Just a Memory

by Lois Carroll

  Mac looked disappointed. Suddenly his face brightened. “What are you planning to do with them?”

  “We’re going to the park on the lake. There’s great play equipment that isn’t taken down until the snow comes, and they can feed the ducks that stay here year ‘round.”

  “Sounds like fun.”

  Carolyn laughed.

  “What’s so funny? You can’t believe I’d have fun spending the afternoon with you and two little girls? Try me.”

  “Mac, you’re asking for it. But hey, I’d love to have adult company. The outing won’t be too long anyway, if it stays as cold out as it was today.”

  “How about taking them for pizza after the park? Kids like pizza, don’t they?”

  “It’s one of their major food groups. And it’s a great idea, but…listen. If you come to your senses and change your mind about going with us, just let me know. I’ll let you back out without hard feelings.”

  “I am not going to change my mind.”

  True to his word, Mac and Carolyn watched the kids play in the park and talked. And talked. She even told him about her marriage to Richard and the lonely years since his death.

  She nearly found herself saying she was lonely in the marriage too because he worked all the time, but she stopped. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything more to Mac about Richard. She tried to remember happy, fun times they’d had, but she couldn’t think of many. He’d always been working. Maybe her memory was failing her. It was a long time ago, she allowed.

  “You’re easy to talk to, Mac, but you haven’t said much about yourself. Are you the only policeman in your family?”

  Mac laughed. “You might as well ask, ‘What is a nice guy like you doing in police work?’” He shook his head and lost his smile. “The answer is no. My dad was a cop. Every night he came home at the same time from walking his beat. I remember he would kiss Mom on the cheek and then go down the long hall right to their bedroom to take off his uniform. I’d watch him unload his gun and put it in the box he stored up high on the top closet shelf. He always made sure I knew guns were deadly and not toys.”

  “Deadly is right,” Carolyn said with a tiny shudder.

  “Yeah. A gun that was a lot smaller than his service revolver took Dad’s life when he walked in on a robbery in progress at a little mom-and-pop grocery store. He never knew what hit him. I’m thankful for that at least.”

  “Oh, Mac. I’m sorry.” She extended her arm to place her mittened hand over his gloved one.

  “It was a long time ago, but I can still see the two officers who came to tell us. Mom cried for weeks after that. Hell, she never got over it. Some two-bit hoodlum had killed her husband and she could no longer cope.”

  “But she still had you.”

  “I tried to fill the void in her life, but I couldn’t.” He sighed. “I got a full scholarship to attend college, but I was only halfway through when she died.”

  Carolyn squeezed his hand. There was nothing she could say to comfort him against the deep hurt she could tell had been there ever since.

  “Maybe it was best. She never knew I wanted to be a cop too.” He looked out at the lake where the waves splashed over the icy rocks on the shore.

  “Seeing what happened to her when Dad died has made me realize I could never put a woman I loved in that position and do that to her. I…I just wanted you to know that.” He looked at her and then rose to lead the girls to the merry-go-round. They jumped on and he pushed them as they laughed happily in the cold air.

  Stunned, Carolyn realized she’d been right to anticipate Mac would walk out of her life someday. Now he’d told her in plain words no one could misunderstand. He would never marry, and she believed in her heart she would never have an affair when she knew it couldn’t lead to marriage. She had a daughter to think of.

  She blinked the stinging tears from her eyes and inhaled deeply. Mac wouldn’t be in town forever, but he was fun to be with while he was here. He was certainly a good friend in that he was easy to talk to.

  A friend. Wasn’t that what he’d wanted all along?

  She rose from the picnic bench and brushed off the back of her jeans. There was no reason she shouldn’t enjoy whatever time remained with her friend.

  Carolyn joined the happy group at the merry-go-round and noticed how Mac favored one arm as he pulled on the bars to spin the girls around. His injured shoulder must still bother him, she thought.

  Carolyn couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be shot. His job must put him in that position all the time, she realized. Her only realm of experience with policemen and crooks was through television and movies and she’d always avoided any shows with violence. Living with it each day would be impossible for her.

  She needn’t worry. There was just no way she could imagine a situation in which anyone would ever point a gun at her. Why even think about it? That could never happen in Lakehaven. That’s why she’d stayed here to raise Terri. They were safe.

  But then her store was vandalized.

  She shivered. The girls jumped down and ran to the slide. Mac strode back to Carolyn’s side across the dirt area where constant play had killed the grass and packed the earth so hard not even weeds could sprout.

  “Cold?” he asked.

  The white puffs of his breath carried on the cold wind to her face. She could smell coffee. She smiled and blinked. “The wind is cold,” she said, hoping to explain away the excess moisture in her eyes.

  “Come on. I’ll sit upwind.” He put his arm around her shoulders and led her to a picnic table close to the swings where they sat on the top with their feet on the seat. “Better?” She nodded and snuggled against him.

  Moments passed in comfortable silence until the girls ran over to them. “Mommy, we’re hungry.”

  “You’re not cold?” Mac asked.

  “No,” they chimed together. “Just hungry,” Terri added.

  “Time for supper then.”

  “Yippee! Pizza!” The girls danced in circles as Carolyn herded them toward Mac’s car.

  They drove to Mama’s Place and Mama herself showed them to a table. Mac introduced Carolyn and the girls. An initial mix-up in which Mama thought both girls were Carolyn’s daughters set off a good case of the giggles in the children.

  “So, you wanna have the usual?” Mama asked in her Italian-accented loud voice.

  “I gather you eat here a lot, Mac,” Carolyn joked.

  “He’s my best customer,” Mama announced with a laugh.

  They placed their order and Mama went back to the kitchen. Mac supplied each of the girls with a few quarters and they went to pick the music from the jukebox. Shaking his head, he watched them giggling and pointing at the song titles. “They never seem to run out of energy, do they?”

  “No, but eating here is a special treat for them. I’m glad you suggested it.”

  Carolyn had bought pizza here a few times before, but always takeout. She would stop on her way home from the shop on nights she was too tired to cook anything. Eating the pizza with Terri in her kitchen had never tasted as good as tonight at Mama’s. No pizza dinner had ever been as much fun either. Time flew by.

  “Can’t we go play one more song?” the girls chorused after professing they could eat no more.

  Carolyn looked at her watch. “Time to go. We told Judy Christie would be home about now,” Carolyn reminded them.

  Mac had the leftover pizza boxed to take out. The fragrance filled the car as they drove back to Carolyn’s house. The girls sat in the back seat and whispered and giggled constantly all the way home. Carolyn had to smile, but at the same time she wondered what they were conspiring about.

  Once home, Carolyn was pleased when Mac walked with her and Terri to see Christie home safely. Carolyn introduced Mac to Judy and in turn, Judy called Ned, her husband, to the door to meet Mac. The men shook hands, each sizing the other up. Carolyn felt her heart speed up a little, seeing how Mac had impressed her friends.


  With a promise to see each other the next day, the girls parted. Terri ran on ahead as Mac and Carolyn walked more leisurely back across the lawn.

  “Thanks for letting me tag along,” Mac said.

  “Letting you! That’s a hoot. Thanks again for the pizza,” Carolyn replied. “Now I owe you dinner again,” she added with a grin as she unlocked the front door.

  “Works for me,” he said with a wide smile. “Good night, Terri,” he called as the child bounded into the house.

  Terri reversed direction and ran back to the stoop. “Aren’t you going to come in and stay a while?”

  “I know you have a bath to take so I’ll say good night now. I had fun today. Thanks for letting me play with you and your friend.”

  Terri studied him for a moment and then put her arms up straight toward him, obviously wanting to hug him. Mac leaned down and she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “Good night.”

  Carolyn smiled and didn’t know what to say. “I’ll run your bath in a minute, Button.”

  Terri ran into the house and down the hall toward her room.

  “Well, good night,” he said, straightening and turning to Carolyn.

  “Good night, Mac, and thanks again.”

  Mac glanced next door where the front porch light illuminated the whole yard, as did Carolyn’s. He looked back at her a moment and then wished her a good night and strode to his car.

  Carolyn watched as he climbed in and started the engine before she stepped into the house and locked the front door. She felt disappointed he had left without coming in for–for what? Coffee?

  Or had she wanted a good night kiss?

  Carolyn chided herself for even thinking of that possibility. She had to remember she and Mac were going to be just friends.

  Friends. Why didn’t that seem like enough?

  Carolyn looked out the front window of her house for the tenth time to see the driveway was still empty. She checked her watch again. The Merchants Association meeting at which Mac was to be the guest speaker would start in fifteen minutes and Mac was late picking Carolyn up. He’d made a point of calling her that morning and offering to take her, and now he hadn’t shown up.

  She pressed her hands against her upset stomach and wished the worry she felt would disappear. She’d closed the shop early to get Terri settled in at home before she left. She’d already shown the baby sitter where everything was and left the restaurant’s phone number for her. The sitter was in the bedroom playing with Terri as Carolyn paced from her front door to the kitchen window overlooking the front yard. Had Mac forgotten about the speech altogether?

  When the phone rang, she lunged for it. “Carolyn, I’m running late. There’s been an accident on the highway and I just got back to the office. It’ll take me a little longer here, so can I meet you at the restaurant instead of picking you up?”

  Carolyn exhaled the breath she’d been holding and swallowed the concern blocking her throat. “Sure, Mac. No problem. I’m just glad to hear that you’re all right. I was worried.”

  Mac was silent a moment and then curtly said he’d see her at the restaurant. He hung up before she could say another word. Unable to spare the time to wonder about the abrupt end to the call, she told Terri and the sitter she was leaving and drove to the meeting. It would never do for her to be late to the first meeting for which she was in charge of the program.

  When Mac arrived, the members were seated already for dinner. Carolyn introduced him to everyone at the head table before they sat down in the center seats.

  “I see you already know a number of the merchants,” she said as their salads were being served.

  “I’ve been taking regular walks around the town and seeking out the store owners and managers. I guess you could say I’m determined to have a good relationship between the town and the police force. I’ve seen so much of just the opposite situation that I didn’t want it to happen here.”

  “It must be a very big change for you, being on the force here in Lakehaven, I mean.”

  He shrugged. “I’ve never tasted better chicken than this at a dinner anywhere else.” He looked at her and winked.

  Carolyn took note of how easily he sidestepped mentioning anything he did in Albany in order to compare it to his job here. She sighed. If he didn’t want to share his life with her, so be it. His past life had nothing to do with her anyway.

  She chewed on a bite of chicken. “It is good,” she agreed, letting the job comparison drop. “I never thought I’d say that about a chicken dinner served at a meeting,” she added. She tried to tamp down the disappointment she felt that he’d cut her out of knowing anything about himself.

  After everyone finished dinner, Carolyn rose to the microphone and introduced Mac. In preparing the short speech, she’d had to deal with how little she knew about his professional credentials. He’d always been vague about his duties with the former force. She went with the little he’d shared with her and information from the newspaper article about his appointment.

  Mac took over the podium, and once he started to talk about what he knew best–crime–he didn’t appear nervous at all. He got the attention of every member present by describing cases he’d been involved in and telling his audience what merchants in big cities faced.

  He related those situations to Lakehaven, the town where he’d heard everyone say, ‘That will never happen here.’ The merchants were all interested in stopping crime before it got any worse.

  “Your best defense is being prepared so a thief has it so tough he’ll go elsewhere,” he told them. Mac encouraged all the merchants to report anything they saw that was suspicious, no matter what it was that had made them feel uneasy. “Our department will respond to every call,” he promised. He ended his talk by thanking his audience for inviting him to speak.

  Carolyn applauded along with everyone else. She smiled, watching him hook a finger on his tie and tug it loose as he returned to stand behind his chair. The president rose to adjourn the meeting. Merchants from the other tables rose and crowded around Mac to meet him and ask questions. Carolyn found herself backing out of the way and wondering what the black-tie dinner would be like. She smiled when she noticed the open top button of his shirt. He’d pulled down his tie knot several more inches. Would he loosen the bow tie on his tuxedo, too?

  “I could sit and listen to him all night,” Susan leaned over to whisper confidentially to Carolyn. “He’s got me so enthusiastic about being prepared that I almost want to go back to the store tonight and change things around,” she added with a laugh.

  “Susan Kline, how you do go on!” Mac said suddenly from behind Carolyn. She felt his warm hand rest lightly at the back of her waist. He smiled broadly as Susan rolled her eyes toward the ceiling to dispel her embarrassment.

  “Thanks for coming, Chief,” Susan countered then with a smile. “I think everyone learned a lot from your talk.”

  “Good,” he said before he turned away to answer yet another question from someone else.

  Carolyn missed the contact of his hand on her back. She shook her head as she silently lectured herself about her unrealistic attraction to the man.

  When Susan and most of the merchants had left for home, Mac returned to her side. “Ready to go?”

  Carolyn nodded and picked up her notes and purse on their way to the coat rack. Mac held her coat up behind her. “I’m only helping you with your coat because your hands are full, you know, and not because I consider you a less-than-capable female.”

  “Mac, you don’t have to make excuses for the nice little things you want to do for me.”

  “I’m always afraid a woman will be upset if I try to help her. You’re not supposed to like that nowadays, are you?”

  “I didn’t burn my bra and parade through town insisting I wanted to do everything for myself just to prove I could,” she said with a laugh.

  “No, I can’t picture you doing that. You wouldn’t have to. It’s obvious you’re very
capable at whatever you do.”

  “But at times it’s rather nice to have the favor of a door opened for me,” she said as he pulled on his own coat. “On the other hand, if I reach the door first, I hope you don’t expect me to explain why I’m opening it and holding it open for you to walk through behind me. It’ll definitely not be because I think you’re too weak to open it yourself.”

  “Fair enough,” he agreed with a grin.

  After the warmth of the evening indoors, stepping out into the cold November night air set Carolyn to shivering despite her wool coat. Mac tightened his arm around her as they walked toward her parked car.

  “You’re cold. You’d better go home and soak in a warm bath.”

  “Sounds great to me.”

  Mac stopped by her car and leaned down to kiss her lightly. His lips felt warm against hers despite the low outdoor temperature. “Need any help washing your back?”

  “Why, Mac, you have a helpful streak running through you a mile wide, don’t you!”

  “Hmm,” he agreed as he leaned down to kiss her again more deeply.

  Just when her body told her to give herself over to the kiss, she remembered they were on a street where anyone she knew could drive by and see her uncharacteristic behavior. “Aren’t public displays of affection against the law in Lakehaven?”

  He laughed. “It doesn’t matter. You won’t have to call a cop. You have me.”

  “And I feel very safe with you, Mac,” she assured him with a smile.

  “Damn,” he grumbled, his posture drooping dramatically to show his disappointment.

  Carolyn laughed. “You wouldn’t have it any other way.” She kissed his cold nose and climbed into her car. “Good night, Mac.”

  Mac watched Carolyn leave and wished again he didn’t have to go back and finish the paperwork on the accident. He wanted to follow her home. If Terri was sound asleep, he could volunteer to run the warm water for the bath she was going to take.

  Mac was so wrapped up in thinking about her naked in the bathtub that he walked down a sidewalk at night without paying careful attention to his surroundings. In fact, other than to locate his car at the end of the block, he didn’t pay any attention to his surroundings.