by T. T. Kove
I’d probably never get the truth though.
As long as that was it, I reckoned all was good.
Jasmin’s expression softened again. “Yes, I am sure of that, Maria.” She glanced around as if looking for other people, even knowing we were alone in the classroom. “I kept an eye on you. He seemed quite eager to get you drunk, so I kept an eye on you at all times. Until you disappeared with Jakob, anyway. Jakob’s a decent guy—I figured I didn’t need to look out for you anymore when you were with him.”
“You just let me leave with your best friend’s boyfriend?” I raised both eyebrows in wonder.
“It’s none of my business what he does.” She flicked her long hair over one shoulder. “Hedda and he haven’t exactly been doing so great lately. She was always going on about him, wondering if she should just break up with him. That he was the one who cheated surprised me, considering, but I’m glad they’re over so I don’t have to hear about him all the bloody time anymore.”
“He didn’t cheat though,” I pointed out. “Not with me. We only slept in the same bed.”
“Whatever happened, he grew some balls. Because he’s not getting back with her. It’s all good.”
I didn’t understand their friendship at all. “But she’s miserable…”
“He made her miserable. She’ll get over the breakup eventually and all will be good.” She combed her fringe to the side with her fingers. “She wanted to sleep with him, he never wanted that. Hedda’s wilder, she wants to party, be the centre of attention. He prefers to stay in the shadows. They’re like night and day and they don’t fit together. So yeah, I’m glad they’re done. Now Hedda can find someone else, someone who’s more of a match for her.”
Huh.
Okay.
Jasmin looked straight at me. “And you can stop freaking out about that party. Marcus didn’t do anything to you. And if he drugged you… well, nothing bad happened.”
“Except I don’t remember anything,” I pointed out drily.
“You could’ve just had too much to drink,” she pointed out too. “That causes black outs. I should know, I’ve had them plenty of times.”
“Yeah, I know. Still… I don’t trust him.” I must’ve already been drunk if I’d even accepted drinks from him. I didn’t want to get within a mile of Marcus.
“Didn’t he get in trouble with the police or something last year?” Jasmin mused.
“Yeah. He bashed my brother’s boyfriend in the head with an iron bar.” And it wasn’t last year, but the end of the year before. Still…
“He got in trouble for that, yeah?”
“Not as much trouble as he deserved.” Not much trouble at all, really. Since Alex survived, and got no lasting damage, he got a pretty mild sentence. It was unfair—but it was the way it was. His mates stood up for him after all, so it was Andreas and Alex’s words against the three of them.
Jasmin nodded, then turned to the door. “I’ll be off then.”
I followed her out of the classroom, more than ready be around people I knew and cared about.
She was going to the cafeteria too, and we walked side by side, but we didn’t say anything else to each other. As soon as we were inside, we parted ways.
I headed over to the table where Iselin and Roar sat in complete and utter silence. It was kind of funny, how they sat on opposites end of the table to each other, both immersed in their mobiles so they didn’t have to look or speak to each other.
“Hey.” I sat on the chair next to Roar, opposite Iselin.
She looked up at me in relief. “What did Jasmin say?”
“It’s all good.” I smiled at her, then at Roar, who shot me a wry glance. But he didn’t pry into what we were talking about, just turned back to his mobile.
Now Iselin seemed relieved for me rather for me relieving the tension between her and Roar.
“Don’t either of you have any lunch with you?” She glanced between Roar and me.
“Ahh, no. Didn’t have time to make any.”
When Iselin shook her head with a low, barely-there laugh, I knew she knew exactly why we hadn’t had the time.
Because Roar’s in her class and she knows he wasn’t there for first period.
Oh well, I’d already told her we’d slept together, so it wasn’t like it came as a shock to her.
“What are you doing after school?” Iselin asked then.
“We’re going out to eat.” I indicated Roar, who was still busy with his phone. After a quick glance over I saw he was scrolling through a news site.
Iselin nodded—at the exact same time as the bell rang.
“Already?” I sat up straight. “How long did I speak to Jasmin?”
“A while.” Iselin stood and grabbed her rucksack from the floor. “See you later.”
She walked off.
I put a hand on Roar’s arm. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He finally put his mobile away and focused on me.
“We didn’t even get to speak together.”
He smiled crookedly. “That’s okay. We’ll speak after school.”
Everyone around us moved slowly out of the cafeteria. We had to get a move on too if we wanted to get to our classes on time.
“See you later, then.” I leaned over to kiss him—which seemed to surprise him. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“How am I looking at you?”
“All surprised.” I stood up and stared down at him. “Is it so wrong to kiss my boyfriend before we go our separate ways for class?”
He chuckled as he too stood. “No, I guess not. I just figured—well.”
I had a feeling where this was going. “That I didn’t want to kiss you in public?”
“Pretty much, yeah.” He shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal, but it was.
“I don’t mind kissing you in public. Or being seen with you. Or holding hands with you. Or snogging the shit out of you.” I needed to get my point across. “I draw the line at sex in public, but as that’s illegal, I figure that goes for most people.”
He threw an arm around my shoulder as he burst out laughing, drawing me in to press a kiss to my temple. “You’re so fucking great, Maria.”
That pleased me endlessly to hear—and for that he got another kiss.
17
Sisters
I walked with Roar down to the gas station after we’d had dinner. During our meal, I’d told him about what Iselin had suspected last night, about what Jasmin had told me—but I hadn’t given him Marcus’ name.
He did have a reputation for fights, and considering he’d started a fight at school with some guy who’d only said stuff about me… I didn’t want to think about what could happen if he found the guy who might have drugged me. Or at least got me so drunk I blacked out.
“You’re staying with me tonight, yeah?” I asked as we stood outside the station.
“If you want me to.”
“Oh, I do.” I grabbed his hands in mine, squeezing.
“I have to go home and get a change of clothes though.” He didn’t seem like that was an exciting prospect.
“I can meet you down here at midnight, and we can go together,” I offered.
He immediately shook his head. “No. No way. I don’t want you anywhere near that miserable sod.”
Maybe not, but I wanted to be there for him. “I can wait outside while you go in.”
He found that somewhat more acceptable, because he nodded. “If you’re absolutely sure.”
“I am.” I stroked his arm. “I’ll see you again in seven hours, okay?”
He leaned down for a kiss and I sank eagerly into it, turning it into a deeper, longer kiss than he’d intended for it to be.
“Seven hours then.” He squeezed me tight for a moment, then let me go and turned to head inside.
I stared after him, loathing that I had to wait seven hours to see him again. At the same time I got angry with myself, because I wasn’t the type of girl who had to be with her boyfrien
d all the damn time.
Except I did want to be with him all the time.
I was turning into that girl.
I couldn’t stand that. I often needed my privacy, some time where no one were allowed to disrupt me. So I didn’t want to become someone who was so dependant on her boyfriend she couldn’t breathe without him.
“Maria?”
I whirled around at the voice—and came face to face with Jo. My cousin, and my sister’s boyfriend. He was also her cousin, which had been weird at first, but I was used to it now.
“Oh, hey.”
He stood next to his car, having just finished pumping gas. Which meant… if he’d just finished, he’d— “You saw that, huh?” My face flushed a little at the thought that he’d witnessed the way I’d kissed Roar.
“Kind of hard to miss.” Speaking of, he seemed a little embarrassed himself.
Time to change the subject. “How’s Christina?”
“She’s at home, making dinner. You can come with me back home if you want?” He motioned to the passenger seat.
“Oh. Okay.” It wasn’t like I had anything better to do now Roar was at work for the next seven hours. And it had been a while since I’d seen my sister, so I reckoned I was due a visit.
I slid into the passenger seat and Jo got in front of the wheel.
“You been at work, or—?” I tried to get a conversation going, but I didn’t quite know what to say to him. I was still embarrassed.
“Nah. Working later tonight.” He started the car and drove away from the station.
That’s what I’d already figured, seeing as he worked as a bartender, but work had been the only subject I could come up with at the top of my head.
It only took a few minutes to arrive at their flat, as they lived downtown. Jo parked at the kerb and I jumped out, waiting him for him to precede me over to the door to open it.
I followed him in, up the stairs, and then into their flat on the first floor.
“I’m home!” Jo called out. “And I brought someone with me.”
“Who?” Christina stuck her head out of the kitchen. “Hey, sis!”
I waved. “Hey.”
“Do you want dinner? I’m making tikka masala.”
“No, that’s okay. I already ate.”
Jo headed into the kitchen to join Christina, and I followed after him.
My phone vibrated as I took a seat on a one of the three barstools at the counter, and I fished it out of my pocket to peer at it.
When I saw what it was, my eyes widened, and I unlocked the screen to go into my Facebook app. But it said the same in there.
Jasmin had sent me a friend request.
Why the hell did Jasmin want to be my friend on Facebook?
“What’s wrong?” Christina asked, clearly having taken my expression for something else.
“My life’s getting too exciting.” I put the mobile down, uncertain how to proceed now.
Christina laughed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“There’s this girl, at school. She’s real popular, but rumour has it she’s also a big slag. And now she’s sent me a friend request.”
Christina seemed confused. “How does she know who you are?”
I shrugged, then decided to be honest—or partially anyway. “We had a little chat today. I had to ask her about what happened at a party last weekend.”
She laughed again. “Did you black out? I’ve had a few episodes like that. It’s not fun. The hangover anxiety the next day is brutal.”
“I know, right.” Oh boy did I know. Though my anxiety might’ve been a bit worse than a regular hangover anxiety, considering what I’d been afraid of.
“So you went to a party, huh?” Christina turned to stir the sauce.
“It happens sometime. Like, once every leap year.”
“Hah! So what else is new? We haven’t spoken in a while.”
“Umm…” I met Jo’s eyes and he stared back with a serious expression. Since he already knew, it wouldn’t be long till Christina found out anyway, so I might as well tell her. “I got a boyfriend.”
Christina stiffened—then whirled around, excited. “What? Who? When?”
“His name’s Roar. You don’t know him.” Or I hoped she didn’t know him. “I met him Saturday, and now we’re together.”
Her eyebrows inched up her forehead. “That’s four days ago.”
I nodded, unsure what to say. People might think it was quick—and it was—but it felt so right for us.
“So you met him at that party you don’t remember anything from?”
I shook my head. “Met him after. In the park. He helped me home.”
“Were you that drunk?” Now she frowned, going into protective older sister mode.
“No, no,” I hurried to say. “I just had a hard time walking in heels.” Christina didn’t need to know the other reason. I didn’t want to make her worry for no reason—nothing had happened, after all. It was water under the bridge, and all that.
As for Marcus… if he had drugged me, there was nothing I could do about it. I’d probably never know the truth. And if he’d only supplied me with enough drinks to cause my blackout, then I deserved it for accepting all those drinks in the first place.
“And it was really cold outside,” I added. “And I’d lost my jacket. Well, I’d lost it that night, but turns out Iselin had taken it home because she thought I’d left the party.”
Christina laughed and shook her head, turning back to stir the sauce. “I’ve been there, so I know what it’s like.”
I reckoned she had. Christina liked to party—but at the same time she was also quite mature and protective. When she’d finished upper secondary school she’d stayed back for us—Andreas and I—because she didn’t want to leave us after Dad died.
She seemed quite happy now though, so I didn’t feel guilty for holding her back anymore. Jo made her happy, and that was the simple reason I’d overcome the initial weirdness of her dating my cousin way back when.
Jo kissed Christina on the cheek, muttered something I couldn’t hear besides the word shower, and left the kitchen.
“So where’s your boyfriend now?”
“At work.”
“Where does he work?”
“At the gas station downtown. That’s where I met Jo.”
She turned to me again with a mock accusative glare. “So Jo found out before me? How rude!”
I laughed. “It was totally on accident, I swear.”
She added the chicken to the sauce now and checked on the rice.
While she was busy, I turned to check my mobile again. Jasmin’s friend request was still there.
I bit my lip, uncertain what it meant. Jasmin wasn’t known for being the kindest person around. She was blunt—and she didn’t hold her opinions back.
After our chat, I didn’t get the feeling she particularly cared for me. So why in the world had she sent me a friend request?
What did it mean?
I’d never find out from ignoring it though.
I hovered my finger over my screen—then pressed down on accept.
Here it goes.
18
Coming Out
“Maria!”
Jakob came hurrying up to me as I walked through the doors into the school the next morning.
“Hey.” I smiled at him.
“I need to talk to you.” He seemed anxious, and he shot Roar a pointed glance.
I swear Roar rolled his eyes. “See you at break,” he told me, then took the stairs two steps at a time as he headed up to the first floor.
“What is it?” I asked Jakob, as it sounded serious. He seemed serious.
“Hedda keeps pestering me. Now she knows we didn’t sleep together, she wants to get back together.” He stared resolutely at the floor. “I don’t know what to do.”
“How about telling her the truth?” I asked gently.
His shoulders sagged in defeat. “I think it’s only w
ay I’ll get her off my back.”
I could tell the prospect of telling her his biggest, darkest secret scared him like nothing else. “Hey, don’t worry so much. What’s the worst that can happen?” That might be a stupid question, as whatever could happen would feel bad for him.
“What if she tells everyone?” he muttered.
“Will your parents mind?”
He dithered a little. “I don’t know. I think they’ll mind me applying for a degree in teaching more, to be honest.”
At least he wouldn’t get disowned or thrown out or something else dramatic like that. It was stuff you only saw on TV anyway, stuff that didn’t happen here in Norway. I hadn’t heard about it happen here in Norway anyway.
Though, if they were as anal about his career as he said, maybe they’d do it for his lesser choice in education.
“I think she ought to know. That way she knows there can’t be anything else between you.” If she knew he was gay, there would be no point in her hassling him to get back together.
Or try to have sex with him, as being gay meant he wouldn’t ever be interested in her assets.
“I know it’s scary, though.” Ben had gone through it too, though on a smaller scale. He’d been scared to death of telling our uncle. Though why he’d been scared, I had no idea, because Thomas had never expressed any views against homosexuality. He’d never expressed any negative views about anything. He was so easy-going, we could tell him whatever, and he’d take it with a smile.
Jakob glanced around subtly. “I don’t want my friends to know. They’re not the kind of lads to take it kindly. They’re going to think I’ve been secretly trying to pull them all this time.”
I narrowed my eyes. “That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.”
He shrugged awkwardly. “It’s the way they are. They make fun of gay people. Like your friend Nik? He’s so obviously gay. They made fun of him a lot last year.”
My eyes narrowed into slits. “I don’t like your friends.” Nik was my second best friend other than Iselin. He was also Ben’s best friend. And there was nothing funny about him—he was himself to the fullest, and I had utmost respect for him for that. “And if they can’t accept you, they’re not really your friends.”
