Shadows of the Past

by Balik, Shea

  Once he set that on the counter next to all the other supplies, he turned to Kassian. “Come on, my little bunny. Let’s make some sugar cookies.”

  Huh?

  Not quite sure what Hudson was talking about, Kassian opened his mouth to ask why Hudson thought that was a good idea, but all that came out was, “Huh?” Real smooth.

  “Cook-ies,” Hudson said slowly as if Kassian were a child. “You know. They’re sweet and delicious. At Christmas, we sometimes even decorate them but I didn’t see any kind of frosting or colored sugar in your pantry, so we’ll just have them plain.”

  Kassian stared at Hudson, sure he’d hadn’t heard the man correctly. “You want to make cookies?” It didn’t seem possible.

  Hudson frowned at him. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  Sensing he should be careful what he said, Kassian tried to come up with something reasonable, but again, having been alone for the past seven decades didn’t make socializing and the niceties that went with it easy. In the end he went with the truth.

  “You don’t look like a guy who makes cookies.” That was an understatement. Hudson was big with an air of lethal danger that surrounded him. To be honest, Kassian was still having difficulty understanding why he was standing in an enclosed room with the guy instead of running.

  If Hudson had been any other man, Kassian was fairly certain he’d be long gone by now. But that was the thing. This was Hudson. Oddly enough, Kassian found himself feeling safe instead of terrified.

  “Hey.” Hudson sounded indignant. “I happen to love making cookies.”

  When Kassian eyed him, sure he was lying, Hudson gave a grunt. “Okay, fine,” Hudson said. “I love eating cookies. But since Harper and Jari aren’t here to make them, I figure the only way I’m going to get them is if we do it.”

  One of Hudson’s shoulders rose in a half shrug. “Plus, I thought it might be fun. Maybe not snowball fight fun, but still entertaining.”

  Damn if Kassian’s heart didn’t melt at hearing that. Since his family had died, Kassian hadn’t had anyone in his life at all, much less care enough to try and distract him from the morbid thoughts that were a constant part of his life.

  He could feel his lips curve upward. “Let me get the cookbook out that I had bought. Hopefully the recipe is in there.”

  Kassian had no idea how or why Hudson had shown up that morning. Hell, he’d been about to hang himself and now he was going to make cookies. He didn’t know how Mila had done it, but he knew his sister had something to do with Hudson being there.

  The thing was, he was beginning to believe that maybe, just maybe, life wouldn’t be so miserable if he had someone like Hudson there.

  CHAPTER 8

  The moment Hudson bit into the warm cookie, he wanted nothing more than to spit it out. Not only were they burnt, but they tasted like sweaty feet. He would have, except for the sheer joy on Kassian’s face as he happily ate his own cookie.

  How his little bunny could possibly think these way too dry, hockey pucks were edible, he didn’t know. Nor did he care. The only thing that mattered was he, Hudson Martin had given his mate something to smile about. For several hours he’d done as Kassian asked and given him a break from dwelling on the past.

  A laugh floated in the air around them. Mila. Hudson feared her presence might send Kassian back into darkness, but this time, his little mate joined in with his sister. The duet of giggles was the sweetest sound Hudson had ever heard. For finally, instead of Kassian’s voice sounding rusty and unsure when he laughed, he was carefree, as if he did it every day.

  “I can’t believe we made these,” Kassian said as he grabbed another cookie and took a bite. “I mean, they’re horrible, but we did it with our own two hands.”

  Hudson blinked at his mate. Then he threw back his head and laughed. “Thank God. Because I’m not so sure I can stomach having to eat another.”

  Kassian gave a shrug as he popped the rest of his second cookie into his mouth. “Yeah, but we made them. It makes them taste a little better knowing that.”

  Hudson didn’t think so. He still had the second half of his own cookie in his hand and had no intention of taking another bite. But the way Kassian’s face lit up with pure happiness lifted Hudson’s spirits.

  Wanting to touch his mate, Hudson went over and hugged Kassian to him. “You, my little mate, are a wonder.”

  Kassian’s entire body went stiff in Hudson’s arms. He stepped back to see what was the matter, to find his mate’s brows pulled together and his lips pursed as if he were trying to figure something out.

  “What’s wrong?” Hudson asked.

  Those gray eyes met his in confusion. “My mom and dad were mates.”

  Hudson held his breath realizing what he’d let slip. It was way too soon to have told Kassian they were mates. Hell, from what Hudson could gather, other than trips to the grocery store, which he still hadn’t figure out how Kassian had managed, his mate didn’t interact with people. Ever.

  Before Hudson could figure out what to say, Kassian cocked his head to the side and asked, “Is that why I feel safe around you? Because we’re mates?”

  His little bunny admitting that he felt safe around him had Hudson’s heart skip a beat or two. He felt ten feet tall that Kassian trusted him. Yet, at the same time, scared shitless that he would somehow fail his mate.

  Hudson may be a trained sniper. A killer, who didn’t necessarily need a gun to do so. At the same time, Hudson knew, it only took one mistake for him to end up on the other side of the gun barrel with a bullet in his brain. Or worse, a bullet in Kassian.

  But as much as he feared losing his mate, Hudson needed deal with the here and now. His mate needed him and Hudson refused to let him down.

  Gently, he took Kassian’s hand in his and led him out of the kitchen and into the living room. Hudson sat down on the couch and tugged his mate onto his lap. He hadn’t been sure Kassian would agree to being held again, and breathed a relieved sigh when he came willingly.

  “Yes, we are mates.” He decided to go with honesty, which was a good thing because Hudson was finding it difficult even attempting to lie to Kassian. “Do you know what mates are?”

  Kassian’s lips twisted adorably as he thought about Hudson’s question. Damn if he didn’t want to kiss them, but this conversation was too important to get distracted.

  “To be honest, I know my parents being mates was why they were together and had Mila and me, but…” Kassian gave a half shrug. “Other than that, I know they used to touch and kiss a lot…” Kassian’s eyes rounded as he stared at Hudson. “Is that why you keep kissing me?”

  This time, Hudson couldn’t help himself as he wrapped his hand around the back of Kassian’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. The moment their lips touched, sparks went off between them.

  Kassian gasped, giving Hudson the perfect opening to dip his tongue passed his lips and get a better taste of his mate. He smiled as the awful taste of those cookies greeted him first, but Hudson kept exploring his mate’s mouth until all he knew was the sweetness of Kassian.

  He tilted his mate’s head just a bit more and dove in deeper. Kassian was sunshine and sugar all rolled up into one. It hadn’t taken more than a moment for Hudson to become an addict who craved more. He was fairly certain he would never have enough of Kassian.

  A crash near the fireplace had them jumping. Hudson was immediately on his feet, with Kassian safely tucked behind him, ready to defend his mate. Giggles erupted throughout the room as Hudson saw the woodbin had somehow managed to topple off the hearth of the fireplace and spill its contents across the floor.

  “And here I thought I liked ghosts,” Hudson grumbled as he went over to pick up the logs of firewood.

  “Yeah, Mila has always had a way of being a brat,” Kassian told him as he handed Hudson the last piece of wood. “Ow,” he yelled and rubbed his head where a few strands of hair had pulled away from his head and floated to the floor. “Stop that. I’m going to end u
p bald if you keep yanking my hair out.”

  Curling his lips in to stop himself from chuckling at the siblings’ antics, Hudson stood up and dusted himself off. Between building snowmen, a snowball fight and baking cookies, there were only hot embers left in the fireplace.

  He considered building another fire, but he’d seen the contents of Kassian’s fridge and cupboard. There wasn’t much in either to make a meal for the two of them. He wasn’t sure Kassian would agree to come with him back home, but it was either that or starve.

  “Would you like to come back with me to where I live and have Christmas dinner with my friends?” Fear instantly filled Kassian’s gray eyes. “I swear, they are really nice and more importantly, they know how to cook,” he rushed to say.

  Instead of answering, Kassian scrambled off his lap and rushed into the kitchen. Hudson wanted to kick himself for pushing.

  “Ow.” Hudson rubbed his head. Apparently Mila felt the same way. “I get it. I screwed up. You don’t have to be so mean about it.”

  A cold chill swept through the room, telling Hudson he’d just managed to piss off Mila. Not about to apologize, Hudson got to his feet and headed into the kitchen to hopefully calm his mate down.

  He opened the swinging door between the rooms to find Kassian scrubbing the counter with determination and far more strength than strictly necessary. His brows were furrowed together and his lips were curled in as if Kassian were doing everything he could not to cry.

  Fuck.

  Feeling like a heel, Hudson went over to his mate. He placed a hand on Kassian’s, stopping his incessant scrubbing. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Can you forgive me?”

  A shudder went through Kassian’s body. There was a strangled sound when he opened his mouth, but no words came out. Heartsick, Hudson gathered his mate into his arms and held him close.

  “Oh, my little bunny. I am so sorry. Please don’t be upset because of my stupidity.” Maybe Hudson had been right when he first met Kassian. He would never make a good mate. Hudson didn’t have the normal human emotions that others did. He was heart was made of stone.

  It was something he’d heard over and over again from his superiors and fellow marines alike. Not that anyone had needed to tell him. Hudson had always known. His parents had trained him to never feel, to never show emotion. It was a lesson Hudson had learned since he’d been a young child.

  The only time he’d ever been able to relax and enjoy himself had been with his friends. By the time he’d been in his mid-twenties, even that had to be faked, for all humanity had been eliminated from him with each kill.

  Still, Kassian was his mate. The need to make him happy was ingrained in Hudson’s very soul, something he’d never thought he even had.

  His hand stroked down Kassian’s back. “Let me make things right.”

  Kassian sniffed. “It’s okay. Just don’t make me go anywhere.”

  “I promise my little bunny.” If only all of Kassian’s fears could be that easy to solve.

  CHAPTER 9

  What had he been thinking?

  It was the same question Kassian had been asking himself over and over again since Hudson had left. Since Kassian had refused to leave his home and be around a bunch of strangers, Hudson had suggested, he run home, pick up some food and then return.

  For the past hour Kassian had gone back and forth between kicking himself for thinking the images of the past wouldn’t come back to him. But they had, leaving him curled up on the couch with his legs bent close to his body so he could bury his head into them with his arms wrapped above him as if any of that would keep him safe.

  When he wasn’t kicking himself for that, he was doing it for believing, for even a moment, that it was a good idea to agree Hudson should return. He should have just told him to leave and not come back.

  Except…

  If Kassian were being honest with himself, he’d wanted Hudson to come back. Which led to the third reason for kicking himself. He’d just met Hudson. So why had he felt completely bereft when the man had left? Was it because they were mates?

  Hudson had started to explain what being mates meant, but then they’d kissed. Heat flowed through his body at the thought of that kiss. He wished he understood the emotions that tried to consume him during that kiss. It was as if a fire had ignited within him, burning with an intensity that had the ability to make Kassian forget everything else except those firm lips on his.

  Too bad not even thoughts about that explosive kiss was enough to keep his demons at bay. Hudson had built a roaring fire before leaving, but the heat did nothing for the cold chill that seeped into his bones as those demons once more dragged him kicking and screaming into the past.

  Ice crawled up from his toes as the image of him racing after his parents from the house to barn, his bare feet sinking into the snow covered ground. His parents had run downstairs after they’d heard Kassian scream.

  They must have smelled the evil that permeated the air, for they didn’t ask him a thing. They’d just run from the house, chasing after Mila and the man who broken into their home. The stench led them to the barn.

  The moment they’d entered, Kassian had whimpered when the overwhelming scent of his sister’s blood reached his sensitive nose. His mother turned and covered his mouth with one hand while pressing a finger from her other hand to her mouth. Then she pointed for him to return to the house.

  Kassian shook his head adamantly, refusing to leave. He wasn’t brave by any means, but Mila was there and she might need him. He couldn’t abandon her.

  “Mila,” Kassian’s father cried.

  A menacing growl rumbled around the barn.

  Kassian’s mother grabbed him and shoved him to the ladder that led up to the loft. “Find a place to hide up there.” She whispered the words so as not to be heard by anyone els. Her voice was firm and unyielding as she gave the order. “Promise me you won’t come down until either I or your father call for you.”

  He didn’t want to, but when his father screamed in pain, Kassian nodded and scrambled up the steps. He was so scared, he could hardly make it up. Finally he was at the top and he practically dove under a blanket that was in a heap on the planks.

  Shaking, at first, he squeezed his eyes shut. But then he heard Mila yell for their dad. As if on their own, his lids popped open and Kassian found himself staring down through the wide spaces between the planks to the carnage happening below.

  “Kassian.”

  He ignored the voice that hadn’t been there in the past. Instead his horror-filled gaze fell on his sister who was sprawled on the floor below him. Her shirt was torn and there was blood covering her face.

  “Kassian.” The harsh, demanding tone didn’t belong. Neither did the large hands on his upper arms, shaking Kassian like he was a ragdoll.

  Wait.

  He recognized that voice.

  Hudson.

  Kassian fought to open his eyes and see those gorgeous blue eyes that had a way of holding Kassian spellbound. But all he could see was that of his sister, terror gripping her as she stared up at Kassian, silently pleading for him to help.

  Lips crashed down upon his and Kassian was yanked into the present. His hands came up to Hudson’s shoulders and held onto the lifeline he desperately needed to remain sane.

  Hudson broke the kiss and pulled Kassian tight to his body murmuring words of comfort. “I’ve got you, little bunny. It’s going to be okay.”

  If it had been anyone else saying those words, Kassian wouldn’t have believed them. But this was Hudson. There was no tangible reason why, but Kassian trusted he knew what he was talking about. In reality, it was probably stupid since there was no way for Hudson to fight off the demons that took hold of Kassian every chance they got.

  “I never should have left you.” Hudson sounded like Kassian felt, tortured.

  There was no way Kassian would allow Hudson to feel bad about going to get them food and some clothes that actually fit him. “I’m
okay. It’s just…” Never having been brave before, Kassian took a deep breath and held onto Hudson for strength.

  “This is the anniversary of their murder.” The words practically rushed from his mouth as Kassian wanted them over as fast as possible. “It’s always bad on Christmas.”

  Strong arms held him tighter, making Kassian feel as if nothing could harm him so long as Hudson was holding him. It wasn’t true. That day had taught him that. But it still was nice to have that moment of peace and safety.

  “Oh, my sweet little bunny. I am so sorry.” A kiss was placed against Kassian’s head as Hudson started gently rocking back and forth, soothing Kassian even more.

  Kassian imaged this was what Heaven was like. Not that he would ever know after allowing his entire family to be killed while he cowered under a blanket.

  His stomach chose that moment to growl, loudly.

  Hudson chuckled. “I think that’s our cue that it’s time to eat.”

  If it were up to Kassian he would much prefer to starve if it meant staying in Hudson’s embrace. But Hudson was already standing them both up. A warm hand took his. Hudson took them outside to a truck Kassian didn’t recognize. He handed him a bag, while Hudson took the rest before heading back inside to the kitchen.

  He couldn’t help the moan that erupted as the most delicious scents wafted to his nose, causing his stomach to growl again in appreciation of what was to come.

  Hudson grinned over at Kassian and gave him a wink. “If you think it smells good, just wait until you taste it. Jari made the dinner and Harper made dessert. In all my travels, I’ve never tasted food as good as those two create. It’s like getting to eat works of art.”

  Hudson pulled out two casserole dishes and set them on the counter. From another bag he pulled out a covered pie tin and turned on the oven.

  “What is in that bag?” Kassian asked as Hudson put a third bag into the refrigerator without taking out the contents.

  “Breakfast.” Hudson grinned at him. “That was what took me so long. Jari insisted on whipping it up so we’d have something for the morning.” Hudson frowned. “I shouldn’t have waited.”