Down & Dirty

by Madison, Reese

  “I was hoping to bury this for good. I never thought I’d see him again. Except for the day you left me, I’ve never been so devastated in my life when I gave him up.”

  “Keeping shit from me is the same as lying Carly. You lied to me, about something very important.” He’s looking at me, but I can’t look at him.

  “I know.” I stood up. “I need to go get them a hotel room.”

  “This isn’t over.” He walked away a little too easily.

  I went into the clubhouse and found my purse behind the bar.

  Stacy and the other two were sitting at the bar. She asked me, “What’s up Red?”

  I handed her my credit card. “Go get these two a room.”

  The girl seemed to be studying me. “Do I know you?”

  I looked at her, “No, but you know my son.”

  Her eyebrows went up in recognition. “Oh shit. It is you.” She looked at the kid and back at me. “You.”

  I nodded, “Me.”

  “We need to talk about this privately.”

  “Let’s go get a table.” I grabbed a couple beers and led her to a table as far out of earshot as I could get.

  We sat and she said, “I never told him he wasn’t mine. I don’t want to start now.”

  “I understand that. I never thought I’d see him again. Is he okay?”

  “He is, but won’t be once he figures out his father is dead.” She complained.

  “He doesn’t know about the home invasion?”

  “I don’t think he knows what I’m freaking out about. I’m going to have to tell him once we get to the hotel.”

  “Do you have anyone who can help you?”

  “Yeah. I’ll call my girlfriend. I want Slider to fix this. There’s no reason this should have happened.”

  “I agree. I’ll pay for your hotel, stay as long as you want.”

  “I can’t go back to that house.”

  “Okay, we’ll talk about that later. I think you should focus on your son for now.”

  “I know that. You’re really not going to try and take him from me?” She snapped at me.

  “No. He’s your son. If he finds out, or you need me for medical shit, you know where to find me.”

  She breathed. “Okay.”

  “What’s his name?”

  “Mitch.”

  “Mitch. We’ll be in touch. If you need anything, please let me know.”

  “I need my old man alive.” She started crying.

  I hugged her. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m so sorry.”

  A few minutes later she left with Stacy to go get set up in a hotel.

  Joe found me standing by the back of my car lost in thought and a little sadness at having missed out on his life.

  “Well?” He leaned against the trunk next to me.

  “Well what?”

  “When are you getting your kid back?”

  “I’m not. He belongs to her.”

  “No, he’s your son. Just because you were too young to make the right choice doesn’t mean you deserve to lose him forever.”

  I looked up at him, “Yeah, it does. I won’t hurt them anymore than the pain he’s about to feel at losing his father.”

  “His father may not be dead Carly.” He corrected me.

  “Drop it Joe. I’ve made my decision.”

  “You have a bad habit of making poor choices.”

  That sent my temper over the top. “Fuck you.” I went back inside and grabbed my purse and car keys to leave. Then I stopped halfway across the parking lot and realized I can’t just leave. Slider had given me my punishment. walking out on it is going to get my ass kicked for real.

  I spun back around and went back inside behind the bar. I served drinks without saying a word the rest of the night. If somebody wanted something they had to come ask for it. My silence was my way of shutting off without leaving.

  Joe sat at the bar all night. He knew I was ready to explode, so he sat silently, until we got home.

  “I’m so mad at you I could chew on nails.” He complained.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

  “So am I. First you live with my brother for a month while I’m gone, and don’t give me any bullshit about not knowing, it doesn’t matter. You lived with a man you were damn close to betraying me with. Now you’ve betrayed our trust by keeping the fact that you had a child from me.”

  “I don’t know what to say to you Joe.” I complained finding the bottle of whiskey and sitting on the kitchen floor.

  “Don’t play victim with me, get up. Oh, and if you ever say ‘fuck you’ to me again, you’re going to regret it in a very big way.”

  I lost the ability to fight with him. He has a right to be mad, even disappointed. I seem to have this ability to do everything wrong. Maybe Joe is finally figuring that out. He’ll probably divorce me. Nah. He’ll probably kill me.

  “I said get up.” He barked.

  “Why? What’s the point?” I took a drink from the bottle.

  “You don’t ask me why, you get the fuck up.” He snatched the bottle.

  I pushed up deciding to take this head on. Just like Slider’s punishment, I’ll take Joe’s. I realize now that I have to deal with this. There’s no more burying it. No more hiding from it. I’ve been through a lot in my life, this is just one more thing. If this doesn’t kill me, then there’s always tomorrow. I just hope Joe can look at me like he used to one day soon.

  He stepped up to me and lifted my chin to set those hurt eyes on me. “I love you. I will always love you. Right now, I’m very mad at you. So mad I want to yell at you until you cower in the corner and cry so I know you feel the same hurt I do.”

  “So yell.”

  “No. I can’t yell at you because I can’t imagine how you felt seeing the son you gave away today. I know how much you missed me when I was gone, because I missed you at least as much. I’m not happy that you almost slept with what turned out to be my brother, but I’m willing to let that go because I love you. What I’m not willing to let go, is you letting that child go, again.”

  “It’s not your decision.”

  “You’re my wife. Everything you do is our decision now, not just yours. It’s obvious you can’t be trusted to make the right choices for yourself or anyone else. From now on everything you do goes through me. I want the kid.”

  “Why? He’s not yours.”

  “He’s yours. What’s yours is mine. Get your son back Carly. You know you want him.” He challenged.

  “Wanting him is not the problem. I have no right to him. I all but threw him at another woman to raise. I gave up my right to want him.”

  “No baby. You were a scared child who did the only thing she knew to do at the time to save her son. You’re his mother, not that lady. He has a right to know his real mother, and his real father if you can find him.”

  “No.”

  “Yes. Do you know who his real father is?”

  I almost lied but realized that would be just another stupid decision. “Yes.”

  “Who?”

  “I can’t do that to him.”

  “Carly, listen to me. He’s about to bury a man who he thinks is his father. He’s going to find out one day, some how, that everyone lied to him. What do you think that’s going to do to him?”

  “I hate it when you’re right, but I still can’t do it. I’m sorry Joe. I’m not strong enough to rip somebodies life apart, even if it is for the best.”

  He bent and scooped me up like a bride. “That’s why you married me baby. I’m your strength now. Come on, let’s get you some sleep. We’ll figure this out tomorrow.”

  “I thought you hated me.”

  “I could never hate you. I can be mad at you, but I’ll always love you.” He dropped me on the bed so I bounced a little.

  “Hey! That’s not nice.”

  He crawled over me pinning me under him. “I’ll show you not nice.” He tickled me until my mood shifted, th
en he made love to me making sure I knew we were okay. I have to admit he surprised me with his reaction to what happened. The anxiety was gone now that I know he wanted to be my strength, and didn’t hate me. I couldn’t ask for a better man to stand by me, even if he’s a difficult man sometimes.

  The next day I didn’t want to get out of bed. Joe kept trying to encourage me to get up, but I kept hiding under the covers. I did’t want to face what I knew Joe was going to make me do.

  “Carly, get up.” He’s barking orders at me now because the last time I got up just long enough for him to leave the room, then I went right back under the covers.

  “No.” I’m learning that it takes him an extra two seconds to get the blankets away if I’m rolled up in them and using my kung-fu death grip.

  “What’s your problem?” He sat pulling enough covers away to see my face.

  “I don’t want to tell him. Can’t you just leave it alone, stay out of it?” I begged.

  “We talked about this last night.”

  “No, you told me how to handle it. I don’t want to.”

  “You have to tell him before the funeral, or at least make that woman tell him. He’s your son, he has a right to know. I’ll back off on taking him away from her if you tell him the truth.” He offered.

  “Can’t she just tell him that’s not his real father and leave it at that?”

  “There’s no point in telling half of this truth. If he chooses to stay with that woman that’s his choice, but he needs to know who his real mother is.”

  I dove back under the covers, “Nooo.”

  “Stop being a pain in the ass, get up, and get this over with. Go over and talk to her, right now.” He’s pulling out that mean voice he uses when people piss him off.

  “I can’t. I’m not strong enough to rip that kids life apart.”

  “Fine, I’ll do it.” He got up slamming the door on his way out.

  I tried to get up and go after him, but my body wouldn’t move. I completely chickened out.

  Salina showed up about an hour later. I’m guessing Joe sent her since she didn’t knock.

  “Get your ass up Carly. You don’t get to pussy out on your kids.” She’s really mad.

  I sat up more afraid of her than Joe. “Why can’t he just leave this alone?”

  She started going through my drawers and throwing clothes at me. “Take a shower, now. It’s one thing to panic and dump your kid on a stranger when you’re a kid yourself, but as an adult you have to be stronger.”

  “I don’t want to hurt him.”

  She turned on the water in the bathroom and came back to drag me off the bed. “He’s already hurt thinking he’s burying his real father. He’ll be mad at you, and his adopted mother, but as he matures he’ll be grateful you told him.”

  “What if he hates me?” I stripped and took a shower.

  She sat on the counter. “This isn’t about you. This is about telling your son the truth. You owe him that much.”

  I finished my shower and got dressed. “This is going to suck.”

  “I’ll hold your hand.” She assured me.

  “I take it Joe didn’t run over and do it?”

  “No. I told him to wait until he got a call from me first.”

  “I guess it’s better that way. We have to talk to her alone first.”

  “I know. Hurry up. The sooner you do this the sooner I can go get drunk.” She sounded like something else was bothering her.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I’ve had four miscarriages Carly. I’d give my left leg for a kid.” She’s mad now.

  “Maybe you should wait here.”

  “No. I want to make sure you do this.”

  “Vegas is looking real good right about now.” I complained.

  “Don’t start with me bitch.” She scolded me.

  I finished getting ready and let her drive me over to the hotel where Marie and Mitch were staying. We found them in their room, both looking lost.

  I asked to talk to Marie in the hall so Mitch couldn’t hear.

  She crossed her arms. “Changed your mind didn’t you?”

  “No. My husband is forcing me to tell Mitch the truth. I know who his father is. Joe seems to think he should at least know both his parents. I don’t want to do this, but if I don’t, he will. I can’t do that to you.” I tried to explain.

  “I have to be the one to tell him. He thinks I’m his mother, and I won’t ambush him with you two here.”

  “How do I know you’ll tell him? Not for me, but Joe is going to want to know this happened.”

  “You’ll be able to tell by the way he reacts. Just give me the day to do it.”

  “Are you going to run off?” I asked because if I was her I know I’d be tempted to take off.

  “No, I have to bury the man I love first.”

  “I’m really sorry, about all of this.”

  “It’s not your fault. I remember how young you were, and even Slider with all his power can’t be everywhere at once. I’m angry as hell, but if you promise not to try and steal my son from me, I’ll tell him. I’m thinking about moving because of the memories, but I can keep in touch with you.”

  I nodded wiping tears away, “That’s all I can ask.”

  She pulled me in for a hug, “You’re still such a baby. Don’t let that man run all over you.” She pulled back and looked at me.

  “He doesn’t run all over me.” I assured her.

  “Just be careful. You’re already doing something you don’t want to for him.”

  “He’s right though. If I thought he was wrong I’d have more backbone, but I can’t argue when I know he’s right. I won’t take Mitch away from you, that I can stand up to him about.”

  “Good to know.” She took my hand. “Leave me your cell phone number in case Mitch has questions I can’t answer.”

  “Will do. You sure you want to do this alone?” I asked as we went back inside.

  “Yeah.” She seemed a little less sure now.

  “Not to sound ungrateful, but if I don’t leave a couple guys here to make sure you don’t take off Joe will kill me.”

  “I figured as much.” We exchanged phone numbers and said our goodbyes.

  I called Joe and told him what was going on and asked him to send over somebody to watch them. He didn’t sound real thrilled but agreed.

  Salina took me back to the club where my grumpy husband pulled me off to the side.

  “Why didn’t you tell her you wanted your kid back?”

  “Because, it’s not right. He’s ten years old, if he wants to spend time with me it should be because he wants to, not because I’m forcing him. I forced him on her, and now I’m forcing her to tell him the truth. You need to back off Joe.” I’m getting defensive because of what she’d accused me of earlier. Am I letting him run my life? I’ve made some dumb decisions, maybe he should. I’m confused, and therefore getting annoyed.

  “How can you not want your son?”

  “Back off, that’s the last time I’m telling you.” I turned and started to walk away.

  “Carly!!’

  I kept going. I need some wine. I love Joe, but he’s pissing me off. I slammed the door to the bar open knowing I needed to open it so I left it unlocked. I should have locked it.

  Joe all but threw it off it’s hinges coming in behind me. “When I tell you to stop, you stop.” I spun in time to be grabbed by both arms, “Do you know what I would have given to know my real mother?!”

  “It’s not the same situation.”

  “Oh really? If you don’t show that boy that his real mother wants him, you might as well be dead to him. You’ll be rejecting him without even giving him a chance.” He shook me.

  “You’re hurting me, let go, right now.”

  He inhaled and let go giving me a little shove at the same time.

  I shoved him back, “Don’t push me you big jerk. What the hell am I going to do with a ten year kid I don’t know?!”
<
br />   He sat, “I’m sorry babe, I didn’t mean to shove you like that. This doesn’t make sense to me. How can you not want your own son?”

  I sat across from him, “It’s not that I don’t want him, I don’t want to hurt him by taking him away from the only mother he knows. Unlike you, he doesn’t know about me, he thinks she’s his biological mother. The truth is going to be hard enough without ripping him away from everything he’s known his whole life.”

  “You need to make sure he knows you want him. Give him a choice.” He insisted.

  “Okay, I can do that. But I won’t force him to do anything. If he wants to stay with Marie, then that’s what I want for him.”

  “Just make sure you explain that very clearly.” He’s not looking at me.

  “Joe? I’m sorry you lost your mother.”

  “I didn’t lose her, I killed her.” He punched the table splitting it in half and this time he broke the door as he stormed out.

  I took a deep breath. “So much for him not being fucked up over not having a mother.”

  A minute later Salina walked in. “Holy shit. What was that all about?”

  I picked up half the little table to carry to the dumpster. “Just a disagreement. He’ll be okay.”

  “About Mitch?” She picked up the other half.

  “I think it’s more about him than Mitch. Don’t let Slider see you carrying that.”

  She set it down. “Good point, you look like you’re in enough trouble.”

  “It’s okay, I’ll live.” I probably don’t sound too convincing.

  “If you need anything let me know.”

  “I’ve done enough damage, to you, to Slider, to Joe, and now to Mitch. I’m turning the Auto Pilot switch to On for a while.”

  “It’ll get better.” She promised.

  14

  Joe stayed away until Marie showed up with a scared looking Mitch in tow later that evening. I braced myself.

  Maria and Mitch sat at the bar. Joe must have seen them come in and now stood a couple feet away to listen.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” I asked looking back and forth between them having no clue where else to start.

  “Coke for the kid, I’ll take a Jack on the rocks.”

  I nodded ignoring Joe. I’m not ready to take him on yet.