Down & Dirty

by Madison, Reese

  Maria continued, “Mitch has some questions for you.”

  “Okay, ask away kiddo.” I found my wine hidden in a coffee cup.

  “Where’s my real dad?” He sounded mad.

  “All I know is his name, I’ll find him if you want.”

  “I want you to. Why did you have me so young?”

  I swallowed. “I won’t lie to you, but that’s a story you’re too young for. You should know that if I could have taken care of you, I would never have given you up.”

  “Does my dad know about me?”

  “No. I didn’t have the means to tell him. His father wouldn’t have let me.”

  “Why?”

  “That’s part of the truth I can’t tell you right now.”

  “I want to meet him.”

  “Okay. I’ll get a hold of him as soon as I can.”

  “Do I have to live with you now?” He asked a little too grown up for his age.

  I saw Joe shift out of the corner of my eye, “Only if you want to. Maybe we should spend some time together first. Maria loves you very much, I don’t think either of us wants to hurt her.”

  He looked at Maria. “Sorry Mom.”

  She put her arm around him, “It’s okay Mitch, you should know your real parents.”

  “Maria is your mother too Mitch. She raised you, loved you like her own. I will always owe her and respect her for that.” I told him.

  “What now?” He asked drinking from the straw.

  I let out the breath I was holding. “How about we get past the funeral first. He deserves that respect as the father he was for you. I’ll find your real father and we’ll go from there. In the meantime, you can come here and hang out with me anytime you want. I have to work long hours here for a few months to help out a friend. After that we’ll find some better ways to hang out and get to know each other.” I took Maria’s hand on the bar. “I want you there too, if you want. I don’t want to push you out, that’s not my intention.”

  She sighed and I saw the relief wash over her face. “Thanks Carly. I needed to hear that. This is a lot to take in.”

  “Tell me about it.” I laughed a little and pulled out a bowl of mixed snacks from under the bar for Mitch. “One day at a time.” They nodded in agreement.

  “Can I talk to you privately Carly?” Joe asked firmly.

  I chugged the rest of my wine. Ding ding, round two. “Yup.” I went to the end of the bar and pretended to wipe dirt from a clean bar. “What’s up?”

  He took the towel away, “Look at me.”

  I did, “I swear if you chew me out I’m going to implode. It’s been a rough couple days, and I should warn you, I’m getting to the end of my rope.”

  “Don’t threaten me. Make sure you put effort into this kid. I don’t want to see you half-ass this. Write down the father’s name and anything else you know. I’ll find him.” He informed me cooly.

  I picked up the receipt pad and wrote down what I know and tossed it at him. “Thanks for your support.” I turned away to go find my wine and blow my nose before the sniffling gave way to tears.

  Joe left making me feel worse. He’s not dealing with this very well at all, and it’s not helping me. I finished my little self-pity moment and went back to auto-pilot mode.

  Maria and Mitch left a little while later after we talked some more. I felt pretty good about the direction things were going there, but I could feel the sadness of their recent loss. They still have to bury a husband and a father in a couple days. I hope this isn’t too much for Mitch.

  I didn’t bother watching the clock the rest of the night. If there was somebody there I made sure the music stayed on and the drinks were ready. Going home was not something I was looking forward to.

  Joe must have gotten tired of waiting because he came in and flipped the sign to Closed before kicking the last three guys out.

  “Let’s go Carly, you can’t hide here all night.”

  “Can’t blame a girl for trying the way you’re acting.” I grumbled and locked the register. I’ll deal with the money tomorrow.

  I turned off the lights and went outside to lock the door with Joe a foot away the whole time. He rode us home and I felt sick the whole ride. I think I’m done, yet I know he’s going to go off again or something.

  He helped me off the bike like he usually does. “Stop pouting.”

  I pulled my hand away and went inside. I wanted to tell him to stop being an ass, but decided all I really wanted was a martini, a bath, and the bed. Maybe an anxiety pill from the ones Doc had given me a while back.

  “Now you’re just going to ignore me?”

  “Yes. Leave me alone. For God’s sake, leave me the fuck alone.” I begged deciding the pill was better than booze, downed it with some water, pushed past him and slammed the bathroom door behind me.

  I cried hard on the floor for a while as the tub filled.

  Joe came in and shut the water off. He popped the drain for a minute, “You’re going to flood the floor.”

  “Oh well. I’ll clean it up, just like every fucking thing else.”

  He sat next to me but leaned back against the door. “It gets worse.”

  “Oh goodie.”

  “Mitch’s father is in prison for murdering his father. He’s up for the death sentence in about seven years. They’re trying to do psych tests, but he’s throwing them on purpose.”

  “Too bad he got caught. His father was asking for it.” I felt numb.

  “You okay?” He reached for me but I pulled away and stood up.

  “I’m going to take this bath, alone please.”

  “Carly, don’t push me away.”

  “I’m going to push you, kick you, and beat you senseless if you don’t get the fuck out of here!!” I screamed the last part.

  He stood, “Come here, please.” He used those big arms to fold me into his chest and hug me. “I’m sorry baby.”

  I couldn’t help but hug him back. This is the Joe I needed earlier. “Where were you when I needed this before?”

  “Being an ass, it’s what I do best.” He kissed the top of my head.

  “I wouldn’t say that, you’re pretty good in the sack.”

  “Very funny.” He pulled me back and looked at me with those eyes that always go right to my heart. “I’m going to have my lawyers send in a guy to take a look at his case. If his father was as fucked up as you said he might get off.”

  “Sounds like he doesn’t want off if he’s throwing psych exams. I want to go see him.”

  He nodded, “Okay. I’ll arrange it.”

  I waited until after the funeral to sit Mitch and Marie down to tell them where Mitch’s father was. The lawyer has had a chance to get the whole story and believes Charlie wants to be in prison because his father fucked him up too bad for society.

  I told Marie the truth before we sat down with Mitch. We decided to give Mitch a very scaled back version of the truth. I told him his father had done something to defend himself, but things got confused in court. I explained that we were going to help try to straighten it out as best we could.

  Joe had been trying to get us a visit with Charlie, but Charlie kept refusing visitors. I called and told them I had his son and needed to see him about emergency medical issues.

  Marie rode with us to the prison, but she wasn’t allowed in, neither was Joe, so they had to wait in the car.

  My heart skipped a beat when a much rougher and worn version of the kid who’s father paid me to sleep with him for his first time sat down on the other side of the glass.

  I picked up the phone and motioned for him to do the same as he realized who we really were to each other.

  “Hi Charlie. Remember me?”

  “Is he really my kid? He looks like me.” He has a deeper voice now, and a hint of desperation as he looked at Mitch.

  “Yeah. He’s ours.”

  “Why are you here?” He asked looking at me now.

  “I know what your father was like, I wa
s there. I want to help you, and I need you to help me, so your son can know you. He just buried the man he thought was his father. He needs you.” I explained poorly.

  “I’m no father. Look at me.”

  “This isn’t you, we both know that. Neither of us wanted to go through that, but look what we have from it.” I nodded to Mitch who looked confused at the one-sided conversation. “You’re not your father. I know what happened, I know why you snapped. Let me help you, for him.” I touched the back of my finger to my son’s cheek.

  “What do you think you can do?” He asked with anger building. He’s obviously afraid to hope.

  “Stop fighting the psych tests. Do what they want, let me testify for you. We were both victims, not just you. My husband has some good lawyers, let them work your appeal.”

  He searched my eyes as he leaned forward, “Why now?”

  “I gave Mitch away a week after he was born because I couldn’t take care of him. I married a member of Exiles not long ago. The woman I gave Mitch to, was married to a member. I didn’t know until she showed up at the club freaking out because her husband had just been killed in a home invasion. I recognized her and him right away. My husband wanted me to take Mitch back.” I waved that off. “I’m not taking him away from the only family he’s known, but my husband feels very strongly that you deserve to know your son, and vice versa.”

  He sat back, “I’ll think about it. Put the kid on.”

  I handed Mitch the receiver, “You don’t have to, but he wants to talk to you.”

  He took the receiver and waited.

  I saw Charlie say hi and figured he was asking how he is.

  “I’m okay. Did you love my mom?” He asked.

  I felt my eyebrows go up and looked at Charlie.

  He smiled a little and nodded.

  “I want you to come out.” Mitch said.

  I couldn’t tell what Charlie said.

  Mitch handed me the receiver, “He wants to talk to you.”

  I took it, “Hey, sorry about that.”

  “No, Carly…” He leaned forward to look at me, “I loved you. The way you were that night, so sweet, and understanding…and desperate for a dime to get a meal. Yeah, I loved you. I’ll do what you ask only because I can’t do any worse than where I’m at now. Do me a favor and don’t fill him with false hope.”

  I swallowed, “Thank you. Can we come visit you?”

  “Yes, I’d like that.” He sat back again.

  “We’re going to do everything we can. My husband told me to tell you he’d send word to put you under Exiles protection if you want it.”

  “No, don’t do that. I’m okay.”

  “Okay. Next week?”

  He nodded, “Next week. You okay now? Did you find a good man to take care of you?”

  I smiled and cried feeling happy for the first time in a long time. “Yeah, he’s a big pain in my ass, but he loves as fiercely as he fights. He’s a good man.”

  “I can tell, or you wouldn’t be here.” He stood up as the cop arrived behind him. “Let’s do this.” He hung up.

  I turned to Mitch. “Can I hug you?”

  He jumped to wrap his arms around my neck to hug me hard. “We gotta get him out.”

  I hugged him back feeling tears flow like a rushing river. “I’ll do my best, I promise.”

  “No more funerals.” He begged.

  “He doesn’t deserve to be in here Mitch.” I pulled him back to find his father’s eyes, “I knew his heart, and I can see he was giving up. You gave him hope, now we just have to pray the justice system works. You should know that when you find out later how this all really started, that we did care about each other. Okay?”

  He nodded hugging me again. I picked him up and carried him back down the hall and out to the parking lot. He was okay to get down by the time we reached the truck.

  He looked at Marie, “Do I call you or her ‘Mom’?”

  Marie looked at me, “I don’t know.”

  I looked at Mitch, “You call me whatever you want. Take your time deciding what you’re comfortable with, we’re in no hurry.”

  Marie opened the door for Mitch, “I agree. Don’t worry about it kid, let’s go get some burgers and ice cream.”

  Mitch lit up with a fist pump, “Yes!!”

  I laughed, “Thank you Marie. That was pretty intense, he needed that.”

  “I know.” She shut the door on the running truck, even with the windows open it’s warm enough for A/C. “Listen, I want to keep him away from the drama of this case. If this goes bad I don’t want him getting all hopeful only to have it go to shit.”

  “Charlie wants to see his son about once a week. I think I can keep the conversation light if you don’t mind letting them at least get to know each other, in case it does go bad. He’ll hate us for keeping him away from his father if Mitch ends up in the chair.”

  She thought for a second, “Okay, but keep the conversations light. If he starts stressing out I’m going to step in. Legally he’s still my son.”

  I understood her defensiveness now. I get what it means to protect the one you made, and love. “Okay, we do this together. I don’t want to make this any weirder than it already is. I’ll make sure Charlie understands.”

  She hugged me and said in my ear, “I lost my husband but gained a friend. Thank you for not making this thing with Mitch a living hell.”

  I hugged her back, “Thank you for taking care of our son all these years.” I cried again feeling like a piece of me had come home. The last puzzle piece was in place now. No more secrets, no more lies. Just one hell of a battle ahead. I have to save Charlie from the being punished, or put in an electric chair, for ridding the world of a very evil man.

  15

  I went to Slider that evening for a private meeting. He called me into ‘church’, which is their private meeting room. Only member of the council are allowed in here.

  He sat at the head of the table and motioned for me to sit. “What’s up Red?”

  I took a steadying breath. “Put me in the fight ring. I don’t have time for the all-days at the bar and my son. I can’t help him or his father trapped behind that bar.”

  “You want to fight?” He asked intrigued.

  “Yeah. Even if I lose it’ll be worth it. I just need to get this over with so I can focus.”

  “You realize I’m going to put you up against a prospect right? A male prospect.”

  “No, but that’s okay. Let him knock me out, I’ll live.”

  “So you won’t put up a fight?”

  “No, I mean, Yes, I will. I’ll fight, defend myself as best I can. If I go down it’s not going to be without a fight. I just need this over with so I can concentrate on my kid’s needs.”

  He nodded, “Alright, I’ll put you in the ring. I’m not going to hold back, you’re getting the big guy.”

  I felt my body tense, “They fall hardest. Can you keep Joe away? Is there any way we can stop him from knowing about this? Fake a car accident or some shit?”

  He smiled, “Nope. Your husband is about to find out what I’ve known for years. There’s a fighter in you Red. A woman that deserves a cut if you survive this. I’m not stepping in. You want a fight, you take the fight on like nobody is going to save your ass. Be the kind of woman Joe deserves, and the kind of woman this club needs. You have twenty-four hours.” He smacked his gavel down. “It’s decided, get out.” He nodded to the door.

  I stood pausing to face him. “Thank you, I need this. How are you going to hold Joe off?”

  He smiled standing with me, “Don’t you worry about that. You should go home, the bar will be handled by prospects tonight. You’re going to need your rest. Remember, if you survive this, you’re not only forgiven, but you become a full blown member. I can have your last year declared your prospect year with a unanimous vote.”

  “It’s only been like eight months total.” I argued not sure how this works.

  “Since you put up with
the guys so well at the bar I’ll fudge it. I doubt they’ll have a problem with that. I need to get you voted in before Joe gets on my council. He’d never allow this.” He smiled wickedly.

  “What if they don’t vote me in and I manage to survive?”

  “They’ll respect you too much not to, and Joe isn’t on the Council, so his opinion doesn’t matter.” He opened the door, “Go spend the day in bed with your old man. It’ll be a good warm up for tomorrow.” He teased pushing me by my lower back towards Joe. “Don’t tell him about this.”

  “Ya think?” I laughed.

  That night I focused on being with Joe. He’s just busy enough in bed that I thought I’d gotten away with it.

  Then he busted me, “What did you and Slider talk about?”

  I can’t lie to him or he’s going to hate me, been there, done that. Let’s see if I can ‘skirt’ the details. “I just wanted to talk to him about Mitch, let him know that if things got messy I might need his forgiveness for a court date or something.”

  He’s still on top and studying my eyes, “You are the worst liar I’ve ever met.”

  “Let it go. Slider and I worked it out.”

  “What are you hiding?”

  “More than I want to. I’m sorry, but it has to be this way.”

  “What way?”

  “Just let it go, it’ll be fine.”

  “You made another stupid decision without me didn’t you?” He rolled off onto his back. “What do I have to do to stop you from doing things without my approval?”

  Slider wasn’t kidding when he said he wasn’t going to show me mercy. Joe had been wrangled and tied to a beam in the garage. They asked him if he wanted to watch. He looked at me with more hurt and anger than I’ve seen so far.

  “No. If she dies I never want to see her again.” He said with so much anger it broke my heart. They turned him away.

  I faced my opponent and resigned myself to death. Fuck it. Maybe then people will stop hurting me. Just one more massive pain and all this shit ends. I’ll miss Joe.

  He started the dance of prey versus hunted so I moved with him. Let’s see if I can think of this guy as just another drunken biker in the bar. He’s big. Shit.

  He reached for me but I jumped, “If I kill you I get my colors tonight.”