Shadows of the Past

by Balik, Shea

  A low rumble causing Kassian’s dick to twitch in appreciation, vibrated through the room as Hudson continued to scan every inch of the place as if expecting to see an enemy he could vanquish. When he didn’t find one, his gaze landed on Kassian. “How long has she been haunting you?”

  There were two things that struck Kassian. First, Hudson didn’t even blink an eye when Kassian mentioned his dead sister was there messing with him. And two, Hudson was still very naked. Instead of being repulsed, as he should have been, Kassian’s mouth watered as he stared at the man’s erect dick.

  Another growl had his eyes flicking upward to find Hudson’s blue eyes fixated on Kassian’s mouth. The heat from that stare caused Kassian to realize he had been licking his lips while looking at Hudson’s cock.

  Another giggle filled the room breaking the spell that Kassian had been under as he fantasized about tasting Hudson, which didn’t make any sense to him. Never had he imagined actually doing that with another man. Hell, when it came to sex, Kassian was completely ignorant of what went on between two people.

  The fact that he’d even thought about licking Hudson’s long, thick stalk wasn’t something he had even known was possible, much less want to do it. Damn, he needed to think of something else, or he was liable to make a fool of himself.

  “Uhm,” he tried to remember the question Hudson had asked him. “Pretty much since she died. I remember about four days later, I was curled up under a blanket in the loft of the barn, refusing to come out. I hadn’t eaten or had anything to drink since my parents told me to hide and not move until they gave me the okay.”

  He shuddered at the memory. He’d stayed under that smelly, scratching blanket but he had peeked through the boards beneath him only to witness his worst nightmare. He wished more than anything he hadn’t listened to them. Maybe he could have saved his family. That or he’d be dead, but at least he wouldn’t have to live with the crushing guilt of surviving that horrific night.

  “Weak from lack of fluids and the freezing cold, I started to sleep more than I was awake when I felt someone pull on my hair.” He’d been terrified at the time. “At first I thought…” His mind rebelled. Kassian shook his head doing his best to dispel the images of that day.

  “But when I threw off the blanket to run, no one was there.” It had been at that moment that Kassian was sure he’d lost his mind. “The same laughter you just heard had rung out and I felt another tug on my hair.”

  “It’s okay,” Hudson said into his hair as lips brushed against the side of his ear. “I’ve got you, my little bunny.”

  Kassian had no idea when Hudson had sat down next to him, or pulled him onto his lap yet again. He shouldn’t, but Kassian couldn’t resist the urge to curl up against Hudson’s heat and soak it in.

  His head warned him not to trust the cat shifter, but every other part of his body, especially his bruised and damaged heart, begged him to stay. So he did.

  CHAPTER 6

  Hudson knew it wasn’t wise to stay. He wasn’t the kind of person Kassian needed in his life. He gave an internal snort at the understatement of the year. Hudson was about the worst person for Kassian at the moment.

  He was a cold blooded killer. If Kassian ever learned the truth of what he had done for living in his past, he’d run screaming from Hudson. That would break Hudson’s heart.

  No. It was better to leave now before he fell in love with his mate. Except…Hudson sighed as he breathed Kassian in…he feared it was already too late for that.

  Murmuring reassuring words to his mate, Hudson prayed they would help. He would slay every damn demon his mate had, given the chance, but he wasn’t so sure he’d be allowed the opportunity. Not that he could blame Kassian.

  From what he’d been able to piece together from Kassian’s rambling, his sister, Mila and his parents had been killed by the supposed serial killer that terrorized Miracle in the forties. The same reason Miracle had ended up abandoned when the residents fled in fear.

  In fairness, the town had been dying long before that, but it had been the proverbial last nail in the coffin. Pun intended.

  After finding an actual ghost in town, which he guessed had been Kassian’s sister, Hudson had dug into the details that surrounded the killings. The real estate agent who’d sold Edrick the town had claimed several people been killed. In reality, the number had been twelve.

  In a large town, that would be an alarming number. In Miracle, where the population had been just over a hundred, that number was astounding. It made sense that the residents had fled in terror.

  The fact that three of the people who’d died were bunny shifters, gave more credence to Hudson’s original suspicions that most of the town had been made up of herbivores. If Kassian was right, which Hudson suspected he was, the killer had been a feline shifter, most likely attacking those he considered prey.

  It wouldn’t have been the first time a predator killed those he thought weaker than himself. The killer just better hope Hudson never found him, or he’d find out what it was like to be hunted.

  Slowly, Kassian stopped shaking. It may not be right, but Hudson couldn’t help but feel pleased with himself that he was the one to give his mate comfort. At the same time it pissed him the hell off that his mate had been suffering as long as he had. According to those reports of the murders, they started in 1942 and ended in 1944. That meant Kassian had been living in his self-imposed hell for over seventy years.

  And what had Hudson been doing during that time? Well, in fairness he hadn’t been born until the seventies, but once he’d grown up? He’d become a killer himself. A paid hitman, who murdered anyone the U.S. government or his alpha told him to.

  He didn’t deserve to have a mate as sweet as Kassian. Hell, he didn’t deserve a mate at all. But especially not Kassian. The man needed someone who could help him through the nightmares of his past, not give him new ones.

  Yet, try as he might, Hudson couldn’t stop himself from holding his little mate close to his body. He felt too damn good there. Hudson’s hard as nails dick could attest to that. Not that he would act upon those needs when his mate clearly wasn’t ready for that kind of intimacy.

  With the way Kassian blushed each time he noticed Hudson’s state of undress mixed with the shocked look in his eyes, Hudson had to wonder if Kassian had any experience with another man. Or woman for that matter. Hudson feared his little mate had kept himself completely isolated at the farm.

  “So-sorry.” Kassian sniffed and used the sleeve of his shirt to dry his eyes. “I didn’t mean to fall apart again. It’s just, I miss her and my parents.”

  Hudson wished he could say the same. His father was a bully, who had made Hudson’s life miserable. When the opportunity to join a special unit of the marines that was made of only shifters came along, he jumped at it just to get away from the man. His mother hadn’t been much better.

  “It’s okay,” he crooned. His hand continued to stroke his mate from his hair all the way down his back. “Do you want to talk about it some more?”

  Kassian’s head moved against his chest. “No.” His tone was stronger, more sure. “I feel like all I do is think of that day every moment.” He gave a snort. “Even when I’m sleeping, the nightmare refuses to give me a break.”

  “Maybe it would help if you had someone to share it with.” Not that Hudson actually believed that, but he would gladly do whatever it took to take the burden of his mate’s misery from his too thin shoulders.

  But Kassian continued to shake his head. “No. What I want more than anything is just a few minutes of not having to think about it, you know?” He gave a heavy shuddering sigh. “I know that will never happen, but it would be nice.”

  Hudson grinned. He was pretty sure that was something he could do for his mate. He just needed to convince the pretty man first. “You wouldn’t happen to have any clothes that might fit me, would you?”

  Like a rocket, Kassian jumped high into the air, then scrambled away as he was o
nce more reminded of Hudson’s naked body. If Hudson weren’t so determined to make Kassian more comfortable around him, he would have laughed at his mate’s antics.

  “I…uh…I mean…” A cute blush spread up Kassian’s neck and spread across his cheeks as he stammered. “I don’t…There’s no way…” Kassian glanced down at his own five-foot five frame and back at Hudson’s six-foot-two frame, his eyes zeroing in on Hudson’s dick, which was standing up proudly for his mate. “You’ll never fit…”

  Try as he might, Hudson couldn’t hold back a chuckle at Kassian’s ill-chosen words and the fiery red that now infused his cheeks. “I mean, I’m not as big as you.”

  The moment Kassian realized what he’d said as he continued to stare at Hudson’s cock, he slapped his hand over his face and murmured to himself. “Please let this be another nightmare. Or a hole to open up. Or the house to collapse on top of me.”

  Hudson laughed. He closed the distance between them and took Kassian’s hand in his, revealing his mate’s very embarrassed face. He was just so damn cute, Hudson was too enamored to stop himself from leaning in and kissing those adorable lips.

  Kassian’s gray eyes flew open. Shock stared back at Hudson. When Hudson ended the all too brief kiss, Kassian had stopped his babbling and blinked. At least Hudson knew how to shut his mate up in the future.

  As much as he wished to continue their kiss, he needed some clothes on. It was starting to become a problem. Well, not so much for Hudson. He was used to having to be naked after shifting. But his mate obviously wasn’t quite as used to seeing another man undressed.

  He couldn’t say why that pleased him so much. As a shifter, seeing others naked was a part of life. No one made a big deal about it and everyone made sure to give a modicum of privacy when possible by averting their eyes, or not doing as Kassian was doing, staring straight at his already hard and aching dick.

  If he didn’t get some clothes on soon, Hudson feared he might come just from having his mate’s gaze devouring him like a starving man at a buffet. There was no way he was going to allow that to happen, at least not yet.

  “What about your father’s clothes? Was he big enough that I might fit into something he’d worn?” It was a long shot considering Kassian was a bunny shifter. Like the mouse shifters some of his friends had recently mated, bunny shifters were notoriously short. He also had no idea if Kassian had even kept any of his family’s personal belongings after they’d been killed.

  That was when Kassian did the cutest damn thing Hudson had ever seen and he knew he was a goner. Hudson may know he was no good for Kassian, but there was no way anyone or anything on earth was going to keep him from claiming his mate when the time was right.

  Kassian’s teeth clamped down on his lush lower lip, sucking it into his mouth. Then he tilted his head to the right and eyed Hudson up and down like he judging how tall he was. His eyes narrowed a bit as if trying to remember something but ended up throwing his hands up in the air in defeat.

  Yeah, Hudson was a goner.

  “I have no idea. I was nine when they were…” Kassian stopped mid-sentence. “I’m not sure how tall my father was. But my parents’ bedroom is up the stairs, the last door on the left.”

  The thought of witnessing his family’s murder when he was only nine broke Hudson’s heart. His arms ached to hold his mate again, but Kassian’s stiff posture told him that wouldn’t be welcomed. Instead, he bounded up the stairs, taking them three at a time with his long stride.

  When he opened the door, his jaw dropped. A thick coat of dust covered everything but it didn’t take away from the craftsmanship of the furniture. He’d seen it downstairs with the couch, but in here it was obvious every piece had been made with an eye for detail. He should know. His best friend, Chadwick, loved to build things and put the same quality into his work.

  The furniture was made of a deep maple. The dresser handles had vines carved into them, as did the legs of the bed. But it was the headboard that had Hudson itching to touch. For a maple tree was etched into its surface with so much detail, it almost looked alive.

  He knew Chadwick would drool if he saw all this, not that he could blame him for even Hudson was in awe and he didn’t know the first thing about wood furniture. It seemed like a crime to have decades of dust covering the beauty in that room, but he also understood why Kassian hadn’t touched it.

  Blowing out a long, slow breath, Hudson went to the small closet in the back corner of the room first. He was afraid after so many years, the furniture might get damaged if he tried to open its drawers.

  Thankfully, a series of shelves held several pairs of denim pants and sweaters. They were a tight fit and the pants were about two inches too short, but Hudson would make them work. His job was to cheer up his mate and nothing was going to stop him from doing just that.

  CHAPTER 7

  When Kassian said he wanted to forget about his past, even for a little while, he’d never once thought it possible to do so. The memory of each moment was etched into his very soul, refusing to give him any kind of peace, even in sleep. Especially in sleep.

  His nightmares were like reliving that night in gruesome detail. Over and over again from the moment Mila had pulled him from bed, to watching as a man he’d known his whole life…A snowball slammed against the side of his head.

  He glared at Hudson and lobbed his own snowball, satisfied when it made impact with his somewhat bare abdomen. The clothes Hudson wore were definitely too small leaving his ankles and a good portion of his arms bare. But it was the skin of Hudson’s midriff that Kassian couldn’t help but fixate on as he pelted Hudson with snowballs.

  “Hey,” Hudson said, looking from Kassian to his bare stomach and back again. “You’re doing that on purpose.”

  Kassian couldn’t stop a grin from appearing. It felt…well, weird. He hadn’t smiled in decades, yet in the past half hour, as they’d made a snowman and then started a snowball fight, Kassian found himself not just smiling but laughing.

  That first laugh had sounded so strange that he’d stood there, which gave Hudson the perfect target to hit him with a snowball to his chest. Kassian had retaliated, finding he was really good at hitting his target when he hit Hudson in the head.

  Kassian tossed another snowball, hitting Hudson in exactly the same spot where his sweater didn’t quite meet his pants. When Hudson growled good naturedly, Kassian found himself laughing again.

  He had no idea how long they kept up the snowball fight, but he wished it never had to end. For once in his life, he was actually having fun and he hadn’t thought about that day even once.

  But when Kassian’s strength waned and his snowballs landed halfway between them instead of hitting their target, Hudson called a halt to their play.

  “Please don’t let this end,” Kassian said before he even realized he’d opened his mouth. He may not have meant to say anything, but he didn’t regret it. “It’s just…” God, he had no idea how to tell Hudson how much he needed to not think.

  In the next instant, he was scooped up and thrown over Hudson’s shoulder. “No need to explain my little bunny. I’ve got you covered.”

  Embarrassingly, Kassian squealed as he was suddenly upside down with his head hanging down over Hudson’s back and staring at the white snow. A hand landed on his butt causing another noise that Kassian refused to admit was a high pitched squeak.

  Hudson’s deep laugh surrounded Kassian, sinking deep in his bones. He had no idea what all these confusing feelings were swirling around inside of him, nor was he sure he wanted them. The only thing Kassian was sure of, he was happy. Something he had trouble remembering ever being.

  With ground eating strides, Hudson had them back in the house in no time. He bypassed the living room and headed straight to the kitchen before setting Kassian back on his feet. It was a little disconcerting to see Hudson rummage around in his cupboards and refrigerator like he belonged there.

  The weird thing was, the longer Hudson was aroun
d, the more it felt…right for him to be there. If only Kassian could figure out if that was a good thing or not. He’d been alone so long, that a part of him yearned for someone he could talk to. At the same time, Kassian had no clue how he was supposed to act around Hudson.

  He remembered his parents telling him to be himself when he played with the other kids in town, but Kassian had no idea who that person even was any longer. Who was he kidding? He hadn’t a clue who he was back then, but after decades of living in fear with no one else around, he couldn’t imagine who the adult Kassian was like.

  “Do you have any sugar?” The sudden question startled Kassian from his musings. He looked up to find Hudson now going through his cupboard after getting out some butter and eggs.

  “Sugar?” He glanced again at the contents on the counter and couldn’t figure out why Hudson would want sugar. “I think there is some in the pantry.”

  Although it was probably several years old. Usually Kassian ate mostly raw or grilled vegetables, with a little meat or eggs for protein. But a few years ago, he’d decided to buy a cookbook. That had been a mistake. Kassian couldn’t cook for shit.

  The most elaborate thing he made was scrambled eggs. Otherwise, the only cooked food he attempted was by grilling. Simple and easy, with little chance of setting the stove on fire, which he’d did the last time he’d tried to follow one of the recipes from the cookbook.

  But after buying the cookbook, he’d bought several things it claimed were considered staples for every household. One of those had been sugar.

  “Aha,” Hudson exclaimed as he pulled out sugar and flour, another staple the cookbook declared Kassian had needed, from the pantry. When he put those two things on the counter, Hudson went back to the pantry and started searching again. After several minutes, he came out with a small brown bottle of vanilla in his hand and big smile.