Words I Couldn't Say (Promise in Prose #1)

by Tessa Teevan

  She took a drink of her wine before turning to give me a pointed look. “I figured you did. The question is: What are you going to do about it?”

  “I have no freaking clue.”

  She chuckled softly. “You’ll figure it out, I’m sure. I’ll never forget the day that light bulb in your brain clicked on and you realized your feelings for him. You were so brave, marching right up to him at prom and kissing him, not knowing if he felt the same.”

  “I’m not that girl anymore, Mom. And he’s not that boy. So much has changed.”

  “You may not be that girl, but that doesn’t change the way you feel. You’ve both grown up. Perhaps the time apart was exactly what you needed. While it broke his heart, I believe you did the right thing back then,” she said, surprising the hell out of me.

  At the time, my parents had remained neutral over our breakup. Neither one of them had told me that I was doing the wrong thing. On the flip side, they also hadn’t told me that I was doing the right thing. I had no idea what they’d thought, and they hadn’t given me any clue. So her saying that astounded me.

  “You do?”

  She set her glass down and twisted on her chair. “Ava, you were never meant to stay here in Cincinnati. Your dad and I knew you were destined for bigger and brighter things. There’s nothing wrong with that. What happened to the Mannings was a tragedy. Tucker’s staying behind to take care of Tanner was selfless, respectable, and I agree that it was the right thing to do. It wasn’t your time back then. Even if you had stayed, he’d be raising his brother. You’d end up resentful that you weren’t in Hollywood. What matters most is you’re here now. Tanner’s graduated and nothing is stopping you from being together if that’s what you want.”

  “You make it sound so easy, Mom. Of course it’s what I want. Every single time I’ve gotten a part, no matter how big or small, Tucker was always the first person I wanted to tell. I love living my dream. I hate doing it without him.”

  “Who says you have to?”

  Before I can respond, we were joined by Aunt Lexi.

  “I wondered where you two escaped to. I swear, between your kids and mine, you’d think our parents raised a couple of wild children.”

  Mom laughed and topped off the glass of wine Aunt Lexi had clutched in her fingers. “For mine, I blame the Banks gene pool. But we’ll let the men deal with them for a while. It’s time for girl talk. What’s new in California? Are you seeing anyone? Have you met Leo?”

  It wasn’t surprising that she’d asked about Leo. While the studio had gone with me, a small player in the realm of Hollywood, they’d pulled out all the stops when casting for Trevor. Leo Lockwood was highly sought after. He was currently out of the country, filming some upcoming thriller, and we hadn’t had a chance to meet yet. The studio planned on moving forward and shooting all scenes without him until he could settle in Cincinnati. To be honest, I was somewhat grateful for that. I’d worked with some incredible actors over the past five years, but none with as much acclaim as Leo had. I was more nervous than I’d ever been in my life, and I’d hoped that already being in the groove of filming by the time he showed up would calm my nerves. At the same time, I was thrilled to be working with someone of his caliber. I just hoped I did him justice. Heck, I hoped I did Tucker and Abigail justice. If not, Tawni would make good on her promise and hunt me down.

  “I’m not seeing anyone. And I haven’t met Leo yet, but we’re supposed to be at a table read next week as long as his current project finishes filming on time.”

  “She still has her eye on a certain boy-next-door,” Mom interjects, informing her sister.

  “Mother!” I squealed, surprised she’d put it out there so nonchalantly.

  “It’s okay, dear. We all saw you two earlier. It was pretty obvious nothing has changed between you and Tucker.” Aunt Lexi leaned in close. “And I’m glad. I always thought you two were perfect for each other. Just like your parents.”

  I rolled my eyes. “That’s what got me into this. I never thought I wanted to be just like them. At least not right out of high school. God, I was so wrong,” I lamented. “I was such an idiot, leaving him the way I did. How can he ever trust me again? What if too much time has passed for us to get back to where we were?”

  Aunt Lexi smiles wistfully. “Time apart can be ideal for a relationship, Ava. Just because it didn’t work out in the beginning doesn’t mean it’s doomed to ultimately fail.”

  I swallowed hard as I wondered if she was right.

  “And there’s no reason you have to get back to where you were. You have to start in the here and now, the present, and your relationship can grow from there.”

  “Do you really think that’s possible?” I asked.

  “Oh, honey, I’m living proof it is.”

  I sat back in my chair, settling in to get a condensed version of her life with Uncle Jace. Growing up, I’d seen photos of Aunt Lexi and another man, but Uncle Jace was the one with whom I shared all my memories. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I’d learned Aunt Lexi had been widowed before she’d reconnected and fallen in love with Jace.

  “Jace and I lost ten years in the time we were apart, but I wouldn’t change any of it. I was a better woman for having loved and lost Ty. Jace was a better soldier, a better man, for the experiences he gained traveling the world and protecting our country during his time in the Army. If we hadn’t had that time apart, we wouldn’t have had Maya or Jax.” She chuckled to herself, unable to resist her son’s insisted nickname. “Who knows how our lives would have ended up? Fate saw it fit that we were separated. Then fate brought us back together. I believe the same applies to you and Tucker. You can’t spend your time reflecting on the past and the what-ifs. You have to be here, in the present, and embrace what’s right in front of you. The timing of this… Tanner going off to college and you coming back to film, it’s just like Jace and me reconnecting all over again. This is your second chance, Ava. Don’t miss out on it.”

  “Do you think it’s that easy?” I asked for a second time that night.

  “Honey, I’m not going to lie to you and say it’ll be easy. Love never is.”

  I snuck a peek at my mom, knowing she and Dad had a beautiful picture-perfect storybook love.

  Aunt Lexi noticed and laughed. “Okay, so, for most of us ordinary human beings, love isn’t easy. But, if you love someone, it doesn’t matter how challenging your road will be. You’ll do whatever it takes to capture his heart.”

  I nibbled on my lower lip as Aunt Lexi’s words washed over me. She was right. I was lucky to have this second chance, and I would be a fool if I didn’t reach out and take hold of it. And it wouldn’t be easy. Tucker might have left the door open, but I’d have my work cut out for me to get him to trust me again.

  “Thanks, Aunt Lexi. It means a lot to have you in my corner.”

  She beamed. “Always, Ava. You’ve blossomed into a beautiful, courageous, talented woman, and I want you to be happy. If that’s with or without Tucker, I’ll always have your back.”

  “Ditto, kid,” Mom chimed in.

  “Thanks, Mom. Always so eloquent. Now, tell me—what did you guys think of Fast and Furious 15?”

  I’d had a small role in the film, the fifteenth in a franchise that seemed would never die. It was the first time I’d worked with such mega-stars. It had been an incredible rush darting down a highway at 150 miles an hour, panicking as some fictitious government agency tried to catch up with us.

  “It was fantastic, especially any time you were on screen. And Dwayne Johnson? I swear, that man is the finest wine! Sixty years old and he can still melt my panties the way he did when I first saw him in The Mummy Returns. Age has done nothing to slow him down. Ava, are his arms that big in real life?”

  I laughed at my mom’s lifelong obsession with the man. She was going to love her Christmas gift.

  “Yes!” I exclaimed. “Maybe even bigger. He let me hold on while he did arm curls. It was kind of hard, tho
ugh, because my hands were too small to fit around his bicep.”

  That last added bonus was enough to have my mom and aunt both swooning. At that very moment, my dad had stuck his head out the back door with enough time to overhear their gushing.

  “Dammit, Jace. They’re talking about Dwayne Johnson again!”

  “Dammit, Jace!” Pacey parroted behind my dad.

  Mom merely shrugged and lifted her wine glass. “Welcome home, Ava.”

  I giggled as Dad bent down and attempted to scold my little brother while unsuccessfully stifling his laughter. “Thanks, Mom. I don’t know why I ever left.”

  Long after we’d consumed several bottles of wine and girl talk had ended, I found myself tossing and turning in bed. I should’ve been exhausted, but sleep evaded me. The house was quiet, everyone having passed out after my aunt, my uncle, and my cousins left, but I couldn’t get my mind off Tucker. I was dumbfounded at the revelation that he was T.A. Bankman. All I wanted to do was reread Those Three Words and decipher every single line on every single page to find some hidden meaning in the words he’d written.

  After one last unfruitful attempt at sleep, I rose from my childhood bed and quietly dressed. On my way out the door, I snatched my copy of the script and headed outside, a flashlight illuminating my way through the woods to our special tree house. Part of me wished he’d be there, sitting in his favorite spot, with his worn-out journal, crafting short stories just like he used to do whenever he’d wait for me there. I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten that. He’d always been a writer of sorts. While creative writing had been his favorite class, he’d wanted to go to school for journalism. He’d never once mentioned pursuing a literary career. Perhaps that’s why I hadn’t even considered him when I’d first read his book.

  It was silly to expect him to be there that late at night, but that didn’t stop the disappointment that hit me when I climbed the ladder and found the tree house empty. I clicked the light on and allowed my eyes to adjust before taking it all in.

  I smiled. Nothing had changed in the time I’d been gone. It looked exactly the same, right down to the T + A heart carving in the corner.

  I feared that all I’d do was continue to mentally berate myself for my past mistakes, so I decided to get to reading.

  When I settled into the corner of the couch, a quick flash of Tucker’s half-naked body hovering over me entered my thoughts. I briefly wondered if I’d have that chance again. Then, just as quickly, I pushed it from my mind and got lost in the script, in his words. This time, I took care to read not only my lines, but each and every word, straight down to the set direction. Tucker had taken much care in writing the screenplay, keeping it as close to the book as possible. It was still so shocking and incredible to me that he’d written this masterpiece. And that I’d been chosen as his star. Just as I was coming to the final scene, the one that would be the most challenging, I had to brace myself. Knowing that Tucker had written it changed everything. Suddenly, I had to know what Trevor’s death meant to our relationship.

  “You know, this is where I wrote most of it.”

  I jumped in surprise, shrieking at the sight of a tall figure looming in the doorway. My breath caught when Tucker stuck his head in, offering me a sheepish grin.

  “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, ducking underneath the doorframe and taking a seat across from me.

  I clutched my chest over my racing heart and tried willing myself to calm down. “Jesus, Tucker, you scared me! Even though I’ve read this at least twelve times, I was still so lost in the story I didn’t even hear you approach.”

  “I was sitting on the back deck when you slipped out of your house. I called to you, but you seemed like you were on a mission. You’ve been out here for nearly three hours. I wanted to check in on you. Make sure everything was okay.”

  “Couldn’t sleep,” I admitted, to which he nodded.

  “I know the feeling all too well.”

  I held my copy of the screenplay up and gestured towards him. “I’m still kind of in shock. I can’t believe you wrote this, Tucker. I mean, I always knew you had a way with words, but this? This book took my breath away. Knowing you wrote it…Well, that leaves me just as breathless.”

  He offered a simple shrug. “I hadn’t ever planned on writing a romance novel. But, once I put pen to paper, the words just flew out. It was kind of like therapy, channeling my grief into my writing. It might sound like a cliché, but Trevor and Abby became a part of me. They were always in my head, begging for their story to be told. Even still, I never expected it to do as well as it did. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind, with the movie deal and everything.”

  A thought swiftly rose, bringing bile with it.

  “Are you the reason I was cast?” I asked, unsure of how I’d feel about that bit of nepotism.

  He shifted, seemingly uncomfortable. “The studio asked if I envisioned anyone for Abigail. Since you are my Abigail, I naturally told them I wanted you. But it was your acting ability that got them to agree.”

  I barely heard what he was saying. “I’m your Abigail?” I asked.

  Tucker didn’t answer right away. Instead, he rose and paced around the tree house, his fingers tracing the woodwork carving that showcased our young love. After he completed the heart, he turned to me, his expression tender. He rested against the wall, folding his arms, studying me as I waited for his response.

  “Ava, why do you think Trevor calls her Little Bird?”

  My gaze flicked to the heart carving and our initials. I blinked as it registered. He’d been sending me a message, and I had been too dense to get it.

  T. A. Bank. Man.

  Tucker Ava Banks Manning. God, how had I missed it?

  We’d only been reacquainted for a day, yet it was as if we’d spent no time apart at all. Sitting there, in that tree house, the place where we’d been happiest, the place where it’d all come crashing down, seemed fitting for what I had to say to him. I never imagined it’d happen this rapidly, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore. He had to know how I felt.

  When my gaze returned to where he was standing, he was no longer looking at me. His eyes were also now locking in on the heart.

  “Tucker, will you look at me?” My tone was quiet, but it still came out as a desperate, whispered plea.

  It was enough to catch his attention. He tilted his head and studied me, his expression tense while he waited for what I was going to say. The way his eyes blazed with either fury or desire, it was evident that his mind, too, had wandered. Only, I wasn’t sure what it meant. I rose and closed the distance between us. Upon taking his hand, I linked our fingers and brought our joined hands to my chest.

  “Words will never be enough to tell you how sorry I am for leaving the way I did.”

  “Ava,” he murmured, but I shook my head to silence him.

  “I mean it. From the very depths of my heart. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Asking for your forgiveness when I know I don’t deserve it? That ranks right up there with it. But it’s true, Tucker. I’m so sorry. If I could turn back time, I would. I was a coward, and in pushing you away, I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I lost you. I lost myself. I’ll never be able to apologize enough.”

  His lips curved into a small smile that didn’t even come remotely close to reaching his eyes. He squeezed my fingers, but I held tight, not letting him let go even if he wanted to.

  “We can’t change the past,” he said. “If we could, my parents would’ve never been on that boat. You would’ve left and I’d have been there with you. But that’s not reality. I was angry for a long time, but over time, I learned a few lessons. One of the most important is that there’s nothing gained in regret. Nothing gained in wishing we could change our pasts. We wouldn’t be who we are today if we hadn’t made the decisions we did back then.” He stifled a yawn. Then he reluctantly loosened our hands and reclaimed his fingers. “I better get some sleep or I’ll cut a finger of
f in the morning on the job site.”

  I nodded and mutely followed him down the ladder, wanting to say more and definitely not wanting the night to end. However, without knowing where we stood or how he still felt, I didn’t want to push the issue of us. At least, not yet.

  My breath caught when he placed a hand on the small of my back and held it there the entire way towards our homes, only dropping it when we reached my back door. I was about to say goodnight when he beat me to the punch.

  “For what it’s worth? I forgave you a long time ago. And I missed you. So fucking much.”

  His hoarse admission was so unexpected that it rendered me speechless. Tucker capitalized on my loss of words by leaning down, coming dangerously close to my face. Apparently, that was his intent, because seconds later, his lips brushed mine ever so gently. The contact was so incredibly light, yet it sparked a fierce electricity within me that had lain dormant for so long. When he withdrew all too soon, it didn’t matter. That one light kiss was enough to warm me down to the deepest part of my soul.

  “Goodnight, Little Bird.”

  Then he disappeared into the darkness of his house, leaving me regretful of the past but cautiously optimistic for the future.

  ALTHOUGH I’D BEEN UP INTO the wee hours of the night, I awoke the next morning bright and early. That was thanks to Pacey, who’d decided that, if he had to wake up, everyone in the Banks home had to do the same. Fortunately for me, he was adorable and I’d missed his chubby, little cheeks.

  Chubby cheeks that weren’t so chubby anymore. Since last Christmas, he’d lost most of his baby fat. He’d reminded me three times he was going to be in the first grade, a thought that made me want to weep. It was just another reminder of how much I’d missed out on since I’d been gone. Something I lamented over to my mother, who gave me a swift kick in the ass.

  She stopped washing dishes and turned to face me, looking ridiculous as she pointed a yellow rubber finger in my face. “Get over it, Ava.” That was it. Blunt. Then she continued. “You made an adult decision to move to California after you graduated. You worked all through school, earned your degree, and you’ve enjoyed success while living your dream. In doing so, you had to make sacrifices. That’s life, honey. Don’t dwell on all the things you’ve missed out on. Be grateful for all the experiences you’ve gained from going out on your own and making it on the silver screen. Be proud of the woman you’ve become. Your father and I are both insanely proud of you. Tucker is, too. Get that through your thick skull and move on. Enjoy being here instead of dwelling on the past. Because I already dealt with years of Lexi doing that before she reunited with Jace. I can’t take it coming from my baby girl.”