Words I Couldn't Say (Promise in Prose #1)

by Tessa Teevan

  It was exactly what I’d needed to hear. She was right, and Tucker had basically said the same thing the night before. We couldn’t change our past. We couldn’t go back in time now that we were older, wiser. We had to embrace the decisions we’d made and learn from them. We had to live in the now, and that’s what I was going to do.

  After a little bit of arm-twisting—okay, not that much—I’d been convinced to take Pacey, Eli, and Flynn to King’s Island for the day. As they informed me, I owed them since I’d left them to deal with our parents year-round. Having lived as an only child for nearly ten years, I totally got it, so off we went to Cincinnati’s amusement park. By the end of the day, I was beat and resorted to watching the youngest two ride the Scooby-Doo repeatedly ride while Flynn tried to impress some girls with his exceptional dart skills, earning several stuffed animals to give away.

  It was awesome being home. I wouldn’t have many days like this because I’d be swamped with filming, so I basked in the warm sunshine and the fact that all four Banks kids were hanging out without Mom and Dad.

  “Ava?”

  I tore my eyes away from where Pacey was animatedly jumping up and down and pointing at the screen where he and Eli had made silly faces for the camera. Flynn had apparently decided he’d had enough flirting, because he was standing in front of me, his face flushed.

  “Hey, buddy. You need some more money?” I asked, but he shook his head.

  He released a short breath and took the seat beside me. “I’m glad you’re home,” he said.

  I tried to keep the hot tears from welling up in my eyes. It was no use. Having missed my little brothers, I couldn’t help the one that spilled over onto my cheek.

  I swiped it away and gave him a smile. “I’m glad I’m home, too. And I promise I won’t stay away this long ever again.”

  His eyes rounded. “You’re not mad at Tucker anymore?”

  I didn’t miss the hopeful tone in his question. “What? No, of course not! I was never mad at Tucker. Why would you think that?”

  Flynn looked out to where our brothers were standing in line again. He scuffed the toe of his tennis shoe on the pavement before he met my gaze again. “I know you think I was just a little kid, Ava, but I remember that you and Tucker used to be inseparable.”

  I scrunched my forehead in confusion. Flynn was nearly eight when I’d left. How could he have noticed that?

  “What do you mean?” I asked. “How did you notice that?”

  He shrugged. “I’m not supposed to tell you this. Or, well, I wasn’t back then.”

  I leaned forward, my curiosity piqued.

  “Dad paid me to watch you guys.”

  As quickly as I’d leaned forward, I jerked back. “What?! Oh my god, are you serious?” I was practically screeching, but my mind raced back to all the times Tucker’s hand had slid into my pants or when my mouth was on him.

  I.

  Was.

  Horrified.

  “Yeah,” he replied. “I remember him saying something like, ‘Flynn, the way a man respects his woman’s father is as important as the way respects his woman. If Tucker’s any kind of man, he’ll respect me enough to keep his hands off Ava in my house. If he so much as touches her, I want you to tell me. Got it?’” he repeated, sounding like an exact copy of my father.

  His words were an instant relief. You know how I’ve said Tucker is exactly like my dad? Their sentiments on kissing in the familial home are also the same. Tucker never had, not once, kissed me in my parents’ home. Heck, it had been hard enough getting him to kiss me goodnight on our porch.

  Still, I narrowed my eyes. “And the tree house?” I inquired, holding my breath, hoping Tucker and I hadn’t scarred him for life.

  Flynn shook his head profusely. “The tree house was off-limits. Dad said that, if Tucker respected our home, we had to respect his, and if I left you guys alone, one day I’d get to take my girlfriend there.” He leaned in close. “The best part? He’ll keep Pacey and Eli away until they’re old enough to take their girlfriends there.”

  “Great. Dad’s making the tree house a mack pad.”

  My brother’s freckled little nose wrinkled. “No, no way. He said the treehouse is only for couples in love. And, until you’re in love, you don’t get the key.”

  “But Tucker and I weren’t in love all those years,” I protested.

  “That’s not what Dad says. Plus, I saw the way you looked at him the night you got home.”

  “Oh yeah?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

  He nodded. “It’s how Mom looks at Dad. That’s how I know you love him.”

  Leave it to a thirteen-year-old to know more about love than I do. I shouldn’t have been surprised. We were products of our parents, two crazy lovebirds who taught their kids the beauty of a happy marriage.

  I placed my hand on his head and ruffled his blond hair. “Dad’s a romantic, and it seems so are you,” I told him then instantaneously changed the subject. “Now, tell me. How many girls have you given the Flynn Ryder Banks line?”

  His cheeky grin said everything I needed to know. The spitting image of our father, the namesake of one of the best Disney heroes, my little brother was going to be a lady-killer.

  “Only a couple,” he said. “I can’t really focus on girls right now though.”

  “Oh, really? Why not?”

  “I’m too busy with baseball. If I’m going to play for the Reds one day, I don’t have time for girls. I need to practice.”

  I was about to teach him the best ways of balancing a lifestyle, but when I noticed a cute little brunette eyeing him, I put my arm around his shoulders and brought him in for a squeeze. “You’re right, Flynn. Focus on baseball. Get a scholarship, get drafted, and once you’re thirty, you’ll be old enough to bring a girl to the treehouse.”

  He grinned up at me. “That’s what Mom says.”

  “And Mother knows best.”

  A short while later, Eli and Pacey joined us, obviously having tired of riding the same ride over and over. I talked them into leaving the park so we could go get ice cream and completely spoil our dinner. I texted Mom, letting her know we wouldn’t be home any time soon.

  Me: Hey Mom, just leaving the park with the hellions. Pacey asked for Graeter’s and you know I can’t say no to those dimples. We’ll stop for a quick bite first.

  Mom: So what you’re saying is your father and I have the house to ourselves for at least the next two hours?

  I groaned and showed my phone to Flynn, who pantomimed projectile vomiting. I echoed his sentiment.

  Me: Yes. Two hours precisely. I know you’re dying to watch your DVR’d episode of Law and Order or whatever it is you old people watch. Have fun!

  Mom: Ava, how’d you know it was Law and Order night? I really should hide our roleplay schedule. Gotta run. Not sure where I left the key to the cuffs! XX

  I knew—or at least I prayed—she was kidding, but I chose not to show this text to Flynn. I didn’t live in their home anymore, but I didn’t want Flynn freaking out of he found cuffs or a fake cop badge.

  After stopping for Cincinnati chili and hot dogs, we found ourselves sitting at Graeter’s where Pacey was rapidly devouring his ice cream.

  “Oh! Brain freeze!” he exclaimed, sucking his cheeks in and smacking his forehead continuously, thinking that would help for whatever reason.

  I reached across the table and stopped him from hitting himself. “Pacey, take your tongue and press it to the roof of your mouth.”

  He did as he’d been told then frowned. “It’s not working,” he said through clenched teeth.

  “Press harder,” I insisted.

  Pacey giggled, apparently having forgotten all about his brain freeze. “That’s what Mommy says.”

  Oh my God! That was it. I had to talk to them about sound-proofing their walls. Poor guy.

  “Pacey—” I began, but he cut me off.

  “Yeah. Whenever she has Daddy rub her back, she al
ways says he doesn’t do it hard enough.”

  I nearly choked on my milkshake, grateful I could shelve that conversation with my parents.

  “Tanner! Hey, man!” Flynn exclaimed, rising from the table and giving Tucker’s younger brother a fist pump.

  I had no idea how Tanner felt about me, so I braced myself for whatever he was going to throw in my direction. When I glanced up, I saw him giving high fives to Eli and Pacey. Then his gaze landed on me. Unlike his brother, he broke out into a broad smile when he saw me. He rounded the table and took my hand, hauling me up and into his arms.

  “Ava Banks, in the flesh,” he said, giving me a tight squeeze and bringing his lips to my ear. “No wonder big bro’s been whistling all day. I haven’t seen him this happy in, well, five years.”

  I sucked in a sharp breath, pulling back to look into Tanner’s eyes. He was speaking the truth.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, knowing that it couldn’t have been easy losing his parents and then dealing with Tucker when he’d also lost me.

  “No need to be,” he said. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

  As he smiled and said his goodbyes, I realized that everyone kept telling me.

  Everyone was right.

  THE NEXT TWO WEEKS PASSED in a blur. Between catching up with family, memorizing dialogue, and shooting scenes that didn’t involve Leo, I was stretched thin. Leo’s current project hit a snag, so he was going to be delayed for several weeks. I hadn’t even been scheduled to start for another two weeks, but I’d gotten a call to come in early. The studio was determined to film all the scenes without him—which I hadn’t thought would be all that much since he was the hero of the story. Boy, was I wrong. His absence gave Jonathan a chance to want a new take for every little thing that bugged him, right down to the most minute detail. It was thrilling but exhausting, and it was my shot to prove my worth in the industry.

  Because now that I’d wholly immersed myself into the role of Abigail, I agreed with Jonathan. Every single detail mattered.

  It was funny. After having read the book countless times, I was still convinced I was Trevor. That Tucker had done some weird role reversal. It almost felt strange to be portraying Abigail when she’d been the wronged party. At the same time, it opened my eyes to the pain I’d caused him. The more I was in her shoes, the more my heart broke for him and what he’d endured all because I had been too scared to risk it all.

  Working in small-time television had nothing on being in what was considered a blockbuster film. Even without Leo’s presence, I worked my ass off. Acting isn’t simply reading some lines from a script. It’s costume fittings, blocking, hours in hair and makeup. Even after reading the script what felt like a billion times, I froze many times and had to call for my line.

  It was a whirlwind. On other occasions, it was “hurry up and wait.” And that was all before we even got to the true heart of the movie. Even though I’d questioned my goals in Toronto, being on location in Cincinnati reaffirmed my love of acting. I just wasn’t sure if it was because of the rush from finally making it big or the subject matter.

  Probably the latter, but I’d still take it.

  Since my first night home, I hadn’t had much time to see Tucker. Though I found myself often wanting to, I hadn’t ventured back to the tree house. I thought it might be best if I allowed him space while he got used to the idea of my being back. I figured, if he wanted to see me, he would. I wouldn’t push it.

  Except, now that it’d been fourteen days of no contact, I was tired of space. Sure, I was back in Cincinnati to work, but I was also back for another reason.

  The boy next door.

  No longer could I sit idly by, wondering, waiting. It was time for action. Now, I only had to work up the courage to do something about it.

  Earlier in the week, I’d seen a cab pull up to his house and the redhead from the airport exiting. As nosy as I’d wanted to be, I also hadn’t wanted to see the results of her visit, so I’d left the house and ended up at the theater, hoping to get distracted by the story playing out on the screen.

  It hadn’t worked. By the time I got home, all I could think about was the mystery girl. I had no idea how long she stayed or the nature of their relationship. I told myself that it was none of my business, that I’d brought this on myself, but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting a little, knowing he hadn’t made a move. Or that perhaps he’d moved on.

  After long nights awake in bed, I couldn’t take it any longer. It was clear I had to make the first move. Just like that teenage girl, I hopped out of bed, threw some clothes on, and made my way to his house. As I crossed my yard and entered his, I couldn’t get my mind off the girl. Who was she? Was she there now? Was this a huge mistake? Was I setting myself up for further heartbreak?

  All those thoughts ran through my head, planting numerous seeds of doubt. I was standing on his front porch, my fist poised to knock, but I was hesitant.

  I’d been holding back for five years, and I was tired of doing so. It was time I pushed my fears aside and followed my heart. Tucker said he’d missed me. That had to count for something. And since that night, I ached with how much I missed him, too.

  My heart said knock, so I did. A seemingly endless moment ticked by with no answer, which sent my fluttering nerves into overdrive. I wasn’t sure which was worse: his not being there or his being there but not alone.

  Just as I was about to turn and flee, the door opened.

  “Ava?” he whispered, yawning and rubbing his eyes. His hair was disheveled, mussed from sleep or something—or someone. “What are you doing here? Is everything all right?”

  “Are you alone?” I asked, struggling to see past him.

  He blinked, staring at me but not responding.

  I figured I had my answer, and not wanting to bear witness to whomever he had over, I started to casually back away. “Sorry. This was a mistake.”

  He grabbed my wrist before I made it off the porch and pulled me into him. A hand settled on the small of my back, resting dangerously close to my ass.

  “I’m alone, Ava,” he responded, sounding all hot and growly.

  “I…I wasn’t sure,” I admitted, feeling foolish. “If you were seeing anyone or…” My words trailed off when his lips came to my neck.

  He peppered kisses along my skin until his lips hovered above my ear. “There’s no one else, Ava,” he whispered. “There’s never been anyone else for me.”

  I pulled back, blinking slowly as his words sank in. “No one? You mean…”

  He nodded. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

  My hand came to my lips. “Oh my god. Five years? You’ve never been with a woman?”

  “I’d wait longer if I had to,” he said. Then his lips crashed onto mine.

  We devoured each other, making up for lost time as our tongues dueled, waging battle for dominance. His was winning, and I gave my submission, allowing him to take control. It was oh so good. Oh so right. Oh so utterly perfect. This was the homecoming I’d been waiting for. Hope gave way to happiness. It was a kiss that told me everything would be okay.

  Until he tore his lips from mine and muttered a curse under his breath, but it was loud enough for me to hear.

  It was in the silence between us that reality sank in. I hadn’t known just how much I’d missed him until I was standing on that doorstep, my lips swollen from his kisses, my heart aching at how much time we’d lost.

  I’d never hated myself more.

  And the way he pushed away from me, I knew the truth. He felt the same. I’d done too much. Gone too far. I’d broken us, a bond that had lasted years, all because I had been too stubborn, too stupid. Too much of a coward to be with him through thick and thin.

  Those kisses, though. Those kisses had told me that he still felt something, and he felt it deep. I just had to find a way to coax it out of him. To show him that I felt just as deep.

  I never got the chance.

  Sadness cloud
ed his features as he roughly ran his palm through the dark hair I’d been missing for years. Just as I was about to tell him as much, he exhaled sharply, slightly shaking his head. When his eyes met mine and I saw the regret in them, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach.

  “This isn’t a good idea,” he whispered. “This won’t work. It can’t.”

  The bottom of the pit fell out and my stomach plummeted even farther.

  “Why not?” I asked even though I knew he was right and why. But that didn’t stop me. Being back there with him had reminded me of what I’d left behind, and I wanted it back. I wanted him back, even if for a short while. I realized how selfish that sounded. I didn’t care.

  “Because I know you, Ava. At the end of this, whatever this even is, you’ll leave. That’s what you do.”

  My lips parted so I could protest, but he stepped back from me and all words escaped at the sight of him retreating.

  “You already broke my heart once. I’m not giving you the chance to do it again.”

  This time, he got in the last word. And, as Tucker walked away, back into his home, I suddenly realized the truth.

  I hadn’t only broken Tucker’s heart. I’d broken my own.

  He was doing his damnedest not to let me back in. But, unlike before, I wasn’t giving up without a fight.

  I wasn’t giving up at all. I’d seen the indecision on his face. He wanted to let me back in. I knew it. He just didn’t trust me. It was something I’d have to prove over time, and I would earn it again. But right now? I wanted him. He’d waited for me and that had to count for something. He’d waited long enough.