sophisticated of a description. I wanted him to have a good impression of me and not think I was uncivilized.